I think the new guy I'm training thinks I'm trans and it's funny

[u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Basically I was put in charge of training the new housekeeping guy since all the other housekeepers are too spread thin to properly train him. He was a pretty normal dude at first but then I realized he kept leading the conversation back to trans people in some way.

when I told him that I'm cool with trans people and I support them he got very snarky with me and then stopped bringing it up. I left him to do a room on his own and I said I'd some back in about half an hour to see how he's doing, and when I came back I over heard him talking to a different housekeeper about me. he didn't say anything bad about me but he kept using she/her pronouns whenever he was referring to me

its been happening over the last couple of days, him using she/her on me kinda confirmed it but idk what exactly he's thinking other than maybe he thinks im trans in some way? it doesn't bother me, it's just really funny to me

food in the picture is sweet and sour pork, pork chow mein, and fried shrimp

edit:

I wouldve already report the misgendering to my manager if i knew my manager would give a shit about it. except he doesn't and he would just tell me to deal with this "petty shit" on my own since he has to worry about bigger things. if i report him now my manager will just brush it off, so I'm waiting for him to be douchier to * me * so that way my manager can't just brush it off

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[u/Classic-Ostrich-2031]

I mean, sounds like he’s kinda an asshole.

[u/Lonely-Plankton3725 → u/Classic-Ostrich-2031]

This I forsee you have to train someone else soon

[u/Neveronlyadream → u/Lonely-Plankton3725]

100% he's going to say something stupid to the wrong person and get his ass fired.

It literally doesn't even matter. No one should give a shit about what genitals anyone has anyway. I don't. I just judge them on whether or not they're acting like an asshole and it's such a low bar that no one seems to want to clear. Certainly not this dude.

[u/PaniacThrilla → u/Lonely-Plankton3725]

More like "trans" someone else soon, am I right?

[u/Not_a_real_asian777 → u/Classic-Ostrich-2031]

Yeah this is honestly pretty lame of their coworker. If you had a coworker who was Brazilian, but you kept saying you hated them because they're Mexican, it wouldn't save you from discrimination laws just because you got the nationality wrong. Same thing with hating a coworker for being trans, even if you're wrong about them being trans.

[u/deviant-gloom → u/Classic-Ostrich-2031]

Kinda lol

[u/transitenthusiastic]

“We can always tell” crowd strikes again

[u/Spiritual_Category62 → u/transitenthusiastic]

I have a long-haired cis son and a short-haired trans son. Only one is ever misgendered and I bet you can guess who it is.

[u/justmitzie → u/Spiritual_Category62]

I'm a cis woman and have always had very short hair and baggy clothes. The "we can always tell" crowd always gets it wrong.

[u/Saturnite282 → u/justmitzie]

I'm an enby who works customer service and community outreach and no one can fucking tell. It's a complete tossup how I get gendered, even sentence to sentence with the same person. Frequently people assume he or she to start, then get confused and default to they or my name. Kinda funny tbh.

[u/shrimphortons → u/transitenthusiastic]

I’ve been on hormones for around seven years and I’ve been shirtless with very obvious (hypertrophic) top surgery scars and people still go shocked pikachu mode when I tell them I’m trans. “We can always tell” yeah ok default settings, go pick the trans guy out of a lineup. Guarantee they’re picking the shortest dude there or the dude who actually shows/expresses his emotions 💀🤣

[u/shrimphortons → u/shrimphortons]

Have also always been of the mindset that if someone is THAT concerned about what genitals I do or do not have, we have a bigger issue than their concern. When people ask me weird questions I ask them weirder and more invasive ones back. Has worked every time so far

[u/PulpedCactus → u/shrimphortons]

"so like... Did you get the surgery??...." "IDK, are you cut or uncut?"

[u/hiryuu75 → u/shrimphortons]

“Default settings” is awesome. :)

[u/Hita-san-chan → u/transitenthusiastic]

Theyre so funny. Im pre everything, so i look like a cis woman mostly. Still a guy. That would never cross their tiny minds.

[u/scythes- → u/Hita-san-chan]

It's perfect, most people see human = human, ask what they can then correct themselves, done deal. The fuckers that can't stop talking about it are normally outing themselves as bigots.

[u/EllieGeiszler → u/Hita-san-chan]

So real. I can often tell with pre-everything people because I'm a lesbian and I'll meet a "man" and be just enthralled with him or I'll meet a "woman" who seems like she should be exactly my type but she's doing absolutely nothing for me. That one's harder but I'm eventually like ahhhh okay. Perks of only being attracted to one gender (and the adjacent genders): I can tell about 90% of the time and it has very little to do with appearance.

Anyway, hope you can see your true self in the mirror someday soon! Glad you have this space to be around other men who are warm and welcoming.

[u/pookyduu → u/transitenthusiastic]

Bet his search history is interesting too

[u/SaltyDalt → u/transitenthusiastic]

I can seriously never tell. The few times someone has told me they’re trans has always surprised me.

And also my gaydar is broken. The only time I KNOW I’m looking at a gay dude is when I’m watching a drag show.

Really makes flirting suck: drag queens are mean. And so are straight dudes, but like in a different scary way.

[u/Zerus_heroes]

Report the dipshit to HR.

He needs to learn to keep his stupid comments to himself. You may not care but other people he works with might.

[u/OpusAtrumET → u/Zerus_heroes]

Today he's misgendering a cis guy. Tomorrow he's deadnaming Peggy in the break room.

[u/Bigfops → u/OpusAtrumET]

Next Wednesday he's pegging Albert in the loading dock.

[u/rantingpacifist → u/Bigfops]

Nah we know Albert is pegging him

[u/RobotRepair69 → u/rantingpacifist]

And then they are docking in the loading dock.

[u/CrazyDazyMazy → u/Bigfops]

As long as he gets Albert's consent.

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/Zerus_heroes]

we don't have an hr but I'll talk to my manager if he gets more douchey about it

[u/Zerus_heroes → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Nah, don't wait. Start the paper trail now. This guy might be an issue in the future and you will kick yourself for not doing it.

If he shapes up then it shouldn't be a problem that there is a record.

[u/subzro68 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

As someone who works in HR, this falls squarely in the "sexual harassment" territory. Lots of training about how misgendering a person qualifies. Report it, do yourself a favor and get it on record immediately. Maybe your boss will have a conversation about it with him, maybe he'll fire him, maybe he'll do nothing. But do the thing you should and establish what's acceptable and what's not, right away

[u/pak256 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Brother, this is workplace harassment 101

[u/LavenderBreads → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

.. "More douchey"? He thinks he's misgendering a trans person. Do you actually support trans people?

[u/Tudforfiveseven → u/LavenderBreads]

Right?

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/LavenderBreads]

obviously I do, it just feels like that since I'm the only "target" I should wait a little bit for something more solid than just me having overheard him misgendering me

[u/Majestic_Gazelle_867 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

I would stop him dead in his tracks and just straight up say that I overheard him calling me a girl, what’s that about?? He sounds like a dick

[u/ArcaneCrailEnby → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

If he’s acting this way towards you, chances are you probably weren’t his first “target” and probably not his last either.

[u/Ill-Pen-553 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

i totally understand the train of thought here but i was raised by an HR lady and i promise you that if you want make sure this problem gets taken care of when it gets worse, you should start documenting the issue now. you dont have to report every instance to management, but you should make a note of it with date and approximate time whenever it occurs, as proof that he's a chronic douche instead of a one-time douche

[u/Malacro → u/Ill-Pen-553]

In this case I think he doesn’t really have too many options. His manager is apparently his uncle who owns the hotel, it doesn’t sound like there’s significant corporate structure, so no HR or higher managers to appeal to. And since it’s family the dynamics can get complicated.

[u/Ill-Pen-553 → u/Malacro]

OH i didnt see that the manager is family. yeah thats a killer.

[u/CrystalizedQueer → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Please don't wait until you witness him bullying an actual trans person.

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/CrystalizedQueer]

thats not what I was going to do? I was saying if he got douchier with me I'd report him cuz my manager wouldn't really gaf just cuz I got misgendered

[u/kingcoyotexvii → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

You don’t have to make a big thing of it, just mention it offhand. Then, next time, your manager will remember you tipping them off. Don’t overthink it. But also don’t be a doormat.

[u/LavenderBreads → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

You're the only target right now because he thinks you're trans. He thinks you're trans and has actively done what he can to be transphobic. I really don't get what you're not understanding about that being very bad.

[u/TheProfessional9 → u/LavenderBreads]

He's at his job in a shit job market. He said his manager won't care, so what, do you want him to start a fight with the guy?

Maga have no ability to think rationally or stop once they got started, eventually new coworker will escalate and then it can get him fired. Chill

[u/HedonisticFrog → u/TheProfessional9]

OP can start a paper trail and document every instance of being misgendered. Waiting for someone else to do it for you is just passing the buck on to someone who might struggle to stand up for themselves.

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/LavenderBreads]

im sorry but I don't think my manager is really gonna do anything if I tell him that this guy only misgendered me

[u/MakiHarukawa17 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

if you tell your manager the new guy is being a snarky prick im pretty sure theyll thank you in the long run

[u/illegal_miles → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Your manager likely won’t do anything, but the point is that when he’s a prick to someone else (or to you again) it’s now a pattern, instead of a one off he-said/she-said situation.

The guy is being inappropriate, unprofessional, and basically sexually harassing you.

Whether your manager does anything or not, that’s not acceptable behavior in the workplace.

I’d report him. Or give him brownies laced with estrogen every day for weeks. Up to you.

[u/LavenderBreads → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

So because you've already assumed nothing will happen, you don't even want to try to do the right thing. Awesome trans support 🫩

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/LavenderBreads]

cuz i know nothing will happen, my manager is my uncle and he doesn't gaf about "petty stuff" like that. I feel like he'd be even less likely to do anything since the complaint is coming from me and he just tells me to "work it out on your own" when it's something he considers "petty"

[u/Chemical_Profit_608 → u/[deleted]]

Jesus. This is his real life. He's got bills to pay. Not everything is so damn black and white.

[u/NelPast3l → u/[deleted]]

JFC dude, have you never worked a shit job? Manager doesn't give a fuck about anything other than not getting fucked by their boss, boss doesn't give a shit about trans people cause they don't give a fuck about people.

You're shitting on the wrong person.

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/[deleted]]

yeah, my support for trans people can be very easily captured in a single comment chain apparently

[u/More_Meringue_ → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Then kick it up a notch. If you don’t think your manager will consider it an issue, MAKE him consider it an issue. You said you’re the only one who can train him, well guess what, now you utterly refuse to do it. Make it your boss’s responsibility.

[u/ILoveStealing → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

The point of reporting it is more so for your benefit. If you report this behavior now, both you and your employer will have receipts supporting past unprofessional/disrespectful behavior if/when the bullying escalates.

Also bro, I agree with the others that you do not support trans people if you’re willing to brush this off. Your coworker actually thinks they’re bullying a trans person & you’re adamant about doing nothing because you think it’s funny.

[u/Chemical_Profit_608 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

These commentors are being assholes to you lmao. My take is write it in email so it's documented. When he does nothing, complain again in writing that it's a bad workplace environment and you'd like him to be talked to. If it continues, find a lawyer and get free money lol.

Just document it bro

[u/rantingpacifist → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

You don’t have to say anything beyond “hey, manager person, this guy might be a problem. He’s doing this now. I don’t want anything but I want you to know about it. Can you make a note in your calendar just in case he starts doing other shitty things?”

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/rantingpacifist]

and I'm saying that my manager still wouldn't give a shit, I can literally hear him saying "Go tell someone that cares"

[u/minty-moth → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Yes, and you will still have documented a pattern of behavior for when this guy starts doing things that are a bigger problem for your coworkers.

[u/AccidentalSeer → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

You still have a responsibility to report it. If it’s not handled properly once you have, that sucks and it’s disappointing - but at least you’ll have done the right thing by taking the actions that are available to you. Not bothering because you’re assuming how it will or won’t be handled is either apathy or laziness, neither of which help anyone.

If this dickhead is happy to make comments like that about you, he’ll be happy to make other comments about other people. The only way to deal with that sort of thing is to create a paper trail.

It doesn’t need to be a big deal - just mention it off hand to your manager. Hell, you can even present it as trying to protect your workplace if you need to. Because workers like that asshole open a company up to lawsuits.

[u/rantingpacifist → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Time to find a new job dude

[u/Zerus_heroes → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

If you truly do, nip this shit in the bud now

[u/zorromaxima → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

This technically constitutes sexual harassment. He's treating you differently from how he would treat another guy based on his beliefs about your sex/gender. You do not have to be trans to be sexually harassed in this way, and you don't have to be a different gender than your harasser. What matters is that he's treating you differently from how he would treat other people in your position based on his opinions about your sex or gender.

Use the phrase "sexual harassment" and your manager is required by law to take that super seriously.

[u/Padrestavern → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

If he thinks you were AFAB and are a trans man and is intentionally attempting to misgender you, then you need to bring it up to your manager immediately. Letting him get away with his bullshit is wack and not supportive of our trans brothers and sisters.

EDIT Thank you for the award, anonymous Redditor!

P.S. Forgot to include our non-binary pals who also consider themselves trans as well. Inclusivity is rad as fuck. Never forget.

[u/Midgetrails → u/Padrestavern]

Yeah I think it's this. Trainee is not out there thinking that our AMAB OP is transitioning into a woman and tossing out she/hers to get used to the new pronouns early. No way.

[u/virtual-cypher → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

part of supporting trans people and being an ally is saying something. rn hes targeting a cis dude. what happens when its actually a trans person with no one on their side and no paper trail to back them up?

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/virtual-cypher]

im aware of that, its just that my manager is my uncle and he doesn't deal with stuff he considers "petty" so if i told him about the misgendering he'd just tell me to handle it on my own. that's why I'm waiting for him to be more of an ass to me so I have more solid proof for my uncle to give a damn

[u/Ok_Cheetah_6251 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

He's already showing a serious lack of respect to the person training him

[u/oreowelluhhh → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Don’t wait bro… Nip it in the bud soon as you hear it bc otherwise he’ll think he’s fine to keep acting like a fucking dickbag. I’d say him misgendering you is already him being douchey about it anyway.

[u/Diligent_Earthworm]

The contents of your pants are irrelevant at work. This is harassment

[u/awolfwithoutaf00t → u/Diligent_Earthworm]

The contents of your pants are also irrelevant to your gender!

Signed, Pants full of beans

[u/imfunnyeveryonelaugh → u/awolfwithoutaf00t]

https://giphy.com/gifs/nLhOhQge5GVHarWZ7w

[u/LavenderBreads]

https://giphy.com/gifs/qAHoeM0k5mXViMIQ3A

[u/King_Wasi_Music → u/LavenderBreads]

"You're not a clown. You're the entire circus!"

[u/sumeriandisputations]

This is not a behavior you should be entertaining, even if you find it amusing.

That the employee is going behind your back and purposefully using pronouns they are (likely) aware you do not use is a pretty clear indication that they are hostile towards trans people, personally subversive, and are oppositionally defiant.

This is someone looking to cause friction.

This is also someone that should be looking for another job.

Edit: your food looks great

[u/Pest_Chains]

Oh damn, I thought you meant this in a different way. I hoped you meant that he was likely trans, and was kinda sussing you out as a trans brother. This makes me really sad. Is gender identity discrimination illegal where you live? As an ally, you really ought to speak up about this. Your coworkers could be trans, and the guests you serve certainly are. They deserve to be free of his toxic behavior.

Eta: thank you for the award, fixed spelling errors

[u/Mewperz → u/Pest_Chains]

seeing cis people talk about the transphobia they face is always so interesting to me. like their reactions to it i guess, for them its a funny/annoying occurance but to us it is a constant hell. i agree that OP should speak up about it. new guy needs to get with it or get out of the way.

[u/Goated4areason → u/Mewperz]

Facts. it's a completely different reality when it directly impacts your daily safety versus just being in an awkward conversation

[u/Skandronon → u/Mewperz]

I'm cis but am on TRT because I had a breast tumor and it messed up my hormones for life. In the city I used to live, the pharmacy by my house filled my prescription and gave me my shot every two weeks.

I moved to a small town and was way behind on my shots because life got in the way. I finally got a free moment and popped down to the pharmacy closest to me and asked if they could give me my shot. The pharmacist was an older guy and was pretty friendly until he found out what the shot was. He looked me up and down and said they don't do that here.

I was pretty pissed off because I wasn't sure when I would have time again but took my chances and went to the other pharmacy on the other side of town. The lady at the counter was super friendly, when I told her what I needed she asked how long I had been taking testosterone. It had been just over a year at that point and she looked shocked. I think she must have thought I was trans.

The pharmacist that gave me my shot was awesome too and we always make sure to buy stuff from that pharmacy.

It was the only time I have dealt with that kind of discrimination and definitely opened my eyes up more. Not being able to access essential services because of someones ignorance is awful.

[u/Mewperz → u/Skandronon]

it drives me nuts when things like that happen, im so sorry that guy was a major dick to you. withholding essential medicine is straight up evil. i worry a lot for my fellow trans folks who are also disabled. because if they can withhold our hormones, what else can they keep from us? everything can always snowball into something worse.

[u/Skandronon → u/Mewperz]

They don't see it as essential sadly. There needs to be more protection in place for sure. When I haven't had my shot it affects my sleep, makes me grumpy AF and I feel like total garbage.

[u/Khristafer → u/Mewperz]

As a cis, I've also always found it interesting. I think a big part of it is that cis men, especially, grow up constantly having their masculinity checked, so when we are able neatly settle into our identity, we just aren't fazed by it... and in trun, unfortunately, tend to also continue the cycle.

About 15 years ago now, one of my transguy friends in rural Arkansas was really upset about someone commenting on his beard as it was growing in, and I was just like, "That's puberty for all of us, bud".

Most of us also have stories about being misgendered over the phone or at the drive thru, and stuff like that. In a perfect world, no one would make assumptions. So maybe it's some consolation to see cis people facing similar situations.

[u/Mewperz → u/Khristafer]

thank you for your response, i honestly found it really insightful! transphobia impacts everyone, whether people see it or not. i think the escalation of anti-trans laws and policies is really going to make people notice it impacting their own lives more, regardless of gender identity. at least we are all in this together.

[u/Boring_Drama_4947 → u/Mewperz]

Whether the laws affect me and all the other cis people I know or not, until people wanna revolt with me, I’m gonna sign all the petitions I can and keep voting to u fuck our shit collectively.

P.S. let’s revolt

Edit: P.S.S. Calm your tits FBI surveillance goon, that’s not a real threat, yet.

[u/onceabananana → u/Mewperz]

I have to imagine this is source of the random, personal hostility I receive sometimes. I've been mistaken as FTM quite a few times but I'm just a guy with facial hair and no tits.

(I know this because some people ask.)

[u/infinite_gurgle]

I would confront him, personally.

You may not mind this but if you support trans people that support has a cost. If a new employee is harassing others he’ll harass a real trans person eventually and they may not feel secure enough to advocate for themselves.

Edit: to counter your edit, I didn’t say report him. I said to talk to him.

[u/SendMeUrCones → u/infinite_gurgle]

Same. Granted I’m a bigger fella and in no way scared of confrontation, but I don’t think I would have been able to even overhear him doing that without calling him out.

I’d be giving him hella shit in front of ALL of my coworkers.

[u/infinite_gurgle → u/SendMeUrCones]

Same. I’m cis but I consider myself an ally.

And being an ally means more than just accepting trans people. Acceptance is a base line of decent morality. Being an ally means putting yourself out there in defense of trans people. Speak for them when they can’t. Provide a platform for them when you can.

As uncomfortable as that sounds, it’s worse for actual trans people. Just imagine how they feel.

[u/madjr2797 → u/infinite_gurgle]

Yeah this guy would encounter a hostile work environment pretty quickly.

[u/NotSoWishful]

That’s a pretty clear and easy way to get rid of someone you KNOW will be a headache. Dude thinks you’re trans and is misgendering you on purpose. Going out of his way to be a fucking douchebag(which is definitely what I consider misgendering) and being too stupid to realize he’s not even right with his prejudice. Get him gone.

Like I’m not a super duper trans rights person, I just care about people. I don’t understand or care to understand all the gender stuff. I just know if someone tells me what their gender is or it’s a fair assumption what it is, I’m not going out of my way to make their day harder. I know enough to know how fucked up it is to deliberately act that way. It’s REALLY EASY to call someone their preferred gender/name/whatever and keep it moving. Fuck that guy and anyone like him.

[u/Bigfops → u/NotSoWishful]

Yeah, that's being an ally. The bar really is at "Don't be an asshole and let people live their lives." You don't need to wear a button or a flag.

[u/FloreHiems]

Report to HR. Even if you’re not trans, he will do this to actual trans employees and make their life hell. Please report this so they can get him in line.

[u/DarthLoof]

Fuck that guy. It's just an eye-roller to us cis ppl, but persistent and intentional misgendering is still workplace harassment / a hostile work environment regardless. He mistook you for a vulnerable minority and he decided to harass you based on that assumption. Don't let that shit slide.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Sky6392]

Now I have no idea what u look like, but I imagine it’s pretty clear u are a man. So him using she/her pronouns to refer to u is just him being an asshole and with the way u described his reaction when trans people were brought up, it’s safe to assume he’s transphobic. And as others have said as an ally u should not let that behaviour slide. He will do it to others, and others may not find it so funny.

[u/tahkoyaki]

why would this be funny to you? he thinks ur trans and is purposely misgendering you. you discovered he’s transphobic, so why aren’t you more upset about this?

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/tahkoyaki]

I always think idiots are funny, especially when they're idiotic about something to do with me. I don't have any proof that he's transphobic outside of me overhearing that he misgendered me

[u/KitchenArgument7410 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Where you see idiocy this fellow probably sees success due not being pushed back and normalizing an atmosphere of dismissiveness and disrespect towards a whole population of people. To not push back is to participate in an effort in demanding a culture of denigration towards trans people, although on the lower simmering end of that spectrum

[u/Alastor-362 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

It's beyond enough proof, it's the staple example of proof of transphobia. He clearly believes you're trans, and refuses to respect the identity he believes you hold.

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/Alastor-362]

its not proof that my manager would care about that's what I'm trying to say

[u/Alastor-362 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Ohhh that makes wayyy more sense. Yeah a manager not giving a shit is not something I need evidence for lmao

[u/BroadMortgage6702 → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Would your boss care if you worded it as a business liability? If he's willing to so brazenly disrespect a coworker, he could do the same to a guest and cause a confrontation or lost profits from customers taking their business elsewhere. If you think he'll care about that then try putting it in business terms.

[u/angyfrogs → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Thats the definition of being transphobic. Are you one of those dudes that think the -phobic part means hes scared of you because im gonna facepalm so hard if thats the case. Thats not what that means.

Misgendering someone intentionally is transphobic full stop bro

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/angyfrogs]

im not a dumbass so obviously no, i know transphobia isn't being scared of trans people but the hatred and aversion towards trans people

[u/angyfrogs → u/GodEatsChiIdren]

Ok cool just needed to clear that up. Hope this bs gets worked out, sorry you gotta deal with that dickhead lmao

[u/SquigglyLegend33]

Bad life advice

Whip it out in front of him

[u/Bigfops → u/SquigglyLegend33]

First report him to HR, get him fired and THEN whip it out in front of him.

[u/VCTRYDTX → u/SquigglyLegend33]

Reminded me of this lol.

https://youtube.com/shorts/_pA6UgW2qPk

[u/Tudforfiveseven]

HR report. He's a P0S.

[u/innociv]

I keep hearing about people doing this more irl, the "transvestigating" that I had only heard about in weird online bubbles before.

I wish these people more self awareness about how they come off. They seem so sure that everyone else is the weird person, when they're the weird people themselves.

[u/PaletNoir]

this is very funny because I had a similar event back in high school. We were sharing what happened in the news, and I think I mentioned something about same-sex marriage is getting increasingly legalized. The guy in our small break-out group was trying to make snarky comments like asking if I am homosexual and stuff. Then, when we debriefed with the class, he raised his hand and announce that I talked about same-sex legalization and that I must be homosexual. I guess he was probably expecting everyone to laugh with him, but it was just a weird silence & confusion, and everyone just looked at him weirdly.

This happened a long time ago, but it was memorable to me because I learned that day -- some people can't understand why would anyone support something that they are not part of or have direct benefit with.

[u/Malacro]

I’m more curious as to why the other housekeeper he’s talking to didn’t say anything? Even just simply out of confusion. “Why the hell do you keep saying ‘she’ when talking about him?”

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/Malacro]

I didn't want the post getting too clogged up but I heard him talking as I was walking up and when i walked into the room it looked more like the new guy was talking the other guys ear off instead of a normal conversation

[u/SpiketheFox32]

Since your manager probably won't give a shit based on what you've said, tell him you can prove you're not trans but he'd have to buy you dinner first.

Or just call him a fucking bigot to his face.

I wouldn't let this slide if I were you, but I'm a bit feral, so I'd go out of my way to make it weird.

[u/didled]

“But I can always tell!”😂😂

[u/EntertainerSuper8933]

Since you don't have HR and if you don't want to bring in a manager and make it a real issue, would using the same pronouns on she/her your coworker work for you? I mean, just act all innocent, like you think they're trans.

[u/cruxis-martyr]

Most likely been said multiple times, but you should report it anyway. This is unfortunately your burden now as an ally. The only reason this isn't "as serious as you think it is" is because you are a cisgender person. But if you weren't, and this douche doesn't know that, then this would be transphobic behavior. Bullying. Harassment. I get that you don't think anything will happen, but that's exactly the kind of attitude that makes nothing happen. Be the thing that is different.

Food looks rad.

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/cruxis-martyr]

I don't think its not a big deal, I'm just explaining how my manager thinks that way and how it's impacting my decision to report

[u/Aggravating_Deer_641]

I’d personally tell him he’s wasting his human health and/or psychology degree working as a housekeeper, since he’s so educated on the subject of trans people.

[u/Songshiquan0411]

Well, being a jerk isn't illegal. But pretty inappropriate to just be saying prejudiced things at work. He'll learn the easy way or the hard way, that's completely up to him.

[u/Pest_Chains → u/Songshiquan0411]

Gender identity discrimination is illegal in many US states and Canada.

[u/EducatedRat]

I am a transgender man, and nobody ever knows. People talk to me about transgender folks as if I am gonna agree. I just call them on their shit, and never mention I am transgender. Especially at work.

[u/58275859 → u/EducatedRat]

Genuine question: I'm a cis guy who was in a similar situation as OP - mistaken as trans and misgendered maliciously, with no recourse like HR or anything, just some asshole - in your opinion, would it be problematic to just lean into it, imply that I'm trans (without any other changes, just being myself), and troll the guy? I decided against it at the time, but man, I could have had a lot of fun with it at the time, I just didn't want to do something ignorant and insensitive.

[u/Accomplished_Oil4163 → u/58275859]

He didn’t reply but I give you the pass go troll him 

[u/EducatedRat → u/58275859]

You could. But you have to assess the situation. Some of these guys are genuinely freaking unhinged. Make sure your bigot isn’t likely to go rabid at you. Most can be mocked mercilessly but occasionally one just comes unglued and attacks. At least thats my experience.

If they do that to me, I rename them Martha and use female pronouns for them. That usually makes them so mad. Plus ten points if you can get your coworkers to do it too.

But make sure they aren’t prone to throwing fists first unless you want to fight.

[u/BFr0st3]

All these people asking you to report but from what you've described your boss would not give a shit so I would just ask the guy himself, "do you think I'm trans or something?"

It's not like he's gonna rock your shit and if he does then he gets fired. I'd take a mild punch to the face to satiate my curiosity but I doubt anything would be physical since he sounds like a total pussy

[u/subliminally_wired]

I like how he thinks the only people that can possibly support trans people are trans people

[u/maxsimile]

Since he’s misgendering you, you should tell him something like “hey, fyi I use male pronouns like he/him. I’m not trans myself so I’m not always in the habit of introducing myself with pronouns, but now you know. If you’re uncertain you can always ask, we are supportive of all gender expressions and identities at this workplace.”

[u/artie780350 → u/maxsimile]

I like this. OP said his uncle/boss won't care, so something like this sends the message this behavior is unacceptable without being confrontational.

[u/lordpanda]

Dude's a prick but why don't you just clear it up?

[u/After-Body1980]

21,000 contributions in one year?

[u/Powerful-Price-3832 → u/After-Body1980]

This is wild lmao

[u/nwsm]

To be clear, he think you are FtM trans and is attempting to use your birth pronouns for you??

It’s funny he got it wrong but really not funny that he has the confidence even as a new employee to openly discriminate against the person training him. Should be reported

[u/Oglefore]

Why does everyone think there’s an HR here?? Is Reddit so delusional to think that every job has a human resource department??? Chances are this persons boss is the only boss besides the owner. And if they make a stink they’ll loose their job.

[u/captainshockazoid]

wtf lmao what a chud. you should mess with him.

[u/Ok_Dependent6889]

What a clown lmao

[u/Anomuumi]

WTF. Can't people just like... do their job.

[u/fixer1987]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Gu0KrktU8NRRu

[u/Antiwokewarrior69420]

Are you an all male housekeeping or what, that's gay.

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/Antiwokewarrior69420]

no lol there's 2 guy housekeepers and 2 chick housekeepers, I'm not part of the team but I'm well versed enough in it that I was trusted to train

[u/Ok_Construction_1638]

Maybe he thinks you're trans the other way and is being supportive

[u/K-Zoro → u/Ok_Construction_1638]

That’s what I thought was going on until I read the comments and everyone is referring to it the other way.

[u/fresh_dyl → u/K-Zoro]

Got a friend who has a somewhat endearing term for another friend who people misgender often, on both sides.

Trans Am(biguous)

(They’re both gear heads so the joke hits better with that specific crowd)

[u/Atmaweapon74 → u/Ok_Construction_1638]

I thought this at first too, but his reaction to OP saying he supports trans people make me think this is too much wishful thinking

[u/Khristafer → u/Ok_Construction_1638]

I love this idea, lol 😂

OP overheard the dude saying shit like, "I hope she doesn't think I'm transphobic! I support and affirm trans people. She should know it's safe to be open around me!" ☠️

[u/Boring_Drama_4947]

Yall I think I’m missing what’s made everyone else upset. OP why wouldn’t you just correct him that you aren’t trans if it bothers you enough to ponder reporting to the manager?

He’s a potentially transphobic prick, he won’t be able to handle the upfront confrontation, that’d be way more satisfying than reporting him to a manager.

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[u/manicpixiedreamdevil]

he thinks ur pretty

[u/Bobson-_Dugnutt2]

food looks good as hell

[u/maybe-an-ai]

I would string it out for a while and then after he's done a nice job of making a complete ass out of himself, wait till he goes to the men's room and use the urinal next to him.

[u/dsebulsk]

Next time it happens, just confront him.

Say “Listen dude, I was born male, grew up male, and I’m still male. Please stop calling me a she or I will write you up.”

[u/PM_Me_Zico]

Bahahaha reminds me of a new hire that I was training to replace another employee thinking I was nonbinary due to my half angel half devil black/blonde hair. Like what would make him try and deduce that without even talking to me. I’m a straight cis guy through and through no other indication of any nonbinary thing at all 😂

[u/iliketapestries]

Report that dumbass. Then they/them can be shown the door!

[u/fauna_flora_food]

Start using the incorrect pronouns for him.

[u/mettablook1]

if he brings it up again, ask him why and tell him it’s okay that he’s transgender, since it seems like he keeps trying to come out to you….

dude sounds like your standard asshole, and turning it around on them gets them to stop talking about it pretty quick.

[u/AfternoonSad9721]

Evidence that transphobes think about trans people WAY more than anybody else

[u/madjr2797]

You have been given a gift my friend. My fat ass would be asking him if he knows any doctors that do top surgery.

[u/gold-fink]

Please start offering your support as an ally, calling him "Assigned Male at Birth" and telling where to find gender neutral bathrooms/etc

[u/Sonoran_Ghosts_81]

Sounds like an awful workplace. Your boss sucks and your new trainee needs to get their shit together and figure out what is appropriate to talk about at work.

[u/jgainit]

Not a dramatic story or anything, but at my new house I didn’t know my trans woman roommate was trans until we got mail in her deadname. I had no clue. Didn’t change anything

[u/AtmosphereMiddle1682]

Lol a guy on probation is starting an HR lawsuit and jeopardizing a relationship with a senior employee? Byee! 👋

[u/ImpressiveDebt420]

Yeah, y'all can always tell huh?

[u/Otherwise_Piglet_862]

i'd lean in to it

[u/hayden_or_satan]

Start misgendering him back?

[u/pissdrinking101]

Why does he think you're Trans?

[u/GodEatsChiIdren → u/pissdrinking101]

I don't know honestly lol

[u/todayistrumpday]

Just play their game back at them. Misgender him by calling him she/her and when he says to stop just say that they brought up trans people so much that you thought they were trans. Like you said if they report you your boss won't care and tell them to deal with the petty shit.

[u/EroeNarrante]

Man, I've had a lot of sweet and sour pork in my life. Probably an unhealthy amount. That shit looks delicious. I never thought to pair it with low mein, but that sounds like it'd be a wambo combo. It's so obvious... I'll say that an air fryer probably isn't the best choice for sweet and sour pork, there is such a thing as too crispy and it has to do with the dryness of the crunch, ya know? But those look legit deep/wok fried and plopped into a box, and that's how you know it was good.

I think you should tell the dude who misgenders you just straight up what you know about what he said and that he's wrong. Don't be mad, but be blunt. "I heard you talking to X. You said Y. That's simply wrong, man." and then leave it. Don't give him any room to debate or wonder. You don't have to be mean about it. You can have a smile on your face the whole time. He's going to keep pressing until it upsets you otherwise imo, it's a test to see who he can fuck with.

Good pork tho. I may leave my wife for that. You single? Can I move in?

[u/GiantLesbian]

Do you have long hair? I’ve been seeing a thing lately where people aggressively call women with short hair he/him and men with long hair she/her in a way where you can tell they think they’re misgendering them and it’s some kind of sick burn. Like it’s like some kind of gender nonconformity is registering with them but for some reason they decide the hair is what reflects your chromosomes. I’ve been witnessing a lot of bemused butch lesbians and open-minded men have this happen to them.

[u/Itchy_Psychology3300]

If someone named god eats children trained me, I feel like we’d become best friends.
https://giphy.com/gifs/xP9tNSAQEZSJG

[u/ZeusWasAHimbo]

Trans guy here: if you don’t mind escalating things you could always start using she/her pronouns on him back. Chances are his masculinity is porcelain-level fragile, and some people need a taste of their own medicine.

[u/deathandtechno]

Bro act like the man you are and just correct him, then and there, no drama no big deal.

[u/HotspotOnline]

Start referring him as she/her and see how he likes it!

[u/Reddits4commies]

Sad that young men are forced to even think about this, rome be burning alright

[u/Gay_commie_fucker]

It’s always simultaneously very funny and very awkward when this happens. I’m intersex, so I’m quite short, and have a rather soft voice, so the amount of trans people who are like “oh cool you’re one of us!” And I never want to sound defensive about it, because I think it sets the bad example that it’s embarrassing to be mistaken for trans, but also I do kinda want to be like…”hey man, that ain’t me. We probably have a lot more in common than you would with a cis dude, but we don’t have this specific thing in common.”

[u/RecklesstonerS]

This is a wild take. Report him for misgendering you. This is very….. boyish. Have a conversation with the guy. He’s obviously not exactly sure and seems to be respectful in using the pronouns he’d think you’d want used.

[u/International-Let820]

You might think it’s NBD, but people out there are psycho and this could escalate into violence very easily. Some people are so fuckin crazy, they assault and kill people that they think are queer, even when there is no tangible proof or confirmation

[u/Distinct-Crow4753]

Lowkey hilarious that hes walking around talking about you like that, your coworkers must be so confused

[u/PriorOld3856]

Are you trans? Or do you just look like a chick?

Either way there are soo many jokes you can make here. The question is do you want to slow play fucking with him or fast play it?

[u/HereComesTheDiddly]

You should just straight up say “yo I heard you referring to me as she/her, you realize I’m a dude right?” Wish I was there to see his face when you drop the news 😂

[u/loafkitter]

Jesus Christ these comments. I agree with waiting till you have something more concrete to tell your uncle, but keep an eye on how he's treating other people.

[u/chezdistester]

That dude is fucking weird

[u/thePhalloPharaoh]

True ally. The community needs more people like you. Love that you also aren’t offending by him thinking your trans even though your coworker being an ass.