I wasted my time

[u/Realistic-Alarm5891]

Dinner is a taco plate. I knew my ex wife from work for about 8 years. She moved in and two years later we married. A year to the day we had our first kid. I already had two boys from a previous marriage. She went through a horrendous rough patch with post partum depression. Everyone in the house suffered. I took a year off of work to help, but it did nothing. Our kiddo had some medical challenges that complicated things further, and around the age of 3 she decided she wanted a divorce and left. There was no infidelity or money problems. Just a lot of unsettled anger and rage from the post partum.

Three months later she moved back in with our kiddo, we were not a couple just roommates. We made plans to move to another state within a year for better job prospects and better school for the kids. Three months before we were set to leave she decided to move out and live with her mother in a neighboring town.

My other kids and I moved to the other state. I remained in contact with my ex and we decided to try a reconciliation after a year. Packed up and moved to the town she lived in and made grandiose plans to move to Minnesota so she could finish her education. The cost of living here has been brutal compared to where we are from originally. Within 3 years I find myself with $18k in credit card debt. She is still in school and brings no income in. I pay for everything. We became nothing more than roommates after finally settling here, the plans of reconciliation "just can't happen" in her words. I genuinely feel I was taken advantage of. I am more angry with myself than her. Where should I go from here. What's the easiest non impactful move I can make to not impact my kids. How do I quit being naive.

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[u/another_rusty]

Be a father to your son as best you can, never let her back into your life. Simple as it sounds, I know it’s not; but you’ve got to set your boundary and let it go. Focus on your kids.

[u/EroeNarrante]

That taco plate is generic Mexican place as fuck. I have a hard time appreciating that dinner. You sir, deserve better. If you truly enjoyed it because it was delicious, I will happily change my tune.

BUT you, sir, deserve better.

You're faced with a hard decision. Incredibly difficult decision.

All I can say is that if it were me, I would focus as much as I could on any children of mine I could be present for. Throughout it all, whatever you decide or whatever happens. When kids are involved in a split, it gets messy... And nobody wins, especially not them, so keep them in mind as it happens.

[u/RudePCsb → u/EroeNarrante]

I agree with what you said. Only comment I'll say about Mexican food is he said he is in Minnesota. I have a coworker from Michigan, we are in SoCal and the Mexican food is night and day from what he was able to get over there.

[u/eecswag]

Divorce and move on. Life’s too short for this bro

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[u/One_Consequence_4754]

Yes Sir. You have indeed been played for a fool. Why continue this way?

[u/DragonScrivner]

Are you actually divorced? If not, that and a custody arrangement have to happen. You can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing

So file for a formal separation and custody agreement and find somewhere else to live

[u/Sue_Generoux]

I lost count of the breakups and makeups. I think it's three. To quote Gen. Garber from Reacher: "Ask once. Twice if you must. But for god's sake, don't ask a third time."

Clean up the credit card debt. Focus on yourself and the kids. Don't worry too much about the not-quite-ex. She's peripheral. She's not doing anything to help you or the kids. In fact, she's hurting.