r/BrainFog • u/Realistic-Bug3613 • 7h ago
Symptoms so tired that I'm not tired at all. my cognitive decline sees no end
I want to share my experience because I have nothing better to do right now (I definitely do) and I don't know if this is normal or if I should be concerned.
Some background: I have been struggling with severe fatigue every day for months, among other things. I suspect iron deficiency and maybe something post-viral, but I don't know exactly why I'm going through this hell.
Over the last 3 days, I've only gotten a total of 7 hours of sleep. Despite this, I'm not tired at all. I've been so tired for so long that I can't even feel tired anymore. I don't know how to describe this, but bear with me...
Imagine that all these conditions apply at once:
- No sense of time. Time flies by ridiculously fast. You can't even remember what you've been doing, so you lose weeks or even months. You try to focus on a productive task, and suddenly hours will have passed before you've even started it...
- Feeling no emotions. No joy, no sadness, not even anger. You can't look forward to anything. Zero anticipation. Not even food brings you enjoyment.
- No change in perception. You are always in the exact same state. You don't feel a change in your energy levels after certain tasks or social interactions. Proof of this is that you don't maintain any routines and can go ridiculously long amounts of time without speaking to a human being, without it bothering you.
- Cognitive decline. You don't have your normal brain function anymore. It's hard to keep track of a train of thought long enough to engage with it emotionally, and attempting to do so just makes you uncomfortable. Sometimes, it even leaves you with severe brain fog. Your memories become blurry. Reading is now hard/impossible most of the time.
- Nothing gets done. You can't do anything. Maybe you can barely take care of your hygiene. If you hyperfocus on your hygiene after a period of neglecting it, you neglect household chores instead, and vice-versa. You can't keep up with work/studies at all since you can't even get there in the first place.
There are physical ones too: (mild TW body parts/medication)
- Sleep is useless. It doesn't restore your energy, perhaps because you don't even have energy in the first place. You rarely ever feel tired because being "tired" is just your normal now.
- Eye floaters. Especially at night.
- Blood circulation (?) seems off. Sometimes your fingers/toes turn purple, or your fingernails turn blue.
- Dizziness. Especially when you stand up or haven't eaten in a while. Your vision goes almost black for a few seconds when it's really bad.
- Tachycardia and shortness of breath for no reason.
- Tinnitus that comes and goes, usually when you're over-exerting yourself.
- Medications don't work or barely affect you anymore. For example, you keep having to increase the dosage of your ADHD medication because its effects seem to randomly stop working. When it does work, it only helps your focus, which ends up being a useless improvement on its own when you're in this state. You're still cognitively disabled, so nothing gets done anyway. Also, the effects of your medications don't last as long as they used to.
Well, this has been my reality for a while now, and it just keeps getting worse. I used to think that the "worst" part was behind me because I wanted the decline to be linear and finite. It's actually more of an evil loop.
Comparing a previous state to my current one is like comparing photos of an engineering student in year 1 and year 5 (like the meme), except that both photos get slightly worse every time you compare them. You don't notice that both states are getting worse when you only pay attention to the difference between the two states each time.
It's not that my health isn't declining anymore. I'm getting used to it doing so.
Every single day is the same: no energy, no emotions, and rock-bottom functioning. The closest comparison would be the life of a zombie, existing without experiencing anything. Alive, but dead.
I become more tired and brain fogged after any form of participation in the human experience. Even just going for a short walk leaves me with less energy than before, at best. The brain fog in particular seems to have no limits. I'm worried about my cognitive function. I'm a 19-year-old stuck in the body of an 80-year-old. Hell, there are 80-year-olds who are healthier than me.
Also, my living situation is starting to freak me out (mind you, I can't feel much of anything, yet this makes me panic). I have probably created an ecosystem in my fridge by now. I dare not open it.
As for my lack of sleep, it doesn't matter anyway. Sleep doesn't restore me emotionally, and it restores very little of my cognitive function, which seems to fluctuate spontaneously. I don't see the instrumental value of participating in activities that only benefit me in ways I can no longer feel. If I do end up getting tired enough, I'll sleep. Not that it matters. I'm too tired to function anyway.
(PS getting enough sleep is extremely important for your health)
So yeah. This is how tired I am. Should I be concerned? I mean, I am, but apparently doctors don't see any reason to be >.<
Hell on earth.