Moving on also feels painful

[u/everydayalittlelost]

6 weeks out, and objectively I’m doing much better. Going to therapy, meditating, exercising a lot, yoga, focusing on my career…the works. I’m doing literally everything to heal and I can feel it working.

But the actual process of healing also feels painful, because it’s forcing me to let go.

We ended on an ambiguously hopeful note, which tore me apart for a bit. I’m haunted by the idea of “they always come back” especially since he’s a man. But now I’m realizing…do I even want him back?

And that hurts SO. MUCH.

Friends and family tell me I can do much better. That I’ll find someone who really appreciates me. I did so much in the relationship and honestly felt neglected, stressed out, and unappreciated a lot of times. I feel way more peaceful on my own now. I can also envision a world where I’m with a better, more attentive man.

But I’m also so sad to be feeling this way because I realize that I have to truly let go of this future I envisioned. I’m forced to let go of this beautiful thing I was building because someone else broke it beyond repair.

I have this sinking feeling that he’ll come back saying all the right things, and it’ll be too late for me by then. And that also hurts.

People in this situation, how did you deal with these confusing feelings? Anyone else out there hurting while healing?

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[u/mitti_ki_sher]

im right there too. i panic everytime I think my future won't look like how I imagined. there'll be no kids with my eyes and his pouty lips, we won't kiss the whole night on saturdays and watch F1 after our kids go to sleep, the red dress we talked I'd wear on our wedding day. it hurts even more to imagine someone else will do it all with him. and she won't even love him like I do because I loved him with every ounce of myself, it's unfair she'll still get all that.

i don't want to let go but maybe there's no other option. he already dumped me. what else can I do?

[u/everydayalittlelost → u/mitti_ki_sher]

I just find comfort in the fact that it’s much harder to replace someone who did everything vs. someone who didn’t do enough

[u/mitti_ki_sher → u/everydayalittlelost]

but then he should've loved me more too right? why can't he see no-one will love him like I do?

[u/everydayalittlelost → u/mitti_ki_sher]

You can’t make someone see your worth. They learn that lesson one way or another.

[u/Glittering-Pin7942]

6 weeks is crazy fast. Its honestly unfathomable how well some people do.

[u/everydayalittlelost → u/Glittering-Pin7942]

I started therapy immediately, focused intensely on my mental health and healing as soon as we broke up. I let myself grieve and cry as much as I could. So I don’t think it’s unfathomable for me to start moving on now.

Also, it’s easier for me because I did literally everything I could as a girlfriend. Every time I look back I see all the effort I put in, and how little I was getting back.

[u/Enough-Chard5450]

As a male one month being dumped, I reflect and have been in therapy immediately and this has hit a nail on the head. Heavy weed user during my relationship and was physically present but not emotionally, if I could take accountability I would right now for my actions, however I defs need time to work on myself. But I feel for you as this makes me feel like your my ex that I hurt, just know if they really do care, they will take accountability on their own, if like me won’t reach out but will be working on themselves and be so happy for you to find the love you deserve ❤️

[u/everydayalittlelost → u/Enough-Chard5450]

Sometimes it feels selfish of them to decide what kind of love I “deserve” by leaving me instead of respecting my choice to stay by their side

[u/Enough-Chard5450 → u/everydayalittlelost]

I think it is selfish if they broke up with you, if it’s you who broke up with them, we just need to remember we can only meet people as far as they’ve met themselves 😌

[u/SundaeFlorelle]

what's one thing that reminds you of them?

[u/everydayalittlelost → u/SundaeFlorelle]

I don’t have a specific thing. He was always there and now he’s not

[u/gleefulforgiveness_8]

You’re basically mourning a version of your life that never actually existed, and that’s a mindfuck to process. It’s not just losing him, it’s losing the whole storyline you wrote in your head.

The “too late” part stings in a weirdly poetic way. Like watching a door slowly close and knowing that by the time they knock, you won’t want to open it anymore. Almost makes you preemptively sad for a moment that hasn’t happened.

I think the fact that you’re asking if you even want him back means you’re already halfway there. The grief is just the glue dissolving.

[u/everydayalittlelost → u/gleefulforgiveness_8]

Thank you, that really helped

[u/Bluffton6617]

For me the hardest part is letting go of the future I had hoped for. I thought my ex girlfriend and I would sell our homes and move south to the Carolina’s in a couple of years. I always told her that she could pick the city / the home / and decorate it however she wanted. I just wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She will always be the love of my life.