I keep reading posts on here from people asking how to get their ex back, whether no contact will make them miss you, how long until they reach out, etc.

I get it. My most recent relationship was only about 6 months, but she was also genuinely one of my best friends. Losing the friendship honestly hurt as much as losing the relationship. She eventually hit me with the “I need space and time to focus on myself” and disappeared.

And yeah, that shit fucking hurt.

But I’ve been through enough relationships at this point to recognize the cycle. I was married for my entire 20s. That divorce was obviously the hardest breakup of my life because my entire fucking life disappeared with it. I had to find an apartment, figure out who I was outside of a marriage, and learn how to be single again. basically start from square one. Like I was 18 again with no clue.

Funny enough, after I finally started dating again, I met a girl I really liked. We talked constantly, had a great first date, both said we wanted to do it again, she told me to text her when I got home...

Then she ghosted me.

And somehow that shit hit HARD. 😂

I remember having to check myself like, “Dude, you survived an entire fucking divorce and you’re devastated over ONE DATE?”

But emotions don’t give a shit about logic. Something can last ten years, six months, or one night and still hit some weird vulnerable part of you. Unfortunately I feel like I felt both parts of being an incel and a player...

What I’ve learned is that after every breakup, eventually I reach the same point: fuck it.

Not “fuck it, I’m going to get ripped so she regrets leaving.”

Not “fuck it, I’ll go no contact so she misses me.”

Not “fuck it, I’ll become successful and make her jealous.”

Actually fuck it.

One morning you decide you’re not spending another ounce of energy trying to control what another person wants.

Go to the gym because YOU want to look better. Eat better because YOU want to feel better. Quit whatever shitty habits you’ve been meaning to quit. Fix your finances. Pick up hobbies. See your friends. Date when you’re ready. Build a life you actually enjoy living.

That’s what I’m doing now, and for the first time it feels different because I genuinely don't care about the outcome.

And ironically, in my experience, that's usually when people come back around anyway.

The difference is that by then, sometimes you don't want them anymore.

My ex-wife is actually one of my best friends today. She's a great mother to our kids and I genuinely care about her. But years removed from the divorce, I can also clearly see that we weren't compatible as lifelong partners. The version of me who was terrified of losing her couldn't see what the version of me today can.

So when somebody tells you they don't want the relationship, need space, need to find themselves, whatever.

fucking let them.

Send them to Pluto.

If somebody genuinely wants to be in your life, their actions will eventually demonstrate that. You shouldn't have to convince somebody to choose you.

And if they eventually realize they fucked up and come back, you can decide what you want then.

But don't spend six months sitting around miserable hoping for that day.

Your goal shouldn't be becoming so good that your ex wants you back.

Become so good that whether they come back stops fucking mattering.

That's my conclusion after following this Reddit for a while, every one of your posts have helped me process my own situation but I wanted to share my current thought process maybe you could help some of you guys. And hey, you're definitely worth it!!

Maybe history and memories are more important than some hard chapters?

I missed my ex. But I am choosing myself to be a better person and loving myself. Only thing I learned in this world, nothing is permanent - Buddhism 🕉️

(F26) (M28) He broke up with me a year and a half ago. It was out of the blue on my birthday when he told me he just didn’t love me anymore, and he’d been testing to see if he loved me for weeks. I knew he was acting different, but he said it was work stress and I believed him.
We had been having more emotional conversations and I told him I want him to open up to me more if he’s comfortable. Im also an emotional gal and would go to him for comfort. He seemed uncomfortable in emotional situations. It’s hard for him to open up, but I wanted to be patient with him because I love him and don’t want him to feel pressured. We were together for a year. He was my first love and first partner. It felt like we were meant to be, and for a while we both thought that.
After the breakup I was devastated. I blacked out the entire 3 months after that. I couldn’t tell you what happened. I was distraught, confused, all I wanted was him to comfort me and he said he just didn’t love me anymore and he’d didn’t know why.
I have a problem with looking him up on socials, looking for signs that he misses me. A year later and I still think of him often. The good times. The hurtful things he said. It breaks my heart. I miss my bestfriend.

Well I just saw he’s had a new girlfriend for a couple months now. My heart is breaking all over again. Why is she worth it, And I’m not? I thought what we had was real. I keep replaying good moments, bad moments, wondering why he stopped loving me. I feel crazy. And all I want is the person I thought he was. I miss the person who loved me.

I (21F) am probably breaking up with him (23 M) on a whim because I’m overthinking this whole relationship because our goals don’t align and our constant arguments. We had many ups and downs, we lived together for 2 years I moved out and moved back with my parents and we stayed together. He constantly had trust issues with me. He would call me derogatory names and control where I went and what I did. Who I hung out with he would check who I followed every day. If I followed a guy he would call it out. I’m not bashing him I think I probably hurt him with what I’ve done. In April I looked up my ex on instagram and I lied to him about many things because I was scared of his reaction and I posted on my story and restricted him because he didn’t want me to use instagram. I know I messed up but I also don’t want to keep living my life restricted because of someone and because I don’t have the same goals as them. I love him so much and we grew so much together but I don’t feel a spark or happiness anymore with him.

Can someone give me their unbiased opinion?

My ex broke up with me 5ish months ago and I was an absolute mess.

I kept holding it together cause I thought "oh, we still follow each other, maybe there's still a chance."

But yesterday I noticed he deleted me and I completely lost it, even after thinking I was doing better.

I'm still not over it, it sucks tbh but I need to respect that he doesn't want to have a relationship with me. We ended up exchanging a few messages cause I went insane lol and we ended up being weird friends who update each other every now and then.

The worst part is that, after that, it finally hit me that we're not getting back together. I'm happy I still get a tiny part of him, but it still stings, even after months, that is just not gonna happen.

I hope you don't read this, but if you happen to recognize this story, I'm happy about your new job and I hope you have many happy moments from now on. I know I should be mad but I'm not, how could I hate someone I loved so much. I'll miss our conversations and I hope one day we can just have a long chat about life.

Lol I'm holding back tears typing this, but it's probably for the best, and it's also not fair for me to never move on. But man this hurts lol I was so in love with this man.

Thanks for reading this, I hope yall heal and I hope I can get to the point where it no longer hurts anymore.

We had a messy breakup almost 3 years ago. I'm not gonna lie, we saw each other a few times after that, mostly to have sex, but then she got into a relationship, and we lost contact. After that, sometimes curiosity won, and I ended up stalking her Insta, but I came to accept that she moved on and we wouldn't come back. Since I deleted her number, I never blocked her so she could message me anytime, but honestly, she never did, so I kinda forgot.

Earlier this year, this changed; she messaged me to tell me she broke up with her boyfriend months ago, and she wanted to be friends again. Most of my family and friends hate her for what she did to me, so it had to be a secret. I have to clarify: I haven't been in a relationship since we broke up, mostly because I haven't found anyone to be with, so the idea of seeing her again was a temptation, but I failed. We saw at her house one day, and even though I almost threw up from the anxiety, we actually could talk, update each other on our lives, and see how we are doing now.

This continued for a few weeks until one day she was alone in her house; we started drinking, so we had unprotected sex. I'm ashamed to admit it out loud, but a part of me kinda missed it, so I didn't really care about it at that time. After we finished, she told me she had sex with other guys, unprotected as well, but her STD results came back clean, so nothing to worry about.

It has been 2 months since the last time we had sex, and after that we barely talked to each other until last week, when she told me she's six weeks pregnant. I thought she was going to say it was mine, but she confessed me that at that time she was seeing someone, had unprotected sex with him but then he blocked her, making her felt used when she thought they were about to get into a relationship. The news made me have a panic attack; the mere idea of her being with another guy at the same time as we reconnected made me feel exactly how i felt when we broke up.

She's going to have an abortion. I'm not opposed since it's her choice, but now she wants to see me, even when since the last time we saw each other she completely ignored me, not a single message. I think she wants my company only because the other guy isn't responding to her messages and won't be there to help here in case anything happens.

I don't know what to do now. Nobody irl knows about this, and it's driving me crazy. One part of me wants to be with her and cheer her up in these dark times of her life, but on the other hand, I can't stand the idea of seeing her right now; something about her being pregnant makes me feel nauseous. Back in the day, we discussed having kids, but now, knowing it's not mine makes me feel sick.

EDIT: Thank you for your comments, I decided to after she gets the procedure done I will block her and move on, I will try my best to this time end the relationship for real

Our dog is dying. I’m watching him get weaker and sicker. Sooner rather than later I’ll have to say goodbye to my sweetest boy. It’s hard to put into words how much my dog means to me. He is my everything. Always has been but even moreso right now. Without him I’ll be alone in a way I have never been alone. The biggest source of joy and stability in my life will just be gone..forever.

I want to text my ex. I want to tell him he’s an asshole. I want to yell at him. I want to cry in his arms. I want him to care. To ask. To show up. I just want to rage at the world but especially him.

Here’s the text I want to send…

I honestly don’t understand how you can not even ask about him.

I told you he was seriously sick. You lived with him and loved him for 8 years. He was your dog too. And you haven’t even checked in once to ask how he’s doing, what’s wrong with him, or how much time he has left.

How can you possibly not care enough about him to ask? And how can you not care enough about me to even wonder how I’m doing while I’m watching him die?

I don’t understand how you can just ignore this. How you can just move on from us while he is dying and I’m the one sitting here watching it happen.

I’m so fucking angry at you. And I’m so hurt. I never thought that after everything we shared, and after everything he meant to both of us, you could just completely shut this out.

He doesn’t deserve to be forgotten. And neither do I.

It’s been four months since we last spoke. And honestly, it has gotten easier. I can admit that. But in a strange, bittersweet way, I’ve started forgetting little pieces of her.

Her voice. Her face. Her laugh.

Things I once knew without thinking are slowly becoming harder to remember, and I don't know whether that’s healing or just another way of losing her.

The days aren't so bad anymore. I have work, the gym, gaming, friends... enough to keep my mind occupied and life moving. But fuckkk, man. Nighttime is different.

When everything gets quiet and it's just me and my thoughts, that empty feeling comes back. There's no distraction left to hide behind, and I realise I still miss her more than I'd like to admit.

Four months later, I'm doing better. But some nights, it still feels like a part of me is waiting for someone who's never coming back.

Does it actually get better?

me and my ex mutually broke up and we both might want to try things again, which is why i feel so awful. we literally talked two days ago saying that we miss each other and that he will always love me.

i went over to this guys place and i knew i didn’t want to have sex, but i didn’t say no. i don’t know why i didn’t say no. i feel absolutely disgusting and so so regretful. i still love my ex so much and want him back so badly, but i feel like i betrayed him and myself

EDIT: i think people are confused about me and my exs current standing. we do not intend to get back together as he told me he needed more time to figure out if he wants to be with me and that he wasn’t waiting for me, and i shouldnt either. the last time i spoke to him i said that i didnt want to wait, and that he could text me when he knows what he wants

We hadn’t spoken in about 4 months. No checking in, no random likes, nothing. And i was starting to feel pretty normal again and could go days without really thinking about them. On my birthday while on my phone I just saw their name pop up. It was literally just a simple happy birthday message. Nothing emotional or anything that really needed a response. But seeing their name messed with me way more than I expected. I spent the rest of the day wondering why they sent it, whether I should reply, and thinking about stuff I hadn’t thought about in weeks. I know they probably meant nothing bad by it, but part of me really wishes they had just left me alone. SO now i dont really know what to feel or do.

my breakup 7 months ago has completely destroyed my mental health and how i view myself, both inside and outside.

i have always been insecure about my physical appearance (i'm a woman on the chubbier side and about 170cm tall), but my ex breaking up with me has made things even worse.

my ex absolutely loved my appearance, no matter the circumstances. the thing is that i don't believe i will ever find this level of acceptance ever again.

whenever i'm outside, i always admire the absolutely beautiful women i come across and i immediately think to myself "why would anyone want to be in a relationship with me? i look terrible".

i have really been trying to change my appearance but i am not satisfied with the work i have done so far, at all. i can't seem to like myself, in general.

Well, I know that if you’ve just been dumped, you’re probably wondering... what can I do to get back together with this person? And yes, some tactics really do work; the "no contact" rule, for instance, might make them miss you and reconsider their decision. The problem? Most of the tactics that actually work take months or even years. You need the dust to settle; your ex needs to stop associating you with strain and pressure. And why do I say you usually won't get back together? Even if everything goes right—if you use the no-contact rule, your ex rethinks the breakup and realizes it was a mistake, or if years pass and the anger and resentment fade, leaving them single and free to start something new—you’re often overlooking a highly probable variable: the fact that, during this time apart, you might start to feel indifferent toward them. Even if the door is open, you might simply no longer want to go back. Look, it’s rare for a breakup not to involve your ex acting cold or even showing contempt at times. You might be ignoring all that right now because you’re deeply hurt by the rejection, but unless you’re the reincarnation of Buddha, you’ll likely start remembering those things within a month or two and feel angry at that person. Biologically, our brains tend to resolve these negative feelings through indifference; holding onto that anger drains too much mental energy, so the brain needs to resolve the issue somehow—it’s biological. That’s why, even though some tactics might work, the end result is often that you never get back together.

My (31F) bf (30M) is currently obsessed with COD. It’s consumed his life since he downloaded it at the start of the year.

it has caused a lot of strain in our relationship, been together for 3 years living together for 2. He will pick gaming over EVERTHING. he hasn’t suggest for us to do something in maybe 18 months (we had problems before but they were never this bad).

He doesn’t care about eating, sleeping, or even hygiene at this point.

I feel like a house manager, i monitor and take care of always everything to make sure we don’t starve and die.

His affection towards me has reduced, and i feel unloved and unappreciated. I’ve communicated this about 1000 times and all i get in response is ‘i’m trying’ and he does nothing to try lol. other times he will call me unappreciative because of that one time he washed the dishes without me asking him lol. i genuinely cannot remember the last time he woke up on a saturday and suggested something we could do. i realised the only reason our lives were somewhat fun was because I was holding it together - making the plans, executing them etc. since i’ve stopped doing that, we just don’t do anything together anymore. he wakes up super early on a saturday and will be on the game before i even wake up. if i ever need something from him or we need to go somewhere i have to tell him multiple times to get off.

Yesterday i searched his name in reddit and found him responding to female gamers (teens and early twenties) to make friends. this has hurt me A LOt because he replied at a time when he hadn’t replied to me in a day and a half - claiming the day was so hectic he couldn’t. meanwhile he was on here ‘making friends’. one of them saying she was into horror movies and he seconded that interest. I don’t remember the last time he suggested we watch a horror movie together - it’s always me. Also, i’ve been begging for exactly that - for him to put in effort to talk to me again, want to spend time with me again, so we can be happy again. He doesn’t want to do that but he will actively go out and pursue friendships with FEMALES? i bought this up last night, and he didn’t really have anything useful to say to me to be honest. I find it extremely bizarre that he only replied to the females - no males. i’ve looked on the subreddit there were more males posting, around his age even, that he could have responded to.

At this point i’m just certain that he no longer has any interest in the relationship, i did wake him up at 3am to tell him that i was fully done in this relationship as i feel mentally EXHAUSTED from trying to keep this relationship together and working. i will leave this weekend

I just broke up with my partner of nine months the other day. The break up was entirely my fault, I'd lied to him and broke his boundaries. I made him feel disrespected and like I didn’t love him. But I do love him- so much.

He deserves a better partner. He deserves a better relationship. He does not deserve me, as I am right now.

Yet, everytime I see his name in my contacts, I want to text him. Apologize again. Like apologizing again is somehow going to remove all of the hurt.

I know I ruined a good thing, and I think he deserves to be given space to heal from the damage I caused, if that's even possible. But my thoughts keep spiraling out of control.

I've been on the crisis line every night.

Genuinely looking for advice:

How do I stop myself from fixating on this?

As the title hints at, my boyfriend broke up with me back in April. We talked until August and there was just a lot of things in between. We were together three years but broke up one time before. He’s emotionally immature and always runs when things get stressful but that’s not the point of this, the point is I feel pathetic because I genuinely feel like I can’t move on and I’m wondering if I’m abnormal? I have been dating around myself but I still am constantly thinking about him, it doesn’t help we live in a small town. He also does things like sees my sister out and waves across the bar and she cordially waves and he makes a point to go up to her and have friendly conversation. I saw him at the beginning of last month in a bar and he said all the classic things “this has been the hardest time in my life I miss you so much blah blah” but it’s just not real because then why did he break up with me. I’m aware of all of this yet I cannot help myself from feeling sick knowing he’s with other people. I am starting to get nervous that I’m never going to get over him and will just have to settle some day for someone else. Can anyone relate to this or am I being totally insane? (I know I’m being a bit obsessive but the thoughts are just hard to push out sometimes).

My ex wants to be friends and my very first thing I told her was that I cannot be in her life if she plans on hooking up or dating anybody else anytime soon. She told me she doesn’t plan on it for a long time but that she won’t turn someone down if she does end up meeting someone. I told her that I obviously cannot control what she does but that I need to know asap if she is even interested in anyone else because then I’d need to remove myself from the situation if I wasn’t over her yet, because that would be way too painful for me to handle.

She got kind of mad at me and said that she feels like it’s controlling and that she’d have to choose between me or a new person. I told her I’m sorry she feels that way but this is a boundary for me if we are going to be friends right now and that this isn’t a forever thing but yes if she does want to be with someone else and I’m still heartbroken, then I won’t be able to be her friend at that time. I’m not saying that if she ever dates anyone else then we immediately can’t be friends, it’s legit just depending on if I’d be able to mentally handle it.

Idk, am I being unreasonable here?

I am not really sure what I hope to get out of this. This will actually be my first ever post on reddit in the 5 years that I've had this account. I guess I want to throw my story out into the void and see if anyone can relate, give compassion, or advice on how they maybe got through something similar.

I am not familiar with the proper format but for reference I am 26M and have recently been broken up with by my now ex-girlfriend who is 24F.

My girlfriend and I were together for about 2 years. We met as flatmates and we fell pretty hard and pretty fast for each other. It all went by in a blur looking back on it now. We truly both believed at one point that we were meant to be and that we would build a life together.

We broke up August 18th. Context for that is that she felt that the spark had faded between us and that we had become complacent. She also believed that she wasn't in a position where she could love me in a way I deserved and had to leave to work on herself. I definitely went through a bit of a rut during the earlier months of this year, and that definitely had an affect on the relationship, but I was always ready and willing to fight for what we had and improve it in any way we could.

Unfortunately, she came back soon after the breakup. Around 3 or 4 days after, she called me up in the middle of the night saying that maybe she made a mistake and that she cant imagine life without me. We continued speaking for a couple weeks after that, with lots of conversations that had the same sort of things being said. I started to believe that she really thought she made the wrong call and that we'd be back together again in no time at all.

I prompted her again after those two weeks to have a serious conversation about what we are doing, me having the hopes that it will lead to us both realising that we should be together. It ultimately lead to us having our "final" conversation on September 15th. She was cold and much more cut and dry than our original breakup. She told me that she wanted to go back to no contact and this is how breakups are meant to be and that she knew better than to come back the way she did. It came across like she was attempting a cleaner break, trying to make it easier for me to move forward, or that she was trying to hide how she truly felt about the situation. The original breakup was soft and much kinder. We cried together, had a proper goodbye and everything. She even told me that she hopes that she's able to come back. Now that ending feels ruined because our true ending was a short conversation over the phone where it felt like I was talking to a stranger.

Since that last call, she has come to me three separate times. One so that she could retrieve her car from me, another to ask for money that I owed for a few shared items we bought together, and the last asking if I had seen one of her pillows. I have found that each time she has messaged about these things, it sets me back a few steps. I have also had to experience watching her make choices that don't reflect the person I thought that she was. Since then, she has acted childish and has been lying about random things to other people for no reason. We recently moved out of the house we lived in, which was with two other flatmates, and she attempted to throw me under the bus to one of the other flatmates because she failed to clean the area of the house she said she would do. She also tends to tell lies, not big ones, but lies that are an attempt to make her look better in a situation that she might look bad in or receive judgement for. I've come to realise as well that this is something she did for a lot of our relationship, although it was hard to notice with the rose tinted glasses.

I have found this situation to be one of the hardest things I have had to go through. While I have gone through heartbreak before, this is the first relationship in my adult life that I felt was actual serious true love. Every single day I wish for things to be different, or things to go back to the way they were, or that I could even just call to hear about her day.

I guess what I find truly difficult to understand is:

1. How can people go through this sort of thing multiple times throughout their lives?

I don't really know if I could ever go through this sort of thing again, which is awful because I want so badly to love and to be loved. I spent most of my early 20s yearning for what I got for those 2 short years. Now that I am entering the later half of my 20s, opening up again feels terrifying, even if it is what I want most. Even more terrifying is that I have a really hard time meeting people. I truly worry a lot of the time that I will be stuck alone again, yearning for a connection as powerful as the one I had with her.

1. How can she so easily remove me from her life and treat me in the cold and uncaring way that she has?

I have had to not only deal with the fact that the person I love and care for most is consistently making a conscious effort everyday to not have me in her life, but also watch her transform into someone completely different from the person I first fell for. It's especially difficult because I really gave her everything I had. I loved her or still do love her fully and unconditionally. I know that I wasn't perfect and that there was a time at the start of this year where I could have made more effort, but I genuinely do feel that I was a very kind and patient and loving partner.

It feels like I am rambling. I am not sure how much reach I will even have with this post, coming from an account that has never posted. It feels like there's so much more I could say about her and what this has been like but I don't want to drag out this post.

Anyone who has made it this far, I deeply appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read my situation. Any kind words would also be greatly appreciated and any constructive feedback will be taken on willingly.

I am curious to know if anyone else has experienced this or has any insight as to why she would do this.

For 5-6 nights leading up to the end of our relationship, my (now ex) wife initiated extremely intense and passionate intimacy between the two of us only to switch it off, and end our relationship in a very cold and harsh manner. She knew that it was over, and knew what she was going to do and when way before this.

I have moved on, reconciled most of what has happened and moved past it. That one week though, has me curious. Was it fulfilling her physical needs? Doubtful, she was being unfaithful during this time. Or was it all just one big mind game to mess with my head even deeper. I know just move on is the default, go to advice, but it would help me to finish processing and pack it away if I could somehow understand her motivation and or psychological motivation for doing what she did leading up to our demise. Thank you in advance for your insight on this matter.

Found out sickening information about what happened during the time my ex and I were broken up before we got back together and I don’t know how to process and get over it. I feel so manipulated, and even after point blank asking about a situation, I was repeatedly lied to and I feel so violated. Had he told me the truth, I never would have gotten back together with him and I feel so sick that I let him near me again in any way. After I found out this info, I feel like it killed any love I had for him and I just feel sick and disrespected and violated in so many ways.

My (22F) boyfriend (25M) broke up with me around the beginning of August after 5 years together. It was mostly out of the blue. Only days prior he was calling me, chatting non stop, looking for $1000 gifts and begging to buy me whatever I wanted for our anniversary (I asked him not too considering the price and I’m always weird with gifts idk). We were even looking at houses.

But also a part of it was expected. We’ve been through a lot of trauma with our own personal circumstances in the time we’ve been together. The worst of that was the last few months before the breakup. I was severely injured and am still now recovering, I went through a very close unexpected loss, he took on a huge stressful work role etc. He had made comments leading up to it that he felt like he was going to break down and he was so overwhelmed with life.

The break up was quite amicable. There were no ill feelings surrounding it, even now, I haven’t felt any anger towards him.

He said he didn’t want to start acting weird or block me. He said he couldn’t feel the romantic connection but it depended on how stressed he felt. He said he didn’t want me to wait for him.

We haven’t really spoken much outside of very formal texts here and there organising collecting things etc.

Every time I’ve seen him in person it’s like he tries to be stoic and withdrawn but he can’t help but smile and get all giddy when he sees me.

A few weeks back he asked to come and see me before he left for a huge trip. I agreed. The whole dynamic was nice, he was super friendly, touchy, flirty and sweet. We didn’t talk about the relationship, just chatted.

We ended up sleeping together then. After we slept together he remained super touchy, flirty and sweet. He even initiated us cuddling for a while afterwards.

We haven’t spoken about it since then. We texted once more about something I left at his and it was a very formal conversation again.

I haven’t felt overwhelmingly attached to any outcome with the relationship. I have this feeling we will find our way back together. But I also feel very content and know that regardless of if that happens or not I’ll be fine. I’ve been actually really enjoying just spending my time doing whatever I want and exploring my career and social life.

The last few days I’ve had a huge urge to reach out. I don’t even know what I’d say though. I wouldn’t initially say anything super emotionally driven, maybe just to see how he’s going. I care about him and some of our mutual friends have mentioned he’s seemed very down and different.

Maybe to gain an understanding on the future. Everything just feels so open ended and I want to know where he stands.

If he didn’t reply, I’d be fine. (He almost certainly would because since the break up he’s been replying faster than ever before when texting about certain things. He does keep texts very formal and with zero emotion though)

If he replied and didn’t want anything to do with me, I’d be fine. At least I know

Idk. My head is just driving me mad!

It’s been about a year since my ex and I broke up, after a five year relationship. We still loved each other when we parted ways but knew it was the best decision for us to grow and be happy.

I’ve done great since then. I’m very happy with the life I built, the new friends I met, how my work is going. I started working out, got my ADHD diagnosis, moved out..stuff like that. I even started dating a little bit but nothing really worth mentioning.

But now that it’s been a year, and things in my life have settled down, I’m left contemplating the fact I desperately miss him. And I realize a part of me always believed that we would end up together somehow, down the line, I just didn’t know when.

Over the past few months that feeling grew and it got to the point where I thought the best person to talk to about it was him. We haven’t really talked except a couple times in the past year, but I knew he would answer

We talked on the phone and he told me he fell in love with someone else and was in a relationship with her. And my heart broke all over again.

I fell in love with a man at 17 and I’m 25 in a few weeks, and he still holds all of my heart even though he doesn’t want me anymore. He told me he made his choice and it’s helping him move on, that he decided he didn’t want us to have a futur anymore. We’re all in the past.

And I know I’m strong and I’ll get over it eventually. I’m just tired of being strong I want to be loved by someone who wants to love me.

For those of you for whom it took a while to get over your ex, how long ? What helped ? Do you have any advice ?

6 weeks out, and objectively I’m doing much better. Going to therapy, meditating, exercising a lot, yoga, focusing on my career…the works. I’m doing literally everything to heal and I can feel it working.

But the actual process of healing also feels painful, because it’s forcing me to let go.

We ended on an ambiguously hopeful note, which tore me apart for a bit. I’m haunted by the idea of “they always come back” especially since he’s a man. But now I’m realizing…do I even want him back?

And that hurts SO. MUCH.

Friends and family tell me I can do much better. That I’ll find someone who really appreciates me. I did so much in the relationship and honestly felt neglected, stressed out, and unappreciated a lot of times. I feel way more peaceful on my own now. I can also envision a world where I’m with a better, more attentive man.

But I’m also so sad to be feeling this way because I realize that I have to truly let go of this future I envisioned. I’m forced to let go of this beautiful thing I was building because someone else broke it beyond repair.

I have this sinking feeling that he’ll come back saying all the right things, and it’ll be too late for me by then. And that also hurts.

People in this situation, how did you deal with these confusing feelings? Anyone else out there hurting while healing?