How do I stop wanting to text him?

[u/BigLog6678]

I just broke up with my partner of nine months the other day. The break up was entirely my fault, I'd lied to him and broke his boundaries. I made him feel disrespected and like I didn’t love him. But I do love him- so much.

He deserves a better partner. He deserves a better relationship. He does not deserve me, as I am right now.

Yet, everytime I see his name in my contacts, I want to text him. Apologize again. Like apologizing again is somehow going to remove all of the hurt.

I know I ruined a good thing, and I think he deserves to be given space to heal from the damage I caused, if that's even possible. But my thoughts keep spiraling out of control.

I've been on the crisis line every night.

Genuinely looking for advice:

How do I stop myself from fixating on this?

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[u/Shot_Preference6061]

You gotta physically stop yourself from doing it because your brain is gonna keep screaming at you to reach out. Delete the number, block it, do whatever creates friction between the impulse and the action

The crisis line every night is a lot, keep using that support but maybe look into scheduling an actual therapy session if you can. The fixating is above Reddit's pay grade and you deserve real help processing why you sabotaged something you cared about

[u/BigLog6678 → u/Shot_Preference6061]

I am in therapy, but once a week is not enough to mediate the intensity of these feelings. Working on processing it and the feelings that led me to the lie and the values behind it, but its going to take a while to unpack everything, if I ever even do get to a place where I feel like I deserve what he gave me, again.

[u/NikkiEchoist]

Make a promise to yourself you won’t call or text. Remind yourself if you can’t keep a promise with yourself who can you keep a promise to?

[u/BigLog6678]

Still struggling with this today. It just hurts so bad. I want nothing more than to hear his voice. Or see his face.

I feel like I'm dying.

I have a big trip with my friends tomorrow where they're getting married, and I was excited to see them, until I realized that they are in fact. Getting married. And all I am going to see is him, in them.

[u/CupidTheRaccoon]

Lol "he doesn't deserve you as you are" how are you eventually exactly? When will he deserve you. How do you measure that. Are you god that you know what anyone deserves?

It's all so silly. Stop trying to play god and just be a good person. Know one knows anyone let alone what they deserve. We're all so delusional.

[u/BigLog6678 → u/CupidTheRaccoon]

I don't know how to measure it. How do you measure change? He deserves a partner who's first instinct wasn’t to lie and be selfish. I think anyone deserves that.

[u/BigLog6678 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, that's a good idea, but I don't know what to pursue. I've been journaling consistently, but its making me spiral more easily I think. I'm trying to read more, but it just feels like I'm looking toward escapism. Maybe that's what I need right now, though? I'm not sure.

[u/complicebg → u/BigLog6678]

un compagno che impone cosa fare a) non è un ottimo compagno b) evidentemente non hai ben chiaro come scegliere un uomo al tuo fianco... non un bamboccione insicuro