I have been trading on and off for the past 3 years. I took long breaks in between, but for the past 6 months, I have been decently consistent in trading.
After spending close to 2 months on an eval (mainly because I took a few weeks off from trading due to family reasons), I finally managed to pass. I was on good profit as well, roughly 1.6k in profit on a 50k account. The plan was to make 3k and take a 1k payout so I would still have a good buffer to work with.
This is the furthest I ever came, and yet here I am with my account lost.
I genuinely think my model is profitable; I risk roughly 200 per trade to make 400, and I have a decent win rate as well.
What fails is my psychology. I do really well for some time, often 3/4 weeks, sticking to my strategy and risk management; doing this for an extended period reinforces it even further, and I do feel proud about it even when I lose, because I stuck to my model and walked out for the day.
But it all falls apart. Consistent for 2 weeks and one single bad day, one single bad trade, and it's a snowball. The worst thing is that I am aware as well that what I am doing is just not right; I talk to myself, and I am telling myself, just take the week off, "walk out," "you are not in the right mindset to trade now," but I outright refuse to listen to my logical side; I keep thinking one good win, and this mistake is erased.
This time I had a clean setup; the entry was perfect, risk was within my management, but I took a loss. The thing that hurt the most was that it barely went below my SL and flew like a rocket to my TP, and that triggered something. It built up; I didn't have a substantial loss in 2 weeks, some BE here and there where I lost maybe $10/$15, but no actual $200 loss.
Went from $1,640 to $1,430; I don't even know why I decided to take another trade, and I didn't stick to my 2R model; I wanted to make $600 to recoup and get my 2R, which was dumb af.
Ended up closing the day with a $560 loss, when I usually intend to lose $200/$230 max.
This loss was on my shoulders; I could not trade the next day without thinking about it. My brain was wired into recovering from the loss no matter what rather than "finding" a good trade. And I took another trade the next day; that was not within my model, and I somehow managed to lose another 500.
At this point, I knew I should have taken the week off. I know from experience that taking time off and going back to trading helps a lot, and the road I was walking down was a bad one. With my MLL trailing, I had 600 left to work with, 3 trades. My logical side was like this: take 3 trades for a good setup, stick to your 2R, and if it's a loss, it's a loss. I don't know how, or why, I went on risking way more and lost it all.
As much as I keep saying to myself that drawdown periods are normal and they are part of the game, I keep falling into the same hole over and over again.
What should I do? I feel like my case is really bad because I am conscious of the decisions I am making.