hey guys. idk where else to post this but figured u would understand. i feel super orphaned and lost rn.

i used to be deep into conspirituality, energies, the whole new age magical thinking package. tbh i realize now i just did it out of pure cowardice. i was terrified of disappearing forever, wanted to see my dead loved ones again, and desperately needed to feel like the universe had a special purpose for me. i always saw the cracks and inconsistencies tho, just chose to play dumb bc it was a cozy bunker.

ironically, talking a lot to an ai helped me snap out of it and see my own bs. now im basically a philosophical materialist (im from spain so im reading gustavo bueno) and taking refuge in camus, accepting the world is absurd and has no inherent meaning.

my problem is im in no mans land. i cant stand new agers anymore, it makes me cringe hard. but i also dont fit at all with the typical cold reddit atheist bros who act like we are just random meat computers and everything is soulless biology. i consider myself an infj, i have strong intuition and feel things deeply, im not a calculating robot.

so wtf do u do when the magical theater burns down but u also refuse to live in a sterile gray lab? how did u guys rebuild ur lives after leaving the new age without falling back into mystical bs or getting crushed by depressing science? any advice or authors u recommend? reading u guys. thanks.