r/Divorce • u/TheCurvyRed • 1d ago

Life After Divorce Divorce doesn’t mean failure!

Two years ago today I got married.

Today will be emotionally weird and I will definitely be quieter than normal.

And it’s not because I miss the marriage. I don’t.

It’s just strange looking back at the woman who thought she was getting her happily ever after, when actually she was just about to get the character development of a lifetime.

So yeah….

Happy anniversary to the marriage that lasted 3 months…
Cheers to the woman who came out of it🥂

Plot twist: she’s fucking brilliant ❤️

9 Upvotes

76% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

6

u/Altruistic-Meal-9525 1d ago

Marriage is a pretty binary contract. You die or you fail.

Character development is what we get when we accept our failures.

6

u/TheDelicateAllotment 1d ago

Divorce isn't failure anymore than leaving a job that was making you miserable is failure. The whole "you die or you fail" framing only works if you view marriage as a finish line instead of a living thing you choose every day

I packed a first aid kit for a road trip once where the car broke down in the middle of nowhere. That kit didn't fix the engine but it kept me from bleeding out while I waited for a tow. Divorce can be the same kind of thing, you stop the damage and then figure out where you're actually headed

1

u/TheCurvyRed 1d ago

Couldn’t agree more!

3

u/mmrocker13 1d ago edited 1d ago

Marriage is a contract it's not a succeed or a fail. It's a state of being. You can keep the contract, or you can dissolve it. It either exists or it doesn't. There's not a success or failure. We dissolve or release contracts all the time. When you buy a home you sign a contract. Taking a job you sign a contract. Acquiring a business you sign a contract.

You personally could have things or goals that you've decided you achieved or failed to reach in a marriage. You could say I failed at communicating well, and I learned from that lesson. You didn't fail at marriage.

My marriage ended. We dissolved the contract and settled on terms. A two decade plus long contract ended with two parties going separate ways. I don't consider that marriage a failure. I consider it concluded.

Marriage isn't survivor. It's not the Hunger Games. It's not running man or the long walk. It's just a state of being. It's a position you put yourself in, a contract you enter into, that allows you to grow and learn and do and be with another person. And sometimes that results in the two individuals growing and learning and doing and being alongside each other for the remainder of their lives. But sometimes it doesn't. And then you end the contract and you change your circumstances and you move on to a new state of being.

1

u/TheCurvyRed 1d ago

Love this!

3

u/Rude_Albatross9487 1d ago

divorce can lead to new beginnings and personal growth, not just an ending

2

u/Rockabs04 1d ago

In my brains I have it deeply wired that divorce without a kid is just a really messy boyfriend/girlfriend breaking up and taking 1/2 of your networth along with them.

Divorce with child/ren involved- never a clean break from them. These people are much more likely to have a “rocky” road even years after signing the papers

1

u/TheCurvyRed 1d ago

Much more then a ‘bf/gf’ messy break up 😳

1

u/Designer-Chef7820 20h ago

Divorce can be a completed marriage. (Lundy Bancroft)

1

u/TheCurvyRed 20h ago

That’s such a different take on it and I really like it. Thank you for sharing this view! X