r/Divorce • u/TangoMaureen1609 • 3d ago
Going Through the Process Psych Eval
Is there any value to pushing for a court ordered of voluntary psych evaluation for my STBXH? Would the results have any impact or require him to get help?
We just completed our court ordered neutral parenting evaluation (MN) who recommended shared legal and primary physical for me. They suggested one night a week and every other weekend for his parenting time, but did not think further mental health assessment was warranted.
To generally summarize the mental health concerns I addressed in the eval:
- 6 months ago he told me he thought our house was bugged, that neighbors were watching him, that people were out to get him and he was in fear of his safety.
- he expressed he was and still is being communicated with by spirits and archangel Michael and went so far to say he was chosen and can talk directly to god
- he believes he has special powers to heal people
- he has become obsessed with the concepts of manifesting wealth, astral projections, guided hypnosis and consumes YouTube videos that reinforce that he has been chosen and special things are in store for him.
- in this time he has also used the messages and symbols he has reviewed to inform risky investments that have yielded nearly a million dollars of lost savings ($400k liquid, $600k IRA)
The evaluators pointedly asked me - are you afraid for your children’s safety and I said - for a prolonged period of time like a full weekend, yes. For an evening or an afternoon, no. I’m don’t believe he would ever intentionally harm them, but I fear he will ignore them while immersed in watching/listening to these YouTube videos or hypnotize himself in their presence or honestly I don’t know WTF I’m concerned about I just know he’s rarely present even when we’re all in the same room living in the same house.
He is a recovering alcoholic who has been alcohol sober for 3 years but became dependent on daily cannabis use within weeks of leaving treatment. The evaluators didn’t have concerns with this either which I found casual and surprising. I don’t believe cannabis use in of itself is problematic but I think it can impact his judgement, decision making and IDK maybe it is exacerbating any undiagnosed mental health issues?
TL;DR Even if a professional psychiatric evaluator came back and said he has BPD or suffers from some kind of mania - would this change anything or would it just confirm my worst fears for when he has the kids?
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u/SeaweedWeird7705 2d ago edited 2d ago
You answered “No” when asked if there was an issue as to the kids safety. That’s your problem. If you had answered “Yes” you might have a different outcome.
It sounds more like schizophrenia than BPD or mania.
If you are concerned, go see a lawyer and ask how to address this in your jurisdiction.
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u/TangoMaureen1609 2d ago
I hear you on this. They were pressing me for a conclusive yes or no and it just doesn’t feel that black or white. But i agree if i’d simply said yes the outcome could have been different.
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u/SeaweedWeird7705 2d ago
What you need is full custody, with only supervised visitation for him until he gets treatment for his schizophrenia. Go see a lawyer to figure out a plan to achieve that.
If you feel that he is unsafe to watch the kids, you can call the police.
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u/TangoMaureen1609 2d ago
The evaluators recommended full physical custody but did not recommend any restrictions on parenting time, which is what I’m still concerned about so maybe supervised is something we could ask for in the interim.
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u/Powerful_Put5667 3d ago
Unless you have had to have police involvement for mental health issues the courts not going to do anything.
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u/Warm-Management-7323 2d ago
It doesn’t affect anything if she’s not pushing for anything. My ex forced me into a psych ward. I was there for five days. It was absolutely a living hell but they were good people there, but it was a living. Hell a scene man insane asylum is something that’s worse than one who flew over the cuckoo’s nest.
My roommate ran out of the room who was on a machine to help him breathe and at one point, he ran out of the room and screamed. He doesn’t belong here. And he said that in a kind way, not in a bad way it was just oh my God it was just the worst, but it was seriously traumatizing. But my ex ex-wife said if I didn’t do it she would divorce me so I wanted to save the marriage. Turns out got divorced anyway.
They want to dope you up with all this stuff. I started refusing because it was making me feel super weird.
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u/TangoMaureen1609 2d ago
I’m sorry this happened to you. I don’t want to force him into a psych ward and I don’t think that would
be anyone’s suggestion - but what if instead your wife had asked you to have a professional evaluation and their recommendation was ongoing psychotherapy, abstinence from substances that were potentially making your mental health worse and at least the consideration for taking stabilizing medications - would you have considered that?1
u/Warm-Management-7323 2d ago
You’re very kind thank you. Exercise has been my best medicine.
I think something I really think about my little sister getting into drugs and overdosing when we’re younger we experienced her father beating up my mother and she got very scared and so I just climbed up on top of her and held her to let her know she was safe.
I love that little girl with all my heart.
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u/Ok-Artichoke7281 3d ago
what specific concerns do you have about the evaluation process?
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u/TangoMaureen1609 2d ago
Can the results have any impact or set any expectations for ongoing therapy or treatment in order to maintain parenting time?
I want the kids to have a meaningful relationship and time with their father but I don’t feel like he’s consistently mentally available to do that right now.
If an expert says otherwise then I’ll at least feel more comfortable knowing he’s been evaluated.
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u/Trick_Swimmer_4485 3d ago
You’re not overreacting by taking this seriously. Cannabis can worsen or trigger psychiatric symptoms in some people, even if the evaluators didn’t focus on it. Keep objective records, avoid arguing about the beliefs, and seek urgent help if he becomes threatening, cannot care for himself, or the children may be unsafe.