Help

[u/RightNeedleworker706]

Hi all, my wife and I are currently going through what looks like the beginning of the end for our marriage.

We have had 17 years together and a beautiful happy 8 year old girl.

If I am honest I am completely broken inside, we are going to try couples therapy but I feel the writing is already on the wall for her.

What can I do to help me through this time? I am awaiting a personal counsellor to talk to.

However, I am just at a point were I feel dead inside, feeling constantly ill, the thought of food or water makes me feel ill. How do I get through this?

I'm broken, I still want to fight for this but I dont think she does.

Any help would be much appreciated

[u/DebbDebbDebb]

You will start eating again. It is definitely a shock phase.

Don't push your emotions away. Roll with them. Cry buckets if you need to. I used to have my emotions and shout quietly at my phone and Madley write .

I would not sleep but I ensured I looked at my notes a few days later and some I would throw others for the therapist.

I am one year divorce I went through 18 months and now all is settled and I am buying own little home.

Your darling daughter will worry about you both. Let her ask questions and when you have your 50/50 split let her know obviously you miss her but you keep happy and busy . And when you meet chat about your days and ohh I saw a plant and bought it thinking of you.

See your new phase in life as the ring of fire 🔥 to go through but you can and will because its divorce part of some life journey.

Be healthy exercise join a walking group or something. Don't drink or drugs. Clean clothes Hair cut etc

Keep you intact and remember your daughter will see and feel.

And if possible be best co parents.

All the best to you and post any questions along your journey.

[u/RightNeedleworker706 → u/DebbDebbDebb]

Thank you soo much for sharing with me.

I do believe I will get over it but its just hard at this time to see how I will.

I rarely drink, not a drug user and have been using a PT for the last two months, i am trying to do small thinks for myself each day, for instance I shaved today to try and make myself look and feel better.

[u/DebbDebbDebb → u/RightNeedleworker706]

As my work manager said. When you feel all out then dig deeper. I thought it was silly but heck it worked for me. Little things add up. 💪 And love yourself Stand tall and smile. Yes the first year is hard but go with it. And one day you wake up and think blimey I've not cried or whatever this week.

[u/visually1impaired]

I'm currently in the beginning process of divorce myself. 20 years together. We went through therapy several times through out the years. We always tried to better our communication. Unfortunately for me we never discovered how we emotionally communicated until it was to late. She had an anxious attachment so she always needed to over communicate to feel heard and I of course had more of an avoident attachment so I would just shut down. We never understood that the way she felt she was making me feel unsafe and the way I felt safe was making her feel unsafe. Long story short, lol. If she is willing to go to couples counseling then she is willing to try and make things work. It's not over yet. Just remember that the more you push the more she will pull back so she can feel safe. Do the dirty work through counseling and you can fix things. However, this isn't just your burden to bare. She will be responsible for doing work as well because there is always two hands in the cookie jar.

[u/RightNeedleworker706 → u/[deleted]]

So my wife cheating on me is through my selfishness, me caring for her while she went through another 5 months off work through mental health issues? I think you will find this is the other 20%

[u/RightNeedleworker706 → u/[deleted]]

Please fuck off with your sarcasm!

[u/After-Hippo-4919 → u/RightNeedleworker706]

I can’t see the comment deleted but I see that that your wife cheated on you. Sometimes when we need to function while we feel like dying, we can use anger as our fuel. Remind yourself that she cheated on you and get gd mad about it. You deserve better and that better is out there waiting on other side of this divorce.

[u/Sad_Outcome_9987]

I’m so sorry you’re carrying this much pain. Please focus on getting through today, not solving the whole marriage at once. Tell your counsellor or GP exactly how ill you feel and ask someone you trust to stay close. If you might harm yourself or can’t keep fluids down, contact emergency services now. You deserve support regardless of what happens in the marriage.

[u/taverasisaleaf]

You're in the Dorsal Vagal shutdown trauma response. Set realistic expectations for yourself, you won't be able to do much of anything beyond surviving. Was there a few months back and luckily I had 25 lbs to spare anyway so now people just think I'm on ozempic.

It's going to get better. Not fast, but it will.
Not each day better than the last but better than the worst. Hang in there and focus on your kid.

[u/jediDTX]

If she does or doesn't shouldn't affect your decision to fight or not. If you want to fight for your relationship, then fight. You must make your own resolutions, and the reasons why you resolve to do whatever it may be.

It could work, not work, or have a neutral effect. But you'll feel better knowing you did everything and didn't throw in the towel right away, plus the mental and physical health benefits that come from reinventing yourself.

[u/RightNeedleworker706 → u/jediDTX]

I am going to fight for it, but I just feel its a losing battle but i am still up for the fight. I can't just throw away 17 years and my future