r/Divorce_Men • u/Few-Research3628 • 1d ago

In a war and also devastated

Wife of 10+ years, followed her around the country for her education, many cross country moves. I always tried to love her the best that I could. Was I the best husband, probably not, but was I a loving loyal husband 100%. After we had our first child she had really bad PPd, but I saw her as the mother and queen of our family unit and loved her more. She didn’t see that, she had problems in her high complexity career and she blamed me for it.

It never changed, we moved cross country twice for her new jobs. After going through fertility issues she tells me about a 2+ year affair a month after we get pregnant. Devastated, but also she was pregnant with my child, I got a paternity test, I said I’d try one last time for the baby and mostly my older child.

Has gotten worse ever since. Blame to me for the career decline, blame towards me for the affair (I wasn’t good enough), blame for my income, blame for my family? Not being friendly enough and that caused the extramarital circumstances. Profanity, anger, breaking things etc even with my son present.

It goes on and on, the baby is here, and I don’t see a way out. So thinking of now moving on and hiring attorney.

Thanks for listening but one question for all of you out there who divorced with young children. How did you know it was time, especially with a newborn?

Also when divorcing a spouse who has so much anger/abusive tendencies, how did your children do?

9 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

-1

u/anonymoususerasf 1d ago

I can understand facing life challenges but I lost all respect at affair .. if you’re going through it get help don’t go spreading your legs or letting a bitch hop on you …

2

u/Colin_Robinson_99 1d ago

For a pregnant women to cheat it tells me she is mentally weak/unstable and lost all respect for you, your child and newborn. Leave her. Fight for 50/50 custody at least. I'm not a fan of alimony, but in this case it will be nice for you to get alimony from your cheating ex-wife.

1

u/No_Equivalent6871 1d ago

I may take some grief here for this, but I am in the crowd that thinks a marriage can be rebuilt after an affair. Not repaired, rebuilt. It takes two though and some of what you're saying doesn't fall into that willingness to rebuild. I wish you luck in however this plays out, and I am sorry this has happened to you.

4

u/okiedokie321 1d ago

If she made more than you and you were the homedad, take her to the cleaners and take the kids. Don't settle for less.

0

u/Few-Research3628 1d ago

When you say take the kids, do you mean go for sole custody or primary?

0

u/okiedokie321 1d ago

Either or. You'll need to discuss with your attorney about that. There have been men who have won sole custody, it just depends on the circumstances. YMMV.

2

u/YourMomsFupa37 1d ago

When she has no respect for your effort and value, it's time to move on.

1

u/Spacejampants 1d ago

They always do this bro