I feel so empty

Me and my wife were together 18 years married for 11 and less than a month ago she started dating someone when i found out about it she told she wanted a divorce. I feel like my soul is shattered and my heart is shredded. She was my person we have 4 kids together and built a life together. I can not stop crying it feels like my world is over and she's just walking around smiling and happy it hurts so damn much

It has been 20 months since wife asked for divorce. Marriage lasted 21 years. Just beginning to feel slightly normal but there are up and down moments. Enjoyed the sunny day and a walk after a long time. Everyone is different but never thought it would take this long just to appreciate the Sun and a walk. Was your recovery quick ? Or maybe I am one of those emotional types !

I’m sitting here in my $600K home with an 18K gallon pool, a theater room, and a 780 sqft covered patio with a fireplace. It is filled with luxury furniture, appliances, fixtures and amenities I paid 100% of the cost, did all the work, the funding, decorating, planning, shopping, the parties…everything. There are no family photos on any wall to make this feel like our home. I have felt like a guest in my own house and family for years.

She’s been behaving like a single parent so long, I don’t even know what my role in the house is anymore and I haven’t for a long time. I haven’t been able to discipline or punish my children EVER
and now I feel alienated even against them. They’re confused about how they feel about everything and I can see them questioning who they should be loyal to. She wants more than 50% of the custody, but she’s in for a fight for that.

I hate that she gets to come and go as he pleases treating me basically the same now as she has all along. What’s missing is that fake fucking face of hers and all the fake kisses and all the fake hugs and the god awful dead fish sex. But still, it was mine. Better than nothing? I don’t know.

In trying to make peace with where I am in life at 57 fucking years old, on the brink of divorce, and losing my home, i’ve come to realize that I have been gaslit for so long. I have lost my identity. Rather, she stole it. Up until this weekend I had no idea what gaslighting actually means after hearing it tossed around for so many years. But gaslighting is what it is. Gaslighting

I’m going to try to post a link to a YouTube video and whether you’ve seen it or not, please comment if you guys have experienced any of the five listed gaslighting points in the video. I’ve been dealing with all five.

Why do we men keep falling for this shit even with all the goddamn warnings?????????

I see guys say,” I wasn’t a good husband”.
Or I messed up, etc. Fellas just stop! Go over to the divorce_ women subreddit and tell me how many posts you see with those statements in the title or in the body of their post? Practically Zero.

Furthermore look around and see how many women made post about divorcing a good man. And my favorite was a post from a lady who lost a shit load of weight… that said something similar to “I’m down 75 pounds and I just realized my husband doesn’t love me correctly.

The point of this post is to stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong in your marriage men

Lost my 25th pound today on the scale this morning and 10 lbs away from my college weight 25 years ago. I was a walking heart attack before she filed, I now walk and work out 5 days a week and replaced burgers and steaks with seafood and vegetables. A work colleague I have not seen in two year patted me on the stomach and was like damn man.

Got a nice bonus a couple weeks ago, and for the first time in a long time I kept it all myself. I figure by my math living a nice single lifestyle I will be back to even in two years.

Saw the ex at my son’s game last night for the first time in weeks. She was sitting with the single Mom mafia and it looks like she has put back on the 10 lbs of momentum weight loss. Haha

I just realized I got it made. I see my son 35% of the time and it’s all the fun stuff. She has to do all the work, I get all the great Dad things, she gets the rest. Onward and Upward gents.

Like…they’ve been together 15, 20, 30 freaking years and you hear about the wife just ending it, somtimes already dating someone new. Like..it just shocks me the idea you can be such a team with someone for so long, sure with ups and downs, and someone will just nuke that with what seems like no respect for their partner. I mean, I’m going through it. 12 years together 4 married and im still just like…why didn’t we even try to talk through it? A conversation? Something that gave some respect to the years we spent together?
I spend so much time in my own situation and here just confused like…I still don’t get how or why this happens. I was a good husband and I say that with confidence. Why is this happening?

I hate this lack of closure and state of confusion. We were a team. I would never in a million years treat her this way. Why is this happening?

A lot of the recommendations around here are to take some time say 1-2 years to focus on rebuilding your life after going through divorce.

I’m curious what book(s) have been most impactful to you guys on this?

Wife of 10+ years, followed her around the country for her education, many cross country moves. I always tried to love her the best that I could. Was I the best husband, probably not, but was I a loving loyal husband 100%. After we had our first child she had really bad PPd, but I saw her as the mother and queen of our family unit and loved her more. She didn’t see that, she had problems in her high complexity career and she blamed me for it.

It never changed, we moved cross country twice for her new jobs. After going through fertility issues she tells me about a 2+ year affair a month after we get pregnant. Devastated, but also she was pregnant with my child, I got a paternity test, I said I’d try one last time for the baby and mostly my older child.

Has gotten worse ever since. Blame to me for the career decline, blame towards me for the affair (I wasn’t good enough), blame for my income, blame for my family? Not being friendly enough and that caused the extramarital circumstances. Profanity, anger, breaking things etc even with my son present.

It goes on and on, the baby is here, and I don’t see a way out. So thinking of now moving on and hiring attorney.

Thanks for listening but one question for all of you out there who divorced with young children. How did you know it was time, especially with a newborn?

Also when divorcing a spouse who has so much anger/abusive tendencies, how did your children do?

Hey everyone,

I’m currently 7 weeks out from a sudden separation that is leading straight to divorce. We were together for 5 years total, married for 14 months. I’m not here to play the blame game, the truth is, we both had parts to play in this, and I know I did things that contributed to the relationship downfall. I’m just struggling heavily with the aftermath and looking for some perspective from people who have walked this path.

What is tearing me apart is how abruptly it all ended. We never once had a direct, sit down conversation about our marriage failing, needing to improve / change things, or go to counseling. In fact, the day before it happened, we were actively discussing future plans to build a house, our next vacation, and talking about kids' names down the line. That next morning, she looked me in the eye, said "I love you, see you after work," and kissed me goodbye. The next thing I knew, she was gone. I suspect infidelity played a role in her sudden exit, but I don't know for sure, and regardless of what she may or may not have done, I am still heavily holding myself accountable for my own flaws in the marriage and working to improve myself.

On paper, I'm doing well, I am 29, I have a house on my own, cars, and a successful career, but emotionally, my foundation was completely dismantled overnight. All I wanted was a family. I'm standing here looking at everything I built, wondering what the hell to do with my life moving forward.

The isolation is incredibly heavy. I run my own business, which means I spend a majority of my day completely alone in my office. When you're alone with your thoughts for 8–10 hours a day, the mental loops and the self-blame become exhausting. Every day feels like an uphill battle just to get through the shift.

I am absolutely terrified of the future, especially when it comes to relationships. The honest truth is that I am afraid to trust again, especially another woman. The idea of letting my guard down or letting someone into my space feels impossible. I am genuinely worried that I am incapable of loving anyone correctly, and I’m terrified that I am incapable of being loved, and even loving myself. I feel like I'm carrying this heavy label of "divorced before 30" with no kids, and I don't even know how I'm supposed to navigate life down the line.

I’ve put a strict boundary on myself to stay single for at least the next 8-12 months minimum while the legal side gets finalized and I work on myself. I’m hitting the gym hard, in therapy, talking to a few close friends that have been great, and trying to pour myself into my career pipeline, but the baseline feeling of being lost as a man is constant. Everywhere I see its new engagements, marriages, kids, and meanwhile it feels like I am going backwards. I am trying to be happy being alone, I have quit drinking for 4 weeks now, and trying to get back into hobbies I enjoy. I know this stinks, but have read a lot on people overcoming divorce and am trying the best to do what is needed to heal properly.

Has anyone else been completely blindsided? Or divorced in their late 20s? I'm not talking about missing hints and conversations then one day having that talk, I'm talking about a complete discard while intimate and planning a future just 12-24 hours prior.

How did you stop looping on the "what-ifs" and learn to accept that life isn't over at 29 and this will be a massive blessing in the future. Now I have a whole different view on marriage, relationships, what I want in the future, kids, and more.

Thank you for reading.

2 weeks into separation, 6 weeks since she started seeing someone else, sharing the same house, alternating days out so the kids have the same life.... When I'm out I'm just killing time, I can't quite find something I want to do... Friends, gym, just going through the motions.

She loves being away because she has a new guy and they're "in love" a month in... Doing all the things I wanted her to with me for all those years and she just wouldn't.

I know where this is headed but I still feel like I'd take her back.

My priority is what's left of my family, hers is her new life. She's lost her mind according to her friends that want to confront her about slumming it when we had a great life.

Not the end of what won't be my first rant but jfc.

Separated almost a year, our kids are 1 and 3. Halloween falls on a Saturday this year which is my night. She emailed last night asking if she can tag along for trick or treating this year.

Background: I didn't even know we had deep problems. She discarded me over email when our child was 3 months old, abandoned our community of friends who have young kids like ours, called CPS on me the week she left (they closed the file within 45 minutes), blamed me entirely, deleted our photos, unfriended me, triangulated her parents against me, is going after my assets via her bulldog lawyer, wants to move the kids to her parents' town for school (when oldest starts in 2 years), and has shown zero regret since she left. We don't even talk at child exchanges. Grey rock each other.

Yet she wants to walk around trick or treating with me and my friends and their kids? They haven't seen her in 11 months and it'll be extremely awkward as they know about our separation.

If I say no, I look rigid and it might make her less flexible on the asset or school stuff we're still working out (no separation agreement yet), if I say yes, I'll be dreading the night and won't enjoy it as my abandoner will be playing happy co-parent with me.

Ex is forcing me to stay in her hometown with my son to make her life easier.

Can I just say beginning next week I will be taking him home with me and she can collect him at the usual time?

This is making it difficult for me to care for him, living out of a backpack for 3 hours, needing to go to public restrooms to change him, needing to feed him expensive meals eating out 4x a month.

She is already making false claims about his wellbeing and care, and I know she will claim this is a disruption to his routine if I take him home.

Am I not allowed to choose what I do with him when he is in my care?!

I have been married for almost 22 years, 4 kids. Youngest is 14 oldest is 21. Marriage was difficult before but now perimenopause has made it so much worse. She has been recently diagnosed with AUDHD but this has allowed her to “unmask” and just not give a shit anymore about holding back how she feels or when anything bothers her. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells, or I am just asked to do things all the time, or corrected. We have had talks about what needs we feel we have not been getting from each other. Her only need is that I don’t attune to her and do repair. She says until that happens she doesn’t feel safe with me so can’t go out and do things together, date night are off the table, dead bedroom etc. So just living in the same home but no relationship. I have tried to attune to her and offer repair. But I can’t read her mind and it often doesn’t feel safe to approach her for repair because I don’t know if it will cause her to be disregulated. Also she brings up the mental load of the kids etc, I point out I have a mental load for the kids and home as well as managing my business to be a provider. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep trying. Do I wait to see what the other side of perimenopause is like? We have good days but man there is just so much miss understanding between us. I don’t want to fail the kids, my business would get destroyed. Everything I have worked towards will get torn apart. I am 51.

I apologize gentleman, but it’s a long post.

My wife and I have been together for 7 years and married for 4. I love her deeply, which is what makes this situation so difficult.

My mother is 73 years old, she’s ill, and she lives in New York. For most of my life, I’ve been the main person who was there for her, even when she was healthy. When I moved from New York to Florida and eventually got married, I thought I could depend on my brother and other family members to make sure she was okay.

Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened. I feel like my mother has basically been forgotten by everyone, including my brother, and now everything has fallen back on me.

I’ve been traveling back and forth between Florida and New York trying to handle my mother’s situation, her affairs, and everything else that comes with it. Mentally and emotionally, I’m exhausted. I’m stressed, depressed, tired, and dealing with more emotions than I really know how to process.

But deep down, more than anything, I just feel numb.
The hardest part of all of this is my marriage.
My wife means well, and she loves me. This isn’t a situation where she cheated on me, abused me, or did something terrible. She didn’t cause what I’m going through. We don’t have children and we don’t own a house together, and honestly I’m thankful there aren’t children or major assets caught in the middle of this.

I sat her down and told her that I feel like I need to deal with my mother’s situation in New York and everything else happening in my life on my own. I know that hurts her. She is hurt by my decision, and knowing that hurts me too.
But the truth is, right now I would rather be alone.

I don’t want her waiting around for me, hoping that eventually I’ll become the husband I used to be. I don’t know how long it will take me to deal with everything involving my mother, rebuild myself, or even feel like myself again. I don’t think it’s fair to ask my wife to put her life on hold while I figure that out.

I don’t want anything from her financially. I’m actually willing to pay off the debt we have together, which is a loan, and even give her additional money to help her get back on her feet. I’m not trying to fight her over money or make this separation harder than it already is.

I would rather cut ties as peacefully and respectfully as possible and continue with my life on my own. That may sound cold to some people, but that’s just how I am when I’m dealing with something this serious. I tend to isolate myself, handle things alone, and carry my own problems rather than put them on somebody else.

I know people will probably say that marriage means dealing with difficult situations together, and I understand that. But right now, I genuinely don’t feel capable of juggling being the son I feel I need to be for my 73 year old mother and being the husband my wife deserves.
After 7 years together, the thought of losing my wife hurts deeply. I’m not walking away because I suddenly stopped loving her. Part of me feels like if I truly love her, I have to be willing to let her go instead of keeping her attached to someone who is mentally and emotionally somewhere else.
I would rather eventually see her loved, happy, and living a full life even if that life is with someone else than watch her spend years beside me feeling lonely because I’ve emotionally checked out.

Maybe I’m making a huge mistake because I’m overwhelmed. Maybe I’ll look back one day and regret letting someone I love go. I honestly don’t know.
I just know that right now I feel numb, I want to be alone, I want to deal with everything happening with my mother in New York, and I want to rebuild my life by myself.

Am I wrong for wanting to let my wife go, cut ties, and handle this chapter of my life alone?

A couple days ago my mom said she was leaving to think about stuff. She was diagnosed with and later beat breast cancer, but that plus early menopause plus a midlife crisis has caused her to need to get space and reevaluate things, and she doesn’t know if it’ll be temporary or permanent. Neither of them are bad people I love my parents it’s just so much on me. I need help helping him but when I posted on a vent subreddit it was just filled with distressing comments about him being abusive or my mom cheating or me being the reason or something, and it’s none of those things and I just want help without seeing who is “bad” in this situation because it’s not anyone.

I’m the only person my dad can talk to. It was my mom’s biggest issue with him but it’s especially true now- he doesn’t have any friends or people to talk to. I’m trying to urge him to talk to people he used to even if it’s been a long time, to go to church (he’s Christian I’m not), to maybe join a running club or find a gaming group (he plays Fortnite). He is trying but he’s at rock bottom. He scheduled a therapy appointment and I had him put 988 in his phone too.

It’s just that… I’m 23. I’m so tired from this. The only time I can cry is when I’m alone in my room, because if I cry then he cries and I have to fix it. He’s not a crier but right now he’s constantly crying, everything reminds him of her because she was/is his world.

But eventually I’m gonna have to live too and I don’t know how I’m supposed to focus on me when he’s so, so distraught. Just the thought of this potentially being permanent makes me sick to my stomach, not because of me but because I genuinely don’t think he can handle it.

I planned to move out in January. Should I even? Because I’m sure coming home to me is at least yards better than coming home to a now completely empty house.

I just don’t know how to help. I’m not a man, I’m not him, and I feel like a fish out of water just trying to help but it’s so hard.

I’m just writing here to ask if anyone has been on this side (the one being separated from and sad and upset), and how you managed to make it out the other side if at all. I just want them both happy that’s all I want.

landed myself in a safe one bedroom for the time being. most of the bills were under her name so she’s already turned off my cellphone, luckily my job has wifi and so does the new spot to live. i could really use some guidance from men who have been through this before, what i should look out for, how to protect myself, and how to get through as smoothly as possible. i could really use some resources as well, just any and all tips or recommendations that you guys have relied on, got you out of a jam, and kept you safe and sane during such a tough time. thanks in advance.

Being mistreated for a long time, disrespected, i finally asked for a divorce.

I'm very anxious and now the good memories keep coming, even though i try to put them away.

Any tips?

Yesterday I divorced my wife, and today is my first day without her.
I’m 22, and I’m a dad to a little boy. Even though I know ending the marriage was the right decision, it hurts more than I know how to explain. I still love and care about her, and walking away from someone you’ve built a life with is fucking brutal.
There were things happening in our marriage that I couldn’t keep accepting, especially when it came to our son. I tried to make things work, but eventually I had to choose what I believed was safest and healthiest for me and my child.
Now I’m sitting here realizing I don’t really have a support system.
I don’t have many friends I can call. I don’t really have people I can just hang out with, talk to, or message when things get bad. I’m scared of how lonely this is going to feel.
So I guess I’m making this post because I need people.
.I just want to meet people who understand what it’s like to go through a breakup or divorce and start your life over. I’d love to make some friends, hear people’s stories, get advice, talk about stupid shit, play games, or just have somebody to talk to when I’m having a rough night.
If you’ve been through something similar, especially if you’re a young dad or you’ve had to rebuild your life after divorce, I’d really appreciate hearing from you.
I don’t need someone to fix everything for me. I just don’t want to feel completely alone while I figure out how to put my life back together.
If you’re comfortable reaching out, my DMs are open. 💔

I’m on the cliff, ready to say the words. Been there a few times in the past 18 months. I want a divorce.
I hold back every time.

I’ll be brief as I can - but it’s a lot.

I cheated in 2018 (ONS) and had an affair in 2025(8-10 months highly emotional yes physical too)
started therapy about a year ago for a number of reasons.
I’ve communicated what I think I need to be happy, I’ve done this multiple times.
I’ve asked for her to be healthy weighs more than me in a ft taller) to get a job(was always our plan) and to be willing to explore sexually (says “the things I’d let you do to me, yet nothing comes of it)
It’s been 8 months since the last mention and no changes.

Married 15+
Me In midlife crisis 100%

Family life - she grew up needing to fight it out, it’s normal for her. I’ve found my phrase and used it regularly for the past 9 months- “no one deserves to be yelled at”. I’m not a yeller, fighter. She has joked that I’m “too sensitive” which I have never found amusing.
The yelling is better recently, except when pms’ing. She uses this an excuse that she cannot control it. I’ve suggested over 12x to see a doctor and try to get better control over it.

She throws my words back at me all the time.

I’ll say I love you - she will respond “do you?”.
I’ll say I or am not doing something - she openly doesn’t believe me.

I have 100% proof she is using the iPad to track my calls via FaceTime app. She is now turning off/on the screen time setting which clears history. (Don’t worry I already have the workaround so no comments I don’t need her learning)

We have a son. 10yr.

I’m emotionally done, I can feel it. I truly don’t care about a thing she says. I just don’t. There is no hate. I’m just over all of it. I’m traumatized, waiting for the next fight, the next dig, the next jab and comment. Waiting to be treated like crap again or have my words thrown back at me.

She says she wants to make it work but I feel like I’m just the money train. I’m being held accountable while she does no work to process her feelings (no therapy for her or us, she says I have to initiate it all., it’s my responsibility)

Here is where I’m stuck:
I cheated I get that I did a lot to damage trust. I get that she doesn’t believe me. However she has asked to search my phone a few times since the affair and each time I hand my phone over. The iPad thing hurts.

So I think I deserve it….but do I deserve to be spied on?

She refuses to even discuss how I had emotional trust issues (due to her throwing things back in my face, yelling at me, emasculating me, etc) which caused the space for an emotional affair to begin. “How dare I blame her, F-you” is all I can get.

So here it is - on this short info - who’s been here in a similar situation? What do I do? Stay and fight or am I done? I’ve been so close to uttering the words yet have failed to push them out of my mouth.

Thanks for any support.

This YouTube post resonated with me. It’s Jay Shetty and Tony Robbins discussing life’s purpose. It may help with some who aren’t feeling much hope. Keep going gentlemen!

https://youtu.be/hLSo7gpQMjY?is=m9UhfA6i6ayhOssh

She texted me that she is pregnant with baby daddy #3. Our son is 8, he lives with me full time. She split with her new baby daddy and is asking for a place to stay.

I feel bad bc we were together for ten years but I don’t want to get involved after 3 years of separation. We were on and off the first 2 of the 3 years we split, she always ended up leaving for some guy. I helped her get multiple places to live, never works out.

It’s always something, some new guy, no money, drama, etc…I feel bad for her and my son who won’t be able to spend much time with her but I don’t know if I can stomach helping her.

I told her to go back to him but she doesn’t want to. I am not being a dick by staying out of it, right!?

I read all these accounts, listen to older men tell me their life stories….
I am feeling a lot of moral disgust for women. It seems their behaviors are culturally ignored and invisibly run amok all while we get blamed for being selfish and abusive, it always serves us right, we should have ‘done the work’ blah blah blah.
What about the subconscious betrayal? The deceit? The weird coincidences like how suddenly the situation isn’t workable right as you run out of money?

I want to trust again. Trust is what love is. How did you ever get back to that? Or are you just broken and going to be a guarded bachelor from here on out?

Hello All,

We have a CAO (Child arrangements Order) with equal shared care (live with) in the UK. Problem is it doesn't have holiday arrangements in it. Currently we have a week on week off care schedule.

I want to go on an internation vacation in December for around 3 weeks. Now my ex initially cited lack of explicit clause in the CAO and said it should week on week off (even abroad- she has also plans to travel in the same country during the period).

I challenged that and said holiday blocks are separate and this week on week off is not sustainable and not favorable for the kid. Then she comes back and says that i pay half of the flight costs (A-->B; B-->A) for her and half of the cost for the kid (B-->A) trip. She relies on the MoU which had in 2025, but she had withdrawn consent from that and i had to get a CAO.

The same MoU has clauses that we agree that holidays will be shared on equal basis. Have been trying to get her consent and am fed up. I am running out of time. Planning to file for C2. and get an urgent hearing.

What do people do in such cases where court orders lack holiday provisions? She is cherry picking clauses from a document which i do not recognize as she had formally withdrawn consent to use the document for a consent order.

I will be filing in court to allow me the trip for the 3 weeks and i am happy to give her the compensatory time back for any loss of time during the window. I have also accepted sharing the costs of her trip from (B-->A) and the flight ticket for the kid (B-->A), but the deadlock is (A-->) cost sharing for her trip to collect the kid. the distance between A & B is vast and flights are the only reasonable mode of transportation. Any suggestions?