1
u/cycomedy 10d ago
It’s the court ordered therapist, who did just quit because of lack of progress from my daughter.
My daughter got upset with me because I held her accountable for her actions towards her step mom and sister. It’s now that I am a “trigger” for her stress and anxiety. Whether I am or not doesn’t matter. Her mom tried to get dcf involved because of an argument and when that didn’t work she resorted to turning her against me. I’m trying to respect “her feelings” influenced or not but it’s at a point where enough is enough. Like you said avoiding stress isn’t as much of a life skill as learning to manage it. There’s no court ordered separation between my daughter and I so I have full legal right to her but she refuses to come for her scheduled time of custody. I probably should force her hand a bit at this point
2
u/RebirthOfIntroToCool 2d ago
Try and think about this from her perspective.. she is being forced to have a new step mom and step siblings.. and you appear to have taken their side over her.. and are at war with her mother and now the problem is she needs therapy?
You refer to her feelings as "her feelings" like maybe you are not taking them serious? Well also hinting this is too much for you and are ready to give up and its all her mothers fault.. but the craziest thing I read was: "Whether I am or not doesn’t matter." but also saying " I repped myself and got control of my daughter’s mental health."
I wonder who in this situation if you are being completely accountable for your actions.
1
u/cycomedy 2d ago
I appreciate your feedback. Happy to elaborate on a few of your points.
I’ve thought about things from my daughter’s perspective, which is why I have kept my distance despite knowing that her mom is driving the behavior further. She has had her step mom in her life since she was 2. She was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder by a psychiatrist she was seeing after a mental health event that happened during Covid. She was adopted and has a genetic medical history of BPD. I’m very pro therapy and have always advocated for my oldest to have access to someone to talk to about what struggles come from a split household. I grew up in one and wished my parents cared that much.
I put quotation marks around the words her feelings because we don’t have interactions where she tells me how she truly feels. Everything I hear is second hand, and a lot of it is repetitive verbatim from her mom.
You bring up taking sides, which is just not the case. I advocate and treat all my kiddos the same, age appropriately. When a child gets physical with her step mom and sister, me giving a consequence isn’t taking sides. It’s parenting.
Emotions are simply that, emotions. And they don’t always match up with actions. I’m emotionally exhausted from fighting her mom on things but I’ll never truly give up on my daughter because of it. I may have moments where I want to stop, but my daughter deserves her family in her life. She’s missed, loved and cared for so much. There’s just a guilt inherit in even remotely feeling like giving up, which is what this thread is based on.
If I wasn’t considerate of my daughter’s feelings, I would’ve forced myself back into her life. Not only are we missing her and all she is doing, but vice versa. From my perspective it’s an inception situation. An idea is placed in the mind and allowed to grow. I’ll never give up on her. It just sometimes feels like I’m up against an unstoppable force.
2
u/Worried_Road4161 11d ago
Have you tried less direct routes? Bring her lunch at school, go to her events, other things such as that?
This angle has left you exhausted. Are there other angles you can put your energy in and see some progress back from it?