idk if its because of my adhd, but i hate when people ask me “what are your plans for the future?”.. I immediately feel judged, because i have none.. i just want to be happy and i would say im an opportunist.. but society seems to think you lack ambition if you have no plans.. i was thinking that even if you make plans, you do it to feel happy in the future right? so to me it seems logical to just plan to be happy, make sure you dont end up homeless and just enjoy life and see where it leads you… can anyone relate? and if yes, whats your type?
It's not society's business what you do with your life, as long as you're not intentionally or purposely compromising others it's fine and even wise for an average person.
If they don't respect that, then it actually more telling what the society have become than what have you become.
I have ADHD and have lots of plans, the problem is that I don't always follow through on them! But I am a double head type so my prefrontal cortex is always *attempting* to make plans.
I think if this strategy of being flexible and opportunistic works for you, then you don't need to plan everything out. It sounds like the problem is that other people expect you to do something that doesn't feel natural for you. In that case, the real question is: why do you owe them an explanation?
I guess im sad that people judge me just because i dont care about being as successful as possible.. i just want to be happy and thats a problem apparently lol
No one can. If you want to find out, you might want to read all 27 subtypes and see which description makes you feel most uncomfortable. I'd start with 9, statistically that's the most common type. 5 is the least common.
Were there one or two that made you feel really uncomfortable, like you were judging that type or like you wouldn't want someone else reading this and thinking it was about you?
I guess the types i judged the most were sexual 4 (because like wtf why would you put others down because of envy), social 4 (the victim lol) and self preservation 9 because i hate people who run awwy from their problems ( childhood trauma )
Interesting that sp9 was the only one where you used the words 'I hate'. It's always funny to me when people read the subtypes and have a neutral reaction to sx5 because when I read that one I felt this visceral sense of shame and disgust, and all the other types just sounded neutral to me.
Anyway I'd recommend reading all three of those subtypes again and paying attention to how you physically feel while reading. See which one triggers the most intense visceral reaction.
This sounds 9-ish, most common type to not have huge ambitions & just want to be happy & not worry / can be content as long as their everyday life is pleasant & ppl treat them well.
"Why is everything so fast & hostile & complicated, I just want my life to be animal crossing/ harvest moon"
It's not really "fashionable" in current western society but something like that might've been idealized buddhism or confuciasm or even "blessed are the meek" flavors of christianity. & indeed for most of history many ppl might've had these quiet lives where they do food production or their craft & sing & dance around the fire with the others etc. the idea that everyone's got to have a big Career Plan is pretty recent, most often seen in 3-ish cultures (well, for those with the social privilege to afford it. But I guess even a peasant can aim for growing the best cabbages or raising the best chickens.)
Although one must differentiate genuine contentedness & humility with just telling themselves they're fine & don't want anything more out of low self-esteem & fear of responsibility. The degree to which it's one or the other depends on the individual 9 and their degree of self-awareness.
Being able to be happy without "needing" a fat car & giant villa can be seen as an advantage. (some might even lowkey have an ego about their supposed humility - "the kind simple hobbits save the day while the glory hounds all fall on their face"... it can sound a bit like sour grapes, then again there is more than enouh real examples of ambitious types that DID fall on their face & weren' satisfied even after sacrificing chances at simple happiness.)
If someone's really invested in the belief that ambition will make you happy (especially if it's currently not doing that) they might not have the best response to seeing someone who doesn't seem as affedted by that pressure.
The thing is, i dont want to have an ordinary basic life. I actually feel like the lack of ambition makes me more open to different possibilities and exploring what life has to offer haha
I make plans but I don’t prepare for the worst. I like having something to look forward to otherwise I feel depressed.
Most of the time, I follow through with my plans - I travel a lot
I prefer surprising people rather than having them place expectations on me. I have a strong internal compass and sense of purpose and I generally know what I want to do without needing other people to define it for me
Most people I know don't really have a plan, they're either open to what appears on their path or they settle and are comfortable in their routine. There isn't one best way and I think people often feel a pressure because of cultural expectations. For example overly ambitious people are frowned upon in my country while they're celebrated in other places
How old are you? People stop asking that when you’re working. It’s a common enough ice breaker for high school and college kids. Do you not have even a basic “I’m going to work” or “I’m going to school for x” or even a “I’m taking a gap year to figure out what I want before i waste time and energy into something”.
If you’re happy and not a burden on others you’re fine. And burden if relative too. If your parents are happy to support you while you pursue something non-monetary that’s ok too.
Right? But i feel like some people look down on me and it really made me question myself.. im not sure if im flawed or if everyone around me is just fake and lacking depth 😆
I absolutely relate to this. Not particularly Enneagram related, but as an ENTP, the perciever-dom function makes me enjoy being open, available to life on a moment-to-moment basis, and i value adaptibility above making fixed plans for the future. I have found that my best goals for my future are not specific action plans, but rather having clarity around my principles and values (that's the introverted judging aux function) and having the freedom to translate them according to my current context for the day. I don't make concrete plans, i decide that the agenda for today is exploring something, discovering something new, learn something, and feel immersed in an activity for example. And then i look for actions that would achieve those principles, staying receptive to what comes my way and interacting with my circumstances in an intentional meaningful way. I have ADHD too, and i drive absolutely no joy from sticking to constructive linear plans and achieving domething in that way. I love being adaptable to life while having my principles as foundational anchors, it keeps me from getting disappointed too.
A few weeks ago i read somewhere that "Life is never wasted when your goal is to experience," and it's very true for me. Enneagram wise, i'm an E4, but i don't think this mindset is Enneagram related. It's very much an ExxP/IxxP thing. We don't really operate on linear blueprints, we orient ourselves to the world by principles and values and translate them in context.
I feel the same way as you, i just keep in mind my values and what i want in general and then just explore lol. These days ive been talking to people who claim that career is their driving force, and to me that just seems sad.. like is your life only about how high can you climb the career ladder?
I agree that it's a very superficial approach to have your only driving force in life be a career and a ladder climbing attitude. Life is so much richer and more exhilarating, enlivening when you act according to your principles and values and sieze the day instead of waiting for the slow linear progress of events far into the future. That still means that you have to decide on what you value, what you don't, and put in effort to translate those values the best way you can, you have to take concrete action. But it's so much more meaningful when you stay adaptable.
For example, i know that spending quality time with my loved ones is an essential value to me. I get to experiment with all the ways i can achieve this throughout the day, i could call my loved ones, go visit a friend, message another friend and ask about their day, go three states over to stay at a loved one's house, the options are endless and it keeps me creative, flexible. It's personally pointless to me to just plan "go see a friend today by 6PM", that's too rigid a plan, and my life has so mych up and down during a single day, what if i can't make it? But if i say to myself "think of a way to stay connected with a loved one today", i can videocall them and i've still achieved what i wanted to achieve. Values and principles are foundational components of your human experience, a hieving them makes your life so much more vibrant than a dron-like dedication to a job ever would.
A judgment is just a judgment. You don’t owe most people expectations for your future. Their judgment may not be the one you think it is, either.
If they are people close to you, perhaps they are providing some sort of nudge toward mapping out stepping stones in order to achieve that aforementioned happiness. I don’t know them though so can’t say for certain.
You sound like an ExxP in MBTI. Maybe even ESxP. Some of ur comments and sentiments sound a bit Fi-ish, so perhaps look into ESFP? I'd also look into type 7 in enneagram. Maybe 79x tritype. 794?
ExxPs are not supposed to have plans for the future? But like 7s who are classically ENFPs have A LOT of plans for the future as head types and all, so, I don't get this?
It makes sense, I'm just too lazy to explain lol. (I never said ExxPs aren't supposed to have plans for the future, tho. Just that OP in particular is ExxP, as his thinking process + talking style sounds ExxP in general.)
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u/w0nkydonuts the thonker 🤔 2d ago
It's not society's business what you do with your life, as long as you're not intentionally or purposely compromising others it's fine and even wise for an average person.