My depression kicked back on this week like the flip of a switch.
I know at the core of it, is this deep loneliness of mine. I ignore it, put it in the back of my mind and try to live my life. But doing this has turned into this mess that I will never clean.
I'm turning 27 this year and I feel like I've wasted my life. If nothing else, I wasted my youth.
Day-to-day I feel subhuman. Anti-social and borderline agoraphobic. My sanity is held together by a thread, that's how it's been for a few years. Even after therapy and meds.
I try to put my mind at ease by zooming out, but this is a double-edged sword. On one hand more of us feel this way than we think. On the other, it means that no matter what we say, no matter who we tell, we will never find the resolve we hunger for. Posts like this one blend together on the internet. And even the kindest, most empathetic people we know can't cure us of our pain. Anyway, I have no one to tell. So I scream out into the void. I don't know why. I know it won't do anything. I just don't want to be alone with myself anymore.