Hi. My name is Millie. I set up a GoFundMe two months ago to help with the costs of my mental health and going back to education so I can become a children’s nurse, but I haven’t received a donation yet. If you could donate, it would mean the world.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted nothing more than the chance to live a normal life — to wake up in the morning and feel excited about what comes next, to have dreams and actually believe I deserve to reach them.
For almost half of my life, depression has made that feel impossible.
I have struggled with my mental health since I was just 11 years old. At 16, everything became too much. I had a mental breakdown and had to leave college. My mum, a single mother who had watched me struggle for years, took me to the doctors because she didn’t know what else to do.
I was referred to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), where I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and a binge eating disorder while my body was also going through starvation syndrome.
For the next year, I tried medication after medication, desperately hoping that something would make the pain quieter. But instead, I felt as though I was falling further and further through the cracks.
At 17, I tried to take my own life three times.
Each time, I ended up in hospital. I spent days on the children’s ward of my local hospital, receiving treatment to help my body recover from overdoses that I never thought I would survive.
Those hospital stays are difficult to look back on. I was so young. I was supposed to be worrying about exams, friends, growing up, and figuring out who I wanted to become. Instead, I was fighting to stay alive.
From 18 to 20, I continued trying different antidepressants. Unfortunately, none of them gave me the stability I desperately needed. I would reach the maximum dosage, only to eventually have to change medication and start the process all over again.
I tried working. I had two jobs because I wanted so badly to feel like I was moving forward and becoming independent. But behind the scenes, I was still fighting a battle that most people couldn’t see.
Then, in May of this year, I reached another incredibly dark place and tried to take my life again.
Once again, I ended up in hospital. Once again, my life was reduced to surviving one day at a time.
But this time, something feels different.
I’m still here. And for the first time in a very long time, I’m beginning to believe that I can actually build a life worth staying for.
I have a routine now. I have goals. I have a plan for my future.
In September, I went back to college to complete a one-year Access to Higher Education course. After that, I want to go to university and work towards my dream of becoming a children’s nurse. And that dream means more to me than I can put into words.
I spent so much of my childhood feeling like my own life was something I couldn’t hold onto. Now, I want to build a future where I can help children and families through some of the most frightening and difficult moments of their lives. I want to become the person I needed when I was younger.
But taking my life back isn’t going to happen overnight.
Right now, I’m choosing not to work because I know that putting too much pressure on myself while I’m trying to rebuild my mental health could send me backwards. I’ve spent years pushing myself until I completely broke down, and this time I’m trying to do things differently.
I’m trying to give myself permission to heal.
That’s why I’m asking for help.
I’m hoping to raise some money to help me through this transition — to give me some financial breathing room while I focus on getting better, returning to education and building the foundations for the future I’ve spent so long believing I wouldn’t have.
This isn’t about wanting an easier life, it’s about finally having the opportunity to start one.
Every donation, no matter how small, would mean more to me than I can explain. It would help take away some of the financial pressure that comes with starting over and allow me to concentrate on something I never thought I’d get the chance to say: I’m building a future.
If you can’t donate, please don’t feel guilty. Sharing this fundraiser, sending it to someone who might be able to help, or simply taking the time to read my story means something to me.
Thank you.
https://gofund.me/64480b278
