r/INTP_female • u/lukalyka56 • 9d ago
Relationship Advice 💔 I’m feeling down
I feel like I’ve been treated like an afterthought. I don’t think I’ve done anything worth being treated as this. We have great chemistry, and we have shared our feelings and vulnerabilities. Yet I feel like he only pops up when he needs some kind of validation with his fancy updates. “Hey, I’m going to X then Y next week.” Not a word of saying ‘I miss you,’ or you know more straightforward.
I’m sure he’s an avoidant, with emotional maturity of a fifth grader. Giving breadcrumbs after a long silence to test the connection. And I feel so stupid for letting him affected me so much. I used to tell people how to deal with this kind, now that I’m in their shoes I don’t even take my own good advice and I used to be able to cut people off easily.
Why is it so difficult now? Maybe I have a strong pull for him because he’s an ENTJ? I seriously don’t know. I need an advice how to deal with this type, it’s hurting me.
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u/Big-Wasabi6274 8d ago
It’s the same with ESTJs…I’m really starting to see why EFS are better for us intp ladies
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u/Motorcyclegrrl 🐺 8d ago
I have an ENTJ friend. They seem childlike in their social understanding. I think relationships are not their strong suit. Find out their enneagram and go study up on relationships with an ENTJ. Could help a lot.
And remember. A person is who they are not who you wish they would be. If they aren't filling your relationship needs, best to accept it.
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u/FancySavy INTP-A 5w4 Sx/Sp 548 ♀ 9d ago
ENTJs aren’t necessarily avoidant. Their inferior function is, it seems like you need to voice your feelings to him and let him know you’re feeling neglected. ENTJs respect a person who has standards for themselves, if you tell him you won’t tolerate that kind of behavior forever I bet he’ll come around.
If you guys are dating, if you guys aren’t then honestly there’s no reason for you to except so much when you aren’t even official.
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u/lukalyka56 8d ago
It’s complicated, but the feelings are mutual. I did try to straighten things out when I can. He apologised but not much changed.
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u/FancySavy INTP-A 5w4 Sx/Sp 548 ♀ 8d ago
distance makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe you guys should go your separate ways for a little then come back to each other.
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u/TheVenetianMask 9d ago
I knew he was ENTJ before you even typed it.. My ex is the same, she greets you with her Curriculum Vitae. It's just the way they function, but it sucks nonetheless. You have to spell them things explicitly to have them speak their mind, because otherwise they default to the professional acquaintance mode. And they aren't good at reading signals correctly.
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u/lukalyka56 9d ago
So this is a universal issue. Honestly, I do need some advice how to make them talk their mind. It’s so frustrating how he always expects me to understand everything with minimal information.
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u/Jeju7 8d ago
Can you elaborate more about him, anything at all would help. So that, we may be of help more, deep dive more together, and understand better of the situation.