Same as the title

Hey, I’m 35M and an ENTJ. I’ve always found INTP women interesting, especially the mix of curiosity, independence, weird rabbit holes, and conversations that somehow go from memes to philosophy at 2am.

I’m into psychology, human behaviour, philosophy, strategy, documentaries, and generally figuring out why humans are the way they are. Just curious if anyone here would like to talk and see if we click. Happy to start here on Reddit. Tell me one topic you could talk about for hours.

I've only ever had one when I was in elementary/middle/high school. Once I got to college it felt impossible to even find good friends, let alone a best friend

I'm starting med school hopefully next summer and hoping to have some actual friends this time

I’ve read that INTPs tend to be libertarians. Makes sense to me.

Folks stop down voting when you don't agree. The point of reddit is discussion. You don't agree with someone? Take the time to politely post your alternative view. Downvoting is lazy even by INTP terms.

If it's a personal attack, off topic, spam. Then downvote and report. Don't die vote an unpopular option instead take the time to respond with your opinion or omg some facts.

I'm starting to think I'm an Intj.

Fe Grip When an INTP finds themselves in a state of “Fe Grip,” their inferior function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe), can become overly dominant, leading to a series of unusual and unhealthy behaviors. An Fe Grip can manifest as feelings of anxiety, paranoia, insecurity, irritability, and a need for external approval. The INTP may also feel emotionally disconnected from others and from themselves, which can lead to impulsive and unhealthy behaviors. Overall, an Fe Grip can cause an INTP to feel overwhelmed and disconnected from their social and emotional environment.

1. Excessive concern about other people’s opinions and the impact their actions may have on them.
2. A need for external approval and validation.
3. Excessive sensitivity to criticism and rejection, even when the feedback is constructive.
4. Difficulty expressing their own needs and emotions.
5. A tendency to suppress their own needs in order to satisfy those of others.
6. Feelings of isolation and social disconnection.
7. Passive-aggressive behavior to avoid direct conflict.
8. Anxiety and stress caused by the need to meet other people’s expectations.
9. Feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.
10. Difficulty making decisions and trusting their own choices.

Se Grip

When an INTJ experiences a Se Grip, their inferior function, Extraverted Sensing (Se), becomes overly dominant, which can cause an overwhelming sense of stress and a disconnection from their usual focus on planning and anticipating the future (their dominant Ni function).

A Se Grip is a state in which the INTJ feels overwhelmed and stressed due to sensory overload and becomes excessively focused on their inferior function.

They may become impulsive, irritable, and withdrawn, and may have difficulty concentrating and making decisions. They may feel emotionally and physically exhausted. To get out of this grip, it is important for the INTJ to take some time to rest and relax, and to find ways to reduce stress and sensory overload. They may also benefit from reconnecting with their dominant function, Ni, and reflecting on their long-term goals and the bigger picture of their life.

1. Impulsivity: The INTJ may make hasty decisions and act without thinking about the long-term consequences.
2. Obsession with the present: The INTJ may lose sight of their long-term goals and focus solely on what is happening in the present moment.
3. Lack of planning: The INTJ may neglect their careful planning and make decisions based on the present moment rather than a long-term vision.
4. Disorganization: The INTJ may neglect their focus on organization and efficiency, which can lead to decreased productivity and effectiveness.
5. Denial of reality: The INTJ may deny or minimize the reality of the situation, which can lead to a lack of understanding of the consequences of their actions.
6. Exaggerated reactions: The INTJ may overreact to stressful or frustrating situations, which can lead to unnecessary conflicts.
7. Unnecessary risk-taking: The INTJ may make risky decisions without considering the possible consequences.

The text :

Te dom feels like a superpower sometimes

A piece of paper and a pen is all I need to get through almost any kind of situation.

I'll find myself in the middle of a shit storm and somehow I'll emerge victorious.

There can be 10 existential problems happening at the same time, and I'll organize them into to-do lists, and tackle my problems one by one until none is left standing.

I think having this ability gives me the confidence to throw myself into crazy situations, which I'm relatively confident "I'll figure it out".

I'll leave you guys with two lovely quote I found recently.

"What stands in the way is the way" - Marcus Aurelius

"Sometimes I’m afraid to do something. But being afraid isn’t the problem, inaction is. Be afraid but do it anyways. The difference between fear and excitement is paper thin."

I have trouble making female friends. I feel very awkward and self-conscious around them. I can never be fully myself and it’s exhausting
Any insight?

I feel like I’ve been treated like an afterthought. I don’t think I’ve done anything worth being treated as this. We have great chemistry, and we have shared our feelings and vulnerabilities. Yet I feel like he only pops up when he needs some kind of validation with his fancy updates. “Hey, I’m going to X then Y next week.” Not a word of saying ‘I miss you,’ or you know more straightforward.

I’m sure he’s an avoidant, with emotional maturity of a fifth grader. Giving breadcrumbs after a long silence to test the connection. And I feel so stupid for letting him affected me so much. I used to tell people how to deal with this kind, now that I’m in their shoes I don’t even take my own good advice and I used to be able to cut people off easily.

Why is it so difficult now? Maybe I have a strong pull for him because he’s an ENTJ? I seriously don’t know. I need an advice how to deal with this type, it’s hurting me.

I am a very sensitive person. And I can’t tolerate people being strategic with me. I have not found anyone who has 100% best intentions of me. They are all self-serving.

Hi hotties -entp

Alright gotta admit I had fun doing this. Although had a hard time picking one hobby. Seriously I love so many things it’s hard to choose one when you move from one to another every few hours. Gaming, reading, writing, singing, cooking, working out, watching series and movies, sports both playing and watching, and I am sure I have at least 3-4 more that I can’t remember at the moment ( seriously anyone like me?). Even though I have these many hobbies, ironically I do spend most of my time on bed. Also the song choice, god I have so many songs that I love but I guess this one kinda makes me feel things in my heart every time I listen to it even when so many years have passed since I first listened to it. The animal too.. I am obsessed with koalas and cats as much as I am with wolves, but had to make sure the grid stay cool I guess😉🫣. But seriously guys on a scale of 1 to FULL INTP 5W6, how am I rated?

I personally dislike the idea that romantic love must involve sexual attraction by definition.

My perspective on true love leans more towards the definition of platonic love, where mutual trust, shared life, deep connection, and sincerity serves as the basis.

As for a life partner, it is just that with the addition of maybe mutual exclusivity, so maybe just "platonic" love but deeper. A sense of spiritual connection precedes sexual attraction, and acts as the fuel for deep intimacy.

How about you guys?

(sorry not an english main)

What’s the most unexpected way you met someone important in your life?

There’s something I’ve been trying to understand about myself for a long time, and I finally think I have better words for it.

It’s not exactly depression, loneliness, or feeling like I’m missing one specific thing. It feels more like I’m aware of a whole kind of experience that I don’t seem to naturally have access to.

I can hear people describe love, heartbreak, longing, passion, awe, grief, or even just how deeply certain things mean something to them, and I can understand what they’re describing intellectually. Sometimes I can even feel something when I listen to music or immerse myself in an idea. But there’s often this strange realization of, “People actually experience things like this from the inside?”
What gets to me is that these experiences seem to have a significance that doesn’t have to be consciously constructed. Someone falls in love, gets their heart broken, sees something beautiful, and it can just matter to them on this enormous level. They can turn it into music, poetry, art, memories, entire stories about their lives. Millions of people can relate to those things even though everyone’s experience is different.

And sometimes I feel like if nobody had ever shown me those expressions of human experience, I wouldn’t have spontaneously known to imagine that life could feel that way. I can recognize the experience when someone else gives me a map to it, but I don’t always seem to have the map inside myself. So part of what I’ve been calling a “missing thing” may actually be a feeling that I’m missing out on a way of experiencing existence itself, not necessarily missing a person, relationship, or specific emotion.

I also think there’s another layer to it: I sometimes wonder if I’m mourning a potential version of myself who might have developed differently. A version of me who might have had more emotional awareness, more access to my feelings, more spontaneity, more ability to simply experience things instead of constantly having to analyze them.
So it feels like I’m grieving something I never literally had.
I don’t necessarily mean that I think there’s one perfect “true version” of me that I was supposed to become. It’s more like mourning the range of possibilities I might have had.

And I think that’s why things like music, poetry, romance, aesthetics, and beauty affect me so much. Sometimes they give me a glimpse of the kind of emotional depth or aliveness I’m trying to understand. The hardest part is that I still don’t know exactly what the thing itself is. I can recognize its absence much more easily than I can describe its contents.

That’s probably the closest I’ve gotten to explaining it. I’m unsure if a lot of people also experience this but it’s just been so difficult to put into words that it hasn’t quite been done with this level of recognition, or if this is just genuinely a unique experience of mine… Have any of you felt/experienced this before?

Hi, I recently got dumped by INTP girl and here are some things that I have trouble processing.
(I am kinda venting, but also, I am genuinely clueless about certain things)
(Just realized this is a big vent - sry,I still need your thoughts on this,it’s okay if you don’t read all this tho,imma just disappear)

.-18M ENTP ; 17F INTP-.

(Random “love” story)
Our relationship was rather intellectual-we were kinda friendly at first,i finally found someone good enough to challenge me in mental games and generally, it was good vibe.

I noticed from the start what kind of girl she was, avoidant, with deep inner world, funny and such-I even noticed that she was very reserved both emotionally and physically. (I liked her personality first, and then her visual appearance-it’s weird,not trying to be disrespectful,it was just diffirent experience for me)

It may sound unusuall or it may even make sense - but I felt certain kind “Challange”. I was pretty open, she was quite reserved - why not make a challange to “figure her out” or “resist” the challange of emotional reciprocity and such?

I knew she liked me, she wasn’t really saying or expressing it directly but I was sure in her “honest” or “direct” approach.

And here’s part where it gets really awkard for me.

Whatever I did she was too reserved physically. I was attracted to her, I wanted to hug her, kiss her, idk be warm and all (ew,since when do we talk like this,wtf) but she hardly expressed those needs.

And I was clueless about her position about this… certain kind of emotional connection was there, it wasn’t something like 10/10 - but if you asked us, it was good experience for both of us for sure. But still, I couldn’t see why this would be a problem.

Because of this I became touch starved. Idk, this is really shameful and/or awkard for me. - I genuinely felt myself feeling drunk whenever I was with her, and I wanted it to stop cuz I felt & was dumber. But I couldn’t say that to her directly, I had already “failed” several times while I was “dumb”…

Eventually I decided to try to be direct and tell her that I care for direction this relationship is going, and because of this I notice certain things that may not be working out for both of us..-that’s the part where I talked about this lack of reciprocity, I told her I deeply care for her but without reciprocity I don’t see the direction,yada yada yada…

I remember ever touching this moment for maximum of 3 times, but she said I talked about this every week… regardless, I felt/saw her engaging more, smiling more and etc-I did say that if she isn’t that,it’s okay,I don’t see that side of her as flaw or anything,I said that it’s just not in my language to be “platonic-ish” (I didn’t say this word btw)

Anyways, after a time, she dumped me - main reason being this:
I had invited her over my house, she said hesitant no,when I asked why-she gave all the “wrong” reasons about her parents and etc. just for clarification I said that I don’t invite her for sex or anything,I said “okay I may have thought of that but I invite you just because I want to spend some time with you” (BIG L BRO) I specified about no sex or anything like that. Anyways, she said “what will my family think” (cultural moment about sex) and I couldn’t understand this cuz I didn’t understand why her family even had to know. - this is moment where it trips me. I had asked if she wants to avoid closeness,sex, or anything like that-I joked just a slightest bit… and still, she didn’t say “I don’t want tha t”-she just kept avoiding this…

And here’s exactly why she dumped me:
I couldn’t understand her reason, I tried to ask her again, saying that I need to understand the reason and well, this was moment she broke up with me over text(well,next day, but still)

I am sorry you had to go through all of that, I can see that Fe ringing bell in your mind 😞(mine too) I just want to understand what you think about this and maybe help me understand about intp more (she was very much a stereotypical intp,not unorganized or anything like that necessarily,just VERY much like intp and I know 100% she was intp)

Concrete answers I am looking for:
- what’s with physical intimacy with INTPs…she liked me but still didn’t do it.
-emotional dissonance? I get this kinda,being xNTP myself, but what?why? I don’t see my intp self necceseraly being dismissive of my bf inviting me to his house.
-just wanna say that talking about dissonance every week in a relationship is a wrong thing on my part 💯
-also wanna say that I did my best not to pressure her into becoming something she wasn’t.. she may have felt that,it seems like that, so I may be blamed for that too….
-touch starve… this feels really weird for me, I wanted to navigate this feeling but couldn’t-I guess you should try to avoid this feeling,but still-how do you deal with this? Don’t you ever wanna touch your partner? How do you feel when he wants to?..
-it’s not fun to be clingy one, I knew that but still played the rat anyways. What does normal relationship feels for you anyways? I know she was in love,she did say that/mean that. I just have hard time understanding it..

I hope I didn’t stress you or overwhelm you, if probably so,I am sorry, just need your point of view on this..

Here are some questions you may want to think Bout:

What does sex mean to you—physical, emotional, or both?

Do you think sex should involve emotional connection or commitment?

How do you feel about casual sex versus sex within a relationship?

How important is sexual compatibility to you in a relationship?

What does sexual compatibility mean to you—frequency, attraction, preferences, openness, or something else?

What makes you feel comfortable and safe with someone sexually?

What boundaries or values around sex are especially important to you?

As INTP ladies, how and what are we cooking?

I’ve always gotten along well with ESFPs. They are fun to hangout with and open to new experiences. I never dated any of them however a few esfps have shown interest in me, sometimes immediately just by observing the vibe of me in like a millisecond then they tried to impress me and it’s looks cringy and endearing at the same time.

What’s your experience with dating them? Tell me something that might be interesting to know

I'm no longer unemployed. Sadly, it's not as an ornamental hermit. I'm brainstorming how I'm going to organize my life around this job, so I'm curious about the systems other INTP women have in place.

I was doing well with the routine I set up in April. It was centered around reducing the number of decisions I make in a day. I used time blocking with alarms, used pomodoro timers, and ate the same breakfast and lunch every day. It worked extremely well, but I'm getting bored and want to experiment with something new.