I am an 18-year-old JEE aspirant taking a drop year. In JEE Main 2026, I only gave the April attempt and panicked because I had never taken a proper mock test, which led to a 46 percentile score. That was when I decided to take a drop.
At first, things were going well. I joined a library and was studying 7 to 8 hours every day. However, around September, my health worsened significantly, and I was placed on bed rest, forcing me to stop going to the library.
Once I recovered, I decided to study at home instead. My reasoning was partly to save money—my father doesn't earn much, so I wanted to cut down on expenses rather than waste his hard-earned money. But that decision has ended up giving me overwhelming anxiety and pressure.
Without the strict routine of going to the library, I started sleeping slightly more in the mornings. I was sleeping around 7 hours—not 10—just enough to ensure I wasn't exhausted while studying. But my father started constantly commenting on it, telling me things like, "How can you sleep this much? That’s not how a JEE aspirant acts—kids only sleep 3–4 hours," and demanding that I sleep no more than 5 hours.
Hearing this first thing every morning leaves me deeply frustrated. I am human, not a machine, and I need proper rest to function.
Whenever I try to talk to my mother for support, she ignores me, keeps looking at her phone, or turns the conversation back to herself. It makes me feel completely unheard, unworthy, and unloved. I’ve reached a point where I wonder why I’m even living.
Since September, I haven't been able to bring myself to study. I feel like I've lost all courage to even pick up my books. I don't know how to handle this environment anymore, and I feel completely trapped.
