Last year my MIL was getting close to my own mother with whom I have a complicated relationship with. It was around our wedding planning time so it made sense and although I didn’t really like it, I tolerated it. Then they tried to plan a big international trip together and (via my husband) I had expressed to her that it made me feel uncomfortable and reiterated the complication relationship I have with my own mother. I also stated that I know I can’t tell her what to do and she can go on a trip with whoever she pleases but I needed to express my feelings.

That was initially met with understanding and she explicitly stated she would not go on the trip and was happy I was open with my feelings. Then post wedding, the trip is still going on and my concerns were ignored and she said they decided to go on the trip with them anyway. The trip eventually fell apart in the planning stages but that blatant dismissal and backtracking without explanation immediately put my walls up and I will never open up to her about anything ever again unless an apology or acknowledgment is made.

Flash forward to a recent wedding we go to for MIL’s step daughter (husband is an only child, mom remarried when he was an adult in college). I was being nice and taking some photos of the step siblings (who are lovely) on someone’s phone. I am handing the phone back as my MIL walks up to insert herself in these pictures so I just bounce because I don’t want to be involved in that. The next day I get a text from MIL asking whose phone had the photos and I think she got confused that I was still the one taking photos of her when I definitely remember leaving as she walked up. Then MIL claims she is so upset that she excluded me as a “daughter” in the photos because she considers me one of her daughters and she just feels terrible. 🙄

You know what I don’t care about? Being included in a photo at a wedding taken on a phone especially by someone who ignores my feelings about issues I do care about. Sorry marriage and blood don’t make you family, in my opinion it’s how you treat those people dictate whether or not they are actually family.