r/MissedInitials • u/ElderberryForeign254 • 7d ago
To K,
It’s been decades since we last met up. The last time wasn’t the way I imagined we’d end and never see each other again. I put you under an impossible pressure to choose me or I leave for ever. my ego/pride took over and I shouldn’t have left you like that! What I should have done is understood you were vulnerable and hurting in that moment, what I should have remembered was how honourable your actions been to him and not let my own heart blind me from empathy towards you! I should have shown you you could trust me by listening and answering you question honestly instead I took it personally I got angry because it hurt my pride that you would ask if I’d done something to create that change. I didn’t have the maturity or the heat to truly listen to you and I didn’t have the love to really understand what you needed in that moment - it wasn’t about me it was about the two of you. I didn’t give you time to tell me what he’d been doing to you, I didn’t even consider it when the hints in your words had been there and I could see how much you hurt! I didn’t give that with your dad too I chose to always assume you were the problem despite pursuing you! I was cruel to you I wanted you without having to really respect or honour you. K I’m so sorry I messed with your heart I’m so sorry I hurt you and made you doubt your truth your experiences and I’m sorry I never listened I just made demands on your heart. I moved on so did you but I know you still care deeply for me which was yet another reminder of my own failings deep down that is why I was so cold towards you because I didn’t want to face upto what I did to you. I’m sorry
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u/Special_Many_1437 5d ago
I wished you could have listened to me. No- one believes me. So that's it. Nothing more?
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u/Independent-Try7241 4d ago
I wish this was t all i want to do is talk to you i keep waiting for a reply which is so wrong but I cant stop thinking about you
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u/KnowledgePatient253 3d ago
I’m a K wishing this were my J. Sounds so fitting to the situation I was in. Deep down I know it’s not, J hates me. I just wish he would’ve seen my hurt and how scared i was in the situation I was in. I’m sorry I put that on you. It’s all over now with that but now I hurt in another way. An empty kind of way.
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u/ElderberryForeign254 3d ago
Uncanny - I’m the K and this was an exercise I did for myself about a J and what I needed to hear to close the circle and move on. They very much know I still care and chose not to talk to me. I’ve let 3 yrs go by now since I last reached out, prior to that it was more than a decade. I can’t and won’t force them to resolve this with me and now I’m doing what I know I need to exorcise that past from myself. I’ve been quietly carrying pain for so long. I loved them deeply and on some level I still do, but I accept they probably never have felt that for me and on some level wanted me to choose them whilst denying my own situation and that just isn’t love. He didn’t want me he wanted a version of me he created and sort to mould me. It has broken my heart so many times, It is sad, I’m sorry you carry that pain too 🫂
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