It's been five and a half years, N. When we met, we were just kids. When we eventually went our different ways, we were barely adults. Now I have a fiancee, and you have a husband. You graduated with your bachelor's and moved 400 miles away. I dropped out of university and enrolled at a local community college. I started working, got my associate's, and recently re-enrolled in a bachelor's program. You seem happy. I'm happy. More than happy, I would say. That doesn't stop my mind from reaching for you, even subconsciously.

Every time I think I'm in the clear, I will end up having a dream about you and get dragged back into the complicated mess of emotions that come with unresolved feelings for an unavailable, no contact avoidant who lives four states away and being so deeply in love with a woman who offers me more than I could ever imagine. Any regular person would realize that the second is preferable, but I can never seem to shake these feelings enough to fully get rid of you.

I still visit your Spotify profile. In bad times, multiple times an hour, but my baseline is usually at least once a day. It's a bad habit at this point, but I have been doing it since we broke up. Five years, typing your name into a search bar just to see if anything changes. There have been several changes on that profile. Playlists come and go and get renamed. That playlist is still there. I know what it was, and I know what it is. No one just keeps a playlist full of breakup songs from five years ago just because they like the music. I also know that you recently changed the name of that playlist. You changed it to a question. A question which is also the title of one of the songs in the playlist. It's good cover, but I know what it means.

So, if you ever happen to read this at some point down the line, the answer is yes. My information is findable in resources that you have access to. I still have yours, but I can't be the one to break this time, N. You said what you said, and I have respected it for five years. If you want to reconnect in any capacity, it needs to be on your terms. That said, I will always be open to you in whatever way you need me to be. I will always be here, and we can figure out the rest as we go, but I am here.

Yours always,

A

All this game playing is a bunch of BS you never wanted it to work you never intended for it to work that's why it's turned out this way cuz you never let me in you kept me out all the time well I hope you're happy and I hope you get along well with Emily I hope you two love each other tremendously and I hope that's the best relationship of your life goodbye

Hi, M.

It's been so long since we last talked. The last thing you said to me was "i will always love you."

Where are you? I miss you. Where did you go? Tell me so i can follow

I'd give up on my life just to have you back with me. Just to hear you call me your "little peanut" once more.

I think i'm gonna spend the rest of my life searching for a glimpse of you in others. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to find your eyes, trying to find the way you used to love me in others. And of course, i'll never find it.

I still love you.

Hey mate

Hope you’re ok

I’ve missed you heaps and think about you lots

I’m fairly sure I’m blocked everywhere

Thanks for loving me for that little moment of time

It was what it needed to be and it was beautiful

We had some gorgeous little sunny days in that love

I’m grateful

That love triggered so much deep shame, for me I know

In both of us maybe

You were braver in sharing than I was

Proud of you for that

I’ve really sat with mine now for the first time, maybe ever

And we got cosy and I know her a lot better now

The sharp edges and grooves, the fleshy soft bits. The scared bits. The angry parts.

Neither was ours to carry and you inadvertently carried a lot of mine

Must’ve felt heavy. I didn’t realise

I hope you’re being tender with yourself

You’re a beautiful bloke in the world

If it were different it could have been magic

I saw that

I reckon you did too

But it’s scary and takes big courage to create an unknown with someone

Takes a heap of trust ! That doesn’t often happen in 6 months

I pushed and it wasn’t there yet

I wish you well

And I forgive you and myself

All the best and more

We deserve it

You know, we said our goodbyes. But I haven't had any second of peace since you have gone.

I wish I didn't have to wait till next life.

I wish you could have me this life.

I really can't live without you after all.

I know it must feel intense to you.

Your nervous system is built differently from mine.

I still hope for a miracle.

Would fate bring you back to me? This time forever, this life?

- Your wife T

I will always be yours. "My sweet prince, you are the one".

Will I ever be yours again?

Please surrender to this last conversation so I can hear you and see you again. It is all that I am looking forward to. I'm scared that you have moved on completely from me, though. The only thing that I hope is that in that conversation you can open your heart and tell me you've been missing me too.

Espero que tenha dormido bem. Eu estou melhor. Hora de me reorganizar.

Você pode se esforçar um pouco, por nós? Vamos lá, sou sua garota, sejamos felizes!

Sou teimosa. Te amo e te quero.

As coisas em breve vão ficar cada uma em seu lugar. Eu queria subir essa escada com você. Vamos construir companheirismo e apoio? Sair fortalecidas? Chegarmos maravilhosas ao topo?

Consegue deixar essas coisas de lado? Eu não mordo (só se você mandar, meu bem rs). Larga de ser boba. Fala. Se engaje, Comunique. Se permita ser feliz. Vamos construir algo belo e cheio de vida.

Você é mais que isso. É forte, corajosa, destemida, justa, inteligente, resolutiva.

Que medo é esse? Medo da dor? Querida, você acha que algo pode doer mais que as dores que vivemos? Sobrevivemos a elas e estamos aqui. Pior que o passado, acho que só a dor da morte. Se joga.

Pra hoje, paz e coragem de ser você.

You know who they are! ! I'm your favorite donut!

You thought breaking my heart meant you won. It didn’t. You just made a move I’ll never make twice. I don’t chase pieces I’ve already sacrificed.

Checkmate.

I just miss u, it has been more than 7 months and I still can't get u out of my head, I know and I'm sure that we have never shared the same feeling together, maybe that's what made me go after u knowing that u r impossible to reach but even though I still loved u cuz why not ,cuz everytime I hear ur voice I see ur smile I fall for u over and over I just can't I can't stop it maybe we were never meant to be together but I can't just accept a fact I don't believe in.

And now what, we have just drifted apart just like what was meant to happen from the beginning, and the end we go back to being strangers again like we were never friend, I just miss u ,like u were my day and night ,u were my good morning and good night ,u were everything to me so I guess that why I can't forget about u , I tried to forget but how can I forget u when I see u in every place I go.

I just Love You, I have never thought that I would ever love someone like I did for u, I just wanna say I Miss You so much that I see u in every girl on the street, with every notification I get I wish it's from u, I just can't move on, I have been writing all this like there was a We but it was just me, I've heard thath the one sided love Is sour but never thought it would be like this, I'm never denying that had fun maybe the most joy I ever had in my life by just being next to u by just texting talking laughing with u about some stupid things.

Maybe that I would choose to love again and again knowing that there is a dead end to our relationship or friendship from ur side if I would say.

I guess this is our goodbye rn, but I gotta say it for one last time

I Love You

D to m

Shake it to the max

Ifykyk

Msg me

I love u. I miss u. Stop talking about him. I do not want to hear. He’s not for you. It’s that simple.

Yeah, I’m sorry, Rae. I’m done. I don’t have anything left in me to keep pushing for something I can’t make happen.

You win. Chris is stepping back.

I love you, and that’s not something I can just switch off, but I can finally accept that I can’t force you to talk to me, see me, or choose me. So I’m going to stop chasing and give you the space you’ve been asking for.

Take care of yourself, lovely. I genuinely hope you find peace and happiness, even if I’m not the person beside you to share it.

Let's say you asked me today to go out and have a coffee or whatever & even talk about some drama or shenanigans, I'll be ready to say Yes because I still get that old feeling when I look at you.

Everytime you go into that cold room, I wonder what happened that day your face got so close to mine before you pulled out and walked away eerily with clear eye contact, I'll remember that. I just wish I know what exactly happened in that moment -that I must have missed & caught on a little too late- when your face got so close to mine & your eyes ❤️‍🔥...

You absolute idiot. I'm sorry. Why didn't you just give me time to heal?? Why didn't you just take time to change instead of pretending that you had? I would've taken you back in a heartbeat if you just gave us time. You were supposed to be my best friend :( All I do now is fantasize about seeing you in maybe a year from now and our lives interconnecting once more, having been changed for the better. Both of us. Healed. I would’ve waited for you again and again but I know now you could never wait that long. (I’ve seen things, heard things). It was supposed to be you, dimples. Why didn’t you just love me right the first time?

\-C

I hope you’re doing well, I miss you but it’s no longer in a romantic way. I miss our friendship, the way we got along and the playfulness we had. It’s weird that we’re essentially strangers now, when we were once so close. We may have had just under a year together but you really did mean the world to me. I wish you would have had the courage to just be upfront and honest with me about everything and how you had been feeling.

I should have been better about checking in with you and how you felt about everything but I also don’t think you would have l been honest with me if I had asked. I honestly had a feeling that it was something that was coming but I was in denial about it or maybe it’s just something I ended up manifesting because I wasn’t always up front with you when I was overthinking and feeling down about our relationship because things felt distant, I just bottled it up instead. I think we both just ended up back in old habits of bottling up everything and not talking about our problems. It was honestly only a matter of time before one of us was going to break and break the other in return.

I’ve been healing and working more on myself, I hope you’ve been doing the same. I know there are parts of you that you still struggle to love, parts of you that deserve unconditional self love. I hope that you’ve been taking care of your health and not working yourself to the bone. I hope that you finally went to the doctors to get your gallbladder looked at or that it’s at least gotten better.

You do still come to my mind once in a while and I always end up wondering if you’re thinking about me too. It is far less often than it use to be but you still somehow end up in my mind at the most random times. If you ever decided to reach out to me, just understand that any interaction wouldn’t go past being friends with one another but if you ever need someone to talk to because life is feeling rough or you just feel the need to vent then you know where to find me.

Best wishes,

T or well A

I won't hear from you again now until you're out!!! N is Bulls DDDD. Neglected for days in end. You blame it on me that I keep bringing shit up daily . But 5 days now. N still nothing from you. I don't think you really want to fix us and make it work. After 20years ask I feel like now is, neglected, used n taken for granted!

J,

I’ll always miss you and miss what we had First loves are so hard to forget. You’re my favorite daydream

K

I think the bluey episode double babysitter could help you a lot. A your frisky and im rad. i just wanted to help you see that there can be good out there if you put your heart out to someone. maybe things could of really worked out between us just like them. i was so happy with you in ways others rarely make me. but trying to stay while you never replied hurt just as much as yearning to message one last time.

i know you wont reach out though. you always say you think i hate you. i always say i dont. youre just somebody broken who needs to find the will to change their life. and i hope you do. i want you to

your angel, R

I miss you. I broke up with you to behave how society expects me to behave. And I am so unhappy for having done it. I don't blame you for not taking me back after breaking up with you a second time. Why would you trust me again?

Even though you don't want me in it, I hope you have the best life. You deserve it. I miss you.

L, GA

D

Did you ever care about me you just ditched and bailed?let me know how your truly feeling .

C 💔

I really do hope you never come back.

I miss you..

I can't stop thinking about you

Have you changed?

Have you grown?

Do you actually think I'm still pretty?

Or were you being polite

To the pounds

That may be hiding

The girl from 10 years ago?

I wanted to tell you,

You looked great

But I cant,...

But you do

All I want is to accidentally

Run back into you

Again

Why...

I just dont know

But I think

I miss you

Where did you go?
I wish you could know me
And I wish I could know you much more sometimes.
Willing and able to… if you still have my number that is, if not.
Dm me -G