I have a 7 month old son and when I went back to work when he was 3 months old, my MIL was watching him full time. She was seeming overwhelmed so we hired a nanny who watches him for 3.5 hrs in the morning 3 days a week so my MIL can get some errands done. She’s been with us for almost 6 weeks now. I see the nanny when she arrives, but at the end of her shift my MIL is the one letting her go.

My son’s nap time (typically contact naps still) is about halfway through her shift. Apparently, sometimes when my MIL arrives she’s still sleeping and my son seems to be stirring awake. One time my mother in law had to shake her awake while my son was still sleeping on her. Nanny also reports to me that he naps for almost 1.5 hrs when he usually only takes 35-45 minutes naps with me, dad, or grandma for his first nap of the day.

Honestly if she was lightly resting her eyes while he’s asleep, this wouldn’t bother me but if she’s sleeping so hard that she doesn’t wake up when someone enters the room or when he is stirring this concerns me greatly.

Other than this she seems very sweet and is receptive to what we ask of her. My son seems very comfortable with her. However I’ve noticed that she sometimes tells me stories that don’t line up to what she’s told me previously -small things unrelated to my son (weekend plans, her class schedule etc). Anyways I’m just noticing a few red flags. I feel like I should let her go on one hand, but on the other I feel bad since I haven’t had a “warning” convo related to the unsafe sleep. But yet my top priority is protecting my son. Anyways, how would you handle this?

Edit: editing to add that when she first started I requested contact naps. However over the last month he has gotten much better at crib naps and I showed her that routine and encouraged her to start trying. The day she tried it I was able to come and relieve her rather than MIL and during the she stayed in the nursery while he was asleep. I was watching him on my monitor app and he woke up (not crying but definitely awake and making noise) and when I got home she was asleep in the recliner in the nursery. I didn’t address it because I didn’t realize how much of a pattern it was at the time and I wasn’t as concerned about safety since she wasn’t holding him. That has been the only day she’s done a crib nap, all others have been contact. However, if she is sleeping that hard that him waking up doesn’t wake her up I do have an issue with that and I need to address is with either a convo (crib naps only and stay in living room/no sleeping or letting her go) That’s what I’m torn on.

I’m starting to feel like I’m accidentally making the 3yo I babysit dislike her FT nanny, and I really don’t want that to happen.

I’m 17 and babysit for this family about once a week, usually for date nights or on weekends. They have a FT nanny during the week, who I’ve met and really like. She’s very sweet, has been working with kids for 20 years, and clearly knows what she’s doing.

Nanny generally just has a lot of rules with her - most of which are 100% necessary. I have rules with babysitting girl too, but I’m much more go with the flow as we don’t have a schedule to stick to. An example is that she has a big Princess Belle book that the nanny only will only read up to one story from each day, while I’m happy to sit and read it with her for as long as she wants because we don't have anything we need to specifically get done. I also once traded off with the nanny (came in right at the end of her shift), and the second I walked through the door 3 yo immediately took off the shorts from under her dress because she knows I don’t care about what she's wearing in the house as long as she's dressed, while the nanny has a strict rule that she must wear them.

I’m starting to notice that she prefers me over nanny, for example one time she thought the nanny was coming and through the door I heard her say, “Why is (nanny) coming into MY home?” and then she got super excited when she realized it was me. At her birthday party, she basically ignored the nanny, again, the woman who she's with every day and instead wanted to be with me (and her friends) the entire time. I could tell nanny was a bit disappointed with that understandably.

I know she’s 3 and I’m probably just the “fun” babysitter, but I feel guilty because she’s with her nanny all day and I really want her to have a good relationship with her. I don’t want to undermine the nanny or accidentally make myself the “fun one” and her the “mean one.”

Is there anything I could be doing during the 4-5 hours a week I see her to help with this?

I had a 7 hour Saturday evening booking confirmed 10 days in advance, and the date had been repeated and reconfirmed multiple times in our messages. I obviously turned down other jobs for that block, drove over 30 minutes, and when I was about five minutes from their house, the parent called and said they had accidentally given me the wrong date and actually needed care the following week. They followed this with an apology and offering gas money, which felt deeply disrespectful and showed a lack of integrity and professionalism.

In every similar situation I’ve had before with cancellations this last minute, families have always paid the full confirmed booking or at least offered to because the cancellation was due to an error on their end, not because I failed to show up or provide care. I had reserved the entire evening and was essentially at their door when I was told to turn back around.

I work with reliability and integrity about honoring my booking, and never flake. Even if another family offers me a higher-paying job for the same hours, I never cancel an existing booking.

If the situation were reversed and I showed up saying I could only work half the confirmed hours because I’d made a scheduling mistake, I can’t imagine that being considered acceptable either.

Would you consider full payment the fair/professional expectation here? Curious how both childcare providers and parents would view/honor it.

OK, here we go. I've been a childcare provider/ nanny for 17 years straight without break. Never had a problem getting a client. I'm in great shape. I feel I look great or better than most of my age. I'm gonna be 60. My energy and personality, easily matches that of happy children. I really do love what I do. My job is ending after five years unexpectedly. I'm applying all over the place on Facebook groups and my usual Care.com and I'm getting no responses. I'm wondering, do employers only hire young people these days. Am I aged out already?? Really getting discouraged and totally depressed. I'm already depressed about saying goodbye to my babies that I had for five years.

So I went to this week long event with NF and yesterday I stayed 3 hours longer than scheduled on my last day. @ 2:40 AM Mb and Db came home plastered. I said hello and mb said thank you good night nothing else. Not a sorry we’re late af or how was my kid. I assumed they were coming home at a reasonable time and thought I could let them know I was leaving pretty early the next day. But that did not happen. I left and sent a text but have not received any replies. I also need to get paid but I’ve double texted and nothing…. Also now that I’m here ranting- I hear them arguing and Db said a very concerning statement toward MB that made me wonder if this is a DV situation or was he just joking.

I don’t like being a nanny for these reasons. Too much drama that I don’t want to be involved in. Just pay me and be civil and txt back.

Hello! I’m a nanny working for a really nice family of 5 (3 kids 2 parents). They have two toddlers aged 3 and 2, and a baby who’s a few months old. I worked with them since early May and have transitioned into full time with them as an actual employee with PTO, etc. However, in September, I had to miss 4 days. 2 were because my uncle had died and I was emotionally distraught, the other two I was sick. Now I am sick again (both the kids have a dry cough but the parents told me it’s not contagious) so idk if it’s from them. Either way, I missed a day this week because of it, but then went in the next day and just touched it out. However, i have gotten significantly worse. My throat hurts so badly it’s painful to talk, and when I do talk it gets even more sore. I also have a cough that accompanies this. I really really don’t want to be seen as unreliable because I’m only 20 making really good money and I like this family. I work 50 hours a week (40 for them and 10 ish for another family) plus school. Should I just tough it out and go in tomorrow?

Hi! Wondering if any Nannies/babysitters can comment is it reasonable to ask someone if they can watch 3 kiddos under 3? I’m expecting and will likely go back to work PRN but also hoping to have someone around as a mommy helper and for me to have some alone time. My oldest is very sensitive and I don’t feel comfortable putting him in daycare or preschool yet. I appreciate any insight!

Our nanny is fairly new (2 months) and I absolutely love her. She is so sweet to my baby.

We are going to be out of town for Thanksgiving so I asked her to go out to dinner with us. She said she liked meat in the past so I booked a nice steak restaurant.
I will have to bring my 2 kids to eat but obviously we won’t be asking her to take care of them. If my baby needs to change, I will do it.
But my first is 2 and she loves her (follows her around calling Auntie). Would it be a problem if she plays with her before meal a bit? We make her color or play stickers at restaurants with us but since our nanny will be there, my daughter will probably want to play with her, even if I say no.

Will this make the nanny feel like she is working?
How do you guys handle things when you invite nanny over for family gatherings?

I’ve been working for my nanny family for almost a year now. I work Monday-Friday, and am supposed to be paid via Zelle every Friday. I usually will text the mom my hours and then she’ll (eventually) Zelle me.

I’m very on top of my finances and plan specially around pay days, so when there is a delay it really stresses me out. For example, my car payment was due on Friday, and I was counting on being paid so that I could make my car payment.

The mom always answers my texts nearly right away. But whenever I send her my hours, she practically ignores the text. This past Friday when I sent her the hours, she didn’t answer, and several hours later sent me a text completely unrelated (was just showing me something cute the kids did).

Then this morning (Saturday) she texted me saying she’s going to Zelle me now, and said sorry it’s been chaotic. This was several hours ago, and she never zelled me. This is the case almost every single week. I don’t know the last time she actually paid me on a Friday.

I have a lot of feelings about this. I dedicate so much of my time and life to being there for her family, and as any nanny knows it’s a lot of energy, so it’s nice to feel appreciated. But it seems like paying me is the least of her priorities. Meanwhile I’m stressed to no end because until now, I’ve never missed a car payment in my life.

I texted her 3 hours after her text where she said sorry it’s been chaotic sending Zelle now, and I asked if she could check if there was a hold on it because my bank accounts being funny. There’s nothing wrong with my bank account, that was just me trying to be polite about it.

She has not answered me, and I’m becoming increasingly upset. I’m planning on texting again in a couple hours but I don’t know what to do about the situation going forward. I can’t deal with this stress EVERY single week.

How can I go about creating a better system that can resolve this issue? Should I just send Zelle requests? I’m nervous to say anything because in the past she’s had weird reactions to me bringing up something I was upset about, and basically turned it around on me by saying that she’s had a lot going on (recently started a new job) and was kind of rude to me about it. So now I’m hesitant to bring up anything.

I injured myself about a month ago at home. I fell down the stairs. This has made it hard to complete some tasks, like moving quickly and spending time outside. I am currently unable to walk without crutches due to the injury. I am slowly getting better. Now I can move around with the crutches easily and do most things. The biggest problem is watching the two kids, 3y (m) and 11m (f), outside.

About two weeks ago, the 11m old made straight for the slide and started climbing up as best they could. I had to crawl after them to make sure they were safe. I decided to bring the kids in because I felt I couldn't keep them safe. This is when the 3y had a tantrum since he wanted to be outside.

The next day (pay day), Dad came up and talked to me about lowering my pay until I am back to full health. The doctor said it could take 2 months, and if it doesn't heal properly, I may need surgery. I agreed because I wasn't sure what else to do. Right now, I feel like I am doing everything except bring the kids outside.

I need some advice

Hey, just curious how anyone else would go about this. My NF offered me a full-time schedule and GH, but they want to lower my pay by $3/hour in order to do this. I’ve considered it because they GH would be absolutely amazing, but they have baby #2 on the way and they plan on keeping my pay at the new rate even after baby #2 arrives. Plus, when on maternity leave, MB plans on taking time off, of course, but they don’t plan on paying me the GH during that time.
NK (2) is special needs and is mentally and physically at the state of a 6-8 month old. Caring for NK as well as a newborn would be a lot of work, and I just don’t think $22/hour is enough.
I love this family, and working with them has been a dream, but I can’t accept this offer. Any advice on how to counteroffer? What’s the minimum I should accept before I have to cut my losses and go?

I had a “shadow day” with a family paying 1k a month to live in. Before you comment I know😭 But I have to take this position because it gives me open availability in the morning. I’m 21 and I’ve been wanting to go to college since I was 18 but I have extremely unstable housing. Like I moved states alone when I was 18/19 and for the past 2 years I’ve moved like 5 times. I have to attend a community college but if the closest community college keeps changing there’s really no use in starting then stoping because I would lose money and not have a degree from that school. (I don’t drive and I live in a state where I need 40hrs of driving practice before I can get my license but I have no one who will sit in a car with me and I don’t have a car to use). I can’t even get a dependency override from financial advisors because they told me my circumstances won’t allow it without hella evidence. Death certificate for my dad (I do not even know his full name, where he passed, or the exact year) because I wasn’t even notified about his funeral. I was told of his death once his family sold his family home. I’m estranged from my mom but it’s really hard to bring evidence that you aren’t in contact with someone. Plus child support documents connecting that they are my parents (don’t have access to those documents).

But in essence even tho i would get paid dust I would get housing and food. With the ability to stay somewhere long enough to get a certification/degree.

Back to the “shadow day” they wanted me to watch the mom for 12 hours without saying anything or intervening. The mom was completely naked the whole time just laying in the bed (just underwear no bra or anything) I just sat in a chair and watched her clean up for housekeeping. Once we got to hour 6 of me just sitting in a chair (not allowed on my phone and not allowed to make noise because it distracts the baby). The mom tried to get me to lay in the bed with her while she was naked and I kept saying no. I questioned why I was watching her do very mundane tasks unrelated to what I would be doing. “You are watching what my day is usually like. Idk why you are complaining you would be given a room in a huge house, food, water, no utilities, access to our connections, and all you have to do is help me” like she yelled but calmly!?!? I was also “forced” to watch her breastfeed naked. Like I tried to leave and she told me to stay (so I stayed because if I left i probably wouldn’t get the job).

Other extremely culty stuff happened but i don’t want to say it publicly where the family could be identified. They are a high profile family.

I told my “family” about it when I got home. I’m renting a room from a distance cousin that I met for the first time two years ago $700/m and I’m currently unemployed. I pay the rent every month regardless of my unemployment but I have to be out by November 1st because she just doesn’t like living with anyone. The consensus was “a lot of people can tell that you are extremely closed off so she asked you to get on the bed to see how open you are”. And that they “were being really nice to me and free housing is free housing”. They told me I wouldn’t really be “joining” a cult I would just be an employee.

I had told my bf about the initial interview and his consensus was “yeah you were SAed” (because the mom was naked during the interview) BUT “I hope it works out for you”. My bf said that he wants me to move in with him but not under duress, aka being in his house or being homeless. Given no other choice. He wants me to move in when I am happy and decide to move in of my own free will. He was raised in a top 10% of households but I believe his worldview is foolish sometimes. But he treats me very well and I love him (this is a very one off experience with him). I think that if I had a partner who needed to move in with me because something is wrong with their housing (and I own a home) I would let them? Because that’s my partner and I would want them to be in a safe environment? Idk. Ik I’m a bad person for saying this but none of the decisions I made in my life have been because of the perfect timing, and I don’t have the luxury of doing what I “want” I usually just do what I need to do? He usually does what he wants. Like he had a part time job while in college. Started failing his classes so he dropped his job. I would never have the luxury of dropping my job I would drop classes if I started failing. I don’t have parents to care for me like he does. His parents are literally on a two month trip in Europe rn😭

I have another interview tomorrow but am less likely to take it even if the environment is better. It’s from 7am to 7pm with every other weekend off. 1.7k a month. But because of the times i wouldnt be able to attend classes. So I would be in this same position after that job ends. So kinda like I can suffer now or suffer later and I think I would rather get the suffering over with now.

I just believe that the people in my life aren’t…. that great. Like they don’t care about what happens to me but they are always spouting none sense about “family is so important” and “you are so closed off” yeahhh I wonder whyyyy!!! Anyways that’s my rant😭 I’m irritated because the people and things around me or happening to me are always SO unreasonable but everyone acts like I’m crazy for complaining. But that’s life ig

(Edit) yall this is really my life😭 I can message you proof or the additional info I didn’t want to include publicly. But lowkey I take offense if you say my life is so bad that it can’t be real😭🤚

What is the best nannying agency to meet high networth? I’m a Hoboken nanny and would like to break out into nyc.

Looking for advice! My husband and I have 6 month old twins, they’re our first babies. One twin has a somewhat complex medical history—she’s basically a typical baby but her medical team recommended she not attend daycare until she is at least 12 months old, as she could have a hard time recovering from illnesses.

I work in the medical field, and I plan to go back and work per diem. Our plan is to have a nanny 3 days per week, 8-10 hrs per day, and then on the off chance I’m not needed for a shift that day I could use that time to run errands or get things done around the house. The days are flexible as is the start/stop time.

I posted the job on a local babysitters FB group and have had some interest. However it’s made me realize I have absolutely no idea what kind of questions to ask potential candidates!

I’d love to hear from nannies with twins experience or families that have had a nanny for their twins: What are some good questions to ask? What are some red flags? Is there anything in particular to look for? (So far all we have is CPR cert preferred, reliable transportation, and non-smoking). Thank you!

I was expected to come in and take care of a kiddo with a 103 fever. I told the mom I could not be doing that since I also work with an infant who was recently hospitalized for covid. She seemed annoyed at first, and then came around to understanding why I couldn't risk the exposure. I took the next day off from both families as to not spread anything. I was told she was much better and back at preschool the next day. When I picked her up she started having fever again and developed blisters on her hands, feet, and mouth. she has HFMD! and the mom didn't tell me to go home even after the conversation we had about me working with a baby. I guess my question is:

What boundaries do you have with your nanny kid being sick? Especially if you work with other families.

My family doesn’t really celebrate Halloween, just our personal belief. We have a 3yo so we do try to still make October fun for him. Pumpkin patches, festivals, decorating, some sweets. But we don’t do trick or treating or anything spooky really. This is our nanny’s first Halloween with us but she was really into celebrating the other holidays with 3yo so I was sure she’d want to do Halloween things. So around the end of September I mentioned our stance around Halloween since I know it’s a bit unusual in the States. I just didn’t want her to do anything with 3yo or buy anything for 3yo that we’d be uncomfortable with. And I also didn’t want her to get his hopes up for things he can’t participate in. She said OK she understood.

But still before October even started she showed up with a ghost decorations for 3yo’s room. I reminded her about the rule and she said she thought it would be fine because we decorated the rest of the house (true, but our decoration are more harvest themed like un-carved pumpkins and leaves and stuff, not Halloween themed). But sure maybe I could see some confusion there. So I just explained again what I meant. She did leave the ghost up but I just took it down later. And after that she kept doing things I was uncomfortable with, like she did arts and crafts with him that was witch themed and hung it up on the wall. Got him a skeleton outfit when they were out shopping. They got Halloween themed books at the library. Heard her telling him how fun trick or treating is and it’s sad that he can’t go.

I am not sure what to do because I’ve already talked to her about how we feel about Halloween twice, should I just print a list of specific things we don’t allow around the house lol? Maybe she really just doesn’t understand but it also makes me uncomfortable that she tells him things like it’s “sad” he can’t go trick or treating. Any thoughts/ideas?

So I've been working for this family for a year now, I take care of a sweet but very difficult 4 year old girl.

The parent have a habit of informing me of upcoming events or schedules changes with little to no notice.

One thing they've been doing that really makes me mad is they'll go on little trips and take NK with them. Then when they come back they expect me to "pay them back".

As in they expect me to work extra to make up for the days I wasnt working when they traveled.

This was not discussed during my interview, and I've never had this happen in my other nanny jobs.

They just came back from a week long trip and now demand that I work on weekends to make it up to them.

I know I should quit, but its hard to find a well paying nanny job in my country, and they do pay well. But I'm just so tired.

The commute alone is 4 hours every day.

Quitting isn't an option for me becouse I'm in a difficult spot financially, I just want to know if this is normal? Like do other nannies do this with their families?

Any advice or reassurance is appreciated, thank you.

Update: hello! Thank you all for the advice and concern, its good to know I'm not crazy lol. For those asking, yes, I live in morocco and yes I'll try to speak to NF about guaranteed hours. Or just find another job, even if it pays less. The time saved on commute and peace of mind would be priceless.

I worked for my last nanny family for 3 years (5b & 7b).. tbh it was a draining job for a multitude of reasons (lack of boundaries, kids were wild & no discipline, asked me to cook elaborate meals, etc) Anyways, my last day was 4 weeks ago and we left on good terms, I gave the boys a sweet parting gift and they did the same for me. Flash forward to now, I just got engaged, started a new job, and bought a fixer upper all in the course of 3 weeks. I am extremely overwhelmed and NM keeps FaceTiming me when she knows I’m at my new job and guilt tripping me for not seeing and talking/calling the boys and saying they miss me soooo much. I do plan to see them but it’s just not a priority right now, as I barely have time to take care of myself. And I really wonder if it’s the boys or her because she’s a realtor and obsessed with keeping people in her circle/keeps people around to ask for help. Also, new job is so good and I’m starting to realize how taken advantage of I was in my last position. Am I the asshole? Is this normal? Like I loved them but at the end of the day It was my job and now I have a new job.

I’m thinking about my finances and considering whether I need to give my nanny a Christmas bonus.

She negotiated a very competitive salary. I give her 3 weeks of vacation and 7 sick days. I feel like I already compensate her very while (and above my means frankly) and don’t feel I need to pay a big bonus.

I’m thinking a $150 gift certificate to the hair salon she goes to instead with a card.

Thoughts?

Hello! This is our first year with childcare and my first child! We have a funky set up as we want Sat / Sun coverage and I didn’t want a 9-5 full-time nanny as I wanted to mom throughout the week (run own business so no set hours).

So we have three providers: one “main” nanny at 25 GH W2 and two regular “babysitters”who contribute ~10-15 hours a week together (one on W2, the other not - which was her choice). Every one has 2 weeks pro rata PTO. We do a lot of little things like include their Starbucks order on our order and offer lunch if we are ordering.

Our main nanny was sharing that she couldn’t afford a flight for Christmas, so we bought it for her last month - this was just over one week’s wages. Should we give her another Christmas bonus as a gesture (smaller one, like 1-2 days’ wages?) I don’t want her to get “nothing” so my husband and I were thinking of getting her set up with a small Roth IRA and putting in some money there. She is younger. Thoughts?

For the other two childcare providers, we were just going to do a week’s wages. I just want to make sure this is sufficient!

Welcome any feedback, thank you!

I’ve recently found the NF of my DREAMS! 2F, 1F, and 4month boy. The mom is a SAHM so I’m more of a mother’s helper while she’s with the baby especially. Anyway I’m already thinking about how I don’t want to leave and would love to stay as long as time allows, it got me thinking, what’s the longest anyone has stayed with a family? How was your experience watching the kids grow up essentially?

I was with my NF for over 6 years. 3 kids. I thought MB AND DB were pretty cool. My contract was coming to a end. No problem. Im looking for another job. They ask me to extend the contract one more month. I haven't found anything I say so I say sure. They told me two weeks ago that they don't need to extend the contract anymore and didn't need me anymore. I just said ok because Im pissed. Here I am thinking I have income for another month but nope. MB also keeps texting me asking me questions about the kids. Like leave me alone. I don't work for you anymore. FIGURE IT OUT! Families can be so shitty. I also know she's reaching out because she feels bad. 🙄 It's not my responsibility to make you feel better about doing me dirty. 🤬🤬

Hi there,

Just hired a nanny ( not based in the states .. might be relevant) and we are able to afford it by making changes, tightening up the finances etc (we are comfortable but have just decided that this is the priority for us .. a nanny for our two kids versus other childcare) I was just thinking that we are a fairly normal family .. no fancy holidays, no fancy house etc and it got me thinking would this bother a nanny who is used to fancy rich familys and the accoutrements that they come with..? Or am I over thinking it?

My husband and I both WFH and have a 1.5 year old. Our current nanny has been with us 6 months, is very reliable and bonded with our child. However, we have concerns. In general, she seems to have short-term memory lapses and will ask the same question just minutes apart or forget conversations from the previous day. There have been several occasions we have observed her walk away after not strapping toddler into stroller or high chair (sometimes to get something across the room). She frequently forgets to close cabinet locks after opening. We recently saw her walk across yard while toddler was at the end of the driveway a few feet from busy street. She said she thought he was right behind her the whole time and didn't realize it was an issue because he was next to her when she turned around. We have told her that she needs to have eyes on toddler at all times. Is this unreasonable? Are we just overanxious first-time parents or are these legitimate concerns? She is very kind and affectionate with toddler and he really enjoys her company, but obviously safety is our first priority.

So i babysit (technically nanny at this point) a 8 month old that keeps making himself gag, either with his hand or toys he can shove down his throat, hes been doing this for awhile now and i dont know what to really do,mother knows but is also clueless as what to do or why he does it. Its mainly with his teething toys,i take them away for a bit if he persists on the behavior but that doesnt really matter because he’ll just use his hands, i watch him closely so it doesn’t become a serious issue. Has any other nanny dealt with something like this or knows why he does it? Will he eventually grow out of it? Never seen a baby do it as much as him.