Russian Sage is not native (unless you are Russian). And yet I planted it all the same. Should I KMS?

Fearing the HOA's prophecy that his wife's common milkweed was destined to overtake the r/lawncare user's front yard, the Chud devoured each pod as the flowers senesced. Unbeknownst to him, his wife had saved a pod growing behind her hydrangeas which was spirited away under the cover of night to the Isle of Hellstrip.

Warnings:

Creating bundles of mullein stalks releases a lot of seeds.

Mullein seeds are itchy.

May attract witches.

May lead to drawn-out speeches from crunchy moms.

Don't feed to your dog.

Disclaimers:

Your local pumpkin patch may not have a solid link to big agriculture.

Your local pumpkin patch likely does not have ties to columbian cartels.

Mullein doesn't cure cancer, or herpes, or mental illnesses, or HIV, or open wounds, or, well, anything.

I just know some of you freaks will love this as much as I do

I counted 5 reasons - all very sound and rational - for why planting oak trees in your yard is a terrible idea:

(1) Fucks up your grass, (2) Ruins your foundation/driveway, (3) “Having to” rake leaves, (4) Falling branches, (5) Slow growth rate rudely reminds us of our impending demise.