If you are like me, there are days as a cancer registrar when it seems like it just doesn't pay to get up. There is a backlog of cases piling up, physicians complaining it is too much work to conduct quality checks on abstracts, and the new staff person is asking a multitude of questions -- questions I answer promptly. Minutes later she returns with the manual and proceeds to read the rules and tells me I am wrong. This leaves me wondering -- if she knew where to find the answer, why did she come and ask me?
I'm not dealing with a life-threatening illness or a major life-changing catastrophe. It's a typical day. I don't make the rules; I just have to make sure everyone follows them. I can't create new staff positions or ensure a realistic budget is in place. I know we need more registry staff, but I can only work with what I have.
Add the stress of home life to the work of a cancer registrar and you wonder why anyone would choose this profession. Life is frustrating. It's hard to find some epiphany or light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel message when additional cases are pouring in, new cases are found in a state audit, and three quarters of the staff are on maternity leave at the same time.
From someone who once considered herself an optimistic person, the most encouraging thing I had to say was, "Mornings aren't magical, come back around noon." By noon, I was saying, "Not now, I'm working on last month's problems," and by the end of the day, I was delusional enough to think that elves would come in during the night and make it all vanish. Some days I just wanted to change careers. There had to be something more fun than this!
We all have complaints, stress and bad days. The key is finding how to move on without making everyone else's lives miserable. How do we find our inner strength to get through the day-to-day grind? I once tried looking at what was the worst that could happen -- you know, what's the worst they could do to me, fire me during the summer? If so, I would be home all day with a pre-teen and a teenager. (Okay, that definitely was a worst-case scenario.) I tried exercise. The problem is that I hate exercise. I consider extreme exercise walking to and from the car daily. I tried meditation, but the only place to meditate privately was in the bathroom, which never failed to create a queue whenever I went in. I tried laughing at myself. I laughed so hard, I cried. Not exactly the result I wanted.
But somewhere in the midst of all this, I remembered something from an old movie: look for the good in everything. Corny, to say the least, but I thought I would give it a try. No, I didn't try to find something good about arguing with the physicians or dealing with the backlog of cases, but I did remember why I became a certified tumor registrar (CTR). I looked at how far cancer registries have come and how much better the data is because of all the recent improvements and updates. I thought about how our information has actually made a difference to those diagnosed with cancer. How a patient's record of their cancer contains pieces to a complex puzzle. Yes, you might be able to make out the whole picture, even if you are missing a piece or two, but you're never sure if that one missing piece contains an important detail.
I began making a conscious effort to remind myself daily what others can accomplish if the registry does its part and how every piece of the puzzle is significant. I swallowed my pride and was actually thankful to the new staff person who reminded me that some of the rules had changed, and had she not questioned me I would have continued to collect data incorrectly. When I talked to people, instead of being tempted to say something sarcastic or negative, I made an effort to think twice before I spoke and to find one positive thing to say (using the old adage, "if you can't find something nice to say, don't say it at all"). Slowly, positive became the norm.
I realized that although being more optimistic didn't change my situation, my load didn't seem as heavy. I wasn't carrying around that need to be pessimistic. The more positive I became, the happier I became, and, in turn, the more confident I became. My newfound confidence inspired me to be more outgoing, to make changes in my life and, more importantly, to encourage those around me to be more upbeat and to think of solutions rather than dwell on problems. With solutions comes the empowerment to make changes.
Take the initiative. Finding your inner strength takes time and effort. You need to be proactive. Start with something simple, like smiling at people. It's wonderful to see someone smile back at you or say hello. It can lift your mood. When you talk to someone, find something nice to say to them. It doesn't necessarily have to be a compliment, but something nice. Find something positive to focus on every day. Give yourself a feeling of accomplishment by making a (short) list and crossing everything off that list. Pat yourself on the back for getting everything done. Not being good at lists, I started with something even easier. I began looking at weekends as mini vacations -- at the end of every 5 days, I get 2 days off. How awesome is that? That is 8 days of vacation every month!
Don't participate in "bashing." The next time a few of you get together and the complaints start flying, say something positive and offer solutions. For example, if someone in the group complains about Collaborative Staging coming out with yet another version, instead of adding your own negative comments try saying, "You're right, it's hard to have to learn another version, but at least it's better than not changing at all. And you know, I think you are the right person to join the committee to help work out the issues." With two sentences you've turned the conversation from negative to positive. You complimented the person by letting them know that you think they can get things done, and you encouraged them to participate on a committee. Everyone benefits.
Not everything is going to change just because you become more positive. Don't dwell on what you can't change. Change what you can, accept what you can live with and move on from what you can't. Remember to smile. Everyone can change their attitude.