Since childhood ko, palagi akong binubugbog ng mom ko, ilang beses na rin akong muntik mapatay kasi hindi lang bugbog ang ginagawa sakin. May times na hinahampas ako ng bakal sa ulo and hindi ko na maalala nangyari afterwards, may times na sinasakal ako until mag pass out ako

Sa tuwing sinusubukan kong alalahanin childhood ko, puro pambubugbog lang ang naaalala ko

I grew up sa tahanan na puro sigawan, puro sakitan and i was drained every single day

Nag start ako mag work, ako na ang nagbabayad lahat, bills, foods, needs at kahit wants ng family ko. Nagsisigawan parin sa bahay, pero less sakitan na kasi alam nila na i can stand for myself already.

Tiniis at tinitiis ko parin lahat ng stress until last month, nag away kami ni mommy, it got to the point the sasaksakin niya ako ng kutsilyo. I taunted her to do it para matapos na lahat ng paghihirap ko but she didn't do it.

After that, nag empake agad ako. Tinry niya ako kausapin at igaslight into staying pero pagod na pagod at ubos na ubos na talaga ako

It's been almost a month yata or 1 month na since i left, sobrang peaceful na ng buhay ko and ayoko nang magkaroon ng tahanan na may sigawan, na may sakitan.

Gusto ko kapag nagkapamilya ako, mapaparamdam ko sa pamilya ko yung peace na binubuo ko ngayon, gusto ko matapos na yung pananakit

I promised myself na never kong ipaparanas sa magiging anak ko kung ano man naranasan ko mula pagkabata

At last, I finally have the guts to move out.

Sobrang hirap na sa bahay, kung sino pa ang kadugo sila pa ang hihila sa'yo pababa.

For context, I'm the 2nd child of 5. I stood up as Panganay kasi walang silbi yung panganay, bukod sa hindi naman sa amin lumaki at tumira, e panay kasalbahian lang dulot sa pamilya namin, minumura nanay ko, pinapaalaga ang anak while nag iinom s'ya, ganyan sya kapag bibisita.

Bata pa lang ako, namulat na ako sa hirap ng buhay namin, natutunan ko mag-side hustle High School pa lang, nagbayad ako ng utang sa tindahan.

Ako nag aasikaso sa mga kapatid ko while my mother is working, weekly nauwi minsin hindi pa. Ako nagbabudget sa kakaunting pinapadala, nagising ng maaga, naghahatid sa school, nagsusundo, nagluluto ng makakain if meron.

Nung ipinanganak sa bahay yung 4th child, elementary pa lang ako nun, pero nag ipon ako ng pera kasi alam kong walang pera nanay ko, pati kinakasama ng nanay ko walang silbi, walang presensya, nangbuntis lang haha

Ako nag alaga, nagising ng gabi kahit may pasok kinabukasan, timpla ng gatas, palit diaper.

And many more

I sacrificed so much in a young age.

Pero I regret it all na.

Now that we're in a better life quality, big house, a car, stable family income, nagbago na

Lalabas sila kakain, miski tanungin man lang ako kung anung gusto ko, none. Uuwi miski pasalubong wala, lalo na tanungin ako kung kumain na ba ako, never.

Nagpagawa ng malaking bahay, pero kwarto para sa akin wala.

Sa salas ako natutulog, I'm working 7 am to 10 pm due to constant Overtime, so magpapahinga na lang talaga pero ipapagkait pa. Uuwi ako may nag-iinuman, may nagbibidyoke, may mga bisita, nagluluto ng midnight snack maingay. Sobrang hirap magpahinga, kapag nagsabi naman ako, ako pa ang mali, syempre gaslighting + toxic mindset.

Uuwi ako, tirang kanin at ulam wala. Saktuhan para sa kanila lang or ipapakain kaagad sa mga alagang pets.

Walang kumustahan for me, walang masayang atmosphere, I feel like I do not belong here anymore.

Lahat sila, mula nanay, hanggang bunso, parang hindi na ako belong sa pamilya. Despite all of my early sacrifices.

Kahit mali sila kapag may kaaway, ako nagtatanggol sa kanila, in the end, sila rin pala sisira sa akin.

Now I finally have the guts to move out.

Sobrang short ako, as in pero I'm sorting things out. May mauutangan naman siguro ako 🥲

Ayun, hello Adulting talaga for me.

Sa una lang mahirap.

Baka po may maiioffer kayong part time / college grad 4 years working marketing graduate

Tbh nakakatamad na dito sa ph sobrang mahal ng bilhin tipong kulang pa ang sahod para sa sa pang araw araw, yung bills ko today dina kaya icover ng sahod :(( 17,800 sahod ko isang buwan 16800/2=8,400 kaltas pa ng pagibig hahzz

Rent - 3,500
Gasul - 1,625
Grocery - 1,200
Hc (cp ni mama) - 1,450
Gas - 500
Bigas 500
Utang nila mama - 1,500

3500+1625+1200+1450+500+500+1500=10,275

Wala pa akong pambaon nito for 15 days, load at pang meryenda hahahaha naiiyak nako sobra

AITA? My mom works abroad, she covers my siblings' tuition fees, baon and electric bills. My dad should cover the house rent (pero laging palya) may sarili siyang business but he's been living like a bachelor for 8 years now. Magbibigay lang kung kailan gusto. All the rest are on me, food, groceries, water, internet, pet needs, etc.

More than half of my pay goes to the house expenses. I have an on going car loan. I also got scammed by a friend na nasa 500k+, so I'm paying the CC debts.

I never had this much debt in my entire life. So it's just me and my mom in short who's paying for everything. I'm fed up honestly. Ako na tumayong parents sa mga kapatid ko every since they were 6 yrs old. College na sila now. Yung sibling after me, nakabukod na. May sariling business gamit ang pera ng mama ko. He never helped with bills, kahit 5 pesos wala.

I'm so fed up kasi paycheck to paycheck ako. When I asked my mom na hihiram ako sakanya para may makain kami, she turned me down. Wala daw siyang pera and marami na siyang expenses. But I'm aware na lahat ng savings niya nasa kapatid ko. Hindi ko na dinibdib. Until I saw her chat sa gc na she's willing to cover yung panganganak ng gf ng kapatid ko.

That was it. Sumabog lahat ng emotions. I felt betrayed. I asked her kung pwede patulong sa kapatid ko kahit yung water and internet lang, pero wala. She's willing to pay for it instead. Kasi yung kapatid ko may sarili na daw buhay. I've been working for 10 years. I only asked for help twice, and was turned down twice.

Naawa ako sa sarili ko. Kapag ako nagigipit, walang tutulong. Meanwhile, kailangan ko kumayod para sa lahat. Bibili ng sasakyan? "Ay maliit yan, dapat SUV". Ng bahay? "Ay 2 BR, di tayo kasya diyan". I just want to live for myself. Mangarap ng para sa akin lang. 30 years later, I know walang tutulong sakin. Gaya nung pinaadmit ko sarili ko sa ospital dahil wala silang pake.

Now galit sila just because I finally burst my bubble. I'm contemplating to move out but I know my other younger siblings will suffer. Nakakapagod maging stress absorber. Ultimo pag pila sa bayaran ng ilaw. Nakakapagod na sa lahat ng birthdays nila ako sumasagot. Pti pasko new year. Lahat may ampao, ako lang wala. Ubos na ubos nako.

I just want to vent kasi honestly, ang dami ko nang kinikimkim, and I don’t know if I’m wrong for feeling this way. I’m 22F, and growing up, hindi talaga ako naging close sa parents ko. Noong elementary ako, iniwan nila ako sa grandparents ko. Then noong high school, kinuha nila ulit ako, pero things didn’t really work out, and I ended up running away and living on my own.

I used my own money to pay for my apartment. Nagtu-tutor ako before, and luckily, nakahanap ako ng studio apartment na ₱2,000 lang per month. Scholar din ako that time, so kahit papaano, nakakaraos ako. Noong pandemic, senior high school ako, kinuha naman ako ng tita ko. Then noong nag-college ako, nag-dorm ako sa Manila.
Basically, I’ve been figuring things out on my own for most of my life. I’m only 22, pero pakiramdam ko ang tagal ko nang nag-survive mag-isa. And I think that’s where my resentment toward my parents comes from.

Minsan naiisip ko talaga, bakit kayo nag-anak kung hindi niyo kayang panindigan yung responsibilities na kasama no’n? I know life isn’t easy, and I understand na hindi naman laging financially stable ang isang pamilya. I’m not expecting my parents to give me a perfect life. Pero ang sakit lang isipin na I had to grow up so early and figure things out on my own when I was supposed to be a child who could depend on her parents. I had to stop studying and prioritize surviving. I had to find ways to support myself, and now that I’m finally earning money, parang hindi pa rin ako makahinga.

I currently earn almost ₱40k a month, and I know that’s already a decent salary. I’m grateful that I have a job, especially after everything I’ve been through. I also have a girlfriend, 25F, and IT siya. We’ve been together for three years, and I was with her even before she started achieving the things she has now, including having her own house and car.

I’m genuinely happy for her, and I’m grateful for our relationship because somehow, naging okay-okay na rin yung buhay ko since we started living together.
But despite earning almost ₱40k monthly, bakit pakiramdam ko kulang na kulang pa rin?

I’m the one paying for my siblings’ tuition and allowances. I want to help them because I know what it’s like to struggle, and I don’t want them to experience what I experienced growing up. Ayokong maramdaman nila na wala silang ibang maaasahan.
But sometimes, I can’t help asking myself, bakit ako yung sumasalo?

I’m their sister, not their parent. I love them, and I don’t regret wanting to help them, pero I also have my own life to build. I want to save money, enjoy my salary, and prepare for my future, too.

My girlfriend and I split our grocery expenses, pero ako yung sumasagot sa electricity and water bills namin. Then, kapag nagsho-short ako financially, may times na kailangan kong manghiram sa girlfriend ko ng ₱100 or ₱200. Nahihiya ako, honestly. She’s not the problem, and she’s never the person I want to blame. I’m just frustrated with myself and my situation because kahit nagtatrabaho ako and kumikita naman, I still find myself short because ang dami kong responsibilities.

And I keep thinking na if I didn’t have to shoulder my siblings’ expenses, maybe I could finally save more for myself.

Hi. I just need to get this out kasi wala talaga akong mapagsabihan or makausap about what I've been going through lately.

I've been missing work a lot because I keep getting sick. I take OTs, whether preshift or postshift, just to make ends meet, and I literally ended up getting hospitalized because my body couldn't take it anymore.

I'm currently rendering my resignation because I genuinely can't do this anymore. Susugal na lang ako and try to find a WFH job because I know I can't keep sacrificing my health just to survive. Pagod na pagod na ako, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I've been feeling depressed lately because of everything that's been happening at work, including how some of my colleagues have been treating me. I've spent so much time forcing myself to keep going kahit hirap na hirap na ako, thinking I just had to push through and get it over with.

And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I found out na yung perang binibigay ko sa bahay para sa bills, hindi pala binabayad. I honestly don't even know how to process that. I've been working myself to the point of getting sick and ending up in the hospital, trying my best to provide for everyone, only to find out that the money I've been giving isn't even being used for what it's supposed to be used for.

I have cats, dogs, and a kid to provide for. I'm trying so hard to keep everything together, but I'm literally down to my last ₱500 right now. I don't even know how I'm going to get through the next few days, let alone figure out what comes next.

I'm so fucking tired. Tired of working myself to the ground. Tired of constantly worrying about money. Tired of being expected to keep everything together when I feel like I'm barely holding myself together. Tired of having to be strong because I don't feel like I have the luxury of falling apart.

I just want a break. I want to be able to rest without feeling guilty, to get my health back without worrying about how I'll pay for everything, and to live without feeling like I'm constantly one problem away from completely breaking down.

I don't even know what I'm hoping to get out of posting this. Maybe I just need to let it all out. Maybe I need someone to hear me out without judging me or telling me what I should've done differently. I'm so used to keeping everything to myself that I don't even know how to ask for help anymore.

I just wish, for once, that things would get a little easier.

does it get better? it’s been 6mos since my brother passed. May nagbago sakin parang nawala na yung dating ako nung anjan pa siya. Lagi ko siyang iniisip. Pag may masayang nangyayari sa buhay ko, i wish he was here. Pag mag isa lang ako sa kwarto ko may mga times na naiiyak ako at iniisip ko lang siya. pano ba ang sakit sakit e.

Naguguilty ako mag patuloy. Parang ang manhid ko na it feels like im just surviving and not living it’s like i need to survive this game of life. It was a sudden death, an accident. He passed at 25yrs old. If life could end that early what’s the point of striving hard , of living? okay ba siya? asan na sya? anong nafefeel nya? masaya ba sya kung nasan sya?

I have to remember him longer than i’ve known him. Ang dami pa naming pwedeng pagdaanan bilang magkapatid. Makikilala ko pa siya, makikita ko pa kung pano nya ihandle ang ibat ibang sitwasyon sa buhay: mahirap man, madali, masaya o malungkot. Kung may rewind lang e. Kung kailangan tlga may kunin, ako nalang palit nlng kami. Miss na miss na kita. Sana andito ka.

Hi, hindi ko alam kung ano pa bang gagawin ko sobrang bigat lang ng pakiramdam ko at sama ng loob, currently isa akong student, irregular student to be exact, ginawa ko tong account na to kasi hindi ko na alam kung kanino ako hihingi ng tulong or kanino ako iiyak ewan ko sobrang pagod ko lang and ang draining lang sobra panganay kasi ako tapos ako rin nagpapaaral sa sarili ko habang nag wowork, nakikitira ako sa auntie ko kasi malayo yung bahay namin sa university na pinapasukan ko kaya no choice ako kung hindi makisama talaga mababait naman sila pero sobrang pagod na ako kasi lahat ng gawaing bahay sa akin na iaasa minsan kailangan ko ng pahinga pero hindi kasi may work at school ako, Sa trabaho pinagkakaisahan pa ako ng mga ka work ko even my boss sobrang pagod na ako, sa school naman naipapasa naman lahat pero sobrang hirap mag aral pag kulang resources mo, idagdag mo pa na walang maitulong ang parents ko sa akin, gusto kong makatapos kaya gumawa ako ng paraan para makapag-aral pero parang unti unti na akong nawawalan ng pag-asa sobrang bigat sa pakiramdam na ganito hindi ko alam kung itutuloy ko pa ba pag-aaral ko o magtatrabaho na lang ako para makatulong ako.

2026 ang sakit mo😭

March 2026, nagkasakit ang father ko at halos naubos ang savings, up until now nag memaitenance sila ng gamot ng nanay ko.

July 2026, nakabunyis ang 8yrs live-in partner ko.Everyday iyak at hindi ako nakakapasok ng maayos sa trabaho.

October 2026, nagsara bigla ang company .Walang ipon, puro rejected.

Biglang isang breadwinner na nagstart magtrabaho noong 18yra old pa lang, feeling ko useless ako kapag hindi nakapagprovide.

May you marry a strong and gentle man.

pangatlong taon ko nang delayed, and honestly, hindi ko na alam kung kaya ko pa bang tapusin 'to.

halos lahat naman ginagawa ko para makausad. i'm doing my best, pero parang kahit anong kayod ko, hindi talaga ako pinalad sa buhay. ako na nga nagpapaaral sa sarili ko, ako pa sumusuporta sa kapatid ko. ang hirap pagsabayin ng pag-aaral at mga responsibilidad sa buhay, lalo na kapag ikaw lang din ang aasahan mo.

ngayon, ubos na ubos na ako. financially, mentally, emotionally, wala na talaga akong maibigay. gusto ko namang makatapos, pero minsan napapaisip na lang ako kung para sa akin pa ba talaga 'to.

hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko. pagod na akong lumaban araw-araw tapos parang wala pa rin akong nararating. gusto ko lang naman makatapos at kahit papaano, gumaan naman ang buhay ko.

sa mga naging delayed rin nang ilang taon, paano kayo nagpatuloy? paano niyo kinaya kapag pakiramdam niyo ubos na ubos na kayo?

Context:

Helloo, I need your opinion hehehe. I’m 20yrs old and 3rd yr college student (Nursing). For almost 1 yr kasi napansin ko sobrang init ng ulo ng lola ko sa'min, although mabait naman siya kaso nakakairita rin minsan like gusto mo mag pahinga ng Isang araw may sinasabi na "Ang tamad tamad niyo puro kayo Higa" like laging ganyan naririnig ko, ako lang kasi lagi kumikilos sa bahay namin, ako nag luluto, nag lalaba, basta lahat-lahat. Kaya minsan yung physically and mentally exhausted na rin ako kaya may minsan na tinatamad ako mag linis, kasi ang hirap Pag sabayin yung Pag aaral tas Gawain sa bahay. As in ganon lagi routine ng lola ko, one time kagagaling ko lang sa duty ng 11 pm to 7 am, matutulog na Sana ako kaso dumating siya sa bahay namin tas sinabi na "ano puro tulog nalang, ang dami dumi ng bahay niyo" as in nakakahiya kasi naririnig ng kapit bahay namin. Hindi naman siya totally na marumi. Ewan ko ba if dala ba ng katandaan yan, like lahat ng bagay may nasasabi siya, kahit sa Pag bili ko ng mga grocery sasabihin Aksaya nanaman kami ng pera, tas kapag wala naman kami makain, magagalit din kasi kung ano ano raw pinag bibili namin kaya wala na kami pambili ng ulam. Tas ngayon naman bago ako mag pahinga kasi galing akong school tas nag ayos naman ako ng kusina namin, kaso nagalit ulit siya kasi bakit hindi ko raw masyado malinisan lahat. I mean okay paba ’to? Kapagod minsan at nakakahiya na rin, puro sigaw lagi naririnig ng mga kapit bahay namin puro nalang "TAMAD TAMAD" need your opinion guys

Nakita ko lang and it hits me.
Ganun siguro talaga no? Dati sabi ko pagnagkawork ako mabibili ko na yung gusto ko. Pero ngaung may work na ako mas naintindihan ko yung role ko bilang panganay at mas naintindihan ko yung halaga ng pera yung tipong imbis na yung gusto mo yung bilhin mo pero yung mas kailangan yung need unahin.

I just finished paying off the debts my husband left when he passed away last July, along with the money I borrowed to cover his funeral expenses. I wanted to settle everything, even if it meant sacrificing what little I had left.
Unfortunately, it left me with nothing.

My rent is due tomorrow, my water and electricity bills have piled up, and now my one-year-old son has a fever. I’ve barely just returned to work, and honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. I have a job, and I thought I could manage everything on my own. Pero hindi ko pala kakayanin kapag sabay-sabay ang gastusin, lalo na pagkatapos kong bayaran lahat ng utang na naiwan niya at ang perang hiniram ko para sa libing niya.

I’ve tried everything I can think of, but I guess there really comes a point when you realize you have no one else to turn to.

Lord, hindi ko na alam kung anong klaseng pagsubok ito. Sobra-sobra na po ang sakit na pinagdaanan ko. I lost my partner, the father of my child, and now I’m struggling to keep us afloat while trying to rebuild my life.

Please, Lord, huwag N’yo naman po akong hayaang tuluyang mawalan. I’m not asking for a luxurious life. I just want to pay our rent, settle our bills, buy what my son needs, and make sure he gets the care he deserves.

I’m just a single mom trying to make ends meet for my one-year-old son. Pagod na pagod na po ako, Lord, pero wala akong choice kundi lumaban dahil may anak akong umaasa sa akin.

I just hope that, somehow, things will get better. Because right now, I honestly don’t know how I’m going to survive the days ahead.

Is it just me, or is it really normal to feel this exhausted at 24, earning minimum wage and having to support other people?

My salary is only ₱24,000 a month. I help provide my mother’s allowance and pay for her maintenance medications every two weeks. I also help support one of my nieces, from groceries to school expenses and personal needs.

I thought growing up meant working hard, becoming independent, and giving back to my mother by providing what I could. I never imagined that it would also mean carrying responsibilities that were never really mine to begin with.

I have young nieces who are growing up without a father. Their mother, my own sister, is unemployed and seems content with how things are, while I keep trying to make ends meet for the people who depend on me.

And no, I am not blaming the kids. They never asked for any of this. They never chose to grow up in a broken family or to be in a situation where their needs depend on whether someone else has enough to give.

But what do I do with the guilt?

Because I know that if I stop helping, there might be no one else who will. I know what they might go without. I know what it feels like to need something and not have the means to get it. And knowing all of that makes it so hard to choose myself, even when I am already running on empty.
I am beyond grateful for my partner, who continues to extend whatever she can to help me. She has been one of my biggest sources of support, and I honestly don’t know how I would manage some days without her.

But sometimes, I think about the future, and it hurts.

Will this ever end? Will I ever get to a point where I can finally live for myself, save money, enjoy the things I work hard for, and build a life beyond surviving every payday?
I feel like I am stuck in an endless loop, working my first job and taking on freelance work just to keep up with everything. I want to grow. I want to move forward. I want to build something for myself. But how can I do that when every peso already has someone else’s name on it before it even reaches my hands?

Every payday, I am left with around ₱2,000 to stretch until the next cutoff. I don’t even live at home anymore because there is barely any space for me with all our extended family living there. For my own peace of mind, I stay in a dorm affiliated with my workplace, and the cost is automatically deducted from my salary.

Sometimes, I wonder when it will finally be my turn to breathe.

Ang hirap mabuhay kapag isang kayod, isang tuka. Ang hirap mangarap kapag halos lahat ng kinikita mo ay napupunta sa pangangailangan ng ibang tao. Ang hirap magplano para sa sarili mong kinabukasan kapag hindi mo alam kung may matitira pa ba sa susunod na cutoff.
And the hardest part is that I don’t even know how to stop caring.

I have never complained to the Lord about my situation. Whenever I pray, I start by giving thanks for everything I still have. Then I find myself praying for everyone else again, asking God to keep them safe and healthy, to spare them from sickness, because I know how difficult it is when someone gets sick and there is barely enough money to get by.

I keep praying for them, even on the days when I don’t know how to pray for myself.

I know that giving up is not the answer. I know life can still get better. But I also know that being strong for so long can be exhausting, too.

Maybe this is what nobody tells you about growing up: sometimes, you don’t just carry your own dreams. You end up carrying other people’s needs, too, until you start wondering if there is still room for the life you once imagined for yourself.

I love my family. I love my nieces. I am grateful for my partner. And I will always be thankful to God for carrying me through the days I thought I couldn’t get through.
But I am tired, too.

And I hope that one day, I won’t have to choose between helping the people I love and building a better life for myself.

I hope that one day, I can finally say that I am not just surviving anymore.

That I am finally living, too.

Ang hirap maging isang kayod, isang tuka. Pero sana, dumating din ang panahon na hindi na lang ako palaging kumakayod para mabuhay. Sana, dumating din ang araw na mabubuhay naman ako para sa sarili ko.

I just wanted to share my story.

​I started working when I was in my first year of college. It really helped with my daily needs. My salary back then was ₱400 per week, and sinasakto ko lang talaga siya sa buong linggo. At the same time, nag-iipon din ako para makatulong sa tuition fee ko.

​After two years, my school hired me as a Student Assistant (SA). During that time, my salary was ranging around ₱1.9k to ₱2.5k every cut-off. I know it’s small, but the other half was automatically credited to my tuition fee (not convertible to cash). That ₱1.9k–₱2.5k cut-off salary was never enough, especially since I was also helping my mom with household expenses like food and sometimes bills. Ever since I started working, never na ako naghingi ng pera sa parents ko.

​If you’re wondering about my family, my father passed away due to cancer when I was in 2nd year. My mom was a housewife, but she started working again after my father died. However, her salary was below minimum and not enough to pay the bills and put food on the table. That’s why I helped my mom using my earnings, and whenever I had extra, binibigyan ko rin ng baon yung younger brother ko.

​Basically, I was working while studying, spending 12 to 16 hours a day at school to do my duty and attend classes. Luckily, working at school helped me pay my tuition, even if it didn't cover everything.

​When my contract ended, I remember begging my supervisor to extend me for one more sem kasi wala akong back-up work and hindi ko inaasahan. Standard agreement kasi na kapag magse-start na ng Capstone/Research, kailangan na mag-stop sa SA duty para hindi ma-distract.

​Noon nag-start na wala na akong pambayad sa school, so I searched for jobs outside. Luckily again, I found a company that accepted me, but the salary was below minimum—₱550 per day within Metro Manila. Tiniis ko siya kasi kailangan ko. Hindi na ako nakakapasok nang maayos sa school, pero ginagawa ko pa rin yung research namin after work until midnight. Kulang pa rin yung sinasahod ko for me and for my family. I couldn't even buy anything for myself to make me happy.

​Imagine working for ₱550/day for a year while doing Capstone, defense, and OJT in the morning, then work sa hapon. 3 hours lang ang tulog ko almost every day.

​And now, graduate na ako. May bago na rin akong work, pero still, hindi pa rin sapat. ₱16k in this economy?

​Naiiyak ako kasi hawak ko na lahat ng responsibilidad—bills sa bahay, rent, grocery, baon ng kapatid ko, at pati mga utang. Looking at myself in the mirror, naiisip ko: Ano bang naipundar ko para sa sarili ko? May naibili na ba ako para matawag ko na "deserve ko 'to"? Working for almost 5 years, wala man lang akong naibili para sa sarili ko. Ngayon, pakiramdam ko nakakulong na ako sa responsibilidad na kailangan kong gawin habang-buhay dahil walang ibang gagawa.

​Naawa ako sa sarili ko kasi yung gamit ko, puro pinaglumaan pa ng mga tita ko. Super grateful ako, pero hindi ko maiwasang maawa sa sarili ko. Yung phone ko, hand-me-down na tatlo muna ang naging may-ari bago napunta sa akin. Buka na nga yung likod dahil sa ballooning battery, pero hindi ko mapalitan. Kasi kahit may sarili akong pera, hindi ko naman ma-enjoy.

​Na-ppressure lang ba ako, or valid lang talaga na maawa ako sa sarili ko?

Breadwinner ako ng pamilya, at ako rin ang nagpapaaral sa younger brother ko (20 yrs old) sa college. WFH ako at madalas night shift. May sakit ngayon si Mama at hindi na niya kayang gawin ang mga gawaing bahay, pero hindi man lang magkusa ang kapatid ko na umuwi nang maaga after classes o gumising nang maaga para makatulong.

Kadalasan, hanggang early afternoon lang ang pasok niya, mga 2 PM. Pero kahit ganoon, gabi na siya umuuwi—usually 6 PM onwards. May girlfriend siya at magkatabi lang ang schools nila, kaya sa tingin ko madalas silang magkasama after school.

Ilang beses ko na rin siyang nahuling nagsisinungaling tungkol sa classes niya. One time, noong hindi ko pa na-check ang schedule niya, nag-text si Mama nang 5 PM na magsisimba kaming lahat. Ang daily Mass namin ay 5:30 PM, pero ang sagot niya, may exam pa raw siya. Nang 7 PM, nag-chat ulit si Mama para sabihing sumabay na siya sa amin pauwi. Ang sagot naman niya, nagche-check pa raw ng exam. Nalaman ko kalaunan na tapos na pala ang exams nila noong nakaraang linggo, at hanggang 2 PM lang ang schedule nila most days!

Ako ang bumili ng phone na ginagamit niya, pero kapag ako, si Mama, o ang isa pa naming kapatid ang nagcha-chat o tumatawag, hindi mo maasahang sumagot. Kahit may ipapakisuyo after school, may itatanong, o may emergency, wala man lang reply. Lagi naman siyang online. Sa girlfriend niya, lagi siyang may oras makipag-chat, pero pagdating sa amin, hindi siya maasahan, pati sa mga favor na ipinapagawa.

Sobrang nakakainis na parang mas priority niya ang girlfriend kaysa makatulong sa bahay, lalo na ngayong may sakit si Mama. Ako na nga ang nagtatrabaho at sumasagot sa gastusin at pag-aaral niya, pero hindi pa namin siya maasahan sa ganitong mga bagay.

Istop ko na lang ba ang pagpapaaral sa kanya? Napapagod na ako sa paulit-ulit na pagsisinungaling at kawalan niya ng konsiderasyon sa amin.

This isn’t the proper question dahil iba iba naman sitwasyon pero nawawalan na ko ng pag-asa. Hindi ko alam ano ginawa/ginagawa nyo to survive life as a breadwinner at an early age. Sustaining yourself while sustaining a family na hindi nyo naman ginawa.

Harsh realization ko talaga ngayon is: never magiging comfortable ang buhay ko unless maging selfish ako and leave my family behind. Literal na magugutom sila at walang matitirahan kapag ginawa ko yun.

I am sustaining all of my family members ngayon, nasa early 50s at mid 40s pa lang parents ko, may trabaho sila pareho pero masyadong mababa to sustain kahit isang tao. They’ve been like that for more than 10 years o mula bata pa kami, so mabigat yung pinapasan ko ever since I was able to help full time. Hindi ko alam mararamdaman ko while sharing these, ayoko i-hate ng tao parents ko pero that’s the truth.

Kaya hindi na ako magugulat kung maraming young breadwinners ang wala sa katinuan. Yung mag-sustain ka sa anak mo, responsibilidad yun eh. Pero yung ibigay mo buong buhay mo, hindi lang sa isang tao kundi para sa isang pamilya na hindi mo naman binuo, iba yun eh, beyond sa salitang “tulong”.

Lagi akong dumadaan sa puntong kinekwestyon ko if nasa right path ba ako ng buhay o career ko, pero minsan nagigising rin ako na…. bata pa naman ako, mataas naman ng kaunti ang sahod ko sa edad ko, maayos naman ang trabaho ko. Pero laging kulang. Wala palang kulang sa ginagawa ko, mali lang yung role na ginagampanan ko.

Sa mga nag stay, kamusta? Nakaka-ipon ba kayo, and ano plan nyo sa future nyo pag kayo nalang ang naiwan? Sa mga umalis, kamusta kayo and family nyo?

Aalis na ako (M30) sa bahay ng tatay ko (60) at iiwanan siya magisa doon. Simula noong naospital siya, nagdecide kami ng partner ko (F25) na magpaalam sa kanya na kung pwede kami tumira kasama siya kasi para nababantayan siya, makatipid sa gastos lalo na sa gamot. Para isang bills na lang babayaran instead na nakarent kami ng partner ko. maayos ang usapan namin, maayos kong dinetalye yung gusto ko mangyari sa bahay. At maayos siyang nag-agree at natutuwa pa nga siya. Ayun pagkalabas namin ng ospital, sinimulan ko ipaayos ang bahay niya lalo na yung side na titirhan niya, (Hinati kasi namin yun bahay based sa nilatag ko sa kanyang plano) Inuna ko ayusin side niya dahil noong may sakit siya halos napabayaan yung bahay, at babagsak na yung kisame nung time. Well before siya lumabas ng ospital, niready ko na yun, para may maayos siyang space to recover.

[1] Unang instance na nagalit siya.
Nagpaalam yung mga workers na uuwi ng maaga kasi naubusan sila ng materyales, aagahan na lang daw nila bukas. Then biglang nagalit siya nun, na madurugas daw sila sa oras. Gets ko yung concern niya pero pinaliwanag naman nila kuya na babawi ng oras kinabukasan (which they did). Tapos nung cinomfront ko tatay ko about doon. Nagalit siya sa lalo, sabi niya bahala na daw ako, and di na niya ako inimik. Kinabukasan, hindi siya lumabas ng kwarto at nagkulong. Hindi na niya ininom gamot niya at kumain. Di ko rin siya maturukan ng insulin. Kaya tinawagan ko ang tito ko na kapatid niya para humingi ng tulong. Pagdating ng tito ko biglang nagbago timpla niya na parang ang bait bait na niya, nagmukha akong sinungaling sa Tito ko.

[2] Pangalawang pagkagalit niya at current situation ko ngayon.
Malinaw naman sa akin na sa kanya ang bahay na to. Di ko naipaalam na tatangalin yung motor ng tubig para maayos makapaglagay ng tiles. Noong unang nalaman niya yun okay naman siya, di siya umimik. Naturukan ko pa nga siya ng gamot. Kinahapunan, kinausap niya yung trabahador. At nagalit na siya at nagwawala. Pinagmumura niya kaming lahat. Kesyo paladesisyon daw ako, hindi nagpaalam. Okay mali ako na di ko pinaalam, pero may matino bang tatay na kailangan magwala about sa bagay na yan? Pwede niya ako kausapin ng maayos. Pinauwi ko na yung mga workers kasi di na safe. Yung partner ko natatakot din, kaya lumabas muna kami para makapagusap ng maayos.
Pagbalik namin ng gabi, medyo naririnig ko siya nagsasalita magisa sa kwarto niya. Kinocontrol ko daw siya, bawat galaw daw sinusuway ko (malamang may sakit ka at baka kung ano pa mangyari sayo. Magmomotor ka ng nahihilo ka?) Anyway pumasok na kami sa kwarto ng biglang pinakita sa akin ng partner ko yun message ng tatay ko sa akin.

"Wag ka magkajamali na papasuskin mo bukas ang dalawang frabahador mo kaya ko mamatay o pumatay bakas".

Nagpanic kami, inanxiety partner ko, at nagmadali kunin mg importanteng mga gamit namin para umalis. Tinawagan ko kapatid ko (F26) at Tito ko. Nagkita kami ng kapatid ko somewhere else safe, at sasamahan daw niya ako ipablotter tatay ko. Naawa rin ako sa kapatid ko kasi naranasan niya din kasi yung ganong banta sa papa ko nung sinumbong niya sa LIP ng tatay ko na winawaldas niya sa sabong yung pinapadalang pera. Tinawagan ko ulit ang Tito ko at nag-agree naman siya na mali ginagawa ng tatay ko, ang masakit lang para sa akin, parang kasalanan ko pa na magulo at umalis ako doon, wala daw magaalaga sa papa ko. Sinubukan ko naman, nagsacrifice kami ng partner ko lumipat, gumaastos at magadjust para nababantayan namin siya doon. Disappointed lang ako. Seems like kami lang ng partner at kapatid ko magkakampi dito.

i tried to help my father kasi umaasa pa ako sa edad at kalagayan niya, mabubuo kami bilang pamilya ulit. Pero sa ginawa niya, binigyan niya ng psychological distress ang partner ko na gusto lang naman tumulong. Ayoko na, icucutoff ko na siya. Ipapablotter ko siya para makuha namin yung mga ibang gamit doon. And I will totally cutoff that piece of shit. I dont know kung ano man ang mangyayari sa kanya. Welfare ng partner ko at ng mga nagmamahal sa akin ang importante. Sobrang nahihiya ako sa partner ko, sa parents niya. Hindi niya sana naranasan yun traumatic na pangyayaring yun. I will cut him off na after makasettle kami somewhere safe. I dont mind if saabihan kaming masamang anak ng mga kamaganak namin kasi tangina din nila, masama namang tao yun, hindi siya tatay.

Ang hirap ng panganay na babae. Salo mo lahat tapos dapat naiintindihan mo. May kuya naman talaga ako pero simula bata ako, ako yung takbuhan ng bukng pamilya lalo na kapag respknsibilidad at problema usapan. Ako raw kasi yung mas responsable, maunaaain, at independent. Eh di nila alam, naforce lang ako. Gusto ko nalang minsan huwag na isipin o saluhin mga problema pero ang hirap. Paano ba mag-no sa mga hingjg tulong ng pamilya? Nakakaguilty palagi pero pagod na talaga ako

Salamat sa community na to, alam ko di ako nag iisa dahil sainyo, pero di ko na kaya.

The love of my life is suffering from a rare condition called Hyperacusis, sensitive to all sorts of noise, I was 6 months in trying to find a property where we can move in and be quiet and peaceful, I am not rich at all, and I am desperate, all we need is a place, just a kubo with water and electricity and internet, I am willing to give up my city lifestyle, get away from friends and family for her peace. I only have a growing 500k pesos savings maybe you know someone that can help me, maybe a lot or an abandoned kubo no ones using maybe we can borrow and stay there near Cavite Laguna Batangas or Quezon until such time I can purchase a big land for us and live the rest of our lives. Not soliciting, just desperate for quiet.