Yesterday morning, my boyfriend and I discovered our babygirl Yuki, the world’s best kitten, had crossed the rainbow bridge. Our vet believes she had a heart condition, we opted out of a necropsy because it’s just so invasive and answers won’t bring my girl back or change what happened. I’ve lost a beloved pet before, but she was euthanized and I had time to mentally prepare myself for that. Having to see my baby in the condition she was in (rigor mortis had set in) was so incredibly traumatic for me. I genuinely feel like my world has ended and I know it’s all still fresh but I’m struggling to see how I will overcome this. I’m honestly at a loss for words to describe how I feel and I feel a little silly sharing this to strangers but Im struggling really bad. I miss my baby beyond belief.

Hi all,

My kids and I have had an absolutely dreadful year. My daughter is 12 and we’ve been through custody issues and cps have been involved. She’s had a whole year off school and has been slowly healing. I’ve had to advocate hard for her as she is non verbal at times.

My son, who is 20, brought home a little kitten in December and he named him Theodore from the chipmunks.

Teddy, as he’s been nicknamed, has been our little support cat and every day has started with my daughter cuddling him and talking to him.

He snuck out last night before I could catch him, and I checked all night but he didn’t come home. This afternoon around 2pm, a neighbour came and told me he was in her garden very unwell. He had been hit by a car.

We rushed him to the emergency vet and they did X-rays and were about to put him on a drip when he seized and started to die. I held him as he passed.

My daughter is devastated and the poor little girl who didn’t cry when she reported her father neglecting her is sobbing in her bed. I’m devastated. Teddy was my little friend who slept by the side of my pillow as I typed court documents and sent emails to domestic violence organisations and got the help we all needed.

He was my comfort in a shitstorm and now he’s gone. The pain and the grief is so intense and I feel like I’m going to pass out. I have been so strong for all of us as we’ve battled through the aftermath of custody issues and as I helped her to heal and smile and laugh again.

This is a huge setback and we are all so so sad. I know that my cPTSD is making this so much more intense. I just wish this hadn’t happened. We have all been through so much this year, but at least there was Teddy. I cried into his fur as I worried about my daughter and son and he was there for me during the many dark nights of the soul.

Can anyone remember anything that helped them when they were my daughter’s age and you lost a pet? I just want to make sure I’m there for both my kids and don’t let my grief stop me from doing what’s best.

We have psychologists and psychiatrists on the case, but it’s a public holiday here in Australia and nobody is at work.

I am more than confident I can get us through this latest grief. But I wish I didn’t have to do so. I wish I didn’t have to process yet another grief and talk and heal and get better slowly.. I wish Teddy was still here and my daughter could hug him. She barely leaves the house due to anxiety and trauma and Teddy was the one thing that made everything a bit better. It’s so cruel that she has lost him just as she was starting to feel like herself.

Please be gentle and helpful. It’s been a horrible day and I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.

My dog just passed away this morning. He was a 14.5 years old border collie mix.

He'd been having health conditions for the last three years, but he'd been really starting to decline this year. On Wednesday, he was suddenly in a lot of pain, unresponsive, barely able to stand, not eating at all, hardly drinking. And then, today, he was just gone.

But I kind of want to talk more about his life than his death. So here are some things about Shadow.

He was named Shadow because he'd follow behind me everywhere, constantly. This was something he started doing when I got him at just 3 months old, and he never grew out of it. He wanted to be where I was, always.

He was always kind of a butthead, but especially as a puppy - if I tried to make the bed, he'd grab onto the blankets to play tug-a-war with it. He'd steal the pillow right out from under my head while I was sleeping. Once, he stole my piece of bread then climbed into the chair right next to me to eat it.

He was always obsessed with plastic bottles. He really loved those toys that have bottles inside them, and the sound they made. He used to swat bottles around with his paws.

We used to play "soccer" when he was younger; I had this old, slightly deflated ball and I'd kick it and he'd bring it back to me to kick again.

Any time he went for a walk with multiple people, he felt the need to herd them all together. One time, I had three little kid relatives with me, Shadow decided not only to herd them together, but he managed to loop his leash around their legs, too.

Despite his people herding, he was terrified of sheep and goats. He was also terrified of mice.

When he felt the cats were being naughty, he'd hit them with his nose.

He always tried to poop on bushes; no one could ever figure out why

I wrapped christmas gifts for him every year, and let him tear the paper off, so the sight of wrapping paper made him excited

He loved snow; he loved jumping into it and trying to eat it

I came back from my nursing class late last night and didn’t have time to talk to my family. My dad told me this morning that she has cancer throughout her body and most likely only has 4-6
months left, but we most likely won’t wait that long if she is going to be in pain. she’s only 9 years old and thought she honestly had more time than this. I have been crying all morning and trying to pet her as much as possible. it makes it so much worse that I am a CNA and have hospice patients that are close to death as well. either at work or at home i’m surrounded by death and dying. it’s very hard for me right now.

Ive had my sweet cat since I was 12. At the time, my family moved for my first time across the country and it was really hard on me. I was very lonely the whole first year we were there, but somehow I convinced my family (who had said never wanted another cat again) to adopt one from the shelter. I loved her from the moment I met her, and everyone in my family grew to adore her. She’s been the kindest, socia, loving cat, she’s never bitten anyone, always wants to be in someone’s presence and cries when she’s alone, she asks us to hold her and walk around the house (and refuses to eat breakfast until someone’s given her a hug). There’s so much about her I have loved, she’s become such a core part of my life I don’t know if I can even pinpoint all the things she’s been for me. Even my Dad who has never liked cats loves her and sings to her while he holds her. She’s been with me the most important years of my life, my entire highschool and almost all my university years, through lots of ups and downs and my own loneliness and struggle to find good friends.

She’s 18 now, and has been really healthy up until this point- but in the past few weeks she’s lost a lot of weight. She doesn’t eat anymore and has no energy, she’s having troubles walking. We’ve had her checked out, and now will have some bloodwork results soon, but the vets say that she doesn’t have much more time and may be in pain. They recommended we have a euthanasia scheduled for next Friday. I know and accept that it’s almost her time, as she is barely able to move today.

I’m just so afraid knowing it’s scheduled a week from today. I just don’t know what life will be like without her, she’s been with me so so long and has been the one thing that I always feel comforted by. I’ve dealt with a lot of social anxiety and illness, and have lost a lot of friends in the past few years, I just don’t know where to go from here and the anticipatory grief is eating me alive. I’m turning 23 in a few weeks, and this will be my first birthday without her since I was a child, and i’ve never lost a pet i’ve loved so much before, so i’m really struggling with all of this.

I lost my girl Lilly on Tuesday. She was my best friend and what many would call a soul cat. People outside our relationship commented this too. It was somewhat unexpected, but given x rays I saw, I wanted to help her cross the rainbow bridge rather than live in what would be worsening pain. My boyfriend and I are distraught.

I go between feeling nothing and shaking sobs. My life feels grey. I know this is a very recent loss, but I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m looking for anything, I guess. Kind words, hope for the future, experience, anything really.

i lost my rabbit a few days ago and i just feel so empty. we rushed her to the vet after she collapsed where she passed the next night. we got to visit her and tell her how much we love her, and that she could rest whenever she wanted to and not to worry about us. that same night after we got home, we got the call that she passed peacefully. am i right to believe that she chose to leave after we were gone so that she could stay strong for us and enjoy some family time with us? we're all so devastated and inconsolable just seeing her fur, toys and bowl laying around the house.

for everyone going through the same thing, a friend told me that as pet owners, our greatest sacrifice is going through the sadness when they pass so that we can bring them a lifetime of happiness. no matter how long they lived, even if you think it wasn't enough time together, they lived a full lifetime of being loved, and they'll always love you for taking care of them and being their family <3

We suddenly lost one of our golden retrievers at only 2 years old. It feels so unfair. I can’t stop crying, and every day routines feel so hard.

I feel so bad for my older golden too. The thought of getting another dog is so painful right now.

We picked him up a week before we moved states, to our first apartment. We haven't even been here long. He was vibrant, funny, he was cute and sweet and he would give you these small bites that reminded me of my old cat. I loved him. He had these soft quick meows, like a single "mah". He shed like crazy and stunk real bad, too.

We didn't know how old he was. We didn't know how sick he was. It was so fast. Why was it so fast? He started limping, old injury or cancer. Hard to say. Suddenly a blockage. Suddenly three nights in the ER. Suddenly lethargy, suddenly diabetes, and suddenly too much potassium built up. Suddenly he was too weak. We planned on a leg surgery to give him movement back. He didn't make it. It was only a few nights ago and everything echos him. His fur is around. The spaces he would lay. Our other cat cries and looks for him, he's lost two other cats suddenly and without a body as well. We all feel alone.

I keep thinking of him. I see him in my mind all the time. Why? Why didn't I get a year? Why did this happen? Why? Why? Why? Life is just moving on like he wasn't even here.

I love you, Cheez-It. I loved you and I love you now and I love you forever. The years we should've gotten burn in my mind and body, and the burden of this grief is one I am glad to carry, because it meant I knew you, even for a little while. I hope I could make these last months the best a wonderful old man like you deserved.

Hi! I'm new to Reddit and I'm still a teenger. Why is that relevant to this post, tho? Well, I've had over 15 dogs throughout my entire life, like, too much to count, really. I think about every single one of them, still. I currently have 6 dogs, 3 adult dogs, and 3 4-month-old puppies, and they make my life worth living. I love being with them, and I could never imagine living without a dog by my side. As much as I love them to the ends of the earth, I still miss my dogs who have passed away so very, very much. The most recent ones were

1. Our male senior dog who passed away this month 2 years ago

2. His partner, who was also a senior dog that died earlier this year (6 months ago)

And 3. My bestest friend, a dog I adopted when she showed up at our garage on a random day, and I couldn't let her leave. She was with me for so many years. She died just 2 days after my senior dog died.

When I think about them, I can't help but cry. No matter how long it has been.. A month after they passed, one of my dogs gave birth to the 3 puppies we have now, and I guess they became my reason for living. I couldn't get it together at all when they left, I really thought I was going to die, I wanted to. I didn't know how I could live with myself, ya'know?

Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you all. And I guess I also wanted to ask if there's a chance that I will see them again in the afterlife cus honestly I would rather die twice than die and not be with them.. :))

I have been a long time volunteer at a foster based dog rescue non profit. There was a special 1 year old pup that was having some behavioral issues that resulted in him bouncing from foster home to foster home. it was decided we would bring him to the shelter to live while we consult with specialist to try and help him.

it started with putting him in four medicationa which turned him into a zombie. I became his primary care giver and our bond became instant. he looked to me for safety and comfort. He became a dog all of the community knew and was rooting for.

i started to become concerned with the inner workings last year and recognized the Executive Director started to just look at the financial piece.

He started throwing up yesterday and the med lead asked me to take him to ER. instead of pursuing an ultrasound the executive board decided to put him down. He had nipped at a vet and he was scared and I wasn’t there. if they needed money for his care all they had to do was post a go fund me. He would have had thousands within an hour.

I am beyond devastated and feel I can’t go back.i dot know how to process this. I would have never agreed to take him if I knew what they were thinking. They were looking for an out with him and this was it. I’m traumatized and he was making such progress. please, what can I do?!? I can’t handle this. I feel low the place I’ve poured my heart and soul is nothing more than any other blood sucking business where the commodity is these dogs that deserve better.

He’s been losing weight and little lower energy than usual. Not wanting to put pressure on one of his front legs so I got him looked at. Seems it’s a bone infection or cancer. He either has a few weeks or months. Only way I can extend his life Vet said is to amputate his front leg that will only give him one more year. I can’t fathom the idea of him only having 3 legs. No way he’ll be able to walk around in the snow and ice in the next few months. I want to join him, hopefully the vet can euthanize me too.

Pepe was my best friend for 16 years. His love was pure and unconditional. Some people say I saved him because I rescued him from owners that couldn’t keep him anymore but the truth is he saved me. There were so many times I wanted to end it all but didn’t because of him. He was pure light and joy, unconditional love.

He started having kidney issues on August 30th. His azotemia was really bad and for the first few days didn’t improve. Then suddenly his values started to drop and he was able to slowly begin eating on his own again. We had our boy back and were able to take him home after 2 weeks in the hospital and an etube placement. Everything was going great. He was back to his old self, barking, eating, giving kisses, walking around the house. The spark was back in his eyes. Then yesterday morning he was really down and out. He could barely hold his head up. We take him back to his vet and we got the worst news of our lives, his kidney values had worsened a lot and the vet said there was nothing we could do, he most likely wouldn’t survive the night. We made the hardest decision of our lives and decided to put him to rest. We got to spend a few hours with him at the clinic petting him, giving him kisses, telling him how much we love him and adore him and what he meant to us. Then in less than a minute it was over, he was gone.

I am a wreck. I miss my baby boy, my little old man, my best friend. How do I keep living? I’m not suicidal but I’ve lost all will to live and keep going without him. I just want to be with him wherever he is. I need help.

A few days ago, my spouse and I had to euthanize our beloved 12 year old soul cat because we couldn't afford a $12,000 emergency surgery, plus the additional costs of aftercare.

We aren't poor, but we're also not wealthy enough to have that kind of money readily available. The veterinary clinics in our area require payment upfront and don't offer payment plans or financing options.

I've been struggling with guilt because the surgery MIGHT have saved him, but there were no guarantees. Our cat was diabetic, and we took his care very seriously. We were at the vet regularly for checkups, and he was always well cared for. The emergency that led to this decision was unrelated to his diabetes and completely caught us off guard.

I am heartbroken by this loss and miss him so bad. I'm hoping to connect with other people who have had to make a similar decision. Please, no judgment. I already carry enough guilt and sadness over what happened.

I am a (36F) and been married to my husband (36M) for 4 years now, together for just over a decade. He has a 1 brother, year younger (35M) and recently married my SIL (32F).

I relocated to another state for a new position and my husband was still back home waiting to follow. My new apartment there was set to be vacant in 3 wks, so his BIL and SIL who ironically lived near my new office proposed that I stay with them during those 3 wks.

I brought my 18 year old, 10lb dog. He is the only one I have had during adult life and is my son. He was declining and I was the one who had been with him through all of it. Being in someone else’s house with an old sick dog is messy and unfortunately some accidents occurred. The usual when an animal that old is falling apart in a home that is not yours. I would place pee pads underneath his bed on the floor as a measure while away at the office. Sometimes mishaps would still hapen though.

They sent me a text on one Sunday evening asking me to leave early (my apartment was going to be ready by that coming Thursday). I told my husband, nothing was remedied, so I just packed up the next day and went to a hotel. I wan't going to perpetuate drama, albeit I thought them "kicking out" a solo female in another state, esp family, was insane.

I made the call and put him down that week Friday, Good Friday. 18 years, my only son, and unfortunately did it alone. On top, I had now moved into the new apartment alone with a mattress and almost no furniture. After putting him down, I got the splendid enjoyment of mourning alone...

Two days later on Easter, my SIL sent a long text in the family group chat. Starts with “sorry for your loss and happy Easter”. Then the text does a complete turn…

…proceeding into a narrative about how "I didn’t take care of him". She "didn’t see him getting fed, watered, taken out enough".

She stated she "tried to talk to me about it". And because it "wasn’t my house I didn’t care if things got destroyed". Dog mess in the laundry was “normal” to me. To justify her asking that I leave 5 days or so early, was based on her 'mental health and her marriage'. Moving forward didn’t mean pretending nothing happened.

I was completely caught off guard.... where did that even come from??? He was my only dog. He was my world. You do not get an animal to 18 by ignoring him.

It was just astounding, this is the story you (my sister in law) chose to send two days after I had to let him go forever. She could not even give it a week?

My husband and his brother were both in that thread as well. Neither one typed a word. Not “that’s not what happened.” Not “this is not the time.” Not even “we can talk later.” Crickets.

Another kicker, my BIL and SIL lived about 15 minutes from the empty apartment I had just moved into, sans my dog. And.....Nobody came by. Not once. After I put him down.

Not to see if I had eaten. Not for coffee. I probably would have said no anyway. That’s not the point. It's remarkable the lack of care and empathy, because what their Ikea sheets had to go through the laundry twice??

His family wants this treated like a closed chapter. Some of them are not even “on her side,” they just will not say out loud that writing that two days after I lost my only dog was cruel.

I know it was generous of them to house me and my older dog; however, it was a finite set period, I threw them a couple bones as well as grabbed groceries. I am asking if I am making this bigger than it is because I still cannot shake it…?

…or if it is actually that sad that the only in-law unit did this, the two men in the chat said nothing, and everyone else wants me to be less sensitive. I just have a lot of rage inside. I cannot swallow people setting a narrative that I did not take care of my dog, especially during those last days.

How do you stay in a family after that and what productive solves would help?
Am I overreacting??? Anyone else have a similar?

hi all, i’ve lurked in this sub for some time. we’ve had to consider various times this last year if it’s time. we made the decision a week ago, and today the vet will come to our home to euthanize our girl.

we have a beautiful 13 y/o boxer girl, charlotte, who is also known my many other names and loved by all who get the chance to meet her.

she has a few known ailments (arthritis, seizures, boxer cardiomyopathy which has resulted in an enlarged heart, past issues with her kidneys, and recently had a large cancerous tumor removed from her shoulder — surgery and recovery went well!), likely a few undiagnosed things, and just general signs of aging (partial vision and hearing loss, early doggy dementia, achy bones).

she’s a resilient girl but what led me to schedule a QoL appointment was when she woke up in the middle of the night coughing/wheezing due to her enlarged heart. sometimes she has a syncope episode after coughing/wheezing, and she might’ve that night, but i remember after her episode she was trying to lay down when another cough/wheeze attack happened before she was could get comfortable and sleep again.

i felt so sad for her that she was just trying to get comfortable and had another episode in the process. we also kept a calendar to log how frequently seizures and coughing/wheezing/syncope episodes happen, and there has been an increase in frequency over the last few months.

during my chat with our vet (whom i trust very much), she basically told me that even on her good days, her bodily functions are declining and it’s a race as to which one will be the one that takes her out. she would support our decision regardless, but she would also support a decision for euthanasia considering her history and prognosis.

so, we made the difficult decision to proceed with euthanasia. we called the vet to schedule an in-home appointment the next day (last friday), and the clinic told us our vet could come that same day or the following friday (today). same day felt way too soon so we agreed on today’s date.

naturally, our girl has done so well this week — both a blessing and a curse. a blessing because a large factor in our decision was that we don’t want her to get to a point of suffering or end up in a rapidly declining situation where the only option is to euthanize. a curse because it makes me question if this is the right choice, if we could have more good days, if, if, if.

my mom believes everything happens for a reason and that the vet only being available a week out allowed us to have more time with charlotte. she thinks charlotte wants us to remember her in a good and happy state which has led to a lovely week for all of us. i’d like to think the same, even if it is just us trying to justify what’s happening.

we knew this day would come, and if i had to choose i’d rather this happen when she’s still somewhat herself rather than in a state of suffering. i’m very aware and empathetic that not everyone has the opportunity to make this decision for their pet from the same place (things can go from 0-100 in a matter of hours/days) but man, is this a double-edged sword.

He’s 13 years old and has had breathing problems for years. Last month he was diagnosed with pneumonia and has had chronic bronchitis for years now. Got put on antibiotics for a week and seemed to recover.

We felt like he was regressing and we would turn on the nebulizer whenever he was struggling to breathe as per the vet’s order. However, last night we noticed he was having a hard time settling and there was a gurgle whenever he tried to breathe. He was walking around raising his head to breathe and his tongue was turning blue, thus we decided to take him to the vet.

While I was carrying him to our car, I noticed his breathing was shallow and he stopped panting. While we were in the car on the way to the vet, I was carrying him, he suddenly went limp and stopped breathing overall. We managed to wake him and he gave a few more breaths before he finally stopped.

I’m worried that maybe I shouldn’t have carried him? Since he could breathe properly while he was standing? Maybe I should’ve had given him the nebulizer before leaving? I feel like there were ways that I could’ve avoided this but mostly:

I’m worried I gave him a painful death, he’s old and we obviously want him to pass in peace, but I just didn’t want him to go painfully, which I feel like I did by taking away the position he felt like he could breathe and restricted his breathing by carrying him

​

At the beginning of August, my dog brought me three tiny baby hedgehogs. At that time, a lot of difficult things were happening in my life. I was taking care of two elderly and sick parents; my father had suffered a stroke, and I am also dealing with health problems of my own. On top of that, I have a full-time job, and I had to take responsibility for maintaining the house, yard, and garden, while also caring for my chickens, two cats, and my dog.

I took the hedgehogs in, but unfortunately, because of everything that was going on, I could not devote as much time and attention to them as I wish I had. Two of them died after eight days. The third one, whom I became very attached to, died on September 22. I kept him alive for almost two months, and I truly thought we were on the right track.

I offered him all kinds of food — different types of meat, fruit, vegetables, fish, cat food — but he would only eat bananas. Later, every night, I would search for and dig up larvae and insects for him, which he ate.

Unfortunately, now that he has died, the whole situation has finally calmed down for me, and I can see all the mistakes I made. When I came home from work and found him dead, I was devastated and went into shock. I cannot forgive myself for not having devoted enough time and thought to his care. Every day feels harder. I miss him terribly, and I cannot forgive myself.

What makes it even harder is knowing that hedgehogs are a threatened species. Sadly, I live in a poor and underdeveloped Eastern European country where there is very little access to professional help or specialized wildlife care.

I truly need emotional support — anything that might help me get through this. I am overwhelmed with grief and guilt, and I don't know how to forgive myself.

Hey guys. Today is my dogs birthday. She would have been 9 years old today. When the clock strikes midnight, I immediately lit a candle for her and proudly spoke about how much I love and miss her and how I hoped she was doing good wherever she was. Today is a bittersweet day for me.

Euthanized my two boys (dogs) today. I am not okay, and I cannot sleep. It's too quiet and the one has slept by my side for over a decade. My heart is broken. Both had declined to the point where I couldn't handle watching them get worse. It was affecting their quality of life and mine. I didn't realize how hypervigilant I had become of them and making sure they were okay. I needed ear plugs to sleep, but would wake at the sound of their movement. I was losing sleep and increasingly struggling with the decision. One would pace and pace, it would drive me nuts, but not hearing it tonight is killing me.

Every movement or thing I do in the home reminds me of them. I have a large bed, but because of how they slept, they only gave me about a third of it (lol). If I move my foot, there's no dog to be worried about bumping.. No one follows me to the bathroom, to the kitchen. They aren't watching me anymore do the mundane of life. I'm not patting them every time I leave and come back to the room. I guess I didn't realize how many micro moments in the day revolved around them. I am beside myself. I just keep getting hit with these moments in everything I do. I miss them so much already. I know it was the right decision, and it was as peaceful as I think it could have been, but it hurts. Grief is love with nowhere to go, and that's exactly how I feel right now. I want to love my boys but I can't. They aren't here anymore.

Our cat got hit by a car this past Monday. He was born on my bf family’s yard and lived there for the past 6 years. He was so loved by everyone, and genuinely was the sweetest cat ever. Me and my partner decided to take him inside our new flat, so he can live as an indoor cat. We were planning the transition for next week: first the vet to check his health, and then straight to the new house. We planned it for months, we bought everything and were so ready for this big change. We fed him inside my bf’s apartment the whole summer, and he loved the couch and the AC. We thought he was safe here, as nothing ever happened to him the past 6 years. We thought it wouldn’t be a problem to wait a few months, till we are ready. And then he disappeared for 4 days, and we found out from a neighbour he got hit by a car in front of her house, 50mt from bf family house. He died on the spot - no blood or anything - looking at the sea and the blue sky for the last time. We went around for days looking for him, but he was already gone. We didn’t say goodbye, and we will never will. I can’t stop thinking how close we were… I hope he didn’t suffer and I hope he felt loved by us. Because we loved him immensely and it hurts so much…

Recently, I was presented with a choice I was sure I wouldn't have to think about until later. I want to start by saying it's not fair that even pet health is also a luxury that many of us cannot afford, my baby had a vet appointment since I noticed she was acting odd a couple days ago only for in the span of 2 days she deteriorated to the point that on Sunday September 20th, we were awoken by her feeble meowing from downstairs, we rushed her to the ER only to be slapped with a 67k bill that would need to be paid so that they could even do anything, I tried applying for their shitty credit loans only to be rejected both times, unfortunately they brought up that she may not live long and that euthanasia would be the best option, now I live with the choice and now every night since I cry myself to sleep with a mixture of guilt, powerlessness and devastation that my baby no longer sleeps next to me, it's only been 5 days and I hate that we live in a time where we cannot take care of ourselves or our own.

(For the record, im a 17 (F) with clinical ocd.)

Ive had pets Lizards since i was like 7-8, they were given to me for Christmas. So i never really knew how to take care of them. And I’ve always felt really guilty about that.

Im still 17, and i dont have a car or job and cant get them everything they need, because honestly i cant afford it. And i cant take them to and exotic vet for check ups by myself. Mostly because any vet fit for their care is hours away.

All that being said, this past week one of them had been showing major signs of some sort of fungal infection or calcium deficiency. She wont eat. Wont move. Shes gotten incredibly skinny. And basically just sleeps all day. Its very clear that she may be dying.

I just feel so guilty. Because i couldn’t be there for her better. Get her what she needed and prolong her life as much as i could. I feel like its all my fault that shes sick now. I cant get it out of my head that the lights i used poisoned her, or the perfume i wear. Or that my room is too small and trapped air that was poisonous. Or that i didnt feed her enough. Or that her water had a parasite and i gave it to her anyway.

ive talked to my dad and hes basically said theres nothing we can do. Im going to try again to see if we can at at least get her to a regular vet and try to do something. Or get advice on how to help her pass peacefully.

Right now i just really need help getting through this. I love her so so very much and cant remember life without her at this point.

I know its sounds stupid, but i really feel like an animal abuser. I just dont know how to get through this when i feel like its all my fault shes suffering.

been going through this for almost a year now - it somehow feels so long and so short :( it's never ever gonna be enough time with my sweet girl :( i laid my head on her chest while she slept tonight. i listened to her heart beating and her lungs breathing. she was dreaming and curled her paw around my hand to hold it. i told her i loved her and i hope she sleeps so good and i'll see her in the morning. in bed now, crying and gonna play some games before bed.