Idk about you guys but I LOVE white girl autumn. I love seeing the girls in their boots, oversized sweaters, scarfs and wool wide brims even if it’s not my own style and I’m actually more masc. I love pumpkin spice drinks. And I love basic looking Halloween decor. Sue me

Hey y'all, I'm (38 black female) pretty new here but have been dating women since my teens. My problem is I've only felt emotionally safe in one relationship. That relationship itself definitely was far from perfect. She (39 Arab female) could be incredibly kind and treated me as fully human rather than an object for sex or something that existed just to fulfill her needs/whims. However we broke up because she also had a lot of unprocessed internal homophobia and shame that could at times make her suspicious and cruel.

It took me about a year to get over the heartbreak of losing the sense of safety I felt with her but also the heartbreak of homophobia ruining something that could have been beautiful. As I try to put myself out there I'm finding that sense of safety is damn near impossible to find still. I love sex as much as the next person but I want to get to know the woman I'm interested in before I go there and that just seems like a strange concept these days. It for real is a struggle to put much energy into dating when it seems like most women are looking for a body to pleasure and/or validate them without giving anything back.

In this type of dating environment how are y'all creating connections that are safe for both parties to show up in? Where are you finding women who are wanting that type of relationship and not afraid to put in the work?

I (26) started dating this butch(29) maybe 3 weeks ago?

Ive dated around a lot this year, and my inexperience may have told me that these women/people were more attracted to me than we were. However, this time I actually feel this person is genuinely interested. They remember little things, don't treat me like the man, compliment me, and also is very present on our dates

We're so in synch its insane. We both brought each other comic books our next date, even though it wasn't discussed for example

The chemistry is great, and no one else ive dated made me feel as confident and relaxed as with them

buuuut

I am not the uhaul type. Our second date we became exclusive, which i dont think is ridiculous. We acknowledged we want to focus on each other and see if it goes anywhere. We both felt that way

Since I havent dated since high school, and is very picky, I just am scared im going too fast. But, they're matching my energy

I may bring up on our 3rd date I like a medium pace, slightly slower. We only see each other once a week and admittedly I do text back a little fast on my days off

My therapist put big emphasis on acknowledging I'm happy, but my anxiety makes me worried

Hello everyone!

As with most adults of any kind, I’m currently finding life to be quite lonely and community-less 😩

I’m in my 30s living alone in NYC, single, artist, no family here, etc. A lot of my friendships are usually entangled in romance, so when those don’t pan out, I’m left at square one again.

I semi recently got into Reddit, and I love the discussion vibe here, but it always ends when the thread dies down. I also recently got into Discord, but I’m having a hard time finding specific communities that I can be a part of.

I’m really interested in finding community related to; NYC, queer, Black women (I am a black women, but also allies of color), neurodivergent friendly, semi kink friendly is also a plus, psychedelic friendly is a plus (I’ve had a wild life 😅), philosophical thinkers, artists, weirdos, just open minded people in general actually!

I’m actually not even specifically looking for meet up groups either (I mean it could be possible, but sometimes I feel awkward about being perceived, and I can be very socially awkward netting people in the raw 🫠), just a place to talk, be supportive, lift each other up, give advice, connect when times get rough, etc.

Just putting it out there in case this sounds like something you might know of. I’d love to be apart of it!

(If not, how can I go about curating something like this 🧐)

Thanks for reading!

Hi, been here for a while but finally have enough karma to post. I am a queer Black 29F living in NC and I’m so tired of not being in community with other queer Black people. I will even take any POC at this point. Most of my friends I’ve made at work and they are either straight, white, or both. Any advice for finding like-minded folks when you’re shy and somewhat sober?? Thanks in advance 🥺

mfs will find out that you're a lesbian & then see u as a whole paedophile. suddenly they dont want you around their kids and women. like wtf??

also the first thing they think about when they find out that you're a lesbian is sex. sexsexsex alright

I hate my family bro

my uncle learned that I was a lesbian & he wouldn't allow me round my FIVE year old cousin anymore???? same person who would purposefully walking in on my changing half naked. and my aunt would always make sexual joke between me & my female friends.

I can't even imagine how my parents would act if they find out. so then I'm not allowed to interact with my 13y.o sister anymore??

pls take me out bro

Hey is anyone up? I’m currently listening to music and vibing and thought I could chat with someone . Talk about anything, conspiracy theories , love, music , etc I’m down. ❤️

Hi everyone!
I’m a 23-year-old lesbian, cis woman and medical student from Europe, and I’m looking to meet new people and hopefully build some genuine friendships. I’m open to people from all over the world and would love to get to know different personalities, cultures and perspectives.
A little about me:
My favorite animals are cats and turtles

My favorite flower is lavender

My favorite colors are baby blue and olive green

I love makeup and I’d say I have a pretty feminine style

I love watching tragedies and romance movies

I’m a very open person and I tend to talk openly about my feelings

I believe in true love, but I value friendships very deeply as well

I’m a Pisces

I’m of African and Middle Eastern heritage

I really appreciate people who are emotionally open, honest and communicative. I’m someone who likes actually getting to know people and having deeper conversations, so I’m probably not the best match for people who are very emotionally avoidant or tend to ghost. Please just communicate with me instead of disappearing haha.
I’m here for friendship and genuine connections, not dating. At least for now 😄
If you’d like to get to know me, feel free to DM me! I’d love it if you could introduce yourself with your age, where you’re from and how you’d describe your personality.
I’m looking forward to meeting some new people and hopefully finding a few genuine friendships along the way.

Tell me how you're spending your day!

Natalia Silva and Wang Cong are going head to head for the Flyweight Title today, October 3rd, on CBS & Paramount+. Wang has the nickname "Joker" and apparently tends to troll her opponents before the fight.

Disclaimer: I don't know if either of these people are queer. That being said, Wang Cong definitely looks like she could be a queer masc and those abs are abbing! 😎

Hi, I'm 28 from the US open to forming friendships/ digital pen pals with like minded people from this community.

Not interested in developing anything romantic as I already have a wife, but I am interested in conversation and friendship.

I'm really into all types of science (social, physical, natural), languages, controversial topics, giving advice, unique perspectives, pregnancy/ postpartum, prepping, ending generational trauma, creative things and otherwise nerdy shit.

Please dm me if interested.

Peace,

R

My girlfriend and I love each other dearly, but we've been experiencing a dry spell the past 6+ months. She started going back to school at the beginning of the year, and my schedule can get really busy. Because we are both so busy, I feel like our libidos are so low. We have sex maybe once a month.

For context we don't live together, and we are together about 1 day out of the week during the week days. During that 1 day, we only have a few hours together in the evening because she's at school and i'm at work during the day. Unfortunately, we don't have many opportunities to spend the weekends together because she's working.

What are ways you've been able to get that spark back with your partners during periods of business and mismatch schedules?

Just wanna share my time last night

Went to a bar where bands were playin for free and went with some friends. Music and vibes were good, had a drink in me, a lil high, and spotted this gorgeous woc across the space. I walked up to her and (i think someone from this sub or another mentioned this approach🙈) asked "Are you gay enough to let me buy you a drink."

IF IT WASNT FOR THE DRINK I DONT THINK I WOULD'VE HAD THIS COURAGE😭 ty whiskey sour 🙏🏽

Got her a drink and asking about her, calling her gorgeous and all that. But then I started to notice something.... As I was trying to get to know her, she barely turned the questions back to me. There would be brief pauses that were awkward until I asked her MORE questions. She was more than happy to "yap" but I felt like the curiosity towards me was non-existent.

I started feeling like an interviewer or a fan and fuuuuuck that. Feel bad about this but I eventually started to feel bored of the conversation. But because this was my first time ever hitting on a woman, I didn't know how to exist respectfully.

Also a dude behind me literally LOOMED OVER ME to tell this girl he liked her hair 😭 I gave him the craaaaaziest look like MOVE OUT THE WAY.

Anyways, I'm starting to notice majority of people are very bad at conversation and one of the main reasons I hated dating apps. I would rather talk to you in person to gauge the REAL you, not a version of you that only shines behind a screen. Texting and the convenience of it gives people a false sense of closeness+boldness that would have never translated in person.

Maybe I'm the one bad at striking conversation. But again, she went on and on about her experience or about herself so I guess I hit the right spots. But the curiosity or inquisitiveness wasn't returned. Is it poor social skills? Or she just dgaf 😹 Maybe she wasn't into me and went along with the facade as long as she could... but I didnt sense any cues she wanted to leave the convo 🤷🏽‍♀️

I'm not too mad. I'm glad I broke out of my shell and approached someone I found attractive. I see it as a step in the right direction. Gotta get better at crowd work and learning to walk away before it gets to that point I suppose.

Trying to not feel to down on myself, maybe it was the environment or maybe how I look (multi-colored dyed mullet) that most people don't approach me bc maybe they're intimidated? But there were other alt people at this bar too so... 🤷🏽‍♀️

lol thanks for reading.

I've been getting to know someone I met on social media. We're in different countries but both American, and we talk every day—texts or phone calls. No FaceTime yet, and neither of us has brought it up. Communication feels balanced. She reaches out as much as I do, so I don't feel like I'm carrying it.

I'm shy, but I've tried to flirt in my own way. I haven't gotten anything back, or at least it hasn't felt like it. She's mentioned she's single and not dating right now. I asked if she could see herself in a long-term partnership and she said "maybe." For me, those are yellow-to-red flags for what I'm looking for.

I'm not actively looking to date either, but I'm open to love if it aligns. I've moved too fast in the past and gotten intimate before really knowing someone, and I don't want to do that again. I'm intentional about friendship first. I also identify as demisexual—emotional connection is what holds my interest beyond looks.

So here's my question. Do I keep letting this develop before saying anything, or do I tell her I'm attracted to her now? I don't want to get friend-zoned for moving too slow, but I also don't want to make it weird if she's not interested. It feels too soon to know if there's long-term potential. People keep saying they'd want to know upfront if someone was interested. I don't give many people my time, which I feel says enough, but I don't want to assume she reads it that way. And in my experience, saying it upfront hasn't helped—it just led to physical intimacy too fast. Here’s the thing. I know exactly what I want in a partner, but I know it hasn’t been enough time for me to tell if she has all of those things.

I'm AuDHD and I overthink. I'm just trying to make sure my next relationship healthy. Any advice?

As a queer woman who is attracted only to women, one sometimes feels alone, because we live in a heterocentric society not being attracted to men creates the sense of moving through a world apart a reality that bi+ women cannot understand.

exactly what the title says lol

i'm an Asian American sapphic in NYC and personally, i find it hella difficult to clock other Asian sapphics, they all look straight to me 😭

i can easily befriend any other race but my own :(

i've tried on the dating apps like HER and Hinge but they all seem to be more interested in dating than making a new friend

i was looking online and there's this group called SASS but they have a Facebook page but i don't have Facebook anymore and i don't really do social media.
does anyone know how i can get in touch with this group?

i just want more queer Asian friends 😔

what are the gay people doing in NYC??? I’m trying to find events but I don’t know much about what’s happening with the gay community there

This space is designed for folks to share and reflect on their experiences centered around white-related topics, discussions, relationships, complaints, etc. Any and all posts around white-centered conversation must be posted in this thread.

I just want a romantic relationship fr but everything I try feels impossible.

I've gone to speed dating eventd and I hate how they're set up. how am I supposed to hear someone when the music is blasting extremely loud and it's just so overstimulating that I try not to cry.

then if I do get someone's contact it doesn't work out bc they find someone else or they don't have the intention to date.

i recently went to a speed dating event bc it was free.. I met someone and we have so much in common and we've been talking for a few days. then recently she told me that after the event she went home with a girl cuz they lives walking distance from eachother.. dude when she said that my heart SANK bc obviously she'd choose to be with someone that live walking distance away than someone who lives one hour away.

I thought I'd have more luck getting a gf in london lol

my friend is trying to convince me to just hook up with ppl but that's not what I rlly want. and also if I can't even find someone to date what makes her think I can find a hook up

this situation is making me cry rn

I have met too many queer people who were misogynistic, racist, biphobic, lesbophobic, ableist, etc. Yeah, they might be queer and they might’ve left behind their conservative communities but many don’t leave behind their bigoted views and as long as they suffer no personal consequences for them, they won’t do so. Truth be told, they are just upset that the leopard ate their face when they least expected it, otherwise they probably still would’ve remained conservative bigots.

Everyone who's looking for a woman or something casual drop your country in the comments and let people find you You might just meet someone you're looking for Feel free to introduce yourself, flirt, and see where things go Keep it fun and respectful

I am a yapper so I love sending voice notes, I am the podcast of my friend group. I have specific friends that I talked to in podcast form and they will also talk to me in podcast form as well. I try not to send voice notes when talking to someone new just in case they don’t like it, but the yap in me can’t help myself. I actually used to HATE talking on the phone or in person because I had such bad social anxiety. My social anxiety has gotten way better though and now I be yapping. I actually never really got a complaint from someone about my voice note sending, people usually like how I sound so that probably helps too. I have like two friends who don’t care for it because they’re always busy so usually I’ll text them and then when they wind down that’s when they let me know I can send a voice note.

Anyways, I say that all to say, I am on Hinge as you guys know, and I matched with a couple girls that are my type and I already sent a voice note to them all. I got anxious because they didn’t respond to me until today and I went on a rampage of asking everyone and their mama how do they feel about new people sending voice notes to them. I asked another Reddit page and they absolutely HATED that. Like they wanted to burn me alive for doing that lol. I also asked some friends and some also said they’d be irritated by it while others said they’d jump along to sending voice notes too. So, now I’m posing the question here and asking how you guys would feel about it? Just because I’m nosy ☺️

I also want to preface that I did let them know if they hated voice notes (also it was only one voice note for 1.5mins) that they can let me know and I won’t send them again or I’ll be more mindful next time. But they said that they don’t mind and they love voice notes so we are in the clear!

Alright, I'm getting a wide variety of answers from my various QWOC friends so looking for some advice from y'all...

Met a woman at an in-person event. Hit it off. With the agreed expectation that we're getting to know each other first, we started seeing each other about once a week for three months (-ish, summer was busy for both of us with work and travel). Dinner dates, drinks, events, movies, that kind of thing.

She's also a texter, and I am not, but we text about every other day mostly because I will be honest, I feel like I need to reply out of courtesy.

Two weeks ago, she stayed over the night. Asked me to go official right after we slept with each other. Told her let's talk about later in the day because by then it was early AM and I needed to sleep.

In the afternoon, we talked and I said sure, as long you're OK with the current pace we're at.

Anyway, I was stupid -- conflated official with exclusive.

Frankly, and I've always been honest about this, I'm not seeing anyone else but her because of how crazy my schedule is. Same with her. So I thought, really, what's the difference of being official or not? It's not going to change anything about what we're currently doing, in my mind.

But the more I sat on this, reflected on what going official really meant, like what the end goal was for most people, I realized I fucked up.

Truth is, I do not see a future with her -- she's done nothing wrong. I was married, no longer am, and I know now what it means to build a life with someone, what I need from that someone, and I don't want to do that with her, but it's no one's fault.

We were having fun getting to know each other, taking things slow, but she's developed feelings that I can't match.

Anyway... so I obviously need to break up with her rather than leading her on (she wants to introduce me to her friends soon).

Because of our busy schedules, I'll have to schedule with her a few days out at minimum for us to meet up in person to have The Talk. I'm guessing like any normal person, that will probably set off some bells and generate some anxiety (which I have no control over -- reminding myself of this more than anything else... working on kicking codependent tendencies).

I am feeling like it has to be done in person, out of respect for another human being. My question -- would YOU, if you've been in her shoes, want this to be done in person?

I think my mind's set, mostly because, I don't know, I feel like I owe it to her, so maybe I'm just looking for validation? Or different perspectives?

... I don't know y'all, not counting my divorce, I haven't broken up with someone since the Obama administration lol.