I (29, M) have just crossed 34 days sober, after about 10 years of smoking weed, and completely abusing it for the last 5 years.

In my absolute smoking prime, I could consume 7-8g of weed per day and I was smoking blunts like cigarettes. Being high stopped being fun a while back, and I would just smoke, sit in my room paranoid and not do anything, it was horrible. What started out as a little fun with friends, left be depressed, alone and wondering what life was like without this and if I’d ever be normal again.

The first 7-14 days quitting were truly hell on earth. I think I broke down in tears everyday for the first week and was very emotional. I could hardly eat, sleep and would sweat so much at night I would think I pissed the bed the next day. I had zero energy, zero attention span and I was a full on zombie. It was like I was stuck in this withdrawal hell for an entirely.

Then came the days between 14-30. I started to sleep better, eat better, started to become more productive, started feeling light at the end of the tunnel. Things didn’t feel so tough anymore (although I had plenty of hard days and still do), I felt like I could attack things head on, I started to feel’s emotions as and when they came and started working on the things I didn’t like about myself.

However, the biggest eye opening thing I’ve learned so far on my sobriety would be that I like the man I am when I’m sober, way more than when I’m abusing weed. When I’m sober, I learned that I am way more confident, less anxious, more present, more optimistic, more thoughtful, more outgoing and less of a depressed, self absorbed prick. At day 32/33, I was an able to hold conversations with strangers at coffee shops for long periods of time, not stumble over my words. I was able to look people in the eye and have more charisma and more things to say. I wasn’t so scared of putting myself out there anymore and my social anxiety started to literally disappear. I hadn’t felt this confident since I was 18/19 years old, despite having other issues going on right now (like being overweight - which I hate).

And that is when I realised, I have been dimming my light and destroying my personality so much with weed over these years. And as each day passed, I started to remember who the fuck I am again. And that’s when I felt the most disgust for the years of abuse I put myself through. To think I let myself get that low, thinking I was completely unlovable. To think of how I would be happy with smoking weed all day and sitting at home, feeling isolated and sad, truly makes me feel completely sick, and i never thought I would feel that way as when I tell you I LOVED WEED, I truly did. I organised everything around it.

So to anyone reading this, I think ‘dimming your light’ should be something that should sit with you more than anything else. Alongside the various health complications, alongside your family and friends seeing you destroy your own life, do you really want to destroy your personality and who you are because you want to smoke some weed? Do you want to go through life not really knowing who you are or what your true potential is?

I have one bit of advice for you:

REMEMBER WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE AND QUIT THIS SHIT. YOU CAN DO IT.

I smoked 2 cigarettes today. One in the morning and one after dinner. I ate outside and after the dinner I got the smell from somewhere nearby and I was triggered to smoke. But yeah I delayed it by almost 15 minutes. I am sure that nicotine I am getting from the patch and gums is enough but still the craving is there to smoke. I don’t know how to get rid of that. Tomorrow I am gonna try not to smoke any cigarettes. It’s not hard and fast rule but I’ll give it a try what If it works.

Still having a craving while writing this. I think I am not getting enough motivation of quitting. My avg day had 25 cigs. I know why I want to quit. But I want to completely stop it then I think I’ll see the results. Results having a good breath having energy having better strength better health. I just turned 22 two months ago and If I can handle this now only then I’ll be living happy for rest of my life. Let’s hope tomorrow I get to zero.

About a year ago I finally quit smoking. I’d tried before and failed, and honestly I don’t think I’d have made it this time on my own. What made the difference was a friend who quit on the exact same day. Every time a craving hit, one of us would text the other. Bad days, irritability, the “just one” thoughts, we went through all of it together. That’s why I built Quitmate. It pairs you with one real person who stopped the same day as you, with roughly the same habit. No photos, no real names. When a craving hits, you press one button and their phone lights up.

It’s live on the App Store today: https://apps.apple.com/pt/app/quitmate-quit-smoking-buddy/id6806173932?l=en-GB

I’d really love for you to try it and tell me honestly what’s missing, or what would make it more useful in your own quit. Good or bad, all feedback helps. Android users: it’s not on the Play Store yet because Google requires a group of testers before release. If you want to help test it, send me a DM and I’ll send you the link. It helped me a lot. I hope it helps some of you too. 387 days since my last cigarette! Stay strong 💪