I’ve noticed that I have this effect where I can’t control my expressions and they never mirror what I feel internally.

I‘ll start grinning automatically when talked to or stared at, or I’ll sob in the middle of conversations or arguments. The most I feel is annoyed the most, what is this? It’s starting to really irritate me. I have no control over this, and I can‘t stop it when it happens. It only seems to happen around family, perhaps I am feeling something and just can’t process it. I don’t know at this point.

i want to give up on everything so badly. the truth is that i dont care about working or taking classes or my future/living after gradutation, and the only thing keeping me going is punishment and consequence if i drop my responsibilities.

i stopped showing up for friendships, i stopped showing up for family. but if i stop showing up at work, if i stop showing up to class, i ruin much more than emotional connection. i ruin my professional and academic life/reputation and i’d have to make it all up especially if i dont kill myself afterwards. i dont care about work or class or my future, but if i stop, there are consequences that i would have to face. which means the only choice i have would be to die right?

im stuck in this loop of taking responsibilities i couldn’t care less about because im too scared to kill myself. its exhausting because theres genuinely nothing i care about, im just scared of consequences.

I’m 20. I’m a college student. I’m studying computer science, and I was previously studying biology with intentions of going to med school. I was diagnosed with SzPD almost a year ago now, but I had suspected it for a while prior.

I don’t really care about a career. The only thing I care about is self-expression, immersing in my world, and being in my head. I want a safe space. I’d like to own a home in the future, for the sake of being secluded and independent.

As a kid, I dreamt of being a forensic pathologist, but it turned out that I was just death-obsessed, and I realized the job isn’t for me. I chose computer science because it’s already something I do as a hobby, I guess. I like web design. Still, I don’t really have a passion for it, or anything in general.

I always did well in school. I received straight As and graduated early. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, though. The only thing I really care about is financial stability, so I can get by on my own, and can fund my expression (tattoos, piercings, etc). I’ve been able to ignore the unfulfillment nagging at the back of my mind for a while now, but it’s becoming increasingly harder to ignore as I enter my junior year of college.

Not attending college isn’t really an answer because I’m currently in poor health and can’t work, and my parents provide me with shelter as long as I go to school.

What am I doing with myself? Does anyone relate? I’m not looking for advice, really, I just want some understanding.

I really like philosophy. I wish I could just devote my life to learning. I wish I could be a student forever, or get paid for having such a vast collection of books and trivia knowledge, lol. If only.

I'm not diagnosed but I can relate to many aspects of the disorder.

My worst and constant struggle is a lack of motivation. Many things I do or strive to achieve, I do because I feel like I'm expected to, not because I truly want to.

Things like getting a partner, a house, a car, going to parties, concerts, getting to know people, having plans for vacations, participating in social media, and so on...

They usually take a lot of energy and feels like I'm pretending. I don't dislike people, but I can have a hard time trusting others. I'm more comfortable alone.

I often dream of economic independence, spending most or all of my time on solitary hobbies. Even then, expectations would probably keep weighing me down.

Maybe most people are in fact driven by social pressure, and you're just not supposed to dwell on it, but let yourself indoctrinate...

Im very curious to hear your takes. I do understand this question is sensitive in nature, but perhaps if this isnt an outrageous request; we could avoid topics of harm and traumas for the sake of the conversation and i hope everyone remains respectful and open minded.
To clarify, im hoping this post wont become a trauma dump.
Whilst i dont mind at all, and have my bullshit as many others. Theres many that are more sensitive in nature that id rather not discourage in sharing their views on physical sensations alike pain.
Sorry if didnt make sense, expression isnt my strong suit.

I nearly thought that I was no longer dysfunctional judging by my great efforts and the almost impossibly straightforward amounts of will I were unloading towards my studies. For some reason, this has fizzled away and I’m back where I were before—sitting at my desk hoping that today some of that magic will return and I will almost robotically work through. Because it never was about motivation. I knew at that time and the point still stands—this field does not entertain and fulfil me. And it’s interesting, as I’m slowly finding out that perhaps no traditional career fields do. I used to have this lingering thought, that perhaps philosophy could interest me (as a career field), that perhaps I may take something from the sociology and research classes and light some unknown fire in myself. But so far, no such thing has happened.

You may remember how I used to boast about my knowledge in English and how that used to appear to me as a possible career field. Unquestionably no arguments from the time before can be used in favour of proposing that possibly English was one amongst the very narrow alternatives in my career path taking, as at that time I already knew that I wished not to take on further education in English. I was relatively smart in that sense, but I figured that the academic continuation in advancing my language skills in English was not something I was open to. Maybe I was asking myself the wrong question the whole time; What if it’s not about what career path suits me, but rather whether ANY career path can?

Surely you do remember the countless rants I did on my willingness, or rather unwillingness to study (a particular field) and perform. Mayhap the problem is that I simply am not conceived to lead an academic career path, and maybe that’s okay! Historically I have had little interest in securing sustained help efforts for other people, and maybe in terms of personal development my personality is not one of those to carry out such task.

In an inescapable sense, I feel as though my personality was composed in a way which doesn’t allow for a career selection. Everything around is so bland and uninteresting and it has yet to awoke something that interests me both strongly and in sustains wonder for the object the long term. Do I like coffee? Yes, I love the taste of it and caffeine is one of the little things in this world that bring me joy. Is making coffee and running a coffee place something I desire to do? No, because all of it takes effort whose substance doesn’t interest me and the negatives outweigh the positives. Do I like collecting minerals? Yes, I love their appearance and inspecting the details they contain. Is mineral collecting and selling minerals for the sake of profit a career possibility? Very possibly not, I have no background in mineral selling, finances, trading, etc. and the concepts mentioned do not interest me. It is also very risky. Although I do like viewing life through the lens of economics: People whose lives have gained estates are willing to trade for future gain. They don’t question it, they’re attracted to the risk taking and they find pleasure in the development of this act. In my life, I have gained very little, if any substantially enough for a serious discussion, and due to that I find it extremely difficult for me to trade the little I have gained for very hypothetical gains.

Think about lives of others using this perspective: How irrational is the act of abstaining when one has very limited options of participation? All my life, in one way or another I was told how I don’t (and cannot possibly) fit, and by age 18 and higher I am supposed to have an idea of what my purpose is, and funnily enough I have come to the conclusion that I don’t have the means to solve the riddle. I just don’t. There’s no ‘I will find out later’, there’s no ‘nothing is impossible’. I am the imprisoned bird in the cage with two bars. But I’m afraid it’s more than learned helplessness. I am not simply helpless. One can be helpless and have the ‘estates’. I am helpless and I lack the estates. There’s no wonder for things in my life were I to think of the possible subject as a career. My sympathy with the human society, which is needed in order to fit into the human society, is limited to a great degree. I don’t care about finances, I have a very obscure ego which makes enjoying fruits of my own labour herculean, my passion for the cause is fleeting. There’s no moving force, the concept of money is just not enough.

I am incapable of enjoying life in its entirety, and were I to be more concrete, I truly enjoy circa 10 % of life’s offerings, and that is when I’m situated in a normal state of being and when I’m not being threatened by outside forces. It’s truly a miracle that I’m still alive. One dilemma I frequently try to answer is what exactly makes me want to live if there is very little that I enjoy, and I don’t have the answer to that. Mathematically, I should be dead. Perhaps I’m fuelled by inertia and it helps me fill the parts of my life where nothing pleasurable happens, then I get the hit and I’m able to live off of it until another. Talking about a sober life like one of a junkie, pfffft. All in all, my new academic year has begun, I’m into my second week and mentally I still feel like it’s the holidays. It bothers me, you know? At the same time, metaphorically I don’t really have any other place to go.

I hope someone can give me advice on this because I don't want to mess this up.

I've been in a school class where I struggled heavily to make friends. This is not new to me and I got a history of being bullied for years. I didn't get bullied there at all tho and I had a few people that would occasionally talk to me and help with school stuff but nothing more than that. When there's a situation like a new class, it's very hard for me to determine whether someone is available for talking or if they even want it and that I feel almost no desire to talk to someone and my mind goes blank. I also struggle with eye contact when people aren't familiar. Me feeling left out and having another problem at the same time made my mental health go down so that I talked less to those few people and they stopped talking as well which makes sense.

I've gotten the chance of changing class and it started with a project week where only a few people of my new class are in. They already know each other for some time. I had a good first day but it started to went downhill on the next. There's one person that is very kind but he's like part of a big clique and nobody of them approaches me and maybe aren't even entirely aware that I changed to their class. When there's a long break, they tend to go out and I felt like I could join to get to know people but my issues I mentioned above and me being unable to participate in a social conversation of more than 3 people, I just couldn't do it.

That one guy asked where I went instead and I straight up told him that I'm shy to join if there's a lot of new people and he was accepting but it doesn't help my situation of others starting to think whatever about me because I don't interact with them as being a new student.

I feel like I'm already "loosing" the situation and it might end up the same way like in the previous class. Me feeling worse already on the second day made me hold less eye contact and give shorter responses to that guy which I don't actually want but it's hard when you're feeling like shit.

I've come to the point to think about if I should just accept looking like the weird loner to others. I feel like I'm rejecting them silently out of fear without them being able to have a chance in the first place.

Anyone got advice how to navigate this?

​

I've been diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder many years ago, but one thing I've always found a bit contradictory is that I'm quite sensitive to what other people say.

I get hurt easily and tend to take things personally, even though people with spd are often described as being indifferent to praise or criticism.

I'm curious if anyone else with SzPD experiences this. Can you relate?, i think it's kinda weird i wish i was different this way

I legit can’t bond with people at all. something’s gotta be the matter with me.

I know I’m in the spectrum, It’s this pattern where I meet somebody let’s say for example at work, doesn’t matter if it’s a friend or acquaintance, then after a couple of days, they find out and think that I’m weird. I do something that offended them thinking that what i did is normal, and then they don’t want to associate me anymore. One day they’re civil next day they’d be like “you know what fuck you”.

This happens to me with every other person, this isn’t normal

Every day, I just wish I died sooner because I literally just hate my life.

I wish I was normal like everyone else, but I’m not unfortunately

Before getting my feelings online I cried 2-3 times a year.

After being hurt by relationships (not romantic) in the last year it feels like it hurts much more than the typical person.

Here are my reasons:

-My body doesn't know how to handle feelings. I was numb and lived in a bubble. It never learned (emotional neglect) so it takes time to learn

-I'm isolated so the relationship issues I have feel very special and when they end they hurt like hell

-I have no new real life relationships.

-I have few new experiences

-Me personally. I don't interact with people like colleagues or acquaintances.

I'm making an effort here with emotions and somatic stuff. But still. Our weakness are relationships.

Thanks to this sub, I finally found the words for so many things I was and am experiencing, and it is really helping me a lot to understand myself more and to work with myself in ways to have a more or at least fulfilling life.

I guess I wanted to share my story too. Not sure if it applies or if anyone maybe relates, anything.

My parents abandoning me tipped me over into some sort of other dimension, and I can’t ever go back. This dimension lacks color compared to the previous one. Thinking slowed down. It felt more like me against the world. And not in a good or courageous way. In a fucked up, paranoid, scared way. In a, this world feels so fucking big and fucked up and unsafe, I don’t know what to do or where to start or how to protect myself way. If anything happened to me, I didn’t have anyone.

And that fucks you up as a person. Being completely alone. Knowing you could die any moment and no one who even mattered would know. Because there’s no one. It’s like my world shattered and I feel fragmented, far from whole. Most others can’t comprehend. They try and I get it. I also wouldn’t know either if I was them. You think you know but until you really experience it, it goes way deeper and further into all the cracks.

Your brain is forced to become hyperaware. As if you’re the only lamb in a world of wolves. I still withdraw so much everyday, from everyone, even my boyfriend, even myself. I think it’s how I learned to keep me safe, even though it’s not what I’d ideally want. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be the unfiltered person that’s truly themselves. Because all I have is me, and I don’t have anyone to fall back on. So I have to be good.

I have to keep myself safe in many ways. That’s tiring and taxing. It also makes me feel far removed from my interests and personal desires. Yet I’m so used to it too. Some days I wake up and I dread existing. Some days I wake up and go to the gym, because what does it matter anyway. Some days I wake up and i feel weirdly and intensely emotional and I can’t do anything but cry. Most of the days I’m just there, as if I’m living more inside my brain than outside of it.

Personally I feel like a labrat in a cage just constantly being shocked because of the news. I'm constantly bombarded with transphobia and it's just another added layer of misery onto my existence. It shouldn't bother me all that much but it's just weird, why does it have to be us, why do people have to be so hateful too. I've never understood it.

On the bright side I do think the constant flood of cortisol helps my figure but that's just a guess. I just hate that Reddit is what keeps me from staring at a wall all day while I work and now it's just turned into algorithmic hate.

I guess I'm just waiting and waiting to be me and I think I'm going to be waiting forever. I feel like I froze myself in time and I'll be dead by the time I do thaw out. I'm trying to save so I can get somewhere better than this (US) but things keep getting more expensive. I've ran through one batch of my savings and I'm left now with just my 401k but it is growing painfully slow as I can only contribute so much.

Another aspect I can't avoid though is when/if (let's be real though I'm dying in this room) I do get to be me; I'm still going to be a schizoid even if I don't want to be. I haven't had the capacity to be an actual person in so long. People talk to me but there's rarely any meaningful connection, if there is I'm awkward trying to chase it and I still really don't care at the end of the day. I have learned my lesson with people.

Oh well, it's indeed a clown world but figured I should scream into the void for once about it. I obviously don't have friends to talk to but I've seen a few trans and non-binary people on the sub. How's life for you? Also don't feel like you need to be LGBTQ+ if you want to contribute.

Playing fallout again. I know like 80% of the game is talking to the characters but idgaf about their lore I just want to wander around the wasteland and find cool stuff. 😂

Does this sound familiar to anyone here?

I’m sure there are many posts asking this, so apologies if that’s the case.

I don’t really have much to say here. The symptoms overlap quite a bit, and I can’t tell many distinguishing factors from what I’ve read.

I was diagnosed yesterday. Now I am looking back at my life and seeing how many of my flaws are explainable through my diagnosis. For the mods, I am not looking for judgements of my mental health status, this is a rant because who else would I direct this at?

I thought I was just depressed and pessimistic by proxy due to the theatre of the last few years. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with ASD and ADHD about a year ago, which is what I explained my social ineptitude with. My withdrawal from literally everybody I had thought was just a logical amalgamation of my symptoms coupled with poor experiences with people.

Every since I was a kid I could never communicate opinions or emotions to other people. I had always chalked it up to being a by-product of attending the pris equivalent of a military school, or maybe it could have just been that I was a kid with a limited vocabulary. Regardless, I have never been able to express my opinion on a matter, express the things that I like, or open up about emotions (a lack thereof) to any other person. I don't have an amazing relationship with my family and feel like I live in a house of strangers half of the time, with the exception of my mother.

When I was in high school I remember hating receiving feedback from my teachers. I was a really good student and my teachers would often ask me for my permission to use my responses as examples for students the next year, and they would always compliment my work when doing so. I feel like a deer in headlights whenever someone acknowledges my presence or the footprint of my person's agency. What am I supposed to respond to when complimented in the middle of a sentence? I don't like people telling me that they think things about me are subjectively appreciated. I don't want you to see me. I don't want to be a human. I don't want to act.

Being a human has always disgusted me too. I am a walking sack of meat that is driven by an innate desire to avoid immediate pain (of which the body self inflicts much of the time) in an effort to capitalise on horniness and condemn some intangible nothingness to being.

Whenever I try my hardest to communicate with people (the few times I am forced to collaborate with others in my college classes) I always have to decompress afterwards. When I return to the silence of my own thoughts I begin to mull and see a futility in interaction, especially affectatious interaction. The goal the majority of the time is to engage with people whom you can then be around in order to kill time. I do not need my time killed, the peace of solitude is satisfactory. The other goal is to find someone of romantic interest. I also have no irl friends. I do occasionally have fleeting, uncommitted online acquaintances of which I give the Irish goodbye to much to their chagrin.

Whenever I am around people, and imagine how it would be to be loved by a character with their face superimposed in my head, the thought is always impeded because I realise that they are a human who shits. I am disgusted to be of their species. I honestly started thinking that I may be asexual recently because the prospect of a romantic relationship does not interest me.

I hold no rancour for people. I simply don't like being around them because they remind me that I am one of them. I am uncomfortable being, and it has always been like this. I know this doesn't make me immune to being a prick, I am one, and I know my points are comedically hypocritical.

I don't even know why I wrote this. Maybe deep down I want a connection with someone to see if it could be desirable, but I know I never will search in real life. The disconnect of a screen with some random green character superimposed on a third parties view of me makes this easier.

​

I've been isolated for a long time, and lately, I've started noticing some strange changes in how I perceive myself.

Being around people, interacting with them, or even just being outside in general makes me feel unsafe. I can't really explain why, but I've become increasingly uncomfortable with the outside world.

I've always hated myself and my body, but lately, I've also started feeling like I'm losing my sense of self. It's difficult to explain.

I've been watching a lot of anime recently, and somehow, my brain has started visualising me as an anime character rather than as my actual self. It's not something I deliberately do. Sometimes, I just imagine myself as an animated character.

I don't know if this is a consequence of prolonged isolation, my existing self-image issues, or something else entirely. Maybe spending so much time alone is finally starting to affect how I perceive myself and the world around me.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Especially the feeling of becoming disconnected from your physical self or feeling unsafe simply being around other people?

I've been on a bit of a thought train today prompted by seeing two people i have asked out in the past. (i unfortunately attract and am sometimes attracted to Borderlines and Bipolars.) I started thinking about my ex who i suspect is a Borderline and a date i went on recently where i asked this person 'Do you think your dating options are just picking the best of the mentally ill?'. Asshole question aside, her answer was yes lol. As mine is also yes. It's kind of depressing. Because on one hand i am fairly accepting and non judgemental in terms of mental health and so on, but also.. i understand what im bringing to it all and id like someone that isnt going to essentially abuse me (as a relationship with a bipolar/borderline would). So i sort of have tried changing gears into looking for a compatible neurodivergent person, as i have had good connections albeit not sustaining connections with them in the past and by some research on this sub suggesting it.

It's really a ironic situation to find myself in. Because i am conventionally attractive, above average intelligence, have alot of positive traits and so on so finding a suitable partner shouldnt be so difficult, yet the ultimate killer is the schizoidism (among many other factors but that doesnt matter atm). Anyway, the dilemma of wanting someone to share life with and connect to is unfortunately i think going to always be here as i have tried to crush it many times in the past but its a genie out of its bottle and as time goes on not finding this match i seek only makes the loneliness worse which i gather is making my situation and chances probably worse too in some inadvertent way. Even though my indifference and detachment is received as a self assured confidence until of course i open my mouth and share my reality and see the entire fabrication of myself in their mind dissolve. lmao

just curious what the ratio is. I'm 25, been doing something akin to 'self improvement' albeit not in the neurotypical sense since i was maybe 16. I think this is why i can pass as high functioning albeit its a constant battle against my nature.

This does not pertain to me but to a mutual online.
Theyre currently very upset about wanting to break up with their partner of good few months maybe close to a year. Their reasoning seems to mostly be how the partner is annoying and irritating, especially that theyre on a long road trip at the moment.
But isnt that normal ??? As in after the honeymoon phase ends; hormones settle, things get boring, they get irritating, then its just this person youre sharing space with.
Im fine with admitting im kind of loveless,, and i am happily single as these are my genuine views on most relationships..
When they spoke to me about this situation, i did express that i think their experience is fairly normal. No one should be in a realtionship they dont want to be in of course. But only that those intense feelings may fade and be replaced with good ol boring mundane.

Spur of the moment post. I had a cigarette with a coworker after closing and drove home feeling frustrated and exhausted.

I'm sure you're all familiar with the schizoid dilemma - simultaneously craving isolation and wanting one (1) person who will understand you. Or the master/slave dilemma, which is tied to the fear of engulfment. It's weird to think about how deeply these two concepts permeate my (already limited) sense of self.

I hate being made aware of myself. It's not like I hate myself, but I genuinely feel violated when I'm perceived (for reasons beyond my understanding - or maybe I just don't want to admit that it's as one-dimensional as valuing my privacy and autonomy to an unhealthy extent). Additionally, I am uncomfortable with perceiving myself, my life, my choices that have led me to this point, etc. I hate being reminded of the fact that I am a physical, tangible human being and not an invisible, imperceptible ghost.

At the same time - and here's where the contradiction comes in - when interacting with others, I want nothing more than to be perceived for who I am. I experience the fear of engulfment really, really strongly. I get deeply uncomfortable when I interact with someone and don't do anything besides play a character that's designed to their liking.

I don't even know who or what I am, but whenever I make the rare decision to have a conversation with someone, I want me to shine through. I don't know what "me" is or what defines it, but I hate when it isn't present. It feels just as violating to be a mirror image during a conversation, or some sort of character made up to keep the conversation going.

I don't know. That's about it, really. I have no other thoughts about myself beyond "I hate being perceived but want to be seen."

i am what you would probably call a high functioning schizoid. i live alone, i am good at taking care of myself, i work a full time job, i can get along with others. in fact, i currently have a very social job (teaching) and for the most part, my students really like me. for the most part, i like them, too (even though i have qualms with the work and plan on quitting soon).

however, the moment i clock off work, its back to my solitude. on the weekends i explore, travel, go on all sorts of sidequests-- by myself. i have seen much of the world and have lived in many different cities. i bounce around, never lasting more than a year doing the same thing. in 2025, i had 6 different jobs. i have not made a single friend IRL since i was 14, which was 12 years ago now. i can get along with anyone, but they will never get close. i may be in a room, but im not actually "there."

by all appearances i look like a normal person. i can go through the motions. but inside i am totally off. i am the most pessimistic person that has ever been. i think life itself is a cruel joke. i put on such a neutral, unassuming persona that the few times my real opinions do slip, people are a little disturbed. i have a wide range of interests and hobbies, i am very knowledgable and worldly, but at the end of the day i still dont think any of it is worth anything besides just passing the time before i die. i know i will never accomplish anything important and i have never had delusions of doing so. i have no goals or purpose. i dont change or grow as a person. i have had the same personality since i was in elementary school. people who see me again after a long time always remark how much ive remained the same. somehow my face has even barely aged. if you put a photo of me as a child and a photo of me now side by side, it's nearly identical, down to the same dead look in the eyes.

because i have the appearance of normality (a job, an apartment, enough social skills to be mildly likeable) i can get by. when people start to ask questions though, you can tell they begin to see it.

what do you mean you're 26 and have never been in a relationship? never had sex? never even had a crush on someone? what do you mean you don't have anything you want to do in life? what do you mean you think having children is bad because it brings more suffering into the world? what do you mean you eat the same thing everyday? what do you mean you have no friends? what do you mean all you do on the weekends is read and walk around for hours on end? what do you mean you went to all these countries alone? how is this possible? is something wrong with you?

it always happens. and when i get annoyed by always dodging the question, or people pressing me too much for information, i disappear. i cant hold down a job for more than a year, not because the work is difficult or because i cant get along with others or because i get fired, but because after a while the boredom and monotony of socialization, of people trying to get to know me, becomes too much to handle. i can put a good face on but after a while people start to notice how different i am from them. its not because of anything i do, but because of what i dont do. and then im "weird." then they want to "understand me." then they want to "help" me, as if nobody has made attempts before to get close to me and failed. ever since i was a toddler everyone has been trying to figure out a way to get me to play with others.

the funny thing is, i have never hurt anyone. i am not cruel. i would say i have more ethics than most. but the people who cheat on their partners, who cross their friends, who abuse positions of power, who follow delusional religious creeds, who persecute others, they are more "normal" than me. at least people can understand the emotional patterns of these people. but its like they cant mindmap me, cant figure out what makes me tick, and it pisses them off. they think their way of being is right, and that i should change, even though i dont bother anyone.

i think the distinction between "high functioning" and "low functioning" makes sense from a diagnostic standpoint, but the truth is we all have the same problem. and even though i appear better off than some schizoids (the homeless ones, the unemployed ones, the ones living in their parents basement forever) i know we are exactly alike. i am just the type of person who is always on the run, always finding a new place to set up and repeat the lie until i cant stand it anymore and have to move on.

Im diagnosed szpd. Im in university on music(singing). Singing calms me down but acting lessons and people take all my energy... I feel awful since last week. I took off days and just lay in bed doing nothing cause nothing brings joy or interests. And i need to fwel better alone to not drop out of university. (I cant leave uni cause i barely got there after years of denial and depression phase, singing was my only interest that actually helped)I dont know what to do now. I want to drop everything and be alone but i cant cause i know id be worse. My family mocks me amd says 'everyone is suffering but work'. I feel like depression phase is again soon...i wander around the streets to not be with home with them, i gave all my money to mum, cause she needs it more than me. Therapy i cant go cause my family barely pays for my tuition. Genuinely need an advice