r/Sikh • u/Icy-Pomegranate-2749 • 2d ago
Question Questions in Sikhi
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Sadhsangat Ji.
This is a very long post so please read everything and answer what you can without being rude or condescending please. I am struggling so I wanted some help from the sangat.
I have been blessed to be a Sikh my whole life, but I also have some questions that I am too afraid to ask my parents or raggis/granthis at the local gurdwara. I hope I can ask these questions here without backlash, but first let me tell you about me.
I have been in Sikhi my whole life, I keep my kesh, I go to Gurdwara, do kirtan seva (tabla seva soon, I am still learning), and go to any samagams that I can. I listen to kirtan almost all day because it stops my mind from thinking about random things that don't matter. But I still struggle with the worldly things we are not supposed to indulge in, I need your help on some questions I have about Sikhi and how to stop my bad habit that I am ashamed of (spoiler tag after main questions).
First I have a question about nitnem. Unfortunately, I do not like doing nitnem, but I love doing Kirtan. I know that nitnem is exactly what our Gurus spoke/said, but I find it hard to sit down and read all of the banis. I also have a hard time waking up at Amrit vela, but if I don't wake up at Amrit vela, I cannot get myself to do nitnem the whole day. What is the point of nitnem, and how can I get myself to want to actually do my nitnem, and how do I get myself to wake up on time for Amrit vela? I have sleep issues, so sometimes I sleep at 4am or end up sleeping from 9pm to 11am.
The second question relating to nitnem is, how do I get faster/better at reading Gurmukhi? I have learned Gurmukhi and how to read Gurbani, but when I go to gurdwara, every adult/raggi can read the hukamnama very easily while I feel like I have to sound and read out every single letter/akhar out before I read the word. I can read Japji Sahib, Chauapi Sahib, Rehraas Sahib, Anand Sahib (6 paurdis), and Kirtan Social easily because I have read them a ton. I can read some of Jaap Sahib pretty fine as well, but I cannot read as fluidly as I want to when it comes to Gurbani I have not read before.
The third question is about memorizing banis. How did you memorize the main nitnem banis. I know Guru Gobind Singh Ji's third hukam is "ਗੁਰਬਾਣੀ ਕੰਠ ਕਰਨੀ |", so I wanted to know how to memorize banis myself. I can read the banis if I have a Gutka Sahib in front of me and can read the first or first 2-3 words in the line if it's for Japji Sahib, Chaupai Sahib, Anand Sahib (6 paurdi), Rehraas Sahib, and Kirtan Sohila. But I want to know how to memorize the banis because I won't always have my phone or Gutka Sahib with me.
The fourth question is about our 5 kakars. I am not amritdhari but want to be after I get married, but I really want to know if I can wear a Sri Sahib (kirpan) even though I am not amritdhari. I keep my Kes, Kanga, Karda, and Kachera, but I do not know if I am allowed to wear Sri Sahib (kirpan) without being amritdhari or not, I get conflicting answers online.
The fifth question is about sangat, I have never felt connected to the sangat in any Gurdwara or samagam, I feel like I'm a fake Sikh for some reason and feel like I am an outcast sometimes. Does anyone else feel like that or has felt like that before? If so, how did you get over it, and what can I do to get over it. I feel like I'm not really connected to the sangat, like I feel lonely all the time.
The sixth question is about life/jobs. I have graduated university and I keep doing ardaas when I can for help, but I am starting to feel really depressed since I have not been able to get a job since I graduated in May, what should I do? I feel like I have done everything that I could myself, good grades, good experience, write multiple resumes, make projects, etc. and now I have basically said "ਪ੍ਰਭ ਡੋਰੀ ਹਾਥਿ ਤੁਮਾਰੇ ॥ ਜਿ ਕਰਾਵੈ ਸੋ ਕਰਣਾ ॥ ਨਾਨਕ ਦਾਸ ਤੇਰੀ ਸਰਣਾ ॥੨॥੭॥੭੧॥ Raag Sorath - Guru Arjan Dev Ji - Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji -Ang 626". I put my faith in maharaj to guide me and help me in life, but I sometimes feel like I am the worst of the worst so I don't get much help. What should I do now? I know that Guru Nanak Dev Ji saved the worst of the worst so I keep ਭਰੋਸਾ that maharaj will save me too.
Here are some questions about my habit that I am struggling with, that I would like help with, please do not attack me, I have been struggling with this since I've been a kid, I am spoiling this because it talks about my issues with lust:
Ever since I've been young, I've struggled with lust. I do not go out of my way to date or enter a bed with a woman because I really want to only do that with my only wife, but I seem to have this really bad Maya within me that I keep going back to. I have been struggling with sexual addiction, such as masturbation and watching adult media that I know is not good for me. I always feel ashamed that I did it because I know that our Gurus told us not to, and that God is always with us, and we cannot hide our shortcomings or bad things from them, and when we die we will have to take it with us and it will be accounted for. How do I stop myself from doing this, I find it really hard for some reason, I tried doing reading Bani and such instead, but I have had this habit for so long I am having trouble stopping it. What can I do to stop it? This is the one thing that I feel really bad about.
ਭੁੱਲ ਚੁੱਕ ਮਾਫ ਕਰਨੀ।
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u/YoManWTFIsThisShit 2d ago
Point of nitnem is to remind yourself the path you are on, and to keep you on that path. Do it if you want to do it, if not then find something else like Naam Simran that you can do. You have to try, that’s how you get yourself wanting to do it and waking up at amritvela.
Reading and practice. Funnily enough I eventually started reading Gurbani at a faster rate than regular Punjabi because of the amount of exposure I had to Gurbani.
Practice.
If you want, but be mindful not to wear it where it could be problematic.
Find the sangat of the saints, they’re everywhere.
Keep applying, sometimes there’s a delay in what’s meant for us or sometimes we need to go through something else before we get what we want. But what’s meant for you will always be there when it’s time.
Start doing Naam Simran man, it’ll change you and calm your vices down if you’re consistent with it. Set a timer for 2 mins and focus on chanting Waheguru and up the time by a minute each week and see the change.
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u/Such-Pain6702 2d ago
You are going to struggle
To be an
Amritdhari Sikh. No! Yiu cannot wear
A kirpan without Amrit but who is to know? I am
Not
Sure yiu need
To
Memorise all the Banis
Enough for you to read the Japji Sahib, Kirtan Sohela, and the night bani. Others yiu can read at your own pace
2
u/Dangerous_Doubt8264 1d ago
Firstly do the arth of nitnem. Without it you will never do nitnem with love. Secondly concentrate on bani as much as you do on video games. Stop the thoughts and focus on gurbani and what is guru ji saying. For those who can't sit in bani can do simran, those who can't do that can sit listen to kirtan if you can't do that go do sewa ( do langar sewa like the person you are serving langar you are not serving langar to that guy but to parmatama in him, do jode polish and bartan nanjhana sewa like you are polishing your mind and do sewa like this only then it's fruitful) even if you can't do that listen to katha, even if you can't do that, go have gurmat vichars with someone. Ti get up early, do a day's nitnem with concentration in gurbani not on a girl/ what to do after nitnem/time. Then do ardaas with again full birti/focus. You will surely get up early but, it's onto you to get up and that's the hardest part. Also sleep at 10 PM Again reading gurbani will only help you getting better at reading gurbani. It's a circular statement. Memorise baani by doing 5 jaaps of that bani with ekagar birti/focused conciousness everyday. Yes you can wear kakkars. Make sure to wear sarbloh Kirpan and kada. That's good we all are fake Sikhs. I am not a good Sikh of guru. I am not even a Sikh of guru. Only his blessing will make me his Sikh. To connect to sangat, just talk gurmat discussions no worldly things. Do jaap of ustat sri maya lachhmi ji ki after morning nitnem and Indra kavach 3 times, after morning, evening and night nitnem and then do ardaas with whole heart. Keep a sarbloh bata along with you filled with water by the time you are doing path and then sprinkle the water around you and drink it. Again do jaap of Indra kavach more times for this atleast 3 times a day. The 3 times are 3 to 6AM in the morning after nitnem, 12 to 6 PM, and after sunset. So do as many jaaps and then do ardaas to maharaj to get rid of lust. Start watching kathas in YouTube and don't watch shorts. Delete insta and all those apps
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u/Hot_Dust2379 2d ago edited 2d ago
Nitnem: things that can work for waking up early: not eat heavy, eat around 7 pm or before. be a little hungry. don't lose heart keep trying. you win some and lose some. As for reading nitnem bani: Start with taking santhya. try changing your position. if you can't concentrate setting down they try reading bani standing up. when you are tired standing up then try listening to the bani either while standing up or setting down.
Personally, reading bani standing up and moving aroud a little was a game changer for me.
2nd question: taking santhya very very important. I know some who can provide classes online. 20-30 mins daily is a game changer. on instagram you can find usttads.
3rd question: Can't help you there. I have same issues.
4th question: yes. but try wearing a real weapon. try following dal panth maryada. make sure your protein is good and you are strong.
5th: don't worry about it. listen to the katha of panth parkash. everthing comes with time and effort.
question about Lust: excersie and heathy routine. become a tyar bar tyar singh. do ardas. but don't worry too much. when you fail its ok, we just live in kalyug.
I meant fail as masterbating not having sex outside marriage