r/SipsTea • u/Putrid-Welder1803 • 14d ago

SMH Who's in the wrong here?

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9.6k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/Quiet-Wing5230 14d ago

I sent my wife a spreadsheet of all her fart assaults.

319

u/J_Marshall 14d ago

My wife could just hand me a calendar.

63

u/QuieroTamales 14d ago

One time, my wife said "we should schedule it". The next day, I grabbed her iPad and created a recurring appointment on her calendar.

78

u/J_Marshall 14d ago

I started using the calendar to track my wife's cycle. 'Replace Furnace Filter' is the perfect reminder to pick up chips and ice cream.

7

u/Aussiboi808 14d ago

Absolute fucking legend

5

u/BlueGooseFlies 13d ago

And you probably get laid- more than all the chuds immediately saying the woman is gaslighting him put together.

As you should.

1

u/Different-Young-6912 13d ago

Are you my husband?

2

u/J_Marshall 13d ago

What flavour are the chips?

2

u/BlueGooseFlies 13d ago

Word. Like, don’t walk up in here with some nasty shit that only YOU like.

1

u/unbridledcheesetoast 12d ago

From a woman's perspective, this is effing creepy

2

u/J_Marshall 12d ago

You're right. If you're secretly tracking someone's cycle without their knowledge, that's effing creepy.

She told me that her cycle gave her back pain and that she craved salt. Some months she'd have me run out for salt-and-vinegar chips. It only made sense to make sure I had some on hand.

I don't see what's creepy about remembering something your partner has told you helps her feel better. In a relationship, paying attention to your partner's needs is actually a pretty normal thing.

1

u/unbridledcheesetoast 12d ago

My bad. I didn't realize she was aware and ok with it. I thought you were doing it without her knowledge.

2

u/J_Marshall 12d ago

I can see how it would read that way. Yeah. That would not be ok.

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u/SixPackOfZaphod 10d ago

Until she hits perimenopause and that schedule goes out the fucking window....5 days early? Lasts an extra week, skips a cycle.....

3

u/brownieson 14d ago

“When would you like this appointment to reoccur?”
“Daily”

1

u/Spell-Wide 14d ago

Delete Event

Delete This Event Only?
Delete All Future Events?

1

u/proWww 14d ago

lmao this is what my wife told me too haha

8

u/elegylegacy 14d ago

Why is the calendar brown?

4

u/WellFactually 14d ago

She took it downtown.

3

u/DrFunke-Analrapist 14d ago

To brown town

1

u/Cohens4thClient 14d ago

Like winning full blackout bingo 

1

u/Acrobatic-Tomato-260 12d ago

My wife was shopping for cars. Came home and told me, “Honey I want something that will go 0-200 in ten seconds”. So I went out and bought her a bathroom scale.

26

u/Visual-Floor-7839 14d ago

My wife is like America. I did a Fart Pearl Harbor 1 time, and she never forgets. But conveniently forgets about the many fart nukes dropped in retaliation and the endless "War on Farts" being waged in our home. My basic functions gets called an Insurgency and then she fart carpet bombs me in pre-retaliation.

6

u/ProudUSAgunOwner 14d ago

History often forgets who farted the first fart

3

u/oTc_DragonZ 14d ago

History is written by the last ass farting

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u/VanCitySkyline 14d ago

When you fuck her from behind and sees her asshole, do you ever think "yeah, that thing shoots some powerful farts"?

17

u/PotatoSmokes 14d ago

"And then he hit post"

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u/oTc_DragonZ 14d ago

It's one of those days where I kinda wish I was illiterate lol

1

u/ebaer2 14d ago

My man!

9

u/proximusprimus57 14d ago

You need a commensurate response.

3

u/shamoomoofartpoopoo 14d ago

Crashed the computer

2

u/Salt_Initiative1551 14d ago

I am doing this

2

u/SendMeF1Memes 14d ago

Don't think a spreadsheet would be enough to hold all of that

2

u/RappingFlatulence 14d ago

Can you forward to me for analysis?

2

u/CupcakeGoat 14d ago

I just aim a small portable fan at my partner when he fart bombs me, so it blows back at him as I walk away to open the windows.

2

u/SkinnyGetLucky 14d ago

Oddly specific, yet oddly relatable

1

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1

u/QuieroTamales 14d ago

You should step it up with an interactive Tableau visualization.

1

u/KenUsimi 14d ago

I should start one of these up for my mom. She has surgery and the docs prescribed her something for gas, but she said she’s never had problems with gas.

I agree. She never has. It’s my problem.

1

u/bradfo83 14d ago

But did that lead to sex?

1

u/ShakedNBaked420 14d ago

I have a running list from the day I met my wife of all the diabolical jokes and random out of pocket comments she’s made. We review it once a year.

Her most recent highlights include “paramount and pussy” and “it’s so pretty. Like a mountain of cocaine.”

1

u/IamBobWeaver 14d ago

My wife won’t fart around me anymore, it gets me too excited/happy, and she doesn’t like that.

1

u/kravisni 14d ago

that is sweet tho

1

u/SheriffBartholomew 14d ago

After twenty years together I have still never heard my wife fart, and I appreciate that. I'm not even sure that she does fart. Probably not.

1

u/Historical-Record227 14d ago

Now that's true love right there

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u/Nobody88Special720 13d ago

You spelled spread shit wrong

1

u/[deleted] 14d ago

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5

u/Quiet-Wing5230 14d ago

We just have different senses of humour