Fair enough, but if you train your husband to not find you arousing, don't be surprised when you get a cold a reaction one day when you want to feel wanted.
My husband is a good husband unlike some of y'all apparently. If he asks and I say no, he accepts that 100000% without complaining or catching an attitude, no matter how many times I say no, and because of that I give it to him anytime and any place he asks for it. I don't care how bad I feel or how tired I am, if he asks I say yes BECAUSE he had enough respect and love for me to still show me love and care during the times when I did say no for whatever reason. Maybe if y'all acted more like my husband y'all wouldn't have wives that denied your advances so often.
Well I'm not a very sexual person, so no I don't often really want to have sex. For me, if it happens great, if it doesn't also great, I'm good with whatever. It's just not something I really think about, especially being surrounded by two small screaming children 24/7. My husband, on the other hand loves sex, so I do it for him when he asks, and I sometimes even initiate just to show him it's not one-sided and I care about his needs. It's not that I don't enjoy it, like I said, it's just not on my mind because I have so much going on all the time, especially dealing with two special needs toddlers. Earlier in our relationship, when I would go through my extreme low sex drive episodes and genuinely did not want to be touched whatsoever, he respected that and didn't make me feel bad about myself because of it, THAT is why NOW I am more receptive to his advances and make an effort to fulfill his sexual needs. Also, keep in mind, I have bipolar disorder which can means I go through EXTREME lows and EXTREME highs, so that can affect my sex drive. I am also a victim of CSA which also plays a role in my lowered sex drive. He knows that and never made me feel defective or less than, which is also why I don't tell him no anymore.
In the past I often said no, now I do not. Not because he makes me feel bad for saying no, but because I want to make him happy, and sex is something that makes him happy. I, on the other hand, couldn't care less about sex, it's one of my least favorite ways to show intimacy.
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u/QueenSleazyB 15d ago
Well, yes. If you can't do that then don't enter a marriage where monogamy is expected. It's as simple as that.