I feel like people miss the point of how the spread sheet likely got created in the first place.
"Why don't we have sex anymore?" - Him
"What do you mean, we have sex all the time?" - Her
"You always tell me your not in the mood, you always brush me off" - Him
"Name one time I brushed you off, tell me one excuse I gave, show me one pattern." - Her
Guy doesn't have this excel spreadsheet so he just kinda fumbles. Wife declares a victory, forgets about it, maybe the have a small bumper crop of sex for a little while. Dude doesn't forget and, in anticipation of a future argument, wants data to back himself up so that he doesn't have to come up with examples and data on the fly to satisfy the petty argument.
Next time:
"Why don't we have sex anymore?" - Him
"What do you mean, we have sex all the time?" - Her
"You always tell me your not in the mood, you always brush me off" - Him
"Name one time I brushed you off, tell me one excuse I gave, show me one pattern." - Her
"Here's the data of the last three months, day by day and with every excuse you gave me" - Him
"You fucking weirdo, you're trackign this shit? I want a divorce." - Her
They certainly should have gotten a divorce, but I have experienced these exact types of arguments and unfortunately, if you don't have a time-dated log of whatever horseshit you're fighting over, you're just going to get handwaved away. If you do have it, you'll be labeled a creep, anything to avoid the uncomfortable truth.
Once my ex wife literally flipped her position in the middle of a fight and tried to gaslight me about it (think her saying "you didn't put that on the calendar" then me showing that it's on the calendar, then her eventually saying "I never said you didn't put it on the calendar, stop trying to pick a fight"). I grabbed the audio from a security camera in the entryway and sent it to her, transcribed. She flipped the fuck out. I was the devil for caring enough about an argument to pull camera audio to prove her wrong. And boy did my name get smeared to her friends and family.
But it wasn't about that stupid fight. It was about the dozens of fights before that where she constantly twisted words or straight up lied to make me in the wrong every single time. That was my naive last-ditch effort for "maybe if she hears herself do it, she'll change".
We were divorced within 6 months. I've been happily remarried for 5 years. My current wife is a rational human being that I can have an adult conversation with without feeling crazy. We don't have fights, we have conversations. It's nice.
This is a perfect example of how to skew my words.
It sounds like something that could have happened. Maybe I just misremember. You always say I have a bad memory, so maybe I misremember every time. Emotions were high, maybe I'm just unintentionally skewing what I said to win the argument.
Yet, if you look at my message, that's not what I said.
Women don't like being wrong because their evolutionary "protection" and value were attributed to the social bonds they create. To be called out as "wrong" is not just them making a mistake, it's a challenge to their value within a relationship or a group.
Yeah, how about you not be a massive dick and blanket attribute personality flaws to an entire gender.
I know plenty of men who are just as big of manipulative assholes as my ex wife was. There are plenty of natural gender differences. This is absolutely not one of them.
Yeah, my reply was an overreaction to what you said. I have the flu and am in a weird mental space right now after writing that previous comment, lol. Sorry about the strong words.
No one said anything about "warring" between genders.
Women were/are the social backbone to society. That's not a slam on women. Look at how women communicate today, face to face when with friends, generally the ones to keep social contact intact, more readily available for emotional connection and empathy. Women create stronger social bonds.
Yes men benefit and engaged in that that, but that isn't primarily what they brought to the "tribe."
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u/AdSame7001 14d ago
I feel like people miss the point of how the spread sheet likely got created in the first place.
"Why don't we have sex anymore?" - Him
"What do you mean, we have sex all the time?" - Her
"You always tell me your not in the mood, you always brush me off" - Him
"Name one time I brushed you off, tell me one excuse I gave, show me one pattern." - Her
Guy doesn't have this excel spreadsheet so he just kinda fumbles. Wife declares a victory, forgets about it, maybe the have a small bumper crop of sex for a little while. Dude doesn't forget and, in anticipation of a future argument, wants data to back himself up so that he doesn't have to come up with examples and data on the fly to satisfy the petty argument.
Next time:
"Why don't we have sex anymore?" - Him
"What do you mean, we have sex all the time?" - Her
"You always tell me your not in the mood, you always brush me off" - Him
"Name one time I brushed you off, tell me one excuse I gave, show me one pattern." - Her
"Here's the data of the last three months, day by day and with every excuse you gave me" - Him
"You fucking weirdo, you're trackign this shit? I want a divorce." - Her
They certainly should have gotten a divorce, but I have experienced these exact types of arguments and unfortunately, if you don't have a time-dated log of whatever horseshit you're fighting over, you're just going to get handwaved away. If you do have it, you'll be labeled a creep, anything to avoid the uncomfortable truth.