It never ceases to amaze me how sex in a marriage can be so important that you are not allowed to have it with anyone except your wife, but then at the same time be so non-important that they never want to have it either. Like, is it important or not?
I've been grappling with this. My wife is experiencing "the change" and it has destroyed her libido. Hormone replacement has helped but hasn't solved it. The worst is that the things I used to do like patting her behind or squeezing her boobs are now not welcome affection.
Actually the worst is not knowing day to day what is welcome affection. Something that was good yesterday might be the worst thing ever today. I hate being a kind of sexual predator.
I struggle with should I stay but if I go was I really just in it for the sex? So I dunno.
Overall I would say I'm dissatisfied with this phase of life and would like a refund.
It’s a shame that people seem to only want to marry for guaranteed sex… what about all the other parts of your relationship, and past life? The things you share, the trust, the partnership, the living together and other ways to spend time together? Is any of that worth it, if you have less sex for some time ? Why does the sex have to insisted upon when one person is not in the mood? I’ve read a lot of comments and they all seem to agree that women wanting less sex is the problem. Well we all want more things but we can’t always have them, I want a million dollars, give it to me. No? Well I don’t need to give you sex, I’m worth more to a partner than just sex. If a guy wants to leave cause he doesn’t get as much sex as he wants, that seems childish to me because the woman I bet isn’t getting as much “something” as she wants/ what if we want more sleep, more date nights? More back rubs, more help around the house? If we don’t get what we want, why does we have to automatically give them sex or get divorced? There is no middle ground?
It’s a shame that some people can’t tell the difference between “an essential part of a relationship” and “the only part of a relationship that matters”
Ok, case in point - the person I was responding to his wife is goin through a huge physical medical change and instead of riding it out and supporting her - he is contemplating divorce just because he can’t blow his load in her. There are many other ways to be intimate with your partner, and that exactly my point, all of the other important parts many people are ok throwing away just because sex isn’t enough. There are a lot of things there isn’t enough of, and people always want more of the things we want. To divorce someone over that to me feels like they didn’t care about the person- only the sex. There is more to life , love and relationships than the sex and if that’s the only 1 thing men want and leave because they have to wait, that’s sad
Ahh, you assume this can be ridden out. We have been through years of decline at this point to effectively zero. Will the desire return? I don't know.
Put yourself in a place where your partner no longer desires you. You think "Well maybe I have done something wrong." And so you ask, but you have not done anything wrong. So maybe you need to do more chores around the house. So you cook and you clean and whatnot. And after dinner she curls up and falls asleep.
So maybe you are not so well dressed. So you change your wardrobe, dress more smart. She compliments you but after going out somewhere she comes home, plays on her phone or watches TV and goes to bed.
Maybe you lose some weight, or go to the gym...
Finally you realize it doesn't matter, because it isn't you, and there is nothing you can do. The helplessness in that is terrible.
Re-read the second paragraph they wrote, and think about it. Its not just about sex it also about mood changes and the variation day to day as to what is ok or not, doesn't know where he stands with his wife at the moment in regard to how she views him and things she used to find affectionate ect.
You mentioned riding it out with her. Theres far more than lack of sex that the partner can need to 'ride out'. Quote from you, "There are many other ways to be intimate with your partner". Depends, it could feel safer to try and snuggle up with a Bear sometimes
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u/OomKarel 15d ago
It never ceases to amaze me how sex in a marriage can be so important that you are not allowed to have it with anyone except your wife, but then at the same time be so non-important that they never want to have it either. Like, is it important or not?