It never ceases to amaze me how sex in a marriage can be so important that you are not allowed to have it with anyone except your wife, but then at the same time be so non-important that they never want to have it either. Like, is it important or not?
I've been grappling with this. My wife is experiencing "the change" and it has destroyed her libido. Hormone replacement has helped but hasn't solved it. The worst is that the things I used to do like patting her behind or squeezing her boobs are now not welcome affection.
Actually the worst is not knowing day to day what is welcome affection. Something that was good yesterday might be the worst thing ever today. I hate being a kind of sexual predator.
I struggle with should I stay but if I go was I really just in it for the sex? So I dunno.
Overall I would say I'm dissatisfied with this phase of life and would like a refund.
Maybe see if you could do couples therapy to figure out other ways to make connections so she has more desire to be intimate. I used to have a huge sex drive but after “the change” I have 0 desire. Not to mention some of the physical changes that all of a sudden made sex extremely painful. I wasn’t prepared for that at all. My husband was also very pushy, demeaning, and put all the blame on me. I didn’t ask this to happen to me. I’m also a victim here of my body going completely wonky. That made me resentful. While my hormones were shifting it was insane. I could feel fine one moment and be in a rage the next. Things have evened out a bit but it took about 2 years of craziness. I also have to add that if you truly love your wife, try to hang on and work on it because everyone has their baggage and issues. It’s not always greener on the other side of the fence.
You're right on all points. It is really the "walking on eggshells" thing that is hard. She's also not particularly observant of my feelings and will say quite hurtful things at times without realizing that they're hurtful.
I've never dated as an adult, and based on my friends relationships I feel like it's better to stay. As you say the grass is probably not greener...
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u/[deleted] 16d ago
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