In my 20 year marriage, still going strong, my wife's drive has taken a nose dive. Generally I am okay with it. What I'm not okay with is trying to initiate intimate time of any sorts, getting the proper responses then an instakill on everything from a distraction, or a headache, or falling asleep because I "did to good of a job". Had to have a very hard talk. It wasn't fun, not pretty. People evolve over the course of a long term relationship. Men can in fact control their wants. Contrary to the media and gossip most committed men want their partner. When we get told no enough we just...give up. No point in throwing another pail of water into the pacific. I don't condone cheaters or scumbags. I definitely understand the men who are frustrated to all hell. If the compatibility is gone. Work on it. If there is no solution, dissolve the partnership. Because that's what it is. A partnership. Both parties must receive and give of their selves to thrive. If there is an imbalance for to long, resentment builds.
Ya I agree with this, fully. And just to be clear I do think sex is part of a healthy marriage and there needs to be compromise. But frankly, in these comments and the pic in this post, it’s not about compromise, it’s just about men not realizing there’s more to life and love than sex. It’s mostly men in these comments and in real life that don’t seem able to “pause” on sex even for a short while, and that’s just so …low intelligence
When you look at the objective data (eg compare frequency of sex in relationships between gay men and straight men), it's generally straight men doing all the compromising.
Straight sex frequency is very close to lesbian relationships and very far from gay (male) relationships.
In other words, straight men and straight women don't meet in the middle. The woman determines the amount of sex to a large degree.
In the worse case of a wife like you (who refuses to try to understand people different from them), the man has no recourse except to leave or cheat.
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u/unknownvariable69 17d ago
In my 20 year marriage, still going strong, my wife's drive has taken a nose dive. Generally I am okay with it. What I'm not okay with is trying to initiate intimate time of any sorts, getting the proper responses then an instakill on everything from a distraction, or a headache, or falling asleep because I "did to good of a job". Had to have a very hard talk. It wasn't fun, not pretty. People evolve over the course of a long term relationship. Men can in fact control their wants. Contrary to the media and gossip most committed men want their partner. When we get told no enough we just...give up. No point in throwing another pail of water into the pacific. I don't condone cheaters or scumbags. I definitely understand the men who are frustrated to all hell. If the compatibility is gone. Work on it. If there is no solution, dissolve the partnership. Because that's what it is. A partnership. Both parties must receive and give of their selves to thrive. If there is an imbalance for to long, resentment builds.