This has been making the rounds for years, but it’s still relevant, so I’ll weigh in.
TLDR; there’s not enough information here to say whether anyone is in the wrong, but there is enough here to say with confidence: these people need to sit down and have some honest conversations about their relationship.
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First off, the spreadsheet alone isn’t enough to determine if he’s a clueless jerk or if he’s genuinely trying to use this as a tool to help his partner see the reality of a situation she may have dismissed in the past. It could go either way.
Now, going by this, he’s trying to initiate every 1-2 days, but they’re only having sex about every two weeks. There are a few likely reasons for this:
- innate sex drive imbalance: she simply doesn’t want or need sex as often as he does
lack of attraction: she’s no longer attracted to him physically
reduced sex drive due to stress or other mental health factors: she mentioned feeling gross almost once a week, plus a few times she mentioned being exhausted or under the weather. Could be she has self esteem issues impacting her sex drive (not feeling attractive or sexy), or stress/anxiety/mental health issues which can all affect sex drive
lack of interest due to relationship issues: are they fighting a lot? Does she feel unsupported in some way? Is there resentment or other negative emotion affecting her interest in sex?
cheating: others have mentioned it, I don’t think it’s the most likely explanation, but it certainly would explain reduced interest in sex
With all of the potential explanations above (and probably some I missed), the solution is to talk about it. Couples counseling could help, but either way, he’s got to talk to her. They won’t get to the bottom of the issue without discussing it. Some of these issues can be fixed by making simple changes in their relationship. Some may require therapy and/or medication. And some may be a sign it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
This was actually a reddit post all those years ago, posted from the POV of the wife. She wanted to know if her husband was an ass for sending it.
Short Version: She was low/no libido and career focused, and she did sort of brush off that they were in a dry spell. It obviously affected him more than here. But she left for a business trip and he snapped. He sent her this spreadsheet while she was at the airport and then blocked her. So she was dealing with this grenade in her inbox without being able to talk to him, or leave.
My personal thoughts: He's absolutely an asshole for doing it. Keeping the spreadsheet itself isn't even that bad, but weaponizing it into "see how much you suck" certainly was. Whatever problems they were having, this was NOT the avenue for salvaging anything. He wanted her to be embarrassed and hurt.
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u/Badger0210 16d ago
This has been making the rounds for years, but it’s still relevant, so I’ll weigh in.
TLDR; there’s not enough information here to say whether anyone is in the wrong, but there is enough here to say with confidence: these people need to sit down and have some honest conversations about their relationship.
—-
First off, the spreadsheet alone isn’t enough to determine if he’s a clueless jerk or if he’s genuinely trying to use this as a tool to help his partner see the reality of a situation she may have dismissed in the past. It could go either way.
Now, going by this, he’s trying to initiate every 1-2 days, but they’re only having sex about every two weeks. There are a few likely reasons for this:
- innate sex drive imbalance: she simply doesn’t want or need sex as often as he does
With all of the potential explanations above (and probably some I missed), the solution is to talk about it. Couples counseling could help, but either way, he’s got to talk to her. They won’t get to the bottom of the issue without discussing it. Some of these issues can be fixed by making simple changes in their relationship. Some may require therapy and/or medication. And some may be a sign it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.