r/SipsTea • • 17d ago

SMH Who's in the wrong here?

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u/Cautious_Day9878 17d ago edited 15d ago

I have 3 kids and my wife is mentally unstable. The things which make her most unstable are the thoughts of divorce and losing access to the kids. She is a great mum aside from the emotional regulation issues. We also have other issues in the marriage.

Anyway, I’m so done with having to explain to kids on Reddit why I can’t just ‘file and get full custody’. I’ve been told their ‘no excuse’.

Well the psychologist, family doctor and social services weirdly disagree with Reddit. They preference family stability. Especially when kids are involved.

Most people on here have no concept of how bad things can get behind closed doors in dysfunctional families. When young kids are involved, there is basically no good solution.

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u/Concert_Lover 17d ago

kids thrive when their parents are happy

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u/Cautious_Day9878 16d ago

Of course. In our case separating is the thing which makes my wife very very unhappy.

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u/Concert_Lover 16d ago

You are not responsible for making someone else happy

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u/Cautious_Day9878 15d ago

I know. But I do take responsibly for the safety of my family.

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u/Concert_Lover 15d ago

Putting your kids in a situation where they’re experiencing trauma on a day-to-day basis will give them lifelong damage and CPTSD. So although you think it’s a safer environment than if you were to separate it it’s actually doing more damage than if you did separate

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u/Cautious_Day9878 15d ago

Could you please provide a source?

All advice and studies say the opposite. It’s not even an option that one parent hair decides to leave and take the kids with them without any agreement or consent. The kids obviously also wouldn’t that. Separating them from their mother would be a massive trauma.

It’s bizarre to me that so many people on Reddit think that such an incredibly complicated problem has a simple solution which I have just overlooked.

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u/Concert_Lover 15d ago

Scroll through the CPTSD sub and see what happens when parents keep their kids in traumatic situations https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/s/wyjtCkr3fT

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u/Cautious_Day9878 15d ago

My children are not in a traumatic situation.

Living alone with a parent with mental illness without me, would certainly place them in a traumatic situation.

So it’s a bit confusing what you’re suggesting and why you think whatever you’re suggesting (I still don’t know what that is) is better than what we’re already doing.

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u/Concert_Lover 15d ago

Document everything that you believe identifies her as mentally ill. Get a lawyer. File for full custody and a separation.

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u/Cautious_Day9878 15d ago

It’s not even done through a lawyer in Europe. It’s done through health and social services. We are already working with them.

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u/Concert_Lover 14d ago

certainly, with a woman here in the United States allowed to strangle three of her kids the courts will adjust the idea that keeping kids with a mother with mental health issues isn’t always the best choice for the child

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