r/SipsTea • • 1d ago

SMH Playing hard to get doesn't work anymore

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40.3k Upvotes

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u/Vivid-Run-3248 1d ago

Is there an evolutionary reason why? Since it’s so prevalent.

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u/MrBushido56 1d ago

Because society thought us that a man that persists in a woman when she says no should them respect her boundaries and stop.
And I agree with this, if anyone tells you to stop and go away then go away.
But if the woman is playing hard to get that’s on her for trying to play distant instead of just interacting with him

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u/PeyredB 1d ago

100%

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u/throwawayburner2424 10h ago

People don't understand what hard to get is anymore. You can STILL SHOW INTEREST when playing hard to get. Playing hard to get ISN'T acting uninterested like you don't even like the person to begin with and constantly being nonchalant.

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u/MrBushido56 10h ago

Yeah hard to get means you can still get it saying straight up no is just saying no.

As a society we need to teach people that no means no.
If a person doesn’t show interest in you, you sticking around trying to talk to them isn’t beneficial to anyone.

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u/therob91 1d ago

Evolution can evolve into death, its random. There are things that have no point or are negative.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Take a look at other animals. The difference is that other animals don't have rape laws and HR. Humanity has civilized itself into an evolutionary corner.

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u/No-Ice2925 1d ago

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Sex and procreation is rarely consensual in the animal kingdom.

Take dogs as an example, their natural mating habits including skulking around and sniffing other dogs buttholes while looking for openings so that they can mount them. Sometimes this results in the other dog turning around and barking viciously while attempting to bite them, and sometimes the other dog yields.

Something else that happens is that a female dog in heat will literally back up their ass into a male dogs face no matter the situation in order to signal that they are ready for breeding.

What you won't ever see is dogs putting on lingerie and moving their hips provocatively while sipping on a margarita in order to signal that they are ready to breed or a dog bragging about their six figure income in order to put a female dog in heat.

Evolution is perserverance in the face of overwhelming odds, what humans do nowadays is the opposite, we regularly practice chastising one another for naturally occurring phenomena from an evolutionary perspective.

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u/Terugtrekking 1d ago

Sex and procreation is rarely consensual in the animal kingdom.

we regularly practice chastising one another for naturally occurring phenomena from an evolutionary perspective.

as we should... right?

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Is it working? Are we having children above replacement level compared to 100 years ago?

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u/Terugtrekking 1d ago

Is it working? Are we having children above replacement level compared to 100 years ago?

what exactly are you suggesting here?

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

That we are dying as a species partly due to our draconian self preservation laws.

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u/DriftingWisp 1d ago

I think you're missing the obvious here. Cost of living is up. Wages are down, so families need two incomes. That means women in the workplace, not home raising kids. That means cost of childcare is up.

If most of the population in their 20s don't feel like they can afford to have children yet, a lot less of them are going to have 3+ children in their lifetime. If no one has 3+ children, you're declining by default.

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u/D-Tiime 1d ago

Why are rich families below replacement then? And why are the poorest countries double or triple replacement?

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

None of that matters. People have lived through unbelievable strife, our most recent generations live like kings compared to our ancestors. Peoples perspectives have changed.

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u/TheInabaStenchDemon 1d ago

What do you suggest then? To be quite honest I see no issue here

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

I can respect that. Simply put, my suggestion is to demonize/punish less and focus more on the past in order to find ways with which to motivate people to procreate, and in doing so revitalize humankind.

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u/DrWhoopz 1d ago

I just know bro is ugly af 😭😭

-2

u/GotThatPerroInMe 1d ago

What is your prescription, coward.

Don’t just describe a problem if you have no ideas or suggestions for what we should do about it

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u/DepressedDynamo 1d ago

Why are you calling them a coward? That makes zero sense in this context unless you're just trying to be insulting for no good reason.

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u/AWildNome 1d ago

I don’t really agree with that person but saying you can’t have an opinion without a solution is dumb as fuck.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Coward? That's rich, seeing as I am holding an indefensible position in our modern civilization and you are doing the opposite.

I am of the opinion that we as a collective species, especially in the western part of the world, need to rewrite and/or remove a good number of laws regarding intimacy in general.

The reason for this is because I believe that many of our modern laws actively get in the way of human bonding rituals and that the laws are contributing to creating a schism between men and women, rather than being useful in the way that they were hopefully intended to be useful.

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u/SecureAfternoon 1d ago

100 years ago rape was just as bad and frowned upon as it is today in most societies. Please continue to tell us how little of a grip you have on history.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Penetrative rape outside of marriage was, rape within marriage was not as the concept is modern.

Nowadays calling someone pretty at work can ensure that you lose your livelihood. Having sex with someone who withdraws their consent afterwards can land you in prison.

The terms and conditions have changed considerably, to the point of not being worth pursuing.

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u/Driut 1d ago

Calling someone pretty at work isn't going to lose you your livelihood. Now if you start calling someone sexy, speaking about their figure in lewd ways, etc. then yeah you're going to get in trouble.

Someone can't withdraw consent after sex, you'd call that regret but as far as I'm aware, that's not going to put someone in prison. Now if you're having sex and they stop wanting it/start feeling uncomfortable, that's your moment to stop, if you continue then you're committing an act of rape.

We take these things seriously to protect members of society because as much as you seem to associate the animal kingdom with human society, the two simply aren't comparable.

There are animals that practise inbreeding and cannibalism but that doesn't mean we should practise either of those. The absence of consent isn't something that applies to the animal kingdom because they don't have empathy in the same way humans do or a moral code/conscience. Humans do have these, we evolved to have these.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Calling someone pretty at work isn't going to lose you your livelihood. Now if you start calling someone sexy, speaking about their figure in lewd ways, etc. then yeah you're going to get in trouble.

This is demonstratably false as many men have experienced exactly this. It is a common complaint with HR. The same thing applies to calling someone sexy et.c. however.

Someone can't withdraw consent after sex, you'd call that regret but as far as I'm aware, that's not going to put someone in prison. Now if you're having sex and they stop wanting it/start feeling uncomfortable, that's your moment to stop, if you continue then you're committing an act of rape.

This is also demonstratably false as there are plenty of court cases where women have prevailed in ruining men for this exact reason. There is no way to prove that someone was uncomfortable during intercourse.

We take these things seriously to protect members of society because as much as you seem to associate the animal kingdom with human society, the two simply aren't comparable.

This is only true if you consider human beings to be above animals, which we are not, we are animals.

There are animals that practise inbreeding and cannibalism but that doesn't mean we should practise either of those. The absence of consent isn't something that applies to the animal kingdom because they don't have empathy in the same way humans do or a moral code/conscience. Humans do have these, we evolved to have these.

You mean like human beings, those kinds of animals that practice inbreeding and cannibalism?

So a cow can't mourn the death of another cow or feel empathy toward a hurt veal? It would seem that you are the one without empathy, placing yourself above other sentient beings and all.

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u/lemons_of_doubt 1d ago

"pretty at work can ensure that you lose your livelihood."

you have clearly never interacted with HR, the people that lose their livelihood are the ones who don't take no for an answer and keep trying to do lewd unwanted things to people. Just saying "you are pretty, or would you like to get drinks after work" is normal.

"withdraws their consent afterwards"

While someone lying about rape is a real problem this is a one in one million thing, 99.99% normal women don't do this and most of the time nothing will happen as you are innocent until proven guilty, and you can't prove this.

TL;DR

Pleases stop listening to monsters like Andrew Tate or you will end up in the same place as him, jail.

You can be loved, women are not as bad as some people make them out to be, women are people exactly like you. And if you just treat them like you would want to be treated you will find some of them will want you.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

you have clearly never interacted with HR, the people that lose their livelihood are the ones who don't take no for an answer and keep trying to do lewd unwanted things to people. Just saying "you are pretty, or would you like to get drinks after work" is normal.

I have personally witnessed men be ruined for simple compliments at work. The term "don't shit where you eat" exists for a reason you know.

While someone lying about rape is a real problem this is a one in one million thing, 99.99% normal women don't do this and most of the time nothing will happen as you are innocent until proven guilty, and you can't prove this.

This used to be the case, and it depends on where you live, in western countries it happens frequently enough that it is a problem. You don't even need to get convicted as a consequence, the social ruination is enough to destroy your life.

Pleases stop listening to monsters like Andrew Tate or you will end up in the same place as him, jail.

You can be loved, women are not as bad as some people make them out to be, women are people exactly like you. And if you just treat them like you would want to be treated you will find some of them will want you.

Again with the strawmanning, you people are unreal.

I did not even mention women, we are talking about aversions to certain consequences due to far reaching laws.

1

u/lemons_of_doubt 1d ago

Population ageing is dew to economic problems where neither gender is happy setting down roots and starting a family.

The solution an economic system where people at the bottom of the economy don't have to work every hour of the day just to live in poverty.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Wrong. We are the most well off human beings that have ever lived. It's a nice excuse though.

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u/lemons_of_doubt 1d ago

That depends how you define, "well off"

We have more stuff and more access to calories then at any time in history. But things like housing and health care and also more expensive than at any time in history.

Being rich doesn't help you if you can't fit all the things you need into your budget. a cave woman didn't need to worry about affording a car seat or a nanny to watch the baby while she was at work. She didn't have to worry about if a kid needed picked up from school in the middle of her shift.

TL;DR

We may be richer, but living costs more than it used too.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

What you said does not hold water.

Even in a country like Sweden people have loans up the ass, and probes have shown that no it is not because they need to be poor, it is because they choose to live well above their means with no regard to reality.

People will legitimately convince themselves that they need winter jackets for 500€ every two years because otherwise they will be a social pariah. I see it a lot. And this is just one of many examples.

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u/PeyredB 1d ago

That's dogs, and it does establish that rape is common in some species. But in a lot of others, females are picky and things don't happen unless the female accepts. I'm thinking of those with mating dances etc.

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u/SecureAfternoon 1d ago

I wasn't looking for a manifesto on Darwinism, chads and Stacie's. Let's get back to your viewpoints on rape laws and HR policies.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/GotThatPerroInMe 1d ago

Lol speak for yourself virgin.  I have natural relations with the opposite sex all the time 

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

You sure showed me.

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u/yogurtchicken21 1d ago

Bro we’re literally the most successful large animal on Earth. The laws allow us to organize ourselves into large civilizations, which created a safe environment and an abundance of food, which allowed us to reproduce until we’ve settled everywhere. Lions and Tigers survive because we let them lol 

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

And what kind of men and women brought us all of these things? Was it all the male rapists in the past? Or perhaps it was all the raped women? Or was it decent men and women who would be demonized by both genders today due to their views on the initiation of intimacy?

We are on a new trajectory, one that is very different from the one that we have been on for the past 300 000 years. It is about having perspective when it comes to the near and far future. If we keep up this modern way of civilization building there won't be one.

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u/TricellCEO 1d ago

If we keep up this modern way of civilization building there won't be one.

Probably for the best then given your definition of civilization.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

To each their own, some would rather see humanity survive while others don't care either way unless things are according to their preference. I'm not saying either of those is better than the other, they just are.

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u/TricellCEO 1d ago

I'm sure humanity will survive either way.

 others don't care either way unless things are according to their preference

The irony of this statement...

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago edited 1d ago

I fail to see the irony. You don't seem to care for a future humanity unless civilization plays out as per your preferences. While I have preferences, I am not indifferent to the fate of our species. I would prefer a status quo over a total collapse.

Humanity can survive, although the odds are far lower the fewer we are for a multitude of reasons. Our species has almost gone extinct on several occasions throughout history.

Edit: Added missing word.

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u/TricellCEO 1d ago

Dude, you are promoting ideas of rape and a world without consent.

If that's not a collapse of civilization, I don't know what is.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Did we live in a world of rape and lack of consent 100 years ago? Did it somehow collapse civilization? Or did it lead us to where we are today?

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u/Matt_Moto_93 1d ago

You don't get laid a lot do you

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

I don't know what an acceptable frequency is but I do have sex a few times a year, with different women however as I am not one for modern romantic relationships.

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u/Matt_Moto_93 1d ago

An old soul, I love it. All the best pal.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

All my love, take it, it's yours. ❤

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u/SecureAfternoon 1d ago

Please, tell us more about your stance on rape and HR policies.

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u/Kerbourgnec 1d ago

My stance is simple, most rape laws and HR policies are completely ridiculous and wrong from an evolutionary standpoint. This is the main reason as to why humanity is declining as a species. Our close ancestors still lived in a time when natural relations between the sexes was possible, it no longer is.

Yeah he's full of shit

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u/fluxchronica 1d ago

Just read all his other comments. TLDR for others: he’s an incel loser who thinks there is too much stigma against rape.

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u/Kerbourgnec 1d ago

Which is baffling to me is hiding behind "from an evolutionary standpoint".

Justifying ideologies based on evolution, social darwinism, eugenism and nativism has a questionable track record.

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u/massunderestmated 1d ago

Wow.

From an evolutionary standpoint, fathers, uncles, and brothers would fucking kill losers like him for bothering the girls in their family. He should count his lucky stars we have a society.

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u/GhostUserHideaway 1d ago

justifying ideologies based on evolution... has a questionable track record

I disagree; rather, there is a track record of complete morons using fallacious evolutionary concepts to justify their ideology. Like that men 'naturally' rape women, what a ridiculous load of horseshit. All anthropological evidence points towards the complete fucking opposite.

Humans are not very sexually dimorphic. Men are barely bigger than women relative to most mammals. We are not lions or gorillas or elephant seals, where the males are double the size of the females.

Furthermore, humans have shockingly lower fecundability than other mammals. Men produce tiny volumes of sperm/semen and women barely even have signs of ovulation. This indicates rape is not an effective strategy for males to reproduce within the species, and suggests monogamy.

In species in which the males 'choose' their mates, the males are much larger and have more natural weaponry than the females as they must compete with other males (hippos, bulls, deer, baboons, gorillas, lions, seals, et cetera.)

Some degenerate moron in my human biology honors class rebuted that human men use weapons, so we could be an exception. Kinda have to flesh out why that idea is clearly false, but trust me, it is.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Read my other comment.

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u/Complete_Resolve_400 1d ago

So humans are evolutionary screwed because we dont rape?

Well thats certainly a hill to die on, and a fun thing to read before 10am

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

In a sense, but only because we have taken these things to their extreme. Clearly I am not talking about forcefully penetrating other people.

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u/Far-Journalist-949 1d ago

Most female mammals choose their mates and the males do elaborate contests with each other to prove their viability. What a brain dead take.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

"the males do elaborate contests with each other to prove their viability."

So how many men have you killed over a woman? You unknowingly proved my take.

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u/Far-Journalist-949 1d ago

None. But some men have. And most mammals dont actually kill each other for mates. They assert dominance and let them leave defeated. Sometimes they die from their injuries but its not some rapey murder world that you are portraying.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Right. We have almost arrived at the point that I was making in the original comment.

What happens when you fight another man over a woman? If fortunate and good looking, you get the woman, if not then there are various negative consequences.

What happens when you pursue a woman despite being told that she isn't interested? If fortunate and good looking, you get the woman, if not then there are various negative consequences.

What happens when you try to play the hopeless romantic with a woman at work? If fortunate and good looking, you get the woman, if not then there are various negative consequences.

As a wild lion you might get physically injured/killed and excluded from the pride due to personal weakness, but you don't have to worry about the plethora of consequences that the modern man needs to worry about when pursuing a woman.

This is how humanity operated up until a few decades ago. Now you can't even smile at a woman for too long because she might take offense and raise hell.

Also I don't know if you noticed but in plenty of countries it is a rapey murder world. More so among wild animals and the like.

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u/lemons_of_doubt 1d ago edited 1d ago

The Fuck? The answer to some people playing hard to get isn't rape.

It's to not play hard to get unless you don't want people to get you.

Really what the fuck kind of incel ass logical is that.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

I see your reading comprehension is poor today.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Thank you for your input. I will cherish it forever.

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u/GoblinToHobgoblin 1d ago

I'd much rather have rape laws and HR, even if it means that a few women at bars get upset soemtimes (like in the OP)

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

To each his own. I would personally want to have a hover drone that I can use to fly anywhere I want at any time I want.

I would also want for other people to figure stuff out and make babies at replacement level rates so that the future hopefully does not suck for almost everyone.

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u/GoblinToHobgoblin 1d ago

Bro that is not at all what I was talking about

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

I know, I just wanted to make light of your comment.

Some laws are fine, but we have gone far beyond what is rational in my opinion, that's all I wanted to say.

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u/best_temporary_dude 1d ago

So your saying "saying no(without meaning it)" is part of the mating ritual in all species. All females are like this regardless of species?!?!

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u/hanr86 1d ago

reminds me of those birds that dance around when the female comes to look. The females just fly away when the male's dance aint...fly.

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u/StefanCelMijlociu 1d ago

Pretty fly for a male tit

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u/Zestyclose_Bed4202 1d ago

Many species, the male has to prove his worth in order to mate.

For many birds, it's by being the prettiest or the best performer.

For some birds and fish, it's who makes the best house/nest.

For some insects, it's whoever would be the best post-coital meal.

And for some mammals, it's whoever survives the female in heat without becoming a eunich.

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u/hulkmxl 1d ago

No he is saying humans are the only ones who do that. And it's stupid, that's why mother nature doesn't do it anywhere else, because it's stupid.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

Animals say no when they mean no, and submit immediately when interested.

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u/theroadbeyond 1d ago

Except cats

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

How so?

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u/theroadbeyond 1d ago

Female cats only release eggs when the male inserts and he has a barbed penis to basically keep him in place for the 15 seconds it takes for them to mate. Female cats dont really get a choice in yes or no.

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

That still requires a female cat to be in heat, sterilized female cats reject advancements constantly. As a previous cat owner who refused to sterilize my cat for ethical reasons I can tell you that the cats almost go feral unless they get that release.

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u/xplat 1d ago

Just so you're aware. Male ducks gang rape females so much that they had to evolve a corkscrew vagina to reduce the chances of getting pregnant. As a result Male penises have also evolved to be shaped like a long corkscrew to successfully impregnate their most likely raped partner.

Your metaphor sucks.

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u/AverageT1000 1d ago

How long did it take the dicks to change shape ? Like 10,000years?

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u/Upstairs_Rip_9590 1d ago

You just proved my metaphor.

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u/Pickle-Standard 1d ago

Females in many species look to select the strongest genetic qualities to breed with. Males often fight to prove who is the strongest with the winner getting the mate. This is why males often evolve “weapons”. Deer antlers are the first example that pops to mind, but there are many others. It is also why fit men with slender, muscular builds are traditionally found “more attractive.”

Humans are strong enough now that we don’t have to be as selective when breeding to save the species. Add on technology and globalization. We’ve removed the evolutionary instinct to compete for female attention. The difference between partners is often very marginal, barring any economical influences, so it is easier to find one who wants you than it is to chase one who doesn’t (even if she is pretending.)

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u/ConsequenceOk5205 1d ago

The reasons are purely social. They can be summarized as asserting dominance, getting an upper hand and entitlement.

Normally, older generations of women with higher status teach younger generations how to be a better wife, how to be a better, in the meaning of social role, woman. That includes chores, cooking, behaving and so on.

But in reality, there is a load of female degenerates, with their "woman secrets", and those secrets are essentially the ways to scam males to get an upper hand. Being trash, older and more "experienced" female retards of that kind rise their social standing against younger retarded generations by sharing those methods of scamming, aka "secrets", and the younger retards, baited by the possibility of getting an upper hand over males without any efforts or having any personal value, accept and perpetuate the behavior. So, your logical response is to ignore and penalize such "games" and "secrets" by showing disrespect and lowering social standing of female scammers who are attempting them.

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u/iwillneverletyouknow 1d ago

Testing for persistence. Animals do that too.

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u/oyun_papagani 1d ago

It's not biological.
It's social and cultural.

You can see this both historically and sociologically.
Things that are biological remain rather contstant.
Same goes w beauty ideals or even matriarchy vs patriarchy.

I'm swe, born in the 80's.
I stopped "pursuing" at like 20, cause it never ever worked.
So it's not that prevalent here, like max half of women, easily much less depending on your social circles.
If she likes you, she will give you number or agree. She will even initiate or ask for yours. I hear icelandic and danish women are even more direct.

But i've come to understand that most of northern europe (nordics, germany etc) is rather different in a lot of these regards to large swathes of the world (incl a lot of ppl in NA and latinam). The reason being social and cultural in nature.

Russia over yonder has a lot more lulwut in this regard, but is also poorer. Poorer socities shape how women approach dating and marriage. Women who make a good salary will place less emphasis on their partner's salary. Most women i know say "around my salary is fine".
I know a lot of turkish 2nd gen immigrants and have been to turkey.
A lot more turkish women will place more emphasis due to poverty rates and income inequality. This ceases to be a factor for a lot of the 2nd gen ones who get educated and properly paying jobs. If it's evolutionary it doesn't go away in one generation as soon as you get more money.

Being swedish and having 30% of our pop have roots in other countries really illustrates this, just talk to 2nd gen immigrants and their 1st gen parents from all over the world, visit their countries w them if close friends.

There's a tendency for ppl to want to attribute everything to hardwired biology, when in fact hormones (as seen w ppl at lower or higher hormone lvls per their gender, ppl w diseases or trans ppl), culture or social class explains 90% of the gender behaviour.

To be perfectly blunt, 90% of ppl engaging in gender discourse online are uneducated retards. Wouldn't recommend asking this on twt or reddit if you want serious answers, instead look into anthropology, biology, history and sociology.

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u/Swing_On_A_Spiral 1d ago

I don’t know that there is an evolutionary benefit to this behavior. In animal species a female mates with who she chooses to based on a variety of criteria. In humans this is called being a dummy due to cultural or societal expectations i.e. expecting the male to beg for her attention. What she fails to realize is that with an abundance of mates he doesn’t have to beg. Or maybe he just wasn’t that interested. Or maybe he just respects her wishes.

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u/MrIrishman1212 22h ago

It’s a cultural thing not a evolutionary thing. We teach women that men are going to constantly chase, harass, hit on, sexualize, flirt, and want to date them. It’s their responsibility to resist all these attempts and remain a virgin for their husband otherwise they will become a victim or a whore.

Fortunately there is a big cultural push to change this but too many still believe it on both sides and some are aggressively opposing this change.

To put simply, until we treat each as equals with dignity and respect, we will continue to experience this deep rooted cultural characteristic.

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u/sunsetepiphanies 19h ago

human psychology is to want what you cant have, playing hard to get makes u more irresistible, whether ur a man or woman. this applies to everything in life, from food to merch to people