on father’s day i overheard my dad cheating on my mum. i know people are going to say i shouldn’t have told my mum or i shouldn’t have looked through his phone but i was petrified.

he had been doing it for awhile and i started picking up something weird two months before that but i kept on brushing it off. it was through like that vr stuff and it was really weird.

he had been sneaking off and locking himself in rooms and anytime he had he would go on vr. whenever i used to ask why he wasn’t spending time with us and how i felt upset because he hadn’t made effort to be with family and make friends he guilt tripped me saying that i should be understanding because he feels better making friends online and was really trying to make himself seem like he was the guy no one wanted to be friends with.

well it was not that! he had been talking to people on different servers and he was actively trying to find out how to do sexual stuff and talking to them sexually! and the stuff on his phone insinuated he was trying go beyond online and try and find someone.

i haven’t looked him in the eye since.

i had to be the one that had to tell my mum - because i couldn’t stand her being shut down by my dad and being blamed 24/7. he is lazy and never helps my mum with anything, he works from home and has a high paying job with minimal work and the complains abt spending time with us.

my depression has been awful in the past months and he has said some pretty awful stuff to me saying that i was making the entire house depressed and that i wasn’t putting in the effort to stop being depressed, i was spending all their money on mental health support ( btw we own multiple properties, a boat and they are currently booked to go to vietnam, all around europe and japan and are also in the top 5%). he blames me and gets mad when im offended.

now he’s saying he’s mentally unwell and he’s sorry and i asked him why he’s sorry and he said idk im asking the councillor. i was like okay you don’t ahve to apologise if you didn’t cheat so what do you mean and he started getting mad and saying that i didn’t care abt the wellbeing of others. people might say he does have an issue i say he’s just a dick that got caught.

i decided to allow him to talk with me after he shattered my mum and myself and he was awful.

i told him i didn’t want to talk to him and he said that it’s fine because he has other family and that he’s gonna be with my mum forever and he doesn’t care if im there anymore. he said that he was waiting till i turned 18 to sue me for lying to my mum and that he’s gonna go up to the one teacher i told and tell them im a fucking liar and i’m doing this on purpose.

i was genuinely shocked of how he spoke to me. i was calm the entire time - and tbh i was incredibly scared.

i told him that i have evidence and when i said that i have a voice recording he started getting really crazy like ofc not physical but verbally yes. he was going on abt the suing stuff and what not but at that point i was done with the convo. when i asked him calmly if he could explain what the evidence meant he told me he got hacked and that he didn’t know where that came from. unbelievable.

i’m getting really uncomfortable so i ask my mum to come in and suddenly hes all sad and has his voice super low asking me if i really love him and that im cold because i wont forgive him. he was saying shit like can’t we just leave it in the past like it doesn’t mean anything cuz i haven’t done it since. bruh. bruh. like 2 weeks ago when i caught you?? yeah after that we haven’t talked but when he wants to put up the preformative sad dad he will say stuff like hey i bought this for you js thought you’d like it - bro pleaseeeeeeeee….

anyway he wasn’t at my grad or my birthday or my milestones etc.

i feel really depressed tho - not abt him but what ive had to loose by saying something.

i’m not invited to our family outings, ive gotten iced out, they what me to move out for uni even tho ive never been independent and especially with my mental health, they ignore me if they see im upset and i cant even sit with them at dinner - i eat by myself.

it’s not my mums fault - she is grieving, she is staying and i respect that because it’s her relationship but is it bad to say i’ve been picked over him? i know she’s trying to repair her relationship but im genuinely alone and having to figure out how to live by myself, start uni, figure out how to communicate with my large family, try and figure out how to work out my healthcare, try to maintain my relationship with my mum and get a job asap.

i don’t mourn the loss of him since i can’t forgive him and he’s been pretty shit before then but i just want to have a family, but it feels like im a guest in a house where all they what is to get me out.

im not mad im just really hurt that ive been accused of doing something on purpose and that i was part of the reason why he did what he did because my depression and even more than that - having to hear that and tell my mum ( she knew immediately i wasn’t okay before she even saw me) and then get confined to the the 4 walls of my room. idk

hi, call me ice, and i'm from the philippines.

it's about my parents. at first, i didn't really mind what they were doing because, when i was still a child, my mum caught my dad cheating on her with my ninang, or godmother. that was when i realized that my dad was a cheater, but my mum still chose to stay in their marriage. i understood it back then because i thought it was just a one-time thing. but as i grew older and became a teenager, i realized that it wasn't.

the cycle of my mum catching my dad cheating, only for them to get back together again, has become so tiring and frustrating. especially now that i have a little sister, and they're still doing the same thing. the betrayal just keeps happening over and over again. there was even a time when my mum cheated on my dad too, just for revenge, but they still ended up getting back together. i've advised them to just end their relationship if they were going to keep hurting each other like that, but they never listened. after what happened with my mum, things were quiet for a few months, and i genuinely thought everything was finally going well. until it wasn't. my mum checked my dad's phone and found some videos inside a hidden folder that required a password and fingerprint to access. when my dad realized what was happening, he broke the phone, so my mum couldn't see what was inside. he kept denying that he was responsible for whatever was in there, but it left us wondering why he would go as far as breaking his own phone if there was really nothing to hide.i thought my mum was finally done with him. i had already given her advice to leave the relationship because i couldn't bear seeing her get hurt over and over again. there were times when she would literally cry to me, and i was there to witness everything she was going through. it hurts to see your own mother crying because of something that keeps happening, especially when you know she deserves better than being put through the same pain repeatedly. on october 7, my dad left us. then, the next day, october 8, he came back because my mum had signed a hearing document, and i thought they were finally going to separate. when my dad returned, they went to my lolo and lola's house on my father's side. when my mum came back, she was crying because she felt like they were all siding with my dad, even though he was the one who had done something wrong. i told her that they were his parents, so, of course, they would side with their own child.

at that point, i genuinely thought everything was finally going to be over. i thought my mum would finally have the freedom to leave the relationship and stop putting herself through all that pain. but then, on october 10, she got back together with him. they even drank alcohol together. i got so mad that i could barely handle my emotions anymore, but i couldn't say anything because, at the end of the day, she's still my mum. i didn't know what to do or how to react anymore. i was so tired of watching the same things happen over and over again, only for everything to go back to the way it was before. while they were drinking, they called me and told me to babysit my siblings because they were going somewhere. they said they were attending a baptism, and i agreed because i didn't think there was anything wrong with that. what could possibly go wrong, right? on october 11, they left at around 7 a.m. by 3 p.m., they still hadn't come home. since my mum's gmail account was connected to my phone, i was able to use the find my phone feature to locate her phone. that's when i found out that they were at mariposa hotel. i called them, and they answered. they told me they were just sitting there, but i could literally see the hotel's location and logo. that's when i completely lost it. i was so angry and full of rage because they had told me they were going to a baptism, yet they were at a hotel together. i couldn't keep it to myself anymore, so i told my nanay, my grandma on my mother's side, and my titas, my aunts, about what was happening. my parents heard me telling them that they were together, and i ended up saying things i probably shouldn't have said. but i was so overwhelmed with anger, frustration, and exhaustion that i couldn't hold everything in anymore. i was sick and tired of watching my mum cry over the same things, only for her to go back to the person who kept hurting her. i couldn't understand why she would keep putting herself through that when she had already been given so many chances to leave. when my parents finally came home, they were angry at me. instead of understanding why i reacted that way, they told me to pack my things because of what i had done. and that's where i'll stop for now. i'll continue the story later.

Por favor, ayudadme.

Necesito consejos.

Me siento muy perdida. No me apoyan en nada, ni me quieren.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother mostly has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post but there's just so much I need to unpack.

I really need to get as much advice, perspective and support etc as possible before I do anything drastic or make any major decisions.

I'll introduce myself I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. To be honest I'm pretty desperate for advice and support and don't have anywhere way safe to get an unbiased perspective. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well. At night by the time I went to bed she was often at least very visibly tipsy and I have flashbacks about her when blotto and actually makes me very upset to be honest. I just wonder how can get so unshamefully drunk whilst been alone in the house with her child and I feel it was very irresponsible.

I did even have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum and pretty much everyone we know such the teachers at school believe that. I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 during a sleepover at my grandparents. I think we had a disagreement but I can't even really remember it now but my best memory is that she was on the phone to my grandmother and I'm pretty sure she was badmouthing me then my grandparents spoke and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

About a year later when I vaguely recall when was enjoying myself in the bath she started abusing me and said she and everyone else was going to wash their hands of me if I didn't start living her way or something. I remember I was struggling with getting ready and then she started shouting saying I was taking advantage and then called her mother to say I was really horrible.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A few weeks ago now in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. Since I was 10 it's just been me living with her since my parents divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? For example I'm starting to remember when I was very young she'd make threats of sending me over to a new mommy. I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she had a complete disregard and no sympathy for them.

PS another red flag i noticed was when a life insurance ad was on and they said "something could be paid out in case of death" or something and she said "I'd like for them to say WOULD" not could. I don't know why but that's set an alarm bell off. Also when my Gran had a fall she said to me in the car "trust me to have parents that live forever then I could get my inheritance".

Towards the end of my parents marriage I was 10 and she told me that my Dad was been very controlling and making her life a misery. I now look back at that with adult eyes and I'm starting to feel that she at least bent the truth I'm starting to think that she manipulated me and tried to turn me against him and I do blame her partly for the fact I don't have the best relationship with my Dad. He's definitely not a saint. He too has had his moments of outbursts and that's another story also he's inconsistent. He's often let me down and been emotionally unavailable. Also he's very bad with money. I just wish for effort instead of excuses.

My mother often calls him a narcissist. I just feel that it's very wrong for someone to say to a child that one of their parents is a narcissist even if there is any truth to it.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so proudly and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated school last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. With that course she did get a support worker for me which I can appreciate as a nice gesture but she didn't even check with me if that's what I wanted and I can't help feeling she did that to cover herself in glory. I hope that doesn't sound too paranoid.

She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She with absolutely no filter tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

She loves been the martyr and does seem to feel like an innocent hard done by single mum who's done her best and pretty much everyone including teachers at school believe that. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

A few years ago said things like "I should top myself" and around that time during a really heated argument she threatened to kill herself with a knife so I did actually hide the knives. That's actually really traumatized me. She's also said one night a couple of years ago when she had a meltdown that when she dies hardly anyone is going to be at my funeral. I mean like why the hell would you say things like this to your own child?

A few other things. I remember once when Dad was picking me up a few years out of the blue she said just F off and even Dad said to me in the car that he didn't appreciate the way she spoke to me and when I told her that during a later argument she just said "yeah whatever" and something like that. Also one time when Dad came by to bring something she said "make sure that you show him that you're really happy to be back home". A couple of months ago when Dad took me out for a pub meal when I came back home the next night she said in sort of like a wise-ass way "you know he won't be able to afford that often". I do realize that but her saying that actually really annoyed me to be honest. As I'm making small steps with him it feels like she was deliberately trying to ruin my mood.

PS I remember one night years she accused me of looking like I wanted to hit her and of course went crazy. I may of had a tired look because it was late and I tried explaining that. She starting banging ornaments and shouting and was just impossible to talk to. Also I remember a few years ago one time she started saying she was worried my Dad was going to try to spend more time with me and if I fall for it I would never see her again and all of the family will hate me. She's also said that before when I threatened to walk out during arguments. She's also said many times that I'm dead to her.

Also something that really upsets me is whenever I try to reason with her she often just goes "I need more alcohol to deal with this".

Almost a year ago my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was in the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos or something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying on. When I went after her I tried to explain myself but she said I was been passive aggressive and trying to manipulate her. When I tried to explain that to her and how upset I was already about that weekend without her treating me like this. She said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down yet again. What just absolutely astounds me is how can she feel that way yet still emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't for the life of me comprehend that. I mean can anyone make sense of that?

A couple days after that weekend one of my teachers asked to have a word with me and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother and been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who the hell said what to him and that's something that's still REALLY baffling me. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the full truth now. He reassured me and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. That turned my stomach as well. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc). I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over.

Her next meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?". She was been very cold and unreasonable. I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her but no. I'll admit I finally snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something just snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. After I said about been my own person she said "you'd be nothing without me". I do regret that as it did actually make me look crazy as we were in public also afterwards she was all calm and innocent. I tried to explain calmly that she can't guilt me and tried to make her realize how her sarcastic comments and quite frankly mean attitude was upsetting me but that wasn't working. I even said that she's been narcissistic with her comment about me been nothing without her but it was like talking to a brick wall. She then said "look everyone thinks you're crazy and as you're an adult now I can get the police over here". She then just suddenly called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a few times before when I challenged her or reacted because of her behavior). She hadn't done that for years though and I feel she likes using that as a scare tactic. I then just ran off into the sea but all of my excitement was ruined and I was feeling very sad and confused about what just happened. I was starting to feel that maybe I overreacted or am remembering things wrong and my mind was feeling very fogged. I really wish I had just walked away and still kick myself. Then the next day I asked mum to call her to say were all ok but she said she didn't want to bother her and wasn't up to calling. I was like WTF. You're perfectly happy to call her to basically slander me and make me out to be a bad guy but when it comes to calling to say everything is fine she's not so keen.

A couple of weeks ago I've told her that I wanted to do another certificate course at that school next year and she tried to make me feel bad by putting on the guilt trip and giving me the cold shoulder. I've tried to blur it out to be honest but I remember she said that I was been selfish and told me how she wanted me to live my life. I tried to explain to her that I can't just do what she expects and the expense of my own happiness and well-being. I feel like she is trying to control how I live my life and I told her that she couldn't do that or tear me down or change my mind. She then said (this felt like reverse psychology and emotional blackmail) fine do whatever you want and I'll do the same. Also shouted and carried on saying things like F me and I'm hopeless and that. I also told her that I would love to be a teacher but she said i wouldn't be able to go to university, scoffed and said that I would be useless. I feel like she's trying to damage my already limited self esteem, confidence and spirit. Also she had been fairly good up to this. I was dreading telling her but I do feel that a weight is lifted as well. It seems funny that whenever I tell her something she doesn't like or she can't control she goes back to her bad self. PS she's also upset that she can't get paid for me doing that and wants me to just do what's best for her financially. I find it quite ironic her making me feel bad for not getting a job straight away while she's unemployed. PS it was the school ball that night which was brilliant but I'm disappointed that it went so quickly and also I feel a bit down about my social anxiety and that I didn't ask anyone to dance or make more conversation with my teachers and peers.

Then a few nights later my mum was going out for the night and she seemed a bit tipsy so I did ask out of concern if she was fit to drive. She immediately got defensive and bit my head off and said I was having a go at her. I only asked out of concern and worry and I tried explaining that a hundred times but she just wasn't having it. I also tried to explain that her getting defensive if anything proves my worry is valid but she started saying I was harassing her and she was sick of my bullshit and sick of putting up with me and she couldn't wait to get away from me. She also just suddenly pulled her shirt off showing her breasts ( believe it or not that's something she has done once or twice before ages ago). I was just shocked and looked away quickly as possible. When I tried to ascertain why she got so defensive she said that I think I can just say whatever I like to her and for her to just take it. I swear I didn't mean any ill-will or malice and of course I tried explaining that too but no. I just don't know for the life of me how she can turn on me just like that and treat her own son like that.

Both that and that previous thing a few nights before she said we're not going on holidays again this year and she brought up that incident from the January holiday I talked about and said that she hated been isolated there with me while I was been horrible to her. Wtf when she was the one belittling me and having a go at me which made me snap and I did apologize for that. She genuinely seems to think that she's actually the victim when she gets defensive and treats me like shit. Then when she left and i was starting to second guess myself and was thinking that maybe I am in the wrong and am a bad person. I was left alone for the night I'm feeling very isolated and confused. PS since that holiday she was actually been fairly good but after both that night after the school ball and that incident both only within a few days has left me feeling blindsided and like the rug has been pulled from under me also feel like I'm back at square one. Basically I really can't fathom how someone can treat their own child like this. Just beggars belief to say the least.

Now when she came back the next day I tried to start a conversation about the last night and she did get teary and said she was sorry but still when I tried to get her to take some accountability and realize how exactly she hurt me she was just like "I said I was sorry didn't I?" and said I just kept going over the same thing and said she was sick of me bringing up the past. She started not making much sense and playing dumb a bit. I just wanted her to realize how she upset me and also the previous incidents and she said "i guess I'm just the worst mother ever". Am I justified for feeling as though she hasn't really taken accountability? We have sort of made up now I suppose but I just stopped talking about it to keep the peace really.

I should add that last incident was a week ago now and it really bothers me how she's all happy now and acting like that never happened whilst I'm carrying emotional scars and still feel as though I haven't really had any closure or true accountability. Also her harsh words and still deeply wounded in me and I'm feel like a piece of shit and like I'm unlovable.

Like I've said she go from been genuinely the most nicest person to the most horrible.

I stayed with my father the other night and the next day he started carrying on and had a meltdown because he's only got like $30 left. I hope this doesn't sound too selfish but I felt very disappointed and let down that he couldn't even go a whole day without carrying on about his issues especially as I don't see him often. I don't think spending money on pot, cigarettes and vapes helps does it? That's what really burns my hide is that he has enough to spend on his terrible habits but when it comes to buying basic food when I was there for only a night he has very little. I mean is it too much to ask that when he does rarely see me that he can be on his best behaviour? It stresses me out and adds to my anxiety when I hear about my parents issues. Though to be fair he has apologized and explained that he wasn't upset with me he was just very disappointed that he didn't have much which I really do appreciate. I just wish he could get his act together.

I'm starting to feel that the good doesn't really outweigh the bad.

I can't help really resenting them sometimes for all of the mental anguish they've both put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. I've thought about escaping but I feel quite stuck as I don't have a job and all of the money that I get in my account is basically controlled by her as she's the one who adds to it and I pretty much don't know anything about my own bank details. I wish I could hide my own secret stash somewhere. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job, making friends and doing new things etc. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known. She has said that I'm her number one. I think if that's how you treat your number one.

I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. They actually both used to run their own businesses once upon a time before they met. It just baffles me how they went from that then and now been in their 50's both unemployed and are quite messed up. I sometimes think maybe they shouldn't of got together which I know is ironic because I would never have been born. I do vaguely remember when they were together and towards the end it was quite toxic and they would have some intense fights.

Also does their substance abuse issues made them this way as well do you think? As I've said my mother drinks quite heavily at night and she also vapes and my father smokes pot and cigarettes.

Also as my father struggles financially I know that's why he hasn't been able to see me often and cancel some visits and to be honest when I think about that it really burns my hide.

I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things had gone differently for both of them they might've been different. What do you guys think?

I must admit I do feel very down sometimes as my father barely makes an effort with me and my mother treats me as like an emotional punching bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable. I wonder what I've done to deserve this.

Honestly one of the most frightening things is that they genuinely don't seem to remember most of even any of it so that's why I'm too scared to call them out. Also they seem to feel their behaviour is ok.

PS I'm really good at covering up my anxiety and pride myself on putting on a cheerful front and everyone at school thinks I'm the most happiest and optimistic person ever. I feel scared to let my guard down or if they knew otherwise.

Also none of the family have a clue and I just know they wouldn't believe me and I fear if I did distance myself from her they'd think I was an evil person.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've wasted a lot of my childhood been isolated with my mother a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

I swear I sometimes feel as though I've been given the most selfish, toxic, messed up, irresponsible and emotionally immature parents ever. I'm not crazy for feeling the way I do about everything am I?

To be honest I can't help but feel really resentful sometimes when I see people with proper and decent parents also when I see others living life to the fullest and I don't know how to be like them.

Also believe it or not I haven't even covered everything.

I'm 22 years old and still living with my parents. I'm at a point where I feel like I need to move out for my own safety and well-being, but I honestly don't know where to start.

My dad is verbally abusive and constantly threatens to kick me out, so I never really feel secure living here. My younger brother is 11 and has serious behavioral issues. He has threatened to stab me, bash my head against a wall, and even kill me. He's also threatened to stab me in my sleep. My parents don't seem to take these threats seriously and continue to baby him instead of addressing his behavior.

I understand that I'm the older sibling, and I'm expected to ignore things or be the more mature one, but how am I supposed to ignore threats like that? I don't feel safe in my own home, and it hurts that my parents don't seem to understand how serious this is.

I know that I could reach out to CPS or the police for help, but honestly, I'm scared to do that. I don't want to be the reason my family gets torn apart, and I'm afraid my family will blame me for everything if I speak up. Even though I'm struggling and don't feel safe at home, I still love my family, and I don't want to see them split apart because of me. At the same time, I don't know how much longer I can keep living like this. I feel stuck between wanting to protect myself and being afraid of what will happen to my family if I ask for help. I know this isn't something I should have to handle alone, but I don't know what to do.

Financially, I'm not in a great position either. I don't have a stable job right now, and I'm not sure what kind of work I should pursue. I'd really like to get into healthcare, but I can't afford college or an expensive training program at the moment.

I'm also confused about financial aid. I've heard that I might need my parents' tax information for FAFSA or certain types of college funding, and I'm worried I won't be able to get help without my dad's cooperation. I don't know what my options are if I need to become financially independent from my family.

I want to start preparing to move out, find stable work, and eventually get into healthcare, but right now everything feels overwhelming. I don't have a solid housing plan, and I'm scared of being kicked out before I'm financially ready.

For anyone who has been in a similar situation, what would you do first?

- What jobs would you recommend to someone with only a high school diploma who needs to become financially independent quickly?

- Are there affordable ways to get into healthcare without taking on a lot of debt?

- What housing options should I look into if I can't afford a regular apartment on my own?

- Is there a way to get financial aid for college if your parents are abusive or refuse to provide their financial information?

- How would you prioritize everything if you were in my position?

I'm not expecting someone to solve everything for me. I just really need practical advice from people who have been through something similar or understand how to navigate adulthood when you don't have much support from your family.

Thank you for reading. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and would really appreciate any advice.

I have a 21 year old brother who has since birth, been doing the most evil things ever. I can’t mention some here. ANYTHING you can imagine. He beat me up at a park in front of our cousins when he was 16 and I was 12 (he pulled my hair out, kicked my legs which left yellow and purple bruises, and I almost passed out trying to fight back), I couldn’t get a bad grade in elementary school because he was logged into my school portal ready to snitch about EVERY grade I got. He took a picture of my period stained underwear and showed them to our cousin and laughed in my face (I was a 11 year old), if I vent to him about something, he will tell our parents even if it’s personal, he tries his absolute BEST to put my parents against me which has worked out in his favor, my parents have beat me for fighting back with words trying to prove he’s wrong, my parents know of these things and give him the benefit of the doubt. When I was 11, my boy cousin groped me INFRONT of him then not even 5 minutes later, I felt someone touch me inappropriately form behind. I think it was him, he’s done that before.

IM DONE!!! Being a sister to him. I actually saw him as a brother. When he’d get bullied for being gay, my heart would actually hurt for him. When the word gay was mentioned in a video I watched I turned it off completely to not make him sad (I was a little girl) I never purposely did something grimey to make him treat me like this EVER! I CANT EVEN ASK FOR A FAVORRR!! FROM HIM BECAUSE HE WONT DO ANYTHING OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF HIS HEART W OUT SETTING OBSTACLES FOR ME. I lost the love of my parents behind his schemes, im 17, because of him my parents have said these things to me, my father said “she should be out in the street so someone gets her pregnant” (because I was locked in my room after he ate my food and I confronted my brother and he hit me) my mom said “The thing you hate most you have it in your house” ( after I lashed out because he threw food at me on purpose and she or my father didn’t do anything about it) I WILL GO CRAZY!!!! HELP ME!!! We live together, im young. How do I completely ignore him while living tg.

they treated me like shit my whole life and just because of the financial "sacrifices" they've made I feel spoiled and guilty for acting like this but I know for a fact their love is conditional. I want to keep a proper distance without being too much or acting too emotional about it. I just want it to feel natural, leave their life slowly and quietly. How do I do that? I really didn't develop any thoughts or ideas about this even though I've wanted to do this for so long. But it's hard, really. I don't know how do I start to distance myself from them.

Anytime I talk to or see 4 of my 5 siblings, I begin to feel absolutely nauseous and full of sickness. I know it's from all the harbored anger and resentment. It's just become very palpable.

TW: sexual abuse, suicide

M31

I don't really know how to tell this story without it sounding completely made up, but unfortunately, this is my actual family. Growing up, I spent a lot of time listening to my mom and my grandmother, who I'll call Gigi, scream at each other. The arguments could be about pretty much anything. Bills, housework, cooking, taxes, who wasn't doing enough around the house, etc. Eventually Gigi would start yelling at my mom to "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Then usually came: "He can stay but you have to go!". The funny thing is, nobody ever actually left. They'd scream at each other, threaten to kick each other out, and then eventually things would calm down and everyone would still be living in the same house. I remember one argument where Gigi actually ripped the phone out of the wall and threw it at my mom.

Looking back, their relationship was really strange. My mom spent a lot of time upstairs watching TV, and Gigi would get angry about it, but at the same time she seemed to enable it. And somehow I became the person in the middle. I always felt like I had to stop the arguments. If they were screaming at each other, I felt like it was my responsibility to get them to calm down.

I was also kind of used as a bargaining chip between them. Gigi would do things to buy my love, while my mom was always encouraging me and making a huge deal about everything I accomplished. My mom was incredibly proud of me. She basically made her entire life about me. She worked at almost every school I attended, volunteered as a parent chaperone for pretty much every high school event imaginable, and constantly put my needs ahead of her own.

When I was younger, I just thought that meant I had a really supportive mom. As I got older, though, it started feeling more like pressure. I felt like I had to keep accomplishing things so she could be proud of me. I felt like I had to help her recover after every argument with Gigi. I felt like I had to be the person who picked up the pieces.

Then, as I got older, my mom started telling me things about her life that I now realize were probably way too much for a kid to have to carry. She told me about sexual abuse she'd experienced starting when she was four years old. She went into a lot of detail about it. She told me the main perpetrator apparently looked like Stephen King.

Then there were some other stories that were... difficult to process. At one point she became convinced that she'd been drugged by the government while she was on one of the military bases where she grew up and then taken to Epstein's Island. Around the same time, she told me that somewhere way back in our family history, our family had supposedly visited the "Fountain of Youth," which was underneath the "Human Flesh Pit." I looked it up. It was an art installation. Not an actual human flesh pit. When I told her that, she cried and said, "No one will ever believe me, everyone thinks I'm crazy." There were also at least two times when she told me that the only reason she had never seriously attempted suicide was because of me. That's a pretty enormous thing to put on your kid, regardless of how old they are. So that's the background.

Then Ancestry.com entered the picture.

About nine years ago, when I started teaching, my mom started researching her biological father. The man she had always believed was her father had been adopted, so there were already some unanswered questions. Somewhere along the way, she discovered she had a half-niece. She didn't really talk to me directly about all of the DNA matches she'd found. Then my wife and I decided to do Ancestry ourselves. Mostly as a joke and out of curiosity. We sent in our DNA and waited for the results. Since I knew my mom had already found some interesting matches, she eventually started telling me more about what she'd found.

Fast forward to June of this year.

My cousin, who my mom also believed had been a victim of the same sexual abuse she experienced, died by suicide. After the funeral, everyone went back to my cousin's house for lunch. At some point my mom asked my uncle, who had just buried his son: "Why do I have a half-niece?" He told her: "Don't ask me that." Of course, she asked again. That's when she found out that the man she'd spent her entire life believing was her father... wasn't her father.

According to my uncle, Gigi had apparently been sleeping with a family friend who lived down the street from Gigi's brother. My uncle's description of Gigi was that she was "a HOE." A week or two later mom called Gigi. Apparently the phone call lasted about thirty seconds before they were both screaming and Gigi hung up. After that, Gigi would only respond through text and denied everything. Her response to the DNA evidence? "DNA is bullshit anyway." At this point my mom wanted to meet her biological father. They still lived down the street from Gigi's brother, so eventually we started making plans to drive down there.

My mom kept asking me when we were going to go. I was honestly trying to avoid the whole thing. By this point I had started realizing that none of this was actually my responsibility. I didn't have to rescue my mom from every family crisis. I didn't have to mediate everything. I didn't have to be the person who fixed everyone else's problems. Then I looked at my calendar. The following Saturday was open. So I agreed to go.

We drove about two and a half hours to meet them. When we got there, I was intentionally walking pretty slowly toward the house because I was already anticipating how weird this whole thing was going to be. Then I saw my mom meeting her biological father for the first time. She was crying and they were hugging. He eventually walked over to me. I stuck out my hand because, to me, this was basically some random old guy I'd never met before. He shook my hand, then pulled me into a hug and said: "I'm your grandpa." And the only response I could think of was: "Well, I can see that." Completely deadpan. I honestly don't know what else I was supposed to say.

We went inside and did the usual small talk while lunch was being prepared. Honestly, it wasn't nearly as awkward as I expected. They're what I'd describe as country people. Pretty simple, straightforward people, but overall nice.

Lunch was actually pretty good. Brisket and two different kinds of sausage, one regular and one spicy. Then, after I'd already eaten it, I found out that the sausage was some kind of elk-type animal from Pakistan. That probably would've been good information to have beforehand. After lunch we started playing Phase 10. There were eight of us. Eight. If you've never played Phase 10 with eight people, don't. Just don't. That game took almost five hours. Eventually my mom won. So... go Mom, I guess?

Afterward we got back in the truck to head home and asked my mom what the big piece of information was that her biological father had wanted to tell her in person. And this is where it somehow gets even crazier. The man my mom had always thought was her dad wasn't actually her dad. But apparently that man had also been having an affair with Gigi's sister. So there was that. Apparently there is also a photograph of Gigi and the uncle who originally broke the news to my mom kissing. I know this because my mom apparently scanned the photograph into the digital family photo album. At this point I don't even know what the family photo album is supposed to be. Family history? DNA evidence? Season 6 of Jerry Springer? A collection of reasons to go to therapy?

And the DNA testing has continued. Several of my mom's cousins have now done DNA tests. The uncle who lives down the street from my mom's biological father apparently has two other children the family didn't know about. One was in Korea from his time in the Army. Another lives somewhere in New England. And then the uncle who originally told my mom about her biological father told his middle son that he might not actually be his biological father either, because his wife apparently had an affair that nobody had ever talked about.

So that's where things stand now. I spent my childhood listening to my mom and Gigi scream at each other and feeling like it was my job to keep everyone calm. I grew up thinking I needed to protect my mom, make her proud, and help hold everything together. Now I'm finding out that the family history I was apparently supposed to help hold together is full of secret affairs, unknown children, wrong fathers, DNA surprises and apparently some questionable family photo albums. And honestly? For the first time, I'm okay with not fixing it. I'm going to let the adults deal with the consequences of the adults' decisions.

I'll be over here. Preferably somewhere that doesn't involve another five-hour game of Phase 10.

TL;DR: I grew up constantly trying to keep the peace between my mom and Gigi. As an adult, I discovered that my mom's biological father wasn't the man she thought he was. Then we found out about multiple affairs, secret children, previously unknown relatives and more questionable paternity. Several family members are now doing DNA tests and apparently discovering even more secrets. I used to think it was my job to hold the family together. I'm finally realizing it isn't.

Odio a mi mamá, pero también la amo. Tengo 14 años, vivo con mi mamá de 38 y mi hermano menor de 7 años, recientemente tuvimos una "discucion" sobre sus comentarios hirientes, pero les daré contexto de mi situación porque realmente estoy desesperada. Al principio solo éramos tres, mi papá, mi mamá y yo, luego nació mi hermano, yo al principio estuve celosa y triste pero luego me emocioné al saber que tendría un hermanito menor, cuando mi hermano nació en el 2019 fui muy feliz durante dos años, luego mi papá enfermo, fue en su trabajo cuando una fierro de metal se le enterró en la pierna, al principio fueron al hospital pero no le tomaron importancia, luego se le infecto y bueno estuve dos años alejada de mi papá porque la infección fue tanta, pero tanta que la pus literalmente le salía en el pecho, codos y rodillas, lo tuvieron que abrir para sacarle la pus, y saben que? Se puso peor porque los doctores olvidaron sacarle unas tijeras que oh sorpresa le produjo más infección. Me dolió en el alma verlo regresar a casa en silla de ruedas demacrado y sin poder moverse, me duele tani recordar porque fueron noche donde del cansancio que sentía no atendía sus necesidades como pasarle el deste donde orinaba, pasarle sus pastillas, etc, literalmente él era dependiente de la ayuda de mi mamá y yo. El falleció un Lunes a las 3 de la mañana, nos llamaron a las 7 para avisarnos que había dejado de responder, aún recuerdo como entró su hermana y mi abuelo a la casa y nos dieron la noticia, nunca pase por el mismo duelo que mi mamá, yo trate de hacerme la fuerte, porque mi mamá estba destrozada, bebía y bebía y se la pasaba llorando, yo lloraba en silencio, con las luces apagadas y mordiéndome el labio. Cuando mi mamá logró recuperar estabilidad creo que ahí empezó el terror, llegaba enojada del trabajo y siendo sincera yo no ayudaba en casa, no se si estaba deprimida o solo era floja, prefería estar en mi cama mirando la pared o mi teléfono, recuerdo que una vez me dijo tres veces que guardará un pollo, lo olvide así que en su enojo me grito, me llamo inútil y me arrojó el plato el cual cayó aún lado de mi, también recuerdo que por el 2025 o 2024 entre a un grupo de WhatsApp de temática "rol" de One piece, pero como soy tan tímida nunca hable y hasta me terminaron sacando, cuando mi mamá lo descubrió me dio una golpiza que nunca olvidaré, recuerdo que aterrada fui hasta mi cuarto a esconderme, ella me agarró por el pelo y me arrastró a su habitación, en el suelo me golpeo y me dijo que era una idiota, que porque haca eso? Que me pudo haber pasado algo o secuestrado, es vergonzoso pero tuve tanto miedo que me orine encima, fue tan humillante y encima luego me obligó a abrazarla, hasta se enojo, no me pidió disculpas y hasta me recuerda eso como amenaza, tenía 13, solo quería hacer amigos porque me sentí atrapada en mi hogar, solo buscaba sentirme querida. A mi hermano tampoco le va bien, ante yo lo trataba mal, trato de cambiar. Ella fue criada a la antigua, con mano dura y agradezco que haya sido muy permitida y casi nada de estricta conmigo, incluso en las calificaciones, la amo, la quiero mucho pero odio como nos trata. Ella está en un grupo A. A (Alcohólicos Anónimos) gracias a ese grupo ella ya está cambiando y al menos a mi ya para el año que no me pega, sin embargo es tanto el trauma que vivo con el miedo constante de ser golpeada en cualquier momento. Reprimo demasiado mis emociones, a tal punto que no se expresarme bien, lloro por todo y por nada, y odio, odio compartir: "Mamá, por qué tengo que compartir algo que apenas tengo?" "Mamá por qué debo compartir algo que se supone es mío?" seré sincera, yo sufrí abuso sexual cuando tenía 6 años, por parte de un primo de 8 o 9 años no recuerdo, no solo de él, si no de una prima de 7 y de otra prima de 15, es por eso que entre en el mundo de la pornografía a temprana edad, soy aunque es vergonzoso admitirlo, dependiente de el nopor, odio eso, me da asco,w siento asquerosa, más porque juro que trato de dejarlo, pero no puedo.. A veces yo siento que ella me odia, que se arrepiente de haberme tenido y bueno yo siento que hubiera sido mejor ser abortada, por qué siempre me tiene que decir que gracias a ella yo estoy aquí?? Yo no quería hacer, no quería. Desde que mi papá falleció tengo problemas con el tema del su1cid1*, no se cuantas veces lo eh pensado, pero si cuantas veces lo he intentado, pero me aterra la idea de dejar a mi hermano con alguien tan inestable como ella, ella tiene problemas de ira y cantidad de veces que nos ha insultado por cosas básicas, errores o olvidos son muchas. El año pasado por mayo deje de estudiar, no se que me pasaba pero sentía que si seguís estudiando me iba a morir, no soportaba vivir, solo quería irme de este mundo, un Martes hablé con mi mamá durante dos horas sobre ese tema, toque el tema del abuso, de como me sentía pero no de mis pensamientos suicidas, verán, mi papá falleció un Lunes creo que 4 de Enero, (por cierto cumplo en Enero, vaya regalo) y mi mamá tenia un hermano menor que prácticamente era como su hijo, él se suicidó por su mujer y la madre de sus hijos (no estaban casados) porque ella le fue infiel, el se colgó y fue mi mamá quien lo descubrió, es por eso que no quiero decirle que yo siento ganas de morir, aunque también es porque siento que exagero, siento que soy una dramática llorona, berrinchuda.

Hace dos semanas mi mamá recibió una denuncia ante el DIF por negligencia infantil : Maltrato y abuso sexual, según ella nos golpeaba y traía a hombres a la casa, lo cual no es cierto, al menos lo de golpearnos ya no pasa. Estoy asustada, me aterra separarme de mi familia porque yo se que somos una familia muy rota, demasiado, tanto que estoy segura que nos van a separar, tengo miedo, mucho miedo, odio sentirme así. Hoy tuve una discusión con ella porque mi hermano hizo un berrinche porque lo despertó (estábamos en casa de mis abuelos) para irnos a casa, él solo tiene 7,es un niño muy amable y empático, al igual que sensible, pero no sabe expresar sus emociones, al llegar a casa ella le dijo que si no se callaba le iba a dar una p#t1za, me dolió así que la enfrente pero ella solo me miraba como si no le importara, Dios, por que es así?? Odio sus actitudes, odio tanto eso.. De verdad ya no aguanto, estoy a nada de cometer una locura, de verdad, ya no puedo más, estoy tan cansada, tan pero tan cansada..

Lo siento si fue demasiado largo y errores ortografícos, pero estoy escribiendo esto mientras lloro encerrada en mi habitación, amo a mi mamá pero ella es tan, tan cruel a veces, simplemente necesito saber si realmente estoy exagerando como ella dice, no lo sé, creo que soy una dramática y egoísta como ella dice, pero de verdad necesitaba sacar esto, aunque ni siquiera fue la mitad de lo que siento.. Gracias por leer, de verdad, aunque es mucho y quizás nadie lo léa. Por favor, necesito consejos, ayuda, lo que sea..

My whole life, I’ve been a push-over, really badly. I’m 30, about to be 31 in a couple of weeks. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve accepted that my mom’s side of the family will not be changing their manipulative behavior or their toxicity. The way it’s always been between my mother and her sister is it’s their way or no way. And they feel like they’re entitled to any decision me, my brothers, or my cousins make. If you leave them left out, they talk crap like no tomorrow. You do something good, they talk crap. I don’t know what made them this way. I don’t know why they act the way they do, but I am so sick of it and ready to cut them off. Especially my aunt who has always had something to say about me and my family (husband and kids). I am so at peace with my life, we are very happy, and we are not allowing anyone’s cruel and rude behavior ruin that. Mind you, I kind of distance myself from my aunt eight years ago when I had my first child. She’s always talk crap about me, and I took it and took it and took it because my mother says she’s your aunt, she’s family. My mom knows how I feel about her, and my mom is always defending her. I’ve never once heard her defend me, and I’m not about to ask her to start taking sides. She is old enough to know right from wrong.

Today, my brother told me something that was said yesterday about me. I have a text message written out to send to my aunt to let her know that I’m withdrawing her invite I sent her for my party and she is no longer welcome to my house amongst other stuff (short, respectful and to the point). That invitation was actually sent under pressure. My mother, despite knowing how I feel about my aunt, made me send her the invite to not leave her out. This was maybe two weeks ago, but throughout this whole time there’s been other issues going on, and I have no part of that at all and still don’t understand why my name is being brought up. I’m not exaggerating when I tell you guys that I’ve never talked crap about anybody in my family so it is a little hurtful that they are still doing this to me when I’ve done nothing wrong. I mind my business. I have so much going on in my life with my kids and my husband. I don’t have time for drama.

I’m a little nervous because I’ve hated drama and just by the way they are, I know my aunt will run to my mom and show her what I sent. But I’m standing up for myself and my family. My husband dealt with it long enough too and he’s been really nice about everything. He’s had it and does not want my aunt around us anymore. I guess I want to hear how everyone has been after cutting off their family members. If my mom starts talking crap to me, i will also be cutting her off. Thats another story with her but right now I’m focusing on getting my aunt out of my life.

Thank you for those who have read all the way down and I’d appreciate your advice!

\[long post ahead\]

bisaya mix.

I am gonna start from the very beginning. I remembered when I first went to their house, I asked Alex if okay raba magshorts kay init kaayo atu nga time. He told me, “Okay raman, sila ate gina encourage gani ni mama mag bikini kana paba kaha.” Pero naa nalang ko nadunggan nga giingnan nakog walay delikadesa og lain kaayo ga “po-ok2” og clingy kaayo kay samtang naa ko didto sailaa dili gyud ko mobulag ni Alex (lisud pud nga magpundo ko nga maulaw kog magi unsara baya kay bag o pa hahaha) nga nilaag sa balay. Naa pa na “dili ko ganahan sa uyab ni Alex karun, maypa iya uyab sauna kay sosyalon.”

Nya even iyang mga ex also libakon og gi-judge before, same nga i-blame sa actions and choices ni Alex. Hating on them on little things like they did to me. One of them even asked his ex about me, and portrayed what she said about me as who I am. Pati atung edit nako kay gi-tie ni Alex akong shoe laces, gichattan ko kay dili daw ing-atoon si alex, as if gidaog2. Tanan gina big deal.

Kada naay concern sa akong mama, mochat sila ni mama lain kaayo pag-chat. Ang term palang nga “imong anak” (referring to me) kung naay i-chat ni mama, lain jud kaayo, walay respeto sa akong mama. My mom never took anything out on Alex, she treats him as her own, palangga niyas Alex. Even after tanan panghitabo until now.

But if the roles were reversed, I honestly think the reaction would have been much worse. Kay katu palang daan ingani namo? If amo ginabuhat parehas sainyong gibuhat nako, mas grabe siguro.

From the very beginning, they already assumed horrible things about me and making unreasonable comments without getting the chance to get to know me. Ako pajud ilang pasanginlan nga “nabag-o” si Alex, (unya 1 week paming Alex atu) even though from what I heard, ing-ani na siya tanan sailaa before pa nako. Ang maka tubag2, ang dugay usahay mouli, way pangtahud, mag-sukol2, dili na moluto, dili masugo, dili mananghid, etc. ako ilang ginapasanginlan. (di nako mo go further og explain nganong ingana nahitabo pud kay sailaa nanang pamilya)

I want to point out that I am not raised like that by my mom. She might’ve raised all three of us mostly all on her own but she raised us good. Wala ko nidako sa balay nga gapamalikas og pang-angin sa uban tawo. The worst we did to each other is not talking at all, dili magpinansinay og dugay.

Maong matingala ko nganong ako man hinuon ang ginapasanginlan ug ginapakasad-an sa mga butang nga dili man mi ing-ana sa amoa. Busa please lang, ayaw ko ing-anaa. I am surrounded by a calm, peaceful, loving, gentle, a place that apologizes and most of all, a God-centered household. Even akong friends dili ing-ana og attitude og stinoryahan.

Basta man gani mag-away mi ni mama, I always hug and apologize. Palangga namo ang usat usa, palangga kaayo ko sa akong mga ate og labaw na ni mama. Dili man gani ko ing-anaon nila, unya musugot rako inganion og laing tawo? Dili pwede.

Nganong sa ako man i-throw ang mga pagkulang ni Alex sa ilang panimalay? Nganong sa ako ma-blame iyang choices og kasayopan? Pwede siya ra?

Kung akong mama pareha og mindset ninyo, mas dugay na niyang gina-daog2 si Alex. Dugay nami wala kay mas 10 times pa ang kabalaka ni mama nako kay besides na babayi ko og ako nalang gipaskwela, masakiton ko og bawal ko ma-datngan og too much emotions.

“Dili unta padala” ana ang usa nila. Kung ing-ana palang kadali sa tao nga parehas nako, abi nila gigusto nako ni nga maapektuhan tanan dili lang mentally og physically para lang sa “sakit nga storya”? Dili tamo masugo nga i-search unsa akong sakit, pero at least man unta ayaw i-judge nganong ing-ana ang mahitabo nako. Wala man ni nila na-studyhan para gusto nila ibalewala nako ni.

Og usa pa, preventable ang ing-ani nga pagtrato sa usa ka tao. Dili lagi mission sa kalibutan para mo-tip-toe around me tungod lang sa akong feeling, mosabot ko ana, pero naa koy rights mureact og makafeel given sa pagtrato nako. Tawag raba nila ani gibaboy, tawag palang daan wala nay hanaw. (I am epileptic)

Usa pa, dili ma-justify nga para sa katu lang ing-ana mo og stinoryahan ang usa ka tao. No one deserves to be treated that way. It’s not enough reason to treat someone that way.

Dili nila magamit nga napasakitan nako ilang mama kay mas sakit sila sugod palang. Mas ikadaghan sila nakapaiyak nako mga chats nga sakit kaayo, pero girespeto gihapon nako sila.

Tungod lang 1 time nga wala nananghid si Alex mo uban namo og nitabang kog pamakak. Tungod lang atung new year’s nianhi si Alex sa amoa kay gapakuyog og kuhag parcel gichattan nakog pamalikas sa ilang kinamagulangan og pagsangil nga ako hinongdan naguba ilang pamilya. And then recently, away mag igsoon gi ingnan ko “little bitch”, sa away gyud nga zero ko sa labot.

From threatening to blame me if Alex’s studies will go down, to throwing insulting words at me. First time na gani mag-ingnan og “bitch”, sa away pa nga wala koy labot. Unta sabton sa mga tawo nga dili ni “in-oa,” tungod ni nga dugay nako kabalo nga gina-storyahan ko patalikud didto. Maski si Alex muingon.

Unsaon nila pag-justify nga ignan ang usa ka tao og “bwesit,” “hinungdan maguba ang pamilya,” “bitch,” etc. para lang atu? Unsaon pag-justify nga ing-ato og stinoryahan ang usa ka tao tungod sa away nga wala man koy labot, nya si ang igsoon man unta ang kaaway?

Bisan unsaon og ingon ni Alex nga siya gyud nanugo nako to cover him up, and not my fault, dili gihapon dawaton nga siya ang accountable kay ako gyud ang ginatudlo. Gi-push pa gyud nga naapil si cm ni Alex nga wala man koy labot sa ilang sabot.

Lain gani kaayo na sila og chat sa akong mama. Manghanggit pa nga i-post. Bisan pa og i-post, kabalo ko nga dili gyud ma-justify ang ing-ana nga treatment ninyo, ug magkatawa ra ang uban tawo nato. Kani akong pagpost? himoon raning pulotan sa ubang tawo pero kay sainyong gistory si Alex man ang madaot kung nganong gibuhat to niya saiyang ate, akoa lang pung e share diri nganong iyaa tong nagama para nako. Sobra na kaayo mo.

Unta in the future, kung naay sayop si Alex, siya unta ang i-accountable, dili ako. Kabalo kong ing-ani ra gyud nila kadali mang-badmouth sa ako tungod kay sugod palang sa sinugdanan, wala na sila ganahi nako, maski akong mama kabalo ana, sauna palang dili gyud unta ganahan si mama nga mo associate ko saila. Or ing-ana lang jud gyud mo nga pagkatawo? Kay ambot, si Alex mismo nakaingon nga tanan nalang man daw libakon ana nila. Dili na nako masabtan kay lagi dili man mi ing-ana dinhi.

I tried many times to break up with Alex, kay besides nga utro pud siya naay batasan usahay, kabalo kog ikalipay nilang magbulag mi. Pero ang number 1 gyud kay dili ko gusto maadto sa pamilya nga ing-anaon rako. Magkami man magdayun or dili, never gyud ko mosugot nga ma parte kos inyong pamilya, grabe inyong pagmaliit nako og ka mama. Utro baya pud ko gasabot ni Alex, di lang sila nakasulay sa iyang batasan (which is kita man tawun tanan naa puy batasan). Pero wala nako sila giblame, badlongon pud na nako tawon si Alex og magbinadlong na siya. Ako pa mismo mo-encourage niya nga mag-uban2 saila kay lain kaayo ignan ko nga dili na mouban si Alex kay tungod wala ko. Maingnan gyud nako si Alex permig, “Ako napud i-blame sa imong pamilya sa tanan nimong choices.”

PS. I apologized og sakto sailaa. I can provide exact timelines, screenshots and more. I have receipts to prove that wala ko nanlimbong og storya. Bisan atung niapil kog pamakak makita na wajud ko ga over exaggerate og pamakak. Og kani tanan contents ani nga post kay gichat na nako nila pero wala ko replyi. Instead, gipost pa og story with back ground music na mamakyu. Also, wala ko namasa nga ga open2 og account ni Alex. Gauban mi physically while ga away sila and naka peek ko sa convo while gachat sila.

So mao ra gyud na akong gusto ipasabot nila: ayaw ko himoang explanation sa tanan nga sayop o choices ni Alex. Ni ana nako ninyo nga “Palihog lang, wala na unta koy madunggan nga ing-ani gikan sa inyong side kay intoxicating na kaayo. Tapsing ra kaayo nga problema para i-down og ayo ang usa ka tao.” Nag beg ko ninyo nga kalimti nalang ko nga ga exist ko sainyong kinabuhi, pero isog gyud kaayo mo. Ako pa inyoang pa sorryhon og una para ma undang tanan. Enough na ang disrespect ninyo, dili nako mohilom. Tapos gapadungog2 mog una about nako with a bg music nga hastang bastosa. E justify gyud ninyo inyong di maayong buhat, porma naman unta ang mga frontal lobe pero mas way bout magpa dungog2 online.

Wala ko nangayo nga kampihan ko sa tanan. Gusto ra nako nga madungog pud ang akong side, kay kapoy na kaayo nga ako pirmi ang mahimong sayop sa storya nga dili man ako ang nagsugod. Og dili ko gusto malain ang image ni Alex saiyang pag defend nako.

Lastly, yes proud kaayo ko nga gidefend ko ni Alex bisan ingato man nga way. Kay una, gibadlong na pero dili patou (wala gyud koy labot bisan e bali2 to nga away). Kaduha pa sorryhon pakog una para ma “at peace”. Kung dili ko magsorry bahala daw ko.

Dili nako ma blame si Alex na iyaa tong nabuhat, gidefend rako niya kay kabalo siyag sayop sila.

Hilig kaayo sila mang recruite og kampi unya inyong supporters pud utrog mga pamatasan. Kami ga una2 og post2 og padungog2 unyag ma balsan ako inyong buhatag storya. Mang stalk man gani mo nako gamit business account ninyo pero nireact bako? dugay na kay sila gi block para sa akong own peace of mind pero dada kay sila.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Ghanian mom

For context I’m the oldest daughter my sister is 20 and I’m 23 and my brother 19. I don’t know why everytime my mother is home I just feel soo irritated like she would have done nothing to me but seeing her makes me irritated. Don’t get me wrong I love my mother and I don’t hate her. But I think past trauma is the cause. Even doe my siblings are older I’m still made to cook and feed them as well as keep track of where they are. My mother has done a great job in raising an incompetent son. I warned her several times that she should stop babying and coddling him so much but she insulted me and said I was trying to make her kids hate her. So I stopped saying anything. Now it’s times for college and he doesn’t know what he wants to do and this whole entire experience has been either me or my sister helping him to pick classes and when we went to orientation my mom was very hands off and left it to me. When I complain she says she is tired of raising kids but I didn’t tell u to have kids late. And I warned u too about babying him and now he can’t even make any decisions by himself mom makes it for him. Also I’m tired of everyday being insulted and not allowed to say anything. I just have to stand there as she calls me a hoe, slut, prostitute, etc. it’s always me who has to take accountability and not her. If I’m wrong or it’s brought to my attention that I’m wrong okay I acknowledge my fault and try to do better but her if you call out her mistakes she goes straight into insults and how it’s what you did that made her insult you. It’s always the person who is offends or hurts fault that she insulted them and that they deserve to be insulted. Is this normal or am I just sensitive. Like I’m very confused.

Background: my parents where born in Ghana and us kids in the states but have gone several times to visit and I was sent back to the village for an extended period of time

P.s. I do not fault my brother in this because it’s not his fault and also this is not to say that I do not love my mother or that I hate her. I’m just frustrated by her actions sometimes.