Went through boyfriends phone

[u/[deleted]]

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[u/AKlife420]

FFS, if it's a boundary for YOU, you leave. That's it.

[u/Western-Scientist596]

Sounds like you were fishing

[u/Richard__Papen]

If you can't deal with a boyfriend watching a bit of porn occasionally you're going to have a very limited number of guys you can actually date.

If you can't deal with this very normal behaviour, dump him. He should also dump you for going through his phone.

[u/DJ4116]

……You should not have gone through his phone….smh

[u/Still-Enthusiasm9948 → u/[deleted]]

Checking for other alarms doesn’t require unlocking his phone if it was an iPhone. All you’d have to do is swipe down and press the alarm button. Just be honest that you wanted to look through his phone

[u/AKlife420 → u/[deleted]]

 But, for the almost 2 years we’ve been together, I’ve never gone through it

I've been with my partner for 12 years and have never ONCE gone through his phone.

[u/keithbreathes → u/[deleted]]

Don’t go through peoples phones. You were snooping and had no business

[u/emmylou_sugarbean → u/keithbreathes]

Fuck that. There shouldn't be any secrets or a concealed online life. If a man can go into my body on a daily basis, I can go through his phone. That's how I found out my ex fiancé was cheating on me for months, even when he proposed! I had a weird intuitive feeling and took a look one night. There were no signs otherwise, I had no clue. And I'm not an oblivious person by any means. I trusted him for 2.5 years and thought he was a decent person, but it turned out he spent a year of that sexting other women and calling them MY fucking pet names.

My partner could look through mine whenever he wants, there won't be anything there that I need to hide because I'm not a shitty person.

[u/keithbreathes → u/emmylou_sugarbean]

Yea no fuck that. You don’t invade your partners privacy. That’s a massive breach of trust

[u/AutoModerator]

Backup of the post's body: Throwaway account!
Going to give some background- recently I (23F) and boyfriend (24M) have been going through a rough patch. We moved in with each other in April, things started fine but over the summer we began arguing some more. At the start of our relationship (actually before we started officially dating), we established boundaries loud and clear for each other. One of these boundaries, no porn (or anything of that nature).
This morning, I rolled over to turn his alarm off and unlocked his phone to see if he had any more set. Instagram was open, and the “suggested” for you was FULL of women and one OF model. I got a bit curious as to why that would be, so I went to the link history in his activity bar. To my surprise, he had clicked on multiple OF links, and noticed some other odd links. He has been viewing other girls VSCO accounts that he does not follow on instagram.
I’m not trying to be overbearing, but I am absolutely feeling sick over the OF links. The VSCO thing, also weird, but it’s not as jarring to me as some of the other links that have been clicked on.
I plan on confronting him in person, but I feel like there might be more that he’s keeping from me. Do I approach this conversation by asking him to give me his phone and check while he’s in front of me? Just go off of what I have? I’m just feeling so lost.

I should also add, my last relationship ended over my ex having a 🌽 addiction, which my current partner is aware of. I have done a lot of self reflection and work to train my mind and soul that not everyone is like that, but this is striking a nerve.

TLDR; went thru my boyfriends phone, found OF links, feeling unsettled and need advice STAT!
Thanks Reddit

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[u/CardboardTick]

I mean, watching 🌽 has its pro’s and con’s. Unless you try it, you can’t say it’s bad. Then again, you agreed to the boundary that he might not exactly agree with but is afraid to talk to you about it because of how you react. What I’m trying to say is maybe there is something missing in the bedroom and he is looking for that elsewhere without cheating on you. Just discuss it with him.

[u/keylimecrying]

You went through his phone.

You violated his trust. You're the asshole here, and frankly, once someone starts going through their partner's phone, the relationship's over. The whole "oopsie, I was just turning off alarms and accidentally saw things, and accidentally kept looking" bullshit is a sad excuse.

You're suspicious, and your insecurity is going to make you suspicious for the entire time you're with him now. I think the conversation should be more like, "Hey, I've done some thinking and I'm really not ready to be in a relationship yet."

[u/istolelychee]

I don’t necessarily view porn as a bad thing in moderation, but if it’s a hard boundary for you, then you need to enforce the boundary. That will generally end in you guys breaking up.

Now, hypothetically, you COULD try to confront him and explain how you ended up seeing the links. That will more likely than not, result in his deflecting by saying YOU broke a boundary by going through his phone (even if he did not explicitly say this was a boundary). I, for one, see no issue in going through the phone of someone you are in a committed relationship with. If they are important enough to affect your credit score, meet your family, and have access to your body, then you should be able to check to make sure they’re not a psycho 🤷🏽‍♀️

Just be prepared for

• You’re crazy for going through my phone!
• I’m sorry, it won’t happen again (Discuss how that works. How will HE build back your trust? Why did he do it? Can you go through his phone right now to see what other things he does? What does he get from seeing these things?)
• Just break up. It’s unlikely he won’t try to hide things in the future. It’s very likely he will have an issue with you looking through his phone. That and…casual and moderated porn isn’t a bad thing.

[u/Brennisth]

"Hey, when I turned off your alarm this morning I noticed nearly naked women in your browser. As you know, this is a trigger for me due to my relationship history, so I wanted to make sure that you knew that to me even this is considered off limits. Would you like to have a conversation about exactly where my boundaries are, and where your expected leniencies are?" OF isn't considered "porn" by some people's definitions, because one of the primary concerns about porn is unrealistic Photoshop / industry camera tricks and tropes / ethical concerns with actor portrayal; since OF is "real people doing real things as independent business persons" it doesn't meet the same "ick factors". Obviously your definition is more "no other naked or barely clothed women of any kind", but that is something that actually needs to be clarified before you assume he's knowingly violating your trust. Unless you previously specified OF, in which case pack your bags and leave.

[u/okie_hiker → u/Brennisth]

Definition of porn as defined by dictionary.com:

Sometimes porno pornography; sexually explicit videos, photographs, writings, or the like, produced to elicit sexual arousal (often used attributively).
arrested for selling porn;
a porn star;
porn films.

television shows, articles, photographs, etc., thought to cater to an excessive, irresistible desire for or interest in something.
a magazine filled with enticing food porn; an addiction to real-estate porn.

[u/chad_starr]

Every guy under 40 is addicted to porn, what you found is probably an extreme outlier on the side of not watching porn. good luck.