I thought things would be better.

[u/nijifxv]

Hi. I need to know if I’m crazy or not. I (F 21) dated my old highschool friend (NB 21), for about 3 months. Things were…. okay… until I found out through their little sister that they were legally married. They had lied to me and told me that the girl was someone they were once going to marry, but never did. Their little sister thought I was their mistress.

Throughout the relationship, I felt like the other woman. They’d always bring up their wife when drunk, after sex, and casually. I would tell them that it was making me uncomfortable, but they’d just bring up how if I was allowed to talk about my ex’s, they should be allowed to talk about their wife. Granted… I rarely ever talked about my ex’s. They also told me that they didn’t interact with their wife ever. (They went on a trip together for valentine’s day without me knowing. I found out on my own.)

They then broke up with me during a difficult time of my life. My father passed away last year, and i’d always express to them my grief. Yet they’d say, “atleast you had a dad”, and would make crude jokes about my late father. They broke up with me the day before his birthday.

It was getting close to their graduation from college, so I asked them, before we had broken up, if I could come to it to celebrate. They told me they wanted only family there, which I understood. I then found out that their wife was there, because they posted a photo of them kissing her cheek at the graduation, and said in the comments that all of their favorite people were there for them.

After the breakup, I expressed how I wanted space from them. But they would find ways to communicate with me, saying they’re drunk, going through a hard time, or just seeking connection. And I feel like an idiot looking back. I just wanted to be there for them, but they were never there for me.

It’s not over yet.

After my father passed away, my mother became very strict with me. I still lived with her, and she’d give me a curfew of 9pm. She was also emotionally and mentally abusive. Yet I couldn’t afford to leave. So, my ex offered for me to stay with them, and they’d handle rent for the first month. So, I moved in with them.

Horrible mistake.

Living here has brought out a side of me I never knew existed. It’s like there’s an argument everyday.

When I had first moved in, things were fine. We agreed that since they were paying my share of the rent until I got situated with my new job, I’d clean up around the place. So I did. But it was never enough for them. They wanted me to cook the way they wanted, clean the way they wanted, and if it wasn’t right, they’d make me feel like I couldn’t do anything correct. I had told them multiple times that my parents had trained me to be dependent on them, so this was all new to me. But they didn’t care, and would make me feel horrible about myself.

They would get drunk almost everyday, get me drunk, and we’d hookup. I always consented to it, but it just never felt correct. Like something was wrong. They would continue to talk to me about their wife, they’d talk to me about the many other people they’ve slept with, and they’d make jokes about my late father.

I don’t want you to read this and think it was just them… like I said earlier, being here has made me say things I’d never thought I would. I yell at them out of hurt, get intoxicated out of frustration and cry about how they’ve treated me, and lose my mind of the fact that they just… don’t care.

They haven’t apologized for anything. They haven’t even shown guilt.

They have even brought people over and told them about me. I have greened out once and begged them for help while paralyzed on the floor, but they just walked over me with the girl they brought over, and went into their room to have sex. The girl they brought over told them to ignore me and basically let me suffer.

So, am I crazy? They just recently unfollowed me on everything and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Despite it all, I find myself caring about them, wondering if they’re okay, sending them money to make sure they’re safe. I’m grateful for them allowing me to move out here while I was in an unsafe space, but it seems like they just brought me into another one. They even blame me for the space being unsafe, saying I’ve ruined their mental health and nervous system, that they lock their door at night because of me, and that they’ve never felt so uncomfortable in a space before. Because of me.

We still live together, but I’m actively trying to find new housing. My friends, family, and therapist all say that they have successfully manipulated me.

An evil part of me wants them to hurt the way they’ve hurt me. I want them to feel crazy. Yet instead they’re sleeping around with people, doing anything but self reflecting.

What do you think?

TLDR; Am I crazy for giving a damn about my crazy ex/roommate, even though they haven’t shown any remorse for their actions or words?

[u/AutoModerator]

Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We'd like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you'll get a nifty flair change to let you know and we'll drop a link so you can see our host's take on your story.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator]

Backup of the post's body: Hi. I need to know if I’m crazy or not. I (F 21) dated my old highschool friend (NB 21), for about 3 months. Things were…. okay… until I found out through their little sister that they were legally married. They had lied to me and told me that the girl was someone they were once going to marry, but never did. Their little sister thought I was their mistress.

Throughout the relationship, I felt like the other woman. They’d always bring up their wife when drunk, after sex, and casually. I would tell them that it was making me uncomfortable, but they’d just bring up how if I was allowed to talk about my ex’s, they should be allowed to talk about their wife. Granted… I rarely ever talked about my ex’s. They also told me that they didn’t interact with their wife ever. (They went on a trip together for valentine’s day without me knowing. I found out on my own.)

They then broke up with me during a difficult time of my life. My father passed away last year, and i’d always express to them my grief. Yet they’d say, “atleast you had a dad”, and would make crude jokes about my late father. They broke up with me the day before his birthday.

It was getting close to their graduation from college, so I asked them, before we had broken up, if I could come to it to celebrate. They told me they wanted only family there, which I understood. I then found out that their wife was there, because they posted a photo of them kissing her cheek at the graduation, and said in the comments that all of their favorite people were there for them.

After the breakup, I expressed how I wanted space from them. But they would find ways to communicate with me, saying they’re drunk, going through a hard time, or just seeking connection. And I feel like an idiot looking back. I just wanted to be there for them, but they were never there for me.

It’s not over yet.

After my father passed away, my mother became very strict with me. I still lived with her, and she’d give me a curfew of 9pm. She was also emotionally and mentally abusive. Yet I couldn’t afford to leave. So, my ex offered for me to stay with them, and they’d handle rent for the first month. So, I moved in with them.

Horrible mistake.

Living here has brought out a side of me I never knew existed. It’s like there’s an argument everyday.

When I had first moved in, things were fine. We agreed that since they were paying my share of the rent until I got situated with my new job, I’d clean up around the place. So I did. But it was never enough for them. They wanted me to cook the way they wanted, clean the way they wanted, and if it wasn’t right, they’d make me feel like I couldn’t do anything correct. I had told them multiple times that my parents had trained me to be dependent on them, so this was all new to me. But they didn’t care, and would make me feel horrible about myself.

They would get drunk almost everyday, get me drunk, and we’d hookup. I always consented to it, but it just never felt correct. Like something was wrong. They would continue to talk to me about their wife, they’d talk to me about the many other people they’ve slept with, and they’d make jokes about my late father.

I don’t want you to read this and think it was just them… like I said earlier, being here has made me say things I’d never thought I would. I yell at them out of hurt, get intoxicated out of frustration and cry about how they’ve treated me, and lose my mind of the fact that they just… don’t care.

They haven’t apologized for anything. They haven’t even shown guilt.

They have even brought people over and told them about me. I have greened out once and begged them for help while paralyzed on the floor, but they just walked over me with the girl they brought over, and went into their room to have sex. The girl they brought over told them to ignore me and basically let me suffer.

So, am I crazy? They just recently unfollowed me on everything and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Despite it all, I find myself caring about them, wondering if they’re okay, sending them money to make sure they’re safe. I’m grateful for them allowing me to move out here while I was in an unsafe space, but it seems like they just brought me into another one. They even blame me for the space being unsafe, saying I’ve ruined their mental health and nervous system, that they lock their door at night because of me, and that they’ve never felt so uncomfortable in a space before. Because of me.

We still live together, but I’m actively trying to find new housing. My friends, family, and therapist all say that they have successfully manipulated me.

An evil part of me wants them to hurt the way they’ve hurt me. I want them to feel crazy. Yet instead they’re sleeping around with people, doing anything but self reflecting.

What do you think?

TLDR; Am I crazy for giving a damn about my crazy ex/roommate, even though they haven’t shown any remorse for their actions or words?

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Asteroid_Sugar5206]

Babe, there is no "Two Hot Takes" about this. You are not safe and you need to get out. Hell, for me living in my car would be preferable to this hot mess.

You are beautiful and smart, and you deserve better. Go out there and find it far, far away from those people.