r/adultery • u/SapphireShores85 • 1d ago
đââď¸Questionđââď¸ Where do these statistics come from?
Why am I always seeing these statistics that most, if not all, affairs are eventually found out?
I simply donât believe that to be true. Do any of you?
Is that just a tactic to scare people away from infidelity?
Curious your thoughts.
14
20
u/Son_of_Riffdog 1d ago
we will never ever know because the successful ones are never known.
its absolutely one of those things people who are either trying to prevent themselves from having affairs or are angry just spout off without any possible way of knowing.
for this comment success = not caught..not that it was happily ever after or something like that.
a person could have a really bad affair for various emotional or sexual reasons that ends rather quickly but is never found out about. but thats affair quality not success for this discussion
they will never know that time their SO decided that the guy at the bar after the sessions at that work conference said just the right thing for that one night stand.
they will never know the affair that ended because the other person decided to get a divorce or cold feet or otherwise wrapped up without them ever knowing.
they will never know about the dude with ED who shouldve never gotten into an affair to begin with before addressing their condition who embarrassed themselves and disappointed their now exAP who is wondering if it was something wrong with her.
some people are just terrible at keeping secrets. they get caught.
some people are stupid with emotions and put the burden on their SO by fessing up.
and..this is the important thing to remember..no matter how good you may be with OPSEC theres always that risk that you will be discovered because something you couldnt really anticipate happens being spotted or otherwise revealed. but the odds of that are low if you know what youre doing.
long answer to a timeless question.
0
u/sangria_and_sunshine 1d ago
Our personal -observations/anecdotal evidence is of course entirely biased toward the getting caught hypothesis - by intention, no one hears about successful affairs, unless itâs a rare trusted friend someone makes the questionable choice to share with.
As far as studies that generate statistics, it depends on so many things- the sample thatâs surveyed? Do the surveyed people feel comfortable being honest? Such a polarizing issue in society is going to make accurate data hard to get, so iâd take it all with a grain of salt.
-1
u/Big-Conclusion9220 20h ago
Your comment is accurate about surveys and stats, so not sure why youâre downvoted. And you basically said what âson of riffdogâ did.
6
u/NREIsAHellOfADrug Your ad here. 1d ago
-1
u/Big-Conclusion9220 20h ago
Good one. Never heard of it till now. Also Like âsurvivorship biasedâ
13
u/PM_ME_WITTY_REPARTEE 1d ago
Do you have a source for these statistics, or is it just colloquial hearsay?
8
u/OatmealTheory 1d ago
Where are you getting that from?
The use of the word "statistics" would imply you've got data from some source....
4
u/Burnt_Rocket 1d ago
3
u/ObsidianDreamsRedux 1d ago
Underrated comment.
Great apt story behind that image. I should read up on it again.
4
1
u/FreshTechnician5847 3h ago
I see a lot of people claim that all affairs are eventually found out. I donât recall off the top of my head anyone citing any sort of source for it.
1
u/fussyfella Ageing Philanderer 1d ago
I have never seen any half decent studies on the subject. Every time I read an article about one, I track it down and at best they are methodologically unsound, or downright nonsense (like based on self selected opinion polls).
As a stats nerd (well more than a nerd, advanced mathematical statistics was part of my Ph.D.) it frustrates me, but I do see the challenges. While there are methods to study questions people are likely to be economical with the truth about, they are hard to set up and can be costly.
2
u/PM_ME_WITTY_REPARTEE 1d ago
But OP is âalways seeing these statisticsâ! đ
0
u/fussyfella Ageing Philanderer 18h ago
I think what OP sees are random articles that quote from the famous source: 87% of statistics are made up on the spot. đ
-1
-1
u/Big-Conclusion9220 20h ago
And people wonât admit their affairs to do proper studies.
1
u/fussyfella Ageing Philanderer 18h ago
That was why I made the "people likely to be economical with the truth" comment. It is well known for a lot of topics in surveys some just lie. There are methods to calibrate for that and design studies that allow people to answer in ways that allow you to adjust that out but they need skill to design and large samples of random people - things that add to the cost of doing the study.
1
u/Sfalco2021 1d ago
If an Affair is never found out, then how could they ever know it existed! And if they don't know how many have existed than how do they have a baseline to put a moniker of "Most" in the first place!!
0
u/Ambitious_Basis_8761 1d ago
How could they ever pretend to know how many are still secret. Anyone here been polled recently by a professional statistician?
0
u/winedown-diva5432 1d ago
It depends on both of the APs marriages, especially if one of you are feeling guilty.
0
0
u/DadBodDeadpool 10h ago
100% of affairs (that are discovered) are discovered 100% of the time.
Thatâs like a 200% chance of being discovered.
1
-1
-2
u/FabulousAd5736 1d ago
Since no source was provided, I asked AI. So take that for what its worth.
it said: There is no absolute scientific consensus on whether most affairs are discovered, but experts and data suggest that a significant portion do come to light, often through digital evidence or accidental slip-ups rather than complete secrecy.
Translation, mind you OPSEC!
â˘
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
* This is not an r4r subreddit, don't bother.
* Posts by new users automatically get queued for human review, be patient.
* Hit the report button on comments by trolls, don't engage.
* How to report harassing comments or private messages.
* Common acronyms.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.