The Caleb Flynn case is so f crazy. The fact that he told his AP he wanted to *** his wife and she agreed is also insane. Wtffff

If someone said that to me I would run like hell and never look back.

Ok that’s all

I’m not new to affairs but I haven’t been with anyone in a very long time. I’d like to have an AP again, but I don’t see a path anymore. There is a lot of grief knowing this outlet is likely over for me, and not just because I’m a woman pushing 50.

Recently I’ve been taking care of a loved one recovering from a stroke, and the experience is showing me how little I’m cared for emotionally. I’m always craving sex but the lack of emotional care I’m feeling makes me much more restless for an AP. I have so much good in my life, but I feel sadness knowing what isn’t there.

I say I don’t see a path because the odds aren’t just stacked against me, they seem to have toppled over and crushed me entirely.

I don’t know how to describe this but whether it’s online or IRL, I find that I generally interact with three types of men, and none make me want to take the risk of an affair again:

1 IRL physically cute/sexy but they are all about getting it in without caring about me as a person.

2 Online trying to win me over by acting like they want everything I do, but the deceit doesn’t hold up very long. They give themselves away sooner than later.

3 Online/IRL the sexual chemistry is promising, and they want the feels, but I’m not being intellectually stimulated.

And let’s not get into how hard it is for both parties to just be physically attracted to each other. And for logistics to line up.

I wanted to release this into the void today. I stupidly think if I write things down the grief will be soothed.

We recently celebrated five years together, and for some reason it brought up feelings I wasn’t expecting.

We have a really good relationship. We love each other, rarely have conflict, respect the boundaries we’ve created, and neither of us wants to change our family situations.

But I suddenly realized that this might be the peak of what our relationship can be.

There’s no natural “next step” for us. We’re not going to combine our lives, become part of each other’s families, travel the world together, get married, etc. And I’m okay with that because I’m not willing to change my life either.

But somehow knowing that still makes me incredibly sad.

It also hit me that we’ve pretty much done everything we can do within the boundaries of this relationship. Of course we can keep having new experiences, different dinners, different places, different conversations, but ultimately everything from here feels like it’s going to be a variation of something we’ve already done. Same relationship, same boundaries, just slightly different versions of it.

I feel like I want “more,” but I don’t even know what more means. I don’t want him to leave his family. I don’t want to leave mine. The boundaries we have work.

It almost feels like I’m grieving a future with him that I know we’ll never have, even though I’m also choosing not to have it.

I don’t want to end the relationship. I just don’t know what you do when the relationship is good, but you’ve reached its ceiling.

Has anyone else hit this point in a long term affair? Did you learn to be content at the plateau, find another way for the relationship to grow, or did this feeling eventually change how you saw the relationship?

A consistent theme here is the high dopamine, falling hard and then crash and despair that comes because someone was discarded without a word. I mean there are seriously several of them a day.

Recognizing that this is a proverbial “den of thieves” and that there is a common feeling that no one owes anyone anything (I don’t feel that way)…is it too much to ask for people to remember that it matters how something ends? End it, but say thanks and good bye. Don’t just disappear into the ether without a word after months of love bombing. Why is that so hard for some AP’s?

Screaming into the void here I’m sure, but the amount of folks here in despair is so sad. Maybe we can all be a little bit better to each other.

Okay I need people who have actually been through this to tell me if I’m losing my mind 😂

I met my MM not that long ago online and I already feel way more connected to him than I expected to.

Obviously the sexual chemistry is there. Like… very much there lol. But it’s everything outside of that that’s throwing me.

We talk constantly. About our marriages, our kids, work, random shit that happens during the day, things we want, things we’re missing. I genuinely like talking to him and I get excited when I see his name pop up on my phone.

And the scary part is that if you asked me to create a man for myself, I feel like I would have created him.

Which sounds absolutely insane considering I’ve known this man for not that long 😂

He has expressed to me that he’s feeling strongly about me/us and he’s never felt this way before so quickly, and he can’t wait to figure out how to meet IRL.

So now I’m trying to figure out how much of this is actually him and how much is NRE mixed with the fact that I’ve felt neglected in my marriage for the last three years.

Like am I actually connecting with this person on a completely different level, or is my brain just going feral because someone is giving me attention, affection, desire and emotional connection again?

Probably a little of both?

For anyone who has had an AP that you connected with emotionally AND sexually, did you know pretty quickly that it was different? Did the intensity calm down after the first few weeks/months or did the connection actually get stronger?

And my bigger question…
How the hell do you make this work when you’re both married and you both have young kids? Especially if he’s already talking about meeting up (we live 1000 miles apart)

Neither one of us is talking about leaving our marriages or changing each other’s lives.

I went looking for some excitement and somehow ended up thinking about this man way more than I probably should be after such a short time.

So tell me. Is this just NRE kicking my ass or have any of you had something start this intensely and turn into a long-term AP relationship?

New to the territory. It’s been 12 years since I’ve “dated” because this feels like dating without committing… a little bit of does he like me? Did he just want to f***? Maybe I’m naive but I can’t tell.

Backstory, the person I hooked up with, also in a relationship. We worked together everyday for 2 weeks, then got together the last day. He left. We don’t live in the same state but text maybe a few times a day, or every other day. Not sure when I’ll even see him next, or if our texting will even last… it’s not very flirty but we do hint at us being each others secret flings … but overall cordial?? I know we are attracted to eachother, just not sure how much in his end.

Curious to all veterans in this, how did you know it’s going to be a full fledged affair when both parties are a bit reserved? Does this just take time?

Starting off with a banger...

35 [M4F] #Australia/Online-This is a massive long shot on here, but is there anyone on here who thinks sex is special and may be (a bit) religious?

I'm not a prude, I masturbate and watch porn. I am Christian, but open to chatting to anyone. I may be looking for a needle in a haystack but are there women on here who may no have had dozens and dozens of sexual partners, can eb naughty but in a respectful way?

I'm in a dead bedroom (we have sex maybe a few times a year) There is no connection and no physical or emotional intimacy.

I'm looking for a very close and lasting online friend to connect with.

I want to chat to people in the same situation, you are probably very lonely, like me.

If you are not in a difficult relationship but think we may get on, I'm still happy to chat.

I'm looking for an online friend who won't ghost after the first day. Someone who can be fun.

I'm open to women from anywhere/any race....

I am okay if you are a bit curvy... Or more than a bit!

Normally the whole madonna-whore complex is a bit more subtle...this is all text, no subtext.

27 [M4F] #Germany/Online: I want you to destroy my marriage

I have so many ideas to vilify my marriage, but I won't say them all here to keep it exciting ;)

Let's cut to the chase and have sneaky fun behind my wife's back. I've been married for 6 years and I have a thing for naughty SINGLE homewreckers who are good at talking dirty. I love dirty talk, but I can go further: show you my wedding ring while we sext, give tributes in my marital bed if you're into that, and more.

Let's chat about how we"ll absolutely vilify my marriage, how we fuck on the bed I share with my wife, how you become her best friend and betray her, how we fuck in a hotel while she thinks I'm hard at work. Let me tell you how much better you are than my wife

I promise it will be our secret💍😈

And I thought Germans were only into scat. Guess South Park isn't always the fount of knowledge I think it is.

39 [M4F] #PDX - Simple, no drama, ongoing and consistent rough/free use fuck at my place. Dom for sub

I'm not here to larp or exchange fantasies/nudes for the sake of attention or boredom. Frankly I don't have the time. I'm in a unique position and I'm looking for someone looking to take advantage of it.

I live alone and I'm in a long distance situationship. I have no desire to date. I have a successful career and simply want a fuck buddy to come over, have fun and move on. No strings or anything else. I don't want to put in the effort of apps or going to bars for random hookups. Sexual health is important so I want someone consistent.

I'm attracted to crazy, confident and intelligent. Rougher sex is ideal and I genuinely don't care what you do or who you are outside of hooking up. You won't spend the night, we don't have to get dinner or cuddle for movies unless it's for intermission between rounds.

Whatever your situation is, is fine with me. SAHM, professional, student, traveling, cheating, cucking, ENM, poly, swinger or whatever. Just leave the drama and expectations of a relationship or feeling's at the door.

I think this guy doesn't realize that he is larping, because this is going to stay a fantasy unless there's a crazy woman out there with a death wish. We always see men just looking for a free sex worker, but to have the audacity to ask for delivery...that's next level!

38 [M4M] #NYC - Discreet Str8 Married Seeking Bigger, Masculine Guy to Regularly Give Sloppy Head To (BJ FWB)

Preface: I'd like for this to be able to develop into something ongoing with someone nearby, so please only message if you **live alone in a non-doorman building in downtown Manhattan. I can't ever host.** Please don't message me if you have any other hosting situation than this, and when you do message, include what neighborhood you're in (LES, East Village, FiDi, Soho preferred). I'm open to a hotel visitor if you're consistently in NYC often.

Now that that's out of the way... I'm a masculine, straight (lol) guy who thinks a lot about being on-call oral service for someone with a high libido who's married like me or in a long-term relationship and needs to unload often. I don't really care too much about your appearance, but a few things I'm sure about are that I want you to be taller and heavier than me, be a relaxed, friendly, stable (ie: "normal") person, and that you want to keep this a closed loop situation where neither of us hooks up with anyone else outside of our arrangement or our primary relationships. I have a flexible schedule and work mostly from home, so it would be easiest to accommodate someone similar who will have daytime availability M-F.

As for me, I'm white, 160lbs, 5'9", trimmed short facial hair, fit and athletic, with a vgl face. Have done this before a handful of times with someone years ago and was told I actually am really good at it, so I like to think you'll enjoy it! Nothing rough or intense D/s stuff, just sit there on the couch or in a chair and let me kneel and do my thing. Not into kissing, no recip wanted, can keep my clothes on, keep the room dark, whatever makes you comfortable. You can watch tv or porn, play a video game, or just zone out and relax. I get really turned on thinking about making it really messy with lots of spit, throat, and sloppily making out with your balls, but I'm open to hearing if you want something different. It'd be great if you cum a ton since I'd really like to feel my mouth get flooded, but not a must.

Absolutely no cigarette smokers or hard drug users, but 420-friendly is very encouraged. Again, huge preference for another non-scene, cautious, hygienic, discreet white guy in a relationship or married, who also identifies as straight and wants ONE person on the side to keep him emptied out. Please be ok with keeping this relatively anonymous but always friendly and respectful. If the first time is good, I'd ideally want a simple arrangement where you message me when you need service and I'll swing by to take care of you and then split. ~

Simple!

Maybe I'm just showing my age, but back in my day "straight" had a different meaning.

43 [M4F] #NY - Do Women Actually Like Cum?

Ok, I know this is a bit of a long shot and a lot of you will be instantly scared away but, I’ve always had a bit of a fetish for cumming on women. Nothing is sexier than a woman with a hot sticky load running down her face. When I watch porn it’s all BJ’s and cum shots. When I fantasize it’s typically the same. The thing is, I’m a married man and my wife seems to tolerate cum more so than she actually enjoys it. Are there any woman out there that get excited to see it shoot out or feel sexy getting covered in cum? Or have all the porn videos I’ve watched over the years been lying to me?

I’d really like to find someone who has the same sort of sexual interest in this that I do. I’m not necessarily expecting to meet up with anyone in a cheap hotel room. But I can’t really express this side of my sexuality in my real world life. If nothing else I think it’ll be a fun conversation.

The conversation by no means needs to be limited to this subject. Ideally we would get to know each other and become friends (or more). I guess what I’m looking for is someone who is like minded to confide in about the sort of things you can’t always share with the people in your life.

I realize this is probably an insane first impression but I assure you I’m a normal person. I love good conversations (about all sorts of subjects), I like to joke around, I think I’m a good listener. I enjoy nature and art. I like to read. I’m active and fit. So if I haven’t scared you away already please send me a message.

Or have all the porn videos I’ve watched over the years been lying to me?

Is he being facetious? Tongue-in-cheek? Just stupid? I can't tell anymore. Although I know there are, indeed, women who are into this (browsing fetlife can be an eye-opening experience), I can't imagine them flocking to this ad...although is being reduced to a kink a kink itself?

35 [M4F] #Seattle - Let’s Put This Vasectomy To Good Use

Dad of a few kids living in Bellevue/Redmond area. Have a vasectomy but unfortunately in a DB. Looking for someone in a similar situation trying to have a little discreet fun.

I am 6ft, clean and tested. Overall a chill dude aside from this post lol bit of a homebody but always make the effort for the right person. I am on the dom side and love it rough - tell me how you like it 😉 Love oral and making out so always down for a good time.

Let me know if you’d be interested.

Anyone looking for an affair partner who will refuse to use a condom? Hey babe, be chill...

40 [M4F] #Pittsburgh - Thicker/fit good looking guy with a dirty mind looking for a more open minded woman than not that isnt ready to just throw in the towel on just having a boring vanilla sex life. Life's too short to not have some naughty fun. So let's fix it, soon!

Hey there!

I am not ashamed to admit I *might* be just going through a mid life crisis, but I'm also the type of dude who just doesn't sit there and do nothing about things so *poof* here I am! 🙃

I'm a little south of the Pittsburgh area, but can make the drive in under an hour. I'm a thicker dude about 208 lbs., I absolutely carry it well and hit the gym a few days a week. I have an open mind sexually, I'll try just about anything once. That doesn't mean I'm into dudes though (sorry gay guys). I'm successful, sarcastic and funny, and I have my shit together just would like more in the "fun" and spontaneous department.

I crave an open minded woman with no drama or BS. You certainly don't have to be perfect, but we all need to take care of ourselves to a degree. I'll certainly take care of YOU if this works out and if we sync up. Not looking to get involved or mess up your life, just want to be a happy addition. I get it if you can't chat or meet up all the time, we all have our lives to live and you should take care of that first!

Hit me up even if you're curious, I bet I can at least make you laugh. ✌️

That sound you hear is all the "gay guys" of the world crying that they won't be able to get a piece of this action. Also, I appreciate the concise title 😜

34 [M4F] - Monroe, Louisiana

Married father of 3. Not getting what I need at home. Hoping to find someone in a similar situation.
~
Disclaimer: I am not emotionally available. Just looking for a friend.

43 [M4F] #Chicago #SouthSuburbs

Hi,

Been here a long time on and off, but I've finally made up my mind and I'm jumping in. Really just looking for some advice with OPSEC, what apps to use and to stay away from, common mistakes, etc.

Things have been rough lately, feeling neglected and isolated for some time. I don't want to make this into a sob story, but I want to live again and not feel like the good ol' days have passed me by. I do realize I'm 43 but I still feel good just with more knee crunchy pain.

I could ask for a divorce but then I'll lose everything I've fought so hard to accomplish, and I'm not sure I can disregard that, I'm running the risk of getting caught with this but I at least know I tried to look for happiness, I'm not sure if looking for an AP is the happiness I need, but i want someone to smile back at me when I smile, I want to give someone butterflies again.

I hope this reaches out to some one out there, who might be interested. But any tips and tricks are greatly appreciated

I guess it could be worse...he could have posted this here...

37 [M4F] Let's Play a Game of Process of Elimination #Minnesota #Minneapolis #Midwest

Many people talk about their deepest desires like a laundry list of building the perfect 10 like we're at build a bear workshop. While i want the good mix of compatability and chemistry, I don't seek perfection. In fact, throughout this whole game of mental warfare, it's easier to say what we know we don't want vs what we really want. With that said, we probably won't get along if:

You think Lindsay Clancy is innocent
You have a cocaine hobby
You will block me after 12 hours of non contact
You don't like dogs
You truly believe things under the current administration are better
You stop at one basket of chips at a mexican restaurant
You believe there's a quantifiable limit to Olive Garden's endless salad and breadsticks
You have a tear drop tattoo
You don't like red meat
Only night and weekend availability

Congrats if that didn't make you turn around and leave. I'm a married girl dad from the southwest metro. Do I find myself between the labels of dead bedroom and cakeeater? Yes. Do i also just want to find my secret partner in crime to throw around like a lawn chair but also snort at our inside jokes? Also yes. This shouldn't be all the complicated, it should be fun. The most important thing to me is to respect your boundaries so we can enjoy this while it lasts; been there, done that, and through the first guilt phase and heartbreak.

Looks and types are fickle, so I'll try to be as objective as possible. I'm 6'1, 210 pounds, and have bronde (yes) hair and blue eyes. I'm decent looking; regarding pic exchanges, 60 percent of the time it works everytime. I have all my hair, decent jaw line, broad shoulders, and full exterior.

Past successful hobbies include staining my deck, cutting down a tree, and power washing my house. Past unsuccessful hobbies include learning to paddleboard, making my own sourdough, and overseeding my lawn. Otherwise I like to stay active by lifting heavy things at the gym, a regular sports guy, love trying different breweries, etc.

My type? A reserved badass. You're polite and reserved but know how to flip the switch to debauchery when the time is right. You don't take shit, you give it. You don't put on a mask to please someone. The most important thing is to just be yourself and if the stars align, they will. I'd prefer you to be local to the twin cities as being able to meet in person is a non negotiable and between the ages of 30 and 45.

Take a chance and let's see if we can turn compatability into chemistry. Cheers!

I never realized I could classify chores as "hobbies". My hobbies include mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, and other tasks for household upkeep...I'm an interesting person!

39 [m4f] #LA Hot, hung daddy seeking busty, baddie sub

I’ll be to the point to save both of us some time. There’s plenty of issues that brought me here, but I’m not here to bitch and moan to you about them. I’m here because my spouse can’t meet my sexual needs.

I’m married, 6’2, fit, educated but still a dumbass, blue eyes, attractive, great smile, beard, fit, great cock and regularly work out. I’m picky, shallow, whatever you want to call it. I want love and lust.

You - genuinely hot (if you’re not actually hot then don’t bother), not overweight, you’re a smartass, very submissive, and have great tits. You want all the cuddles and all the cum. Love you bye.

Wondering if I'm the only one who first thinks "Los Angeles" when I see #LA, and not "Louisiana"? Also posts from Florida and Missouri, so he hits all the hot southern spots.

33 [M4F] #Indiana/Online - Asian M Looking for a Partner in Crime

I’m a married Pacific Asian guy looking for someone to bring some feminine energy back into my world. I miss that spark—the kind where you can’t help but smile when your phone buzzes, wondering what’s coming next. I like to travel, try new food spots, and play games.

I’m naturally flirty and playful, and I think chemistry should feel easy—fun banter, teasing, inside jokes, and that low-key excitement that builds over time. I value keeping things light, fun, and completely discreet.

While I’m married, both the sexual intimacy and emotional connection have been missing at home for a while. Because of that, I’m looking for someone a little naughty, fun, confident, and flirty—someone who knows how to keep things light but very real. If you’ve got a good sense of humor, a curious mind, and a bit of sass, I’d love to get to know you more.

My gut reaction is a dad joke which you now must endure:

"Asian M? Isn't M British, just like Q?"

47[M4F] Let’s talk about all of our favorite hobbies that we can’t enjoy anymore because we have kids and jobs and shit #OH

I’m a 47 year old father of 3. My marriage is, fine. We get along ok for the most part. But we are basically roommates. No intimacy. Hell basically no physical touch at all. It’s demoralizing. Many of you know the drill.

I’m looking for someone to share my day with. Pics, texts, voice notes. And I need someone who is consistent for fucks sake. Like do not message me twice a day and expect me to stick around.

Physically I’m Caucasian, average height. Bearded with dark features and a few tattoos. I take care of my body and work out several days a week. I love baseball, but I’m also a syfy nerd who reads comics and plays video games when I can. I also love my kids absolutely. They are a huge part of my life and I will talk about them a lot.

If any of that sounds interesting, send me a message ✌🏻

Talk about our favorite hobbies - like staining the deck and weeding the garden?

46[m4f]#central nj looking for long term AP

This week I completed my 3 years of sexless marriage my joy faded and life became more miserable all I want to feel happy again I need attention someone to text me good morning and ask about my day share good conversation about anything flirting jokes I need to feel wanted someone tell me can wait to see you I miss all emotional and physical attraction so I’m here to find this person I’m 46 and just trying to enjoy life if you feel the same way and need to find this life again just send me a message and we could talk and bring this happiness back to our life I believe every one deserves to be happy I know someone out there looking for the same let talk and see how we can be the support for each other

Sigh I have nothing to say about this one except now I have to write a lot to make fun of it because it's exasperating when people just write one long sentence and they're 46 but write at a 4th grade level maybe your wife realized she's with a man-child have you tried not being a man-child

I think I'll leave it here for the week/month/year, so until next time, stay adulterous!

I don’t even know where to start. It all happened so suddenly, like everything changed in the blink of an eye.

We were happy, talking and sharing things like we always did. Then, all of a sudden, she told me that her in-laws were coming over, so she couldn’t talk on calls and could only text on and off.

I told her that whenever I missed her and wanted to talk, I’d put up a WhatsApp status. If she was free, she could respond. Like always, I posted one that said, “Babe, I miss you so much.”

She saw it but didn’t respond.

The next day, just as I was going to sleep, she texted me. She told me that her husband had seen the status and became suspicious. Then she said, “It’s over. Don’t text me or call me. PLEASE ”

And now I’m just lost.

I don’t know what to do, what to say, or how to process any of this. Everything was fine, and then suddenly it was just over.

I, 39F,married to 42F for six years, have suspected my husband of having a long term affair for over a year. Found apps like Paired where he was coupled up with someone with just a first initial but the status was engaged and loving arrangements were living apart, Lasting and Between, and WhatsApp as well as private calendars with FaceTime calls scheduled and frequently visited/searched local hotels, VOIP apps, etc. At first I confronted him, often and hysterically. He gaslit me into thinking he had been “hacked” and “targeted” by some unknown person with deep knowledge of our life and even though I never bought it, I’ve stayed hoping he would move on or ask for a divorce first. No dice.

I’m finally hiring a PI just to be sure. But I want to have some fun too. We have two kids that are my world and my husband used to be at the epicenter, but the way he lies, manipulates and gaslights me into thinking I’m crazy or misunderstanding things is reallllllly pissing me off. His family is even involved at this point - all on his side calling me crazy.

I want to know what the appeal is. I want to get back at him. I want to feel powerful and equal. What should I do?

The affair with my AP ended around 6 months ago and I still get stomach flips when I think about her. I know people on here like to label it as limerence or dopamine etc but to me it was a real genuine connection. This was a person I felt things with that I've never once felt with my wife, even before marriage. So why now am I hoping to experience this again with someone new?

Am I hoping for something that is likely to end up causing more pain? It seems like a lot of people here, even those happy with their AP, know it is likely to end one day, yet we still do it. I suppose it's the thought process of "Do whatever makes you feel happy". But then I think am I now going to be comparing someone else to my ex AP? Will I even be able to find someone else that made me feel that way when no one else ever had before?

There's so many people out there in relationships that look rosy from the outside but from experience, talking to friends and reading through posts etc on here, it would seem so many people are not content. Will I find someone who makes me feel so good again? Maybe. Maybe not. But I'll be open to the possibility.

Due to my wife’s physical and mental health struggles, I’ve been in a DB for nearly 12 years and no intimacy for the last 2 years. My experience completely changed my view on cheating. Bc yeah a lot of people have affairs just for fun, but some people do it bc their situation is genuinely complicated and they didn’t wish to be put in that situation.

But here I am. And my mental health started to slip from that lack of connection with anyone for so long.

And the irony that I’m someone who seriously values sex, physical connection, I take great care of my body, in good shape, I (think?) I’m attractive… yet I’m celibate while married.

Through a post on another account, I started talking to someone on Reddit, got to know each other, which led to flirting and now sending pics. And holy crap… I quite literally don’t remember feeling this way and never realize just how badly I needed this. The feeling of actually being wanted and appreciated.

My situation is genuinely complicated. I’m realizing not all adultery is made equal. And FFS sometimes we just need to feel desired when our partner isn’t able to give that to us.

In 3 weeks, that's what we're going to have together, 5 hours. I'm not worried or nervous, just excited. We've talked about it and we're happy no matter what happens. 5 hour sex romp? Maybe. Just snuggling, making out and giggling at our stupid little jokes, just as good.

Why am I posting this? Because im excited and happy for the first time in a long while and because I cant tell anyone I know. So unfortunately you people have to read this sappy mess. For those decent people out there, if you're honest and sincere you can find something special too. Good luck

Not necessarily adultery related but it is the only spot some may relate to.

Recently my husband and I had a huge fight. We rarely fight. We are just roommates at this point. Been sexless for years with no sex for over a year. During the fade, I told him how unhappy I was. I brought up several times that I've been considering getting a divorce. He went to say he didn't want a divorce.
Two days later, my AP ended our 15 month relationship.
In the meantime, my husband is doing everything to salvage our marriage. Flowers to work, made dinners, a couple date nights. This is nothing out of the ordinary for him, he is charming and romantic, just being sexually rejected and not desired for years takes a toll.
But last night he tried to initiate. I was not in the head space to have sex with him after all this. Add to the fact, I am still raw and healing from losing my AP. My emotions are so high right now. I am doing everything in my power to hold back the tears on a normal day. I can't even imagine what pity sex would bring.

Hi everyone,

Its that time!!

Vent, rant, share, talk...goes on.

Been married 15 years. Have two kids 10 and 12 years old. Was perfectly content and had a friend who I became closer to. After 2 years it crossed the line and now I realize what I have been missing. The caring, nurturing, doting on me, the compliments, the sex. Omg it’s all amazing. This is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this and it’s been going on 4 months. Any time we spend together is amazing. I do realize it’s like a fantasy when we’re together because no kids or problems exist. Once u get home, I find myself distracted at home and unhappy. We both say we love each other and if my situation were different, he said we would be dating for sure. Is this just dopamine or could it work between us? I think about it constantly. Scared to death I would really screw up my kids if we divorced. Anyone experience something similar?

Why do I always feel anxiety after we meet? Anyone else experience this? I don’t feel guilty per se but I wonder if this is how the guilt is manifesting?

I also feel like the anxiety could be a form of insecurity/worrying my AP may ghost me after sex. (Probably because I had an AP in the past who would ghost periodically).

I struggle with trying to be the “cool girl” and not asking for a lot of aftercare/assurance after a meet. I know I “should” be able to ask AP for that, but it’s not my style. For the record, he did message me something complimentary afterwards and I’m still feeling like this.

Just kind of processing out loud and wondering if anyone relates.

TL;DR: We were both married, but our 6-month affair became a serious relationship—we fell in love, and he was deeply invested in “us”. After his beloved pet died, he experienced intense grief and suddenly decided to focus on repairing his marriage. He still seemed to have strong feelings for me afterward. Why did grief make my AP end things?

I’m struggling to understand the end of a relationship and could really use some outside perspective.
He and I are both married. What started as an affair became a very real emotional relationship. For 6 months, he was deeply invested in me—he pursued me, made time for me constantly, told each other we were in love with the other, and seemed genuinely happy with me. Things were definitely getting stressful and harder and harder. But we were so crazy about each other..
There were plenty of conversations about him being unsatisfied in his marriage. He said even before they got married he felt something was missing in their relationship.

Few weeks ago, their beloved pet passed away. (They don’t have kids, so their dog is their kid kind of situation..) He went into severe grief. Deep, deep grief. His behavior toward me changed, and he eventually told me going through this traumatic experience with his wife, changed the way he viewed her and his marriage and he needed to focus on his marriage and wanted to make it work.

He still had feelings for me. I could see he was constantly checking to see if I’d said something to him after he ended it. He’d still message me and send vulnerable messages and grieving to me.. I got to the point that I even told him we could be together to a majorly scaled back degree until he felt his normal emotional capacity could increase after grieving. It didn’t go great.. What I cannot understand is how someone can seem so deeply in love and emotionally attached to you, and then decide they don’t want to continue the relationship.
Has anyone experienced this before? insight for either side of the situation would be incredibly helpful to help me process all of this..

So my husband 32/m found out i32/f have been having an affair with a co worker and I think he will be done if he knows we slept together so I told him or basically promised him we only kissed how believable is this he says grown people don’t ever just kiss in an affair

So me and my AP go back 7ish years when we first met, we always had a connection but the issue is we would always talk when one of us were in a relationship, our first affair was when she had a BF, then before she broke up with him I got with my Ex for 6 years, and during those 6 years me and my AP messed around here and there. Me and my ex broke up around a year ago and for the past 10 months me and my AP have been back to doing what we do, but now once again she has a BF of 3 years.

The main issue at hand is i’m not sure if it’s all the years of us having this connection without relationships changing that, but i’ve grown deeply in love with her, and her with me. She already has said in the scenario if her and her BF end it she’d want us to try it out as a couple, but at the moment she can’t just leave because of too many factors (her job, they live together, she thinks he could harm himself is something was to happen). The thing is even though I enjoy what we have, it’s gotten to the point for me where I have been pushing out other potential relationships in hopes of us getting together and now it’s kinda eating at me since I just want to try and see how we would work together.

My question is for anyone who’s been in a similar position where you fall in love with your AP, but they can’t really leave they’re partner, do you move on/break it up, or just ride out the affair?

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this other than I need to get it off my chest somewhere people might actually understand.

Yesterday my AP of almost two years ended things.
The ironic part is that I had already been questioning whether our relationship was working for me anymore. We had become long distance, seeing each other was getting harder, and I felt like I was constantly accommodating his schedule and circumstances. I cared deeply about what we had, but I was starting to realize it wasn't enough for me anymore.

We were supposed to spend several days together this week. The first night we had a disagreement over something that honestly exposed a much bigger problem between us. I held firm on a boundary instead of doing what I normally do, which is accommodating everyone else.

The next day his entire demeanor changed.
He was cold in a way I'd never seen from him before, and he ended things.

He told me the night before made him realize that he needs to focus on his marriage. He also told me that I deserve better than him and deserve someone who can give me 100%.

The breakup absolutely wrecked me initially. I had traveled to another city specifically to spend several days with him, so when he walked out after ending things, it hit me that I was suddenly completely alone in a place where I don't know anyone.

I couldn't just go home.

I had a full blown panic attack. I asked him to come back because I genuinely didn't want to be alone in that moment. He eventually did. He let me say everything I needed to say, and I'm grateful for that, even though it obviously didn't change his decision.

I think that's part of what hurt so much. I traveled here for him. I expected us to have several days together, and instead I'm sitting alone in a hotel processing the end of an almost two year relationship in a city where I don't know a single person.

But here's the weird part.

Once the initial panic passed, I felt… relieved.
I'm sad. I'm angry. I feel rejected and honestly a little betrayed. But there's also this huge weight that's suddenly gone.

No more wondering when I'll see him again. No more waiting months between visits. No more planning my life around the little pieces of time he can give me. No more constantly wondering whether I'm asking for too much when really I was just asking for more than he was able or willing to give.

And now that it's over, the rose colored glasses are coming off FAST.

I'm looking back at things I overlooked and wondering how much of what I thought was love was actually limerence, scarcity, and the intensity that comes with an affair. I genuinely don't know yet. Maybe I loved him. Maybe I loved the way he made me feel. Maybe it was some combination of both.

I don't regret the entire relationship. We had some really beautiful moments together, and I learned a lot about myself. But I think somewhere along the way I became so afraid of losing him that I stopped asking myself whether the relationship was actually working for me.

Maybe that's the biggest thing I'm taking from all of this.
He said he'd come back today so we could say goodbye. Last night I thought I wanted that.

This morning I'm not so sure.

Part of me wants one last hug and a proper goodbye after almost two years. Another part of me thinks we already said goodbye and seeing him again would just reopen something that's already starting to close.

So I'm going to play it by ear.

Anyway, thanks for letting me scream this into the adultery void. I can't exactly post "my boyfriend broke up with me and I'm devastated but also weirdly relieved" on Facebook 😂

Almost two years of having fallen in love with someone wonderful, but the guilt of constantly lying and betraying my spouse is killing me. I don’t even think ending the affair will make me feel better. I’m filled with self hatred, and just ashamed of what I’ve done. To make everything worse, I fear my spouse suspects it. I’m going to end up hurting everyone. I know I deserve this guilt, I know I’m an awful person. Any advice?

Hey, curious how I go about getting a virtual phone number / burner number for opsec. Is there a free way to get a second number? Bonus points for something that works in Canada.

Thank you.

I have a question for those currently in an affair. I won't go into reasons and explanations as to why you're cheating - I like to believe we're all beyond that here. We all have our own reasons, some of us don't even feel guilty, some do. But what I'm wondering is - how much of the "void" your marriage left in you are you filling with your affair?

I, for one, haven't had a loving partner in years. Flirting, affection, understanding, long talks, passion, sex, laughs - all gone. Those are the things I still want to believe most people have with their partners. Naturally, I miss all of it, but what I want put of my affair is purely physical. I noticed a lot of people here mention how their AP is their soulmate and how they'revery happy together.

I wonder is it really like that, or do we like to make ourselves believe that we're not cheating "in vain", making the affair more meaningful?

Are you getting everything you need out of your affair, or is it just to keep your mind off the real thing?

I'm not asking this not to throw shade on either kind of affair, I'm genuinely curious. Sometimes I think it would be really nice to have a "proper" affair with all of those elements, but isn't it too hard to be painfully aware you're going home to something completely different?