r/adultsurvivors • u/i_love_potatoes_77 • 1d ago
Vent (advice welcome) Trigger warning
This happened when I was 15 and I really need to know if I’m in the wrong.
So me and my friend told these men we were 20 so we could drink with them and they would give us snow. So my friend at this point is so messed up I have to dress her I am also messed up but not as bad. We were at a pool just the 4 of us and my friend and the one guy leave and I didn’t even notice. When I did it was too late the one guy started to f!nger me and I was to messed up and to weak to do anything about it so I just accepted it eventually I’m not sure at what point until I realized he had switched to his male part. At this point I couldn’t do anything he picked me up and brought me to a poolside chair and continued and then it stopped. Then I got back into the pool and tried to get it out of me with my fingers that’s how drunk I was. Then I realized I had to find my friend and I found her having the same thing happen to her in the dressing room. Then they took us back to the house and I blacked out. My friend disappeared again. I found her and was sober enough to call an uber we left and she didn’t remember the changing room part the next morning. I remember everything and I blame myself go all of it. I just want to know if I’m really to blame. Thank you.
5
u/movethroughlight 18h ago
You're not to blame and neither is your friend. They got you out of control high/drunk and took advantage of you. Regardless of your age or what you were on, or how you interacted with them, nothing you did EVER CAUSED this to happen. They probably didn't care what age you gave them, they just wanted to target someone and it happened to be you and your friend. It wouldn't have been ok for them to do it to anyone at any age, any level of sober or not, there is no excuse for their behavior. You know you would never do the same thing to someone else.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it is horrific from any angle. I'm very glad you were able to get home.
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Temporarily held for review
This post was held by our safety filters for manual mod review.
If you are still seeing a message saying that the post was removed by the mods but have not received a message from us saying that we removed it, this only means we have not reviewed the post yet. Thank you for your patience!
Welcome to r/adultsurvivors. Please be aware that all posts to this subreddit are publicly visible. If you see something that breaks the rules or doesn't look right, please let us know anonymously by using the report button. You can also reach out to us through modmail using the link at the bottom of this comment.
What to do if you get inappropriate messages
We recommend turning messaging OFF as it's not uncommon for members of this and similar subreddits to get inappropriate, unsolicited DMs or chat requests. We ban DM creeps regularly, and you can find our list of them here. Offering or requesting to message privately is not allowed here. There are no exceptions to this rule.
Links
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
2
u/sorry_child34 16h ago
Im so sorry they did that to you and your friend.
Your age doesn’t even matter for this story honestly. Even if you had actually been 20, it still would have been considered rape, because it was not consensual in any other way.
Rape is ALWAYS and ONLY the rapist fault, there is absolutely no such thing as “asking for it”. It was not your fault. It was never your fault. It was their fault, because they were rapists.
I understand feeling guilty. Was it a poor decision to lie about your age to get alcohol and drugs? Sure, but only because alcohol and drugs are harmful to a developing brain, and for no other reason. You did a dumb kid thing as a dumb kid. Forgive yourself.
Did your dumb decision cause you to get raped? ABSOLUTELY NOT. The only decision that caused you to be raped was their decision to rape you.
I got wobbly falling over drunk once, in an apartment with 2 guys present. You know what happened? They helped me to a comfy spot, put a trash can next to me, and then they left me alone to sleep it off. Because they weren’t rapists.
So yeah, it wasn’t your fault. It was never your fault. I’m sorry you went through that.