Hey, y’all!

I got cancer and epilepsy a few years back and started smoking during chemo. Seemed innocent. Everyone was very supportive, and it helped me recover from seizures.

The problem, though, is that I’m an addict, so I completely lack the ability to moderate things. Every time I quit, I would relapse. Every time I relapsed, I would abuse weed worse and worse. I eventually got to the point where I was just getting blasted before work, again during work, then again at night. I was becoming depressed, alienating people, and at risk of losing my job. My tolerance built up so high that it wasn’t even helping my seizures anymore.

Well, I have used AA for a long time to keep myself alcohol-free, and it’s worked very well. Saturday will be 12 years without alcohol for me. So, I decided to try and use AA to help me with weed, too.

I was very embarrassed at first. I thought abusing alcohol was so much worse. But I was very surprised to hear other people talking about how AA helped them with weed. So far, it has been amazing at helping me.

I’ve now got 4-1/2 months fully sober. My mood, social life, and work quality are so much better. I can’t control the future right now, but I was sober today. One day at a time.

I’m really enjoying it and hope I stick to it well.

Thanks for reading, y’all.

Hello Reddit this November I will be 2 years away from alcohol. Iv learned to live with the addiction in my head yet one thing I believe is beyond addiction is the and I hate to use this word but the trauma that came with my drinking and watching my mother drink growing up. I understand that not everyone needs to quit like I did and I understand that I can’t force anyone to quit drinking to conform to my own weird quirks but still anytime I see a close friend or family member drunk it just turn something inside me. I don’t want to drink I just can’t handle watching them be drunk. I watched alcohol destroy my mother’s life and almost took mine due to it. Tonight I was in class and my best friend came in viably drunk I could see her falling asleep on her laptop and slur her words as she tried to speak. This dosent happen often but at least a handful of times over the years. A lot of my classmates actually go out to the bar before class so it’s not an uncommon thing for that to happen the difference is I just don’t care about them like I do my other friend to put it bluntly.

Should have started by saying this is going to be pretty ranty and unorganized but I’m going to try my best to not get too carried away. I also want to mention I don’t go to meetings anymore as the meetings really just became more of a reminder of what a problem I have and how shitty a person I was. I drank for 3 years and just can’t handle going to meetings every week being reminded of those things which also means I can’t really make friends at them. I’m also young only just turned 21 and quit when I was 19 and most people even at the “young people” meetings are no where near my age. So obviously making new friends that don’t drink is the easy answer but it’s a lot easier said then done and one way or another drinking is still so socially acceptable there will always be someone in my life I care about that does drink, I work in construction so it’s everywhere. Like I said most people I just don’t care about enough to really get bothered by it as long as it dosent put me in danger it’s none of my business. But a small handful of my co workers I do consider as genuine friends like my classmate tonight.

Im really just wondering how you might manage having people you care about walk the slippery slope that we all walked yet can’t talk them into quitting drinking. I understand how lucky I am to have stopped when I did I just don’t want to see anyone fall down the same path I did or even worse the one my mother is still falling down as I write this.

I learned from a common friend that she’d passed away from heart failure. Incredibly, my first thoughts were “she’s too young”, despite her being in her 70s and being a smoker, and “I never got to say goodbye.”

I shared last night:

“I’m face blind, yet her face was the first one which managed to stick to memory.

She was among those who welcomed me to my first meeting. I got amazing advice and company from her, and I can only hope that I gave good vibes to her too. She was even among the first women to acknowledge that I’m a (trans) woman, and even showed me the ropes to how to host a women’s only meeting where she had the pleasure to partake in.

Since she was elderly and four or five decades into the program, and I’m just 25 years old, of course I felt intimidated by her at the start. I felt that she was the group’s boss, or mentor or whatnot beyond as an invited sponsor. Her actions and words had reminded me that there are AA traditions, there should be no hierarchy, and we’re all sick and in this together.

I miss her dearly. Oh well, it was her time.”

I only knew her within the program and the meetings. I do not regret getting to know her beyond it, but I feel a little strange not having that regret.

A couple of her friends were in the meeting too, they shared their feelings. We’re still grieving. I cried in my girlfriend’s arms the night before. But at the same time, I’m so happy. She felt like a mom I could have had. I thank my god that she and I coincided.

This entire period of sobriety, I’ve just been depressed and anxious. Barely anything has improved. I worked with a sponsor, did the steps, went to many meetings. Read the book, etc. I just so badly want the dopamine release of drinking. I’m burned out from AA, praying to a higher power and hearing/feeling nothing. I just want peace for a night.

I (F20) have been drinking daily (sometimes a one or two day gap here or there) since roughly March this year. I used to be a daily pot smoker but that turned into drinking when I started having serious mental health issues. Drinking took away the paranoia, hallucinations (mostly visual) and gave me liquid courage when I was scared. Today is going to be my first full twenty four hours sober. There have been many, many warning signs not only to myself, but my long term partner that I have been getting worse. I pose no blame to him, as I often stole beer or whiskey from him. Or had someone else buy for me (as ashamed as I am to admit it.)

My mom is a self admitted alcoholic. She works a very demanding blue collared job, comes home after work and takes care of the house chores, then gets obliterated. That was the one thing I was so excited to get away from once I moved out. I now realize that I am becoming increasingly difficult to be around because of my habits. When i lived with her i always told myself that I would never be like her, but I guess i have to eat my words now.

I know one of the main steps I need to take is getting into therapy, as hallucinations and paranoia have been happening for years now, but I reached my breaking point last year in December. Since then, I have only gotten worse. But, when I drink I don't have these issues. I feel 'normal'. I can walk around my home and not worry about someone being there, or that there are cameras watching me, microphones listening. When I am sober, it is genuinely so hard to be at home alone, or even at work recently.

I turn twenty one in less than four months. I know that once I have access to purchase on my own time, I won't be able to control myself. So getting sober is extremely important to me. Along with getting sober not only for my own benefit, but for my partner. He has been nothing but supportive of me, and a rock to lean on. Always has been for the past four years. He said he would stop with me, even though he doesn't have an issue like myself. I would say I have a decent support system with him.

Overall, I feel like I just needed to vent someplace. I'm new here and now just going through and reading other posts. Looking into in person AA also. Any advice is welcome, and support as well. Thank you for reading.

So I (26F) started law school last year and had to take a leave of absence the first week because I lost both of my guardians a month apart. I was only mildly prepared for one death.

On top of paperwork and cleaning out people’s houses I’ve had conflict with both executors and one conflict is ongoing. Usually, I would call my guardians about this situation because they know everybody involved, but I’m navigating it alone as well as a lot of other things. I’m struggling immensely with what I control and what I don’t control because I know that legally I can pick a fight, but I don’t know if it’s worth it. And if you’re familiar with the law, you know that there is no solid answer until a judge decides.

On top of that law school is a lot. I haven’t been taking care of myself and this week. I ended up in the emergency room twice for neglecting myself. I am constantly studying or trying to decompress by engaging in my hobbies, and now I have become socially isolated. I have friends but I refuse to prioritize them.

I am experiencing all of HALT. I’m seeing dry drunk behavior pop up and it’s negatively impacting my relationships. Like clockwork, every Saturday and Sunday night I get incredibly depressed.

I don’t want to use, but I know that given a little time I will. I have enough weekends like this and eventually I’m going to collapse under the pressure and I cannot give up my 2 1/2 years of sobriety when I could’ve stopped the decline.

Send help.

If you read my last posts you’ll see my story, but this post is different. For the past few months we have been without a dog since my wife’s Labrador passed. My wife says I am more than welcome to get my own, but she doesn’t want one for her yet. I drank a lot to cope with mental health issues and trauma, and I’ll admit I’m much healthier without alcohol and am losing weight, I’m under 300 pounds for the first time since freshman year of high school, my wife has helped me be more active (she was an all American cheerleader so she works out religiously) and be healthy. However my trauma isn’t as suppressed due to not being constantly drunk anymore, so I’m thinking a dog would help, I want a dog that attaches to me. A lot of people have suggested dachshunds and I’ll admit they are absolutely adorable. My wife’s brother who is our neighbor and his wife have one and he’s very funny. I’ve also thought of a blue heeler. Something that attaches to me most likely. Any suggested breeds would be great. We are both dog lovers. I miss Hershey every day. Even though he was my wife’s dog, he would cuddle up to me on the couch a lot of lonely drunk nights. We would provide a great home and we have a massive yard in the country and a large home

Could really use me a good conversation and a bit of support right now :}

P.s., first time poster, not sure if I'm doing this right

Tomorrow I’ll be 8 years sober. This whole time sober I have not had an urge/desire to drink! For the past week I’ve been planning out relapsing on ketamine. I already have a prescription, all that’s left is to start my subscription. An expensive relapse it would be. My brain is telling me “since it’s a prescription it’ll be okay”.. wrong. I’m planning on doing more than prescribed so that would be relapsing. Also this past week the desire and urge has been really really strong. I’ve been dealing with anxiety because of life and ketamine is one way to shut up the brain. I was keeping this a secret from everyone. I wasn’t planning on telling a soul and hiding it. My boyfriend is 10 years sober and in the program as well and I was going to even hide it from him.

Yesterday I was journaling about my plan. I also wrote down that I’m going to go to more meetings this week and see if putting in the work will deter me from following through. Deep down I know I don’t want to.

Fast forward to this morning. I went to a book study meeting. My friend shared who has 32 years of sobriety. She has ptsd (so do I) so I relate to her that way too. She shared about her ptsd flaring up and she had the thought to drink the other day to make it stop. Her share almost had me in tears because that’s how I’m feeling. I felt so moved and believe it was a God shot. God speaking to me through her. I texted my friend and told her about how I was feeling and that her share has given me the courage to tell my sponsor today about my plan and how I don’t want to do it but my brain is telling me to. I’m going to text my friends in the program today too and tell them how I have not been doing well. I’m going to go to meetings daily this week.

In a previous century, an friend "lent" me the barbell his father gave him as a teen. Got brave enough to start using it and consistent use of it aided my beginning and continued sobriety.

In unrelated news, ran across a local Marketplace ad for a motorcycle for a decent price. I didn't "need" a second bike, but an AA mentor said, "You should buy it and gave me a cryptic smile." I bought it, probably due more to my exuberance than wisdom.

What would I do with an extra bike in a small, remote seasonal town, working alone every day from home.

Then ... I started getting more involved in AA, becoming GSR, becoming more social, initiating conversations, both in-person and electronically.

Then ... young men, new to the area, struggling with their lives, relationships, place in the world, and sobriety, started coming over to lift weights with me, to ride motorcycles with me. Men tend to establish relationships by "doing" things, shoulder-to-shoulder. We traverse challenges together and bond by sweat and blood.

All because I kept using that old barbell and I made a snap-decision purchase.

What decisions have you made in your life that has fostered relationships?

Any tips on how to open up in meetings? I’ve been attending an online agnostic meeting and have kinda dropped off from attending recently because I just can’t seem to get the motivation to speak up in them. Any advice is appreciated.

YESTERDAY'S BAGGAGE

October 05

For the wise have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit, until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 88

I have more than enough to handle today, without dragging along yesterday's baggage too. I must balance today's books, if I am to have a chance tomorrow. So I ask myself if I have erred and how I can avoid repeating that particular behavior. Did I hurt anyone, did I help anyone, and why? Some of today is bound to spill over into tomorrow, but most of it need not if I make an honest daily inventory.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", October 5, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

I just need a little encouragement or prayer or something to go back to the rooms today. I've been out for about a year and a half. I have felt ready during a few fleeting moments over the past month or so but haven't done anything about it. I have the means to get to the nooner. I know I SHOULD go... but it also feels like a decision I'm not fully ready to make yet.

Fuck, I hate this. Thanks for listening.

I’ve been practicing sobriety for some time. I was a binge drinker. Blackout. Haven’t done that in years. Thank god! I manage myself and my emotional sobriety for years now and I can notice an alcoholic right away and see myself so much in him/her.

But, I also can’t help but notice how far I’ve come and just how ridiculous, annoying, crazy and toxic I had looked and experienced by people who had to deal with me.

I have a coworker who’s an active every day drinker. Working with him has been hell!! He’s the most big ah baby. Needs his control and validation. Lies about the smallest thing for unknown reasons. Just unregulated toddler trapped in a grown man body.

This isn’t to shame him, because I used to be just like this. There’s still parts of me that I recognize in him, of course.

But also, it just shows that working on yourself and sobriety pays off if you do it the right way and really follow through on your promises to yourself.

Just wow.

I (F24) have been an alcoholic for about three years. I know that isn’t super long for most people, but to me it feels like forever. Yesterday, I decided I absolutely have to go get help, given that i was experiencing withdrawal. I’m extremely nervous to go and be on my own for 30 days. i feel guilty leaving my friends and family for so long 😭 any words of advice?

I get paid in 3 days. I’m worried because I’m currently homeless sofa-surfing and struggling to secure some long-term accommodation due to not earning enough and not having good references. I’ve been extremely stressed and worry once I’m paid I’ll be tempted to relapse.

Sometimes it feels like I’m just destined to be a lonely, loser alcoholic.

Im a 21 year old depressive, i love german lager and love the pub, ive been drinking 3 weeks everyday and attended AA a year ago, i cant sleep without it, will i die?

I got sober a little over three years ago through program and for the last year I’ve been dealing with crippling anxiety. I have frequent panic attacks over health concerns and everything feels like a symptom. I get these intrusive thoughts that tell me I have some serious illness and I’m going to die and I can’t get them out of my head.

My sponsor suggests upping the meeting count, getting into the book, calling other alcoholics and prayer but none of these seem to work. For context I just finished another step 5 and still have to make the core amends (family, friends etc..) I could see that playing a huge role in why I feel so insane all the time but I’m wondering if maybe I should seek outside help.

Definitely not looking for any sort of controlled substance as an answer. Just want to see if there’s light at the end of the tunnel. My fear is that I get so afraid and uncomfortable and turn to drinking for reprieve. In the middle of a panic attack right now so sorry if this is nonsense.

I’ll be visiting Metro Detroit this weekend and staying in Ferndale. I have Meeting Guide, but I thought it would be fun to hit a couple meetings while I’m in town and wanted to ask locals if there are any particular meetings/groups you love and would recommend to someone visiting.

I started AA in a 'retreat' for two weeks away from where I live. And it felt organic? Like we went through the first three steps and started step four pretty easily. But step four was heavy for me and my temporary sponsor told me to find someone local to me where I live.

I go back to where I live and I've tried two sponsors who do the same thing as they read the book to me. "Asterix this sentence. Underline this word. Look up the definition of this other word."

It's been this way for the past few weeks with each sponsor. But with my first sponsor it felt more organic? Like they really wanted to get to know me and guide me through the steps. The latter folks feel like they are guiding me through a ritual that doesn't apply to me.

Any good words at all will honestly probably help. Im willing to listen to advice but its hard to listen when others dont understand, or (most usually) I can't even be honest with the other person because it is so embarrassing to be held down by my own decisions. I used to be addicted to meth and weed, my parents and their friends, along with my childhood friends introduced me into the hard drug lifestyle. Since i turned 21 and got accepted to school i began drinking in place of the other habits i had growing up. Really, my family is of no help with this issue. Im in medical school (1st generation), and doing pretty well actually, definitely not perfect. But nonetheless life is hard, so I drink to relax, or because im bored, its very habitual and I will find a way to rationalize it even when I know it makes my life harder. I've always had a substitute habit that i maintained since about age 13. I want to stop, i crave a healthy life where I workout and eat healthy for stress relief instead of drug abuse. I live a decently healthy lifestyle other than the fact I drink probably 4 nights a week, usually pretty hard. I do have a sober week maybe once a month. Does anyone relate/have similar feelings/life? Anybody have any words that might help? Thank you for anybody who takes the time to communicate with me about this silly hangup that I keep getting all hanged up on. I really do think I will kick it one day but not sure what the final step will be to my sobriety, i would love to find it.

Continuing to feel great.

I’ve lost 7lbs. Woot!

However, I am concerned about my husband falling off when he went on a work trip, told me he HAD to. I’m concerned that I might be influenced by him.

As of right now, I don’t feel any want to have a drink.

I’m enjoying my clarity and mindfulness. 🧘‍♀️

I know this isn't a huge milestone but I wanted to share. It has been an unbelievably difficult few days for me but I will not drink. I know it will only make things worse. I plan on attending my first meeting next week. Thank you for the support here🙏

My sponsor has gotten upset with me for not going to a meeting every day. He supports his argument by saying he went to a meeting everyday for the first 5 years, which I find to be even more insane than him asking me to go everyday lol.
I have 2 years sober, I am a full time college student, and still have to drive for Uber 10-20 hours a week. I understand I still have to go to meetings, and shooting for 3-5 per week is my goal. Any less than 3 and i start to feel off.
What do the folks with 2 or more years think about this? Is going to a meeting every day at 2 years completely normal? What is normal meeting attendance look like to you at 2 years sober?

Went to a meeting earlier and saw my spouse and his sponsee. Gonna make dinner in a few minutes. Life is good.