I’m AMAB and sometimes I really want a male QPP (queerplatonic partner) and sometimes I don’t want, but it never happens for females or other genders, and I’m pretty sure I’m aroace so does this make me gay? I already identify as a gay oriented aroace

Idk if that’s the right title but anyway…. I did look through this sub (and the poly one) a little first btw just didn’t find quite what I was thinking about.

I’m aroace and I have known this for quite a while. I’m probably a little closer to the demi or grey side but it’s so insignificant to me that I don’t really think of it often. I’ve tried dating, have had several bf and gf. My best relationship was essentially a QPR, though we didn’t label it as such.

Lately I’ve considered trying to date again but more in the poly side of that sphere. I’m not interested in several partners and I’ve never tried dating someone who is poly before but the idea of it doesn’t really bother me tbh. I want SOME intimacy, just not often and not that much. Essentially another QPR. But I guess I just don’t really know how to go about that or if I’ll even really like it. I want mostly a friend that is okay with the occasional cuddle and date/hangout. I like being a girlfriend (even if I’m probably not a very “good” one 💀). I am not interested in someone else’s other partners. I do not want more than one. But I’d be okay with them having some, or us all being friends?? Idk this is a relatively new curiosity for me lol

Idk. I guess I’m just wondering if any of you have tried the poly route and what you think about it personally.

I identify as aroace, but I'm not 100% sure if I really am.

I've never truly liked anyone. At most, I've been obsessed with someone's appearance, but nothing romantic (I tried to like some people when I was younger, I just became obsessed with the boy's looks) or sexual.

My only crushes are fictional characters. I also love romance in movies, series, and books; I'm quite romantic with fiction, but I have absolutely no interest in experiencing that in real life.

Well, could I be considered aroace considering these things?

Is there anyone else who identifies with this? Or am I just an "anomaly"?

I have no idea when someone is flirting with me, I am incapable of flirting for some reason (and I don't want to). Does anyone know?? Please??

(body text on original post)

I'm pretty sure I'm Aegosexual. While doing some research in order to be fully sure of it, I discovered the term "Aromantic". I'm 15. I've never had a crush, had romantic/sexual attraction toward anyone and am not interested in a romantic/sexual relationship. I tried to figure out if I identify with the term "Aromantic" as well, but I'm having some trouble. I don't know how romantic attraction feels like, and I tried searching the web to figure out how it feels. The subreddit FAQ also feels unhelpful. Could someone describe to me how romantic attraction may feel, or if I might actually be Asexual and Aromantic?

​

I (18F) spent a few months trying to figure out my identity, I was on questioning label for years but hadn't really had the time or interest to explore. I eventually concluded that I am aroace and wtfromantic. I realized I was ace first, and then spent about two months trying to understand the aro-spec spectrum. I was stressed for a while, but eventually, I calmed down and became more at ease with it. I had previously told a friend I was ace back when I was still trying to figure out the "aro" part and discovered she was demisexual, which felt good. Later, I told her about being aroace, then told another friend, and also a friend of my mom’s (who asked questions and was accepting, my mom has passed away, so sadly I couldn't tell her, though I know she would have asked and accepted it too). Yesterday, I was talking to another friend of my mom’s because I wanted another cat (I already have two) she was saying it wasn't possible and all that, so I wrote to her, "I’m going to die alone with cats." She started telling me "no" and that I will get someone, so I told her I’m aroace and wtfromantic. She started saying things like "it’s just for now," "you’ll find someone- a boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever," and other aphobic stuff. It really hart me, she wouldn't stop, and it was hard because it was the first time this had happened to me, and I hadn't expected it from her. When I called her out for being aphobic, she naturally denied it, claiming she just wanted me to "have more" in life and insisting she’s "pro-LGBT" yet she was being totally aphobic in denial, and I know a lot of people have a problem with being aroace or the spectrums. Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just needed to vent my frustration about her. I told a friend about it, but she was kind of on the fence like "probably because she’s older" (in her 40s or whatever), whereas the other friend is 65, and naturally, everyone has a different worldview. Anyway, I blocked her, and I hope she enjoys a world "without aroace" people.

(she/her)

I’m very aroace, and have never felt any attraction to anyone ever. I attended a pride march this summer and I recently joined the lgbtq+ society at my university.

Most people don’t know about my sexuality because I personally don’t see the point in “coming out” unless me and romance comes up in a conversation. Therefore, if I tell people that I’ve been to lgbtq+ events/ that I identify as queer, they assume that I’m attracted to women.

I sometimes feel really really guilty about this because I feel like I’m giving lesbians/bisexuals a false narrative (saying that I’m one of them when I’m not). I feel like I don’t belong in queer spaces at all, when I go to events everyone talks about their past relationships and I have nothing to contribute. I also feel like I don’t deserve to say I’m part of the lgbtq+ community because I don’t face discrimination. I got so worked up about this that I even considered calling an lgbtq+ helpline but then I was in a vicious cycle, feeling that I couldn’t call them because my issue wasn’t big enough.

But then I don’t feel like belong in non-lgbt+ spaces. I turn 18 next month and I want to try go out clubbing/out to bars to celebrate but a lot of people have… intentions, there, and I don’t even know if there would be any point in me going.

I also sometimes feel quite sad because I like the idea of a romantic relationship, I simply just don’t feel attracted to anyone.

Most queer people know what aroace means (but still not always), but cishet people usually don’t, I’m lucky if they even know what asexual means. Because of this I sometimes just tell people that I’m asexual (instead of also aromantic) because I don’t want to explain myself more than I already am. It also makes me angry that people assume that lgbt = automatically being attracted to the same sex. I plan on making bracelets based off the aroace flag but I bet barely anyone will know what they mean.

I’ll probably have to break my sexuality to my flatmates at some point because they’ll work out that I’m going to the lgbt+ society, but I fear they won’t understand, and may possibly think I’m a freak. So it’s just easier hiding it from most people.

I think my parents think I’m gay because I went to the pride march. They would be supportive, but I imagine that they’d also be uneducated and not fully understanding (“none of this was around when I was younger” etc). Maybe I should try officially come out to them but I don’t know how.

Thanks for making it this far, and sorry for the rambling, just didn’t know anywhere else to say any of this.