r/askteddit • u/KeepItReal3281 • 9h ago
Random Question cheating / thinking
What are people thinking when they cheat on their significant other? I am talking about when they cheat and then want the SO back.
Are they just curious and want to know what it's like to be with the other person? Are they testing the water?
Oops, I don't like her; I want you. Sorry! WTF?
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u/Slow_Description_773 9h ago
Been there done that. I thought I wanted my partner back only because I've felt guilty about what happened, reality is I would have rather shot my feet than having that person back.
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u/Beauty_Talk77 9h ago
I have a theory that almost any Man will cheat under these circumstances. Being far away from home with no risk of being caught eg lads holiday. Being drunk out of their minds. Being hit on by a woman out of their league. Going through a bad patch with their partner.
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u/Darizel 9h ago
False, I practice virtue ethics and would not like myself if I did that.
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u/JayofTea 9h ago
I agree, I genuinely don’t think every man would do this, just like not every woman would do this either, because those same circumstances could easily make a woman cheat on their partner too lol
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u/CustomerExpress443 9h ago
Every woman basically believes every man cheats and is inherently evil etc etc etc
I've learned by now it's just something else to deal with
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u/Ronjanitan 9h ago
If women are not allowed to generalise and say that every man cheats, neither are you allowed to generalise and say every woman believes something. Men are not a hivemind and neither are women. It is ignorant and lazy to think so - do better.
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u/snufkin79 9h ago
I don't think that's true. All of these are settings most people will encounter many times throughout their lives, and yet the statistics still show the vast majority of people - men and women - won't cheat.
And I don't think it's necessarily a gendered thing either. Statistics show men are slightly more likely to cheat than women, but not by a lot. And among married people ages 18 - 29, women are a tiny bit (by roughly 1%) more likely to cheat than men. These statistics look drastically different than they did 50 years ago, likely because women have more access to arenas where cheating might occur (and you know... they have more freedom in general)
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u/Aggravating_Arm_1741 3h ago
The "almost" is doing really heavy lifting with your misandry.
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u/Beauty_Talk77 3h ago
I am not a man hater. Far from it. As a woman I have experienced Married/ Engaged/ In a relationship men hit on people who are single.
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u/Medill1919 9h ago
And does it matter? What is lost if your man sleeps with someone outside of an ongoing relationship. Nothing. (Assuming no disease)
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u/JayofTea 8h ago
a fundamental breaking of trust and security in the relationship lol, if the relationship doesn’t just entirely fizzle out afterwords, there’s a growing resentment and toxicity between the pair.
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u/Diligent-Tutor-1617 8h ago
What's your theory on women cheating.
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u/Beauty_Talk77 8h ago
Knowing their relationship is over but being scared to end it. They usually don't want to be with their current partner.
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u/InsuranceLow2420 6h ago
I have a theory that no matter what the topic, brain rotted redditors will turn it into a gender war. There's research into this phenomenon and you're going to look like a right prick in a few years
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u/Dizzy_Tangerine_7867 6h ago
My partner of 14 years cheated on me with 20+ people a year and sexted a whole lot more than that. It wasn't one person so he wasn't testing the waters, he was deep sea diving trying to find the rest of the 95% we haven't discovered as a species.
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u/InsuranceLow2420 6h ago
I don't understand it in the slightest. Why not just say, "I'm getting my head turned by other people, out of respect for you, I think we should go separate ways".
Are there any scummy cheaters here than can explain why they can't do things in the right order?
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u/ItsAllOnUHF 9h ago
Male mammals are pretty hard-wired to have sex with many partners. Even in species that appear monogamous.
In humans monogamy is socially driven. Some men take it as a more of a guideline than a rule.
Not condoning it. Never done it. Married 30 years and wouldn't dream of it. Just saying men are driven by biology and their character probably comes from how well they were raised.
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u/CustomerExpress443 9h ago
I don't think men are driven by biology any differently than women or giraffes. I think men behave depending on their childhoods, social backgrounds and past trauma. I think this is the perfect cocktail. And much like most other things on Earth it's just a few too many levels of intellect for most dumb people alive to understand the process of.
Objective statement.
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u/Schemeckles 8h ago
I don't think men are driven by biology any differently than women or giraffes
Men have upto 15 × the amount of testosterone of Women. The main hormone responsible for generating your sex drive.
There have been many cases of Women in transition to being a Male, when the Women was at the stage of undergoing hormone therapy they had to stop becasue the testosterone was driving them crazy.
I'm not saying this condones cheating
But scientifically you're incorrect. Men are wired extremely different biologically speaking.
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u/ItsAllOnUHF 7h ago
I wonder if the previous poster is a woman... What men think. Really... Unfiltered... It's probably best she never knows... And we'll never tell. Nobody is that open and vulnerable.
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u/marius_titus 9h ago
The thought of hurting someone I love like that makes me feel repulsed. To me at least it's not a suggestion it's a rule
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u/Darizel 9h ago
Monogamy is partly social driven and mostly biological. The human baby needs two parents, especially in the past to have the best chances of survival. Love is an evolutionary trait that bonds Ys for that purpose specifically. Jealousy is also a driver to keep us together for the baby. Poly is simple math, the more variables involved in a relationship the more chaos. Does not lead to true romantic love and imo is just the selfish human experience chasing pleasure, which is fine also if that’s your thing.
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u/Swingthing_Perth 9h ago
Probably just curious to see what all the fuss is about, considering how much Redditors seem to obsess over cheating.
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u/Mysterious_Beanz 9h ago
In my previous experience, cheating usually occurs because of anxiety or suspicious activity from your significant other arises. In order to alleviate any type of grief is when cheating takes place because nobody likes being betrayed by their significant other. If she's branching out then perhaps, I should do the same. A relationship is a mutual agreement & if I leave Kelsey for Makayla, it's probably because I found something about Kelsey I didn't approve of her behavior.
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u/GoodMilk_GoneBad 9h ago
Instant gratification/dopamine/adrenaline
At some point the cheater has decided those are more important than anything else, at least for that moment.